chinoify:
Madam... I have followed this case from the first thread and have deduced the following.
1. You are the cause of ur problems.
2. You come here to seek what you can't have.
3. You are a prayless mum.
4. You are not fit to be a pastor's wife, you where never in support of his ministry.
5. I see you as some1 who gossips slot.
6. I see the whole problem as you. Until you change, this whole mess remains.
7. I see a nagging wife.
8. I see a woman who assumes (falsely)a lot.


In Africa, they say there's no smoke with out fire. Making ur story incomplete. You have lived with this man for some years, you alone knows where it went wrong, what went wrong, how it went wrong and who went wrong.


All the people asking you to leave your home will still insult you tomorrow for not been patience.

Finally my recommendations...

1. Have a personal retreat, retrace the whole saga. Search to seek where you missed it.
2. Seek to get back the heart of your husband, you know him better, you know the man you married, he has not changed and won't change.
3. Pray to God, to give you a heart to accommodate his calling. Using the term 'his church' makes me believe you are far from his calling... And this man needs people he will work with, so people including ladies must occupy ur position and have less regard for you.
4. Pray for your home.. When a problem arises anywhere, there are basically two things to do, pray or complain. You have done the later, I guess it didn't work. So try the former. Spend more time with God than man on issues. It gives more results.
5. When 4. Is ongoing, begin to participate in church activities... I don't want to hear ' he won't let me', if it happens you have disbelieve in your prayers.. So pray and participate in church activities, reclaim your position as pastors wife. Though it will take some time.
6. Practice what I call Advance Forgiveness, before he or anyone offends you have forgiven.
7. Pray pray pray pray...
8. Come back here in some weeks to testify on the new heart God has given your husband.
Selah.

Even when a self proclaimed man of God is being abusive and unfaithful in his marriage, you still turn it somehow to her fault.. You even bring up nagging.
What a Joke.

My one major deal breaker for a relationship/friendship is the word 'nagging'. Whenever I hear a man use it to justify abuse/cheating, its a complete turn off.
I can't take anyone who uses that word seriously at all.

EggovinMma:



A woman with 5 children is physically, emotionally and mentally abused by her husband, a church worker and a fuccking mistress and all you had to do is blame the poor wife? If she Is that bad a wife, why did he knock her up the 5th time? Infact what kind of useless church is that? So she should help a ministry that glorifies sexual immorality and slavery?


You're not a serious person.

To me, anyone using the word nagging to justify abuse is not a serious person. It's probably best to ignore him.

Madam, use yr knees. Its God's work-cos children and destinies are involved despite the carelessness. This is not a nairaland "opinion" issue.

Yr said husband brought the confusion by not marrying a lady bold or caring enough to save his life (he even says he won't ever leave the lady-making me wonder why he will make such a promise to a lady and marry another).

If you were in the lady's shoes, you will do worse (judging from the name calling you are rocking here).

Guys, be careful with the commitments you make because of favours or some good you received from a lady.

banmee:


There is no difference between a Nigerian/African woman and a slave. Some will come out and say vehemently that they are not but their actions proves otherwise.

For sure, a lot of Nigerian women go through hell in their Marriage, but once you point it out, they tag you a Feminist or marriage destroyer.

Is it not this same website that advices women to stay with cheating men because ' time is not on their side'. You think this man was not cheating before marriage?
Just a shame all around.

raayah:


To me, anyone using the word nagging to justify abuse is not a serious person. It's probably best to ignore him.

To me, I think it's the husband that nags here.Trying to impress his mistress by forcing his wife into mental slavery. I'm suspecting that monicker is a female.

My question here is this, If the woman is such a bad wife, why is she pregnant again? Why does the silly pastor still gets both erection and penetration?

I don't like women like u and no idea suggestd here wil b carried out by u cos you are weak n very low.im sorry.All u need now is to ask God to liberate u somehow,anyhow.

Strahovski1:


And are you comfortable with this authority? Marriage is suppose to be a democracy not a dictatorship

This will happen when the Society sees marriage as a two way thing and not as a man's affair..

tommychow:
This is why I beg women to build their career before marriage. Now, you can't leave because you'll have nothing to take care of you and your kids. You're his slave, not his wife and he's in total control over your life.

I am a man and I'm telling you men don't just change because of their wives, especially when their wives have nothing without them. Too much pride. You can only hope and pray, nothing else.

Good luck.

God bless you.Because it seems like the husband is her oxygen provider!@op,If you had your financial independence as a woman,I doubt he would be spewing that rubbish.I can't waste time advising you o.When you have seen the light,that you are just a caretaker of children and not a wife,you'll do the right thing.That's assuming you are smart enough.No offense,you seem very dense and immature to even be having kids.How do you raise them when you cannot stand up for yourself?

Everyone is asking her to leave the marriage even after she clearly stated she is unemployed. I would have loved a stay in the house or pretend everything is okay and gather capital from him to sustain you well like getting you a place and if you can move out with the car he probably gave you, though it's just a material object but it would help you alot.

You have 5 kids, the eldest would notice this and be sad about what the Dad did to you, get closer to the kid, put the hate your Dad and Mistress into his or her heart. Though it's not nice to let a kid hate the father but even if you are leaving you need a part of you in the house so the mistress don't get your husband plus the kids because kids loves easily so you don't lose your husband and the kids as well.


Don't you dare leave the house first with kids. Go and get a base well, am sure you wont dare need more kids or another marriage again now, at least you would have a good friend that has been following it all and someone who has been giving an helping hand in advise and everything. Be close to the person for future purpose.

Don't give anyone any hint that you leaving and go dust your CV and start submitting into firms! You need a go out in the morning and back home in the night really tired kind of work. You will forget about them all. When you get to that stage, come back we will find a better solution

Ama80:
I don't like women like u and no idea suggestd here wil b carried out by u cos you are weak n very low.im sorry.All u need now is to ask God to liberate u somehow,anyhow.

It's obvious she has lost all self esteem from the husbands maltreatment

She does not see any self worth in herself, I mean if your husband mistress moves to your matrimonial home and you have to serve them, you would loose your mind.

That man has stripped all humanity over this poor girl,

This evil men will kill us with there wicked ways

balash:
Everyone is asking her to leave the marriage even after she clearly stated she is unemployed. I would have loved a stay in the house or pretend everything is okay and gather capital from him to sustain you well like getting you a place and if you can move out with the car he probably gave you, though it's just a material object but it would help you alot.

You have 5 kids, the eldest would notice this and be sad about what the Dad did to you, get closer to the kid, put the hate your Dad and Mistress into his or her heart. Though it's not nice to let a kid hate the father but even if you are leaving you need a part of you in the house so the mistress don't get your husband plus the kids because kids loves easily so you don't lose your husband and the kids as well.


Don't you dare leave the house first with kids. Go and get a base well, am sure you wont dare need more kids or another marriage again now, at least you would have a good friend that has been following it all and someone who has been giving an helping hand in advise and everything. Be close to the person for future purpose.

Don't give anyone any hint that you leaving and go dust your CV and start submitting into firms! You need a go out in the morning and back home in the night really tired kind of work. You will forget about them all. When you get to that stage, come back we will find a better solution

I think it would do her a favor to move immediately before she commits suicide or poison that wicked man and his mistress of a witch

The situation is not conducive at all, if her parents are alive, all she will need is transport back to her people with her kids, from there she can

Pick herself up. in this kind of situation one needs parental love to even lift your head up again.

pls devorce him,he has no respect for you and he canever love you,enjoy life with your kids,remarry and work hard.dnt ever waste your remaining years of your life with him,dnt worry he will regret at old age as that girl will not be there for him.

Nkasiobi87:
Hi everyone, after what happened in my husband church on Sunday how he embarrassed me and his worker slapping me. I decided to consult his doctor friend to talk to him ,the only reason he gave the doctor is that the mistress saved his life when he wanted to kill him self because of a woman that died years ago in his church which left him confused then(I traveled with My last child when this incident happen) and the girl telling him not to kill him self is enough that the girl love him and that from that day he swear never to leave that girl nor let the girl feel bad in any situation.

He said that the girl is his life. so for me becoming pregnant is enough to make the girl feel bad so he now tries to defame me and make the girl happy.he suggested that the only solution that will bring peace to my family is me becoming friend with the said girl and serving her.and that I should beg the worker that I have forgiven him if I want him to accept me again.

Now the girl in question here is rude and proud. she insult me anyhow.she laughed at me now that am going through this with my hubby. today she saw me and started laughing that she must make me leave my home with my 5kids.

Now all am asking my self is how can I step so low to the extend of begging my husband mistress just for my husband to love me again. how can I befriend this witch of a girl. How can I worship this girl in my own house all to please my husband. A girl that saved my husband name with Baby m. Will that make me a peace seeker or a fool the more.will a reasonable woman do that?

Be yourself.

In more advanced countries like the USA, issues like this are settled in a rightfully barbaric manner, with a pistol.

Women,una never see anything yet.

get a job to show him u ain't meant to be feed and produce babies. also pray God should make them enemies of themselves so she will look somewhere else for her love life.

Seriously, beg his mistress? You must be the biggest fool of the decade if you give in to that... How did it get to this level? Could it be that you're not good-looking to have allowed a mere. Mortal to ruin your life to this extent? This is the peak of low self esteem...

Well it's never too late to go back to the drawing board, but firstly you need to pack out of that house. Don't divorce him now, just leave that house, work on repackaging / re-establishing your self. Get a job if you're a graduate or learn a trade, focus more on giving your kids the best. The fool may resist you taking the kids along with you if that happens just don't wrestle it,move out and maybe arrange on how you'll be visiting your kids...

I bet that if he sees a new repackaged you excelling in her trade or chosen career path he would be begging to come back into your life and that's the best time to divorce him because old habits die hard...

well in this story, let's not blame anybody, cuz if we allow the man to give his statement too n d mistress, I don't think that any of u will be free.
It is a known fact that two women cannot stay under the same roof without a problem. cuz any little disobedience of d mistress is term something else by d woman.
Also, know that you are the woman of the house n u r not doing you duty......... some time some women are naturally lazy n they kept sending d mistress on errand n may be stress up as d name implies "mis-stress" but they will never seems to understand which would result to one act or d other.
Now solution to your problem=
A good woman control her home with prayers not a selfish type or going to prayer house, but when it get worst, go to d alter n pour it there n see d results as soon as possible.
You have to deal with anger prayerfully.
You have to pray for understanding between u n hubby, that whatever that is not of God that is causing turbulence in your marriage should be removed.
You can go ahead n say sorry to d mistress but that doesn't make u a fool but wise... because when u do she will feel relax n cannot harm u as expected but creating much time for u to tell God to Re-arrange ur marriage.
Advice:
Men are like baby, any little reaction pushes them away to the next person that can listen to them.
Men loves those that gives them food, so if u hv not be serving ur husband repent.. this is Africa... if u don't some1 wills.
Pls do not think of divorce but think of enforcing more prayers....
Am married n had this similar experience.
if u care u can contact me on WhatsApp only(08038952129)

it is a mans world, but some men forget women have the power to feed them with Sniper.

Is this lady chained to that man and home? Divorccccccccccccceeeeeeee that beast and move on. Wtf

Your low self esteem has affected greatly, leave that marriage. Prove him wrong by getting a job and give ur kids d best upbringing ever, he'll come begging afterwards!

Nkasiobi87:
Hi everyone, after what happened in my husband church on Sunday how he embarrassed me and his worker slapping me. I decided to consult his doctor friend to talk to him ,the only reason he gave the doctor is that the mistress saved his life when he wanted to kill him self because of a woman that died years ago in his church which left him confused then(I traveled with My last child when this incident happen) and the girl telling him not to kill him self is enough that the girl love him and that from that day he swear never to leave that girl nor let the girl feel bad in any situation.

He said that the girl is his life. so for me becoming pregnant is enough to make the girl feel bad so he now tries to defame me and make the girl happy.he suggested that the only solution that will bring peace to my family is me becoming friend with the said girl and serving her.and that I should beg the worker that I have forgiven him if I want him to accept me again.

Now the girl in question here is rude and proud. she insult me anyhow.she laughed at me now that am going through this with my hubby. today she saw me and started laughing that she must make me leave my home with my 5kids.

Now all am asking my self is how can I step so low to the extend of begging my husband mistress just for my husband to love me again. how can I befriend this witch of a girl. How can I worship this girl in my own house all to please my husband. A girl that saved my husband name with Baby m. Will that make me a peace seeker or a fool the more.will a reasonable woman do that?

my sister, don't do anything rash and don't leave ur home oo. Don't allow unexperienced youth here on nairaland advice u to do wrong. At a time like dis, you need to be more prayerful and take the devil headon spiritually. Your hubby isn't himself, he is obviously under a spell. Avoid any pity party, get close to God. Go on your knees, fast, pray till ur hubby is delivered cos it is not ordinary for him to just decide to leave a family he has built all dis years for dat lady. Madam if you take my advice, within two weeks you will have ur family back. A lady should be praying for a young man to marry her but if she intends to break a home den it means she has confidence in something. Avoid any confrontation with her.
I am speaking from experience of what my mother passed tru under the hand of my dad just for one strange girl several years ago.

Nkasiobi87:
Hi everyone, after what happened in my husband church on Sunday how he embarrassed me and his worker slapping me. I decided to consult his doctor friend to talk to him ,the only reason he gave the doctor is that the mistress saved his life when he wanted to kill him self because of a woman that died years ago in his church which left him confused then(I traveled with My last child when this incident happen) and the girl telling him not to kill him self is enough that the girl love him and that from that day he swear never to leave that girl nor let the girl feel bad in any situation.

He said that the girl is his life. so for me becoming pregnant is enough to make the girl feel bad so he now tries to defame me and make the girl happy.he suggested that the only solution that will bring peace to my family is me becoming friend with the said girl and serving her.and that I should beg the worker that I have forgiven him if I want him to accept me again.

Now the girl in question here is rude and proud. she insult me anyhow.she laughed at me now that am going through this with my hubby. today she saw me and started laughing that she must make me leave my home with my 5kids.

Now all am asking my self is how can I step so low to the extend of begging my husband mistress just for my husband to love me again. how can I befriend this witch of a girl. How can I worship this girl in my own house all to please my husband. A girl that saved my husband name with Baby m. Will that make me a peace seeker or a fool the more.will a reasonable woman do that?

Now, I'm starting to believe all ur stories are mere fiction, cos I don't understand how someone in are right senses wld still be wt such a man.

Pls go and beg her and cook and wash for her, so a man tht doesn't give a Bleep abt u can be happy. U talk more like a slave than a wife. U're nt his wife, u're a mere slave, and tht house u're claiming definitely isn't ur house, get ur ass up and strive for urself and children. He'll soon throw u out anyway, or keep u around just to av someone to control her life.

Don't u av parents, relatives, somewhere u can go to temporarily till u get back on track. Pls don't destroy ur children's lives, the boys can grow up wt the mentality tht women are meant to be treated like slaves and the girls wt extreme low self esteem. Let the wicked idiot face his gf, karma will deal wt both

Don't u ve a family 2 report all what u re going thru 2? It's better 40u 2 let ur pple be aware dat, they would be able 2 help u.

HaneefahRN:

Now, I'm starting to believe all ur stories are mere fiction, cos I don't understand how someone in are right senses wld still be wt such a man.

Pls go and beg her and cook and wash for her, so a man tht doesn't give a Bleep abt u can be happy. U talk more like a slave than a wife. U're nt his wife, u're a mere slave, and tht house u're claiming definitely isn't ur house, get ur ass up and strive for urself and children. He'll soon throw u out anyway, or keep u around just to av someone to control her life.

Don't u av parents, relatives, somewhere u can go to temporarily till u get back on track. Pls don't destroy ur children's lives, the boys can grow up wt the mentality tht women are meant to be treated like slaves and the girls wt extreme low self esteem. Let the wicked idiot face his gf, karma will deal wt both

I tired o. It's even irritating me

Nkasiobi87:
there is noting more in this, my husband hate to be challenged in any decision he makes.he an authoritarian man so all he is doing is his word to stand.

Don't you have family?
Is he using jazz on you?
Divorce and move on.. You can never and will no longer have peace in that house no matter what you do.
Except you love to suffer and smile, you can remain in the abused marriage

myfantasies:
So u r saying even as a wife ur words r not important, u r being taken for granted

SMH

I don't pray for such

A man that do not consult you before carrying out his plans, what do you call such a man?


The girl in question has authority over this woman's husband. She could be using voodoo voodoo on him any time to manipulate his behaviour.

The woman should take it as spiritual battle, not just sitting down folding her arms looking out for the next episode.

I find it so hard to believe this story :s it's too dehumanising to be real especially in the hous of God,drop the church address or I don't bliv it

All this still sounds like a joke to me. What kind of church is that sef eh? #EndTimeChurch.

Adulterous behaviour is a biblical reason for divorce. So leave that man. That kind of woman can harm you.

Are you economically empowered? If you can fend yourself...leave or go back to your family. Please I don't want to read tomorrow that "Husband and Mistress beat wife to coma". God forbid. leave!

Onegai:


Sweetie, you're not a reasonable woman. A reasonable woman would have gathered her children and found her square root by now, working hard to support her children. You're also not a smart woman, a smart woman would have at least moved out and faced her front by now and told the man's family to make their son send upkeep for his children or they won't get access to their grandkids. You have a phone, you're asking us here when you should have called your relatives, called his relatives and started sorting out your life.

are you married with kids? I doubt it cos i know if you are, you can't give such an advice. The real world out there is different from what you see in Telemundo

From your previous post.

Good morning everyone. If you have been reading my previous posts then you will know very well how my story has been. After getting a job and trying to ignore My husband'S cheating and other cruel characters towards me, he cheats with a female church member and promises her that he will marry her as a second wife.

After much talking which could not bring any positive results, I decided to let them be And mind my own business. He still enters my room when he feels like doing it with me. Now it happens that am 2Months pregnant after 5 kids. I told him about it he was happy at that given time. I then thought that maybe he will change this time to become a better father.

On Sunday while the morning prayer was going on, I couldn't stand up because I have started showing signs of pregnancy. I was feeling very anemic so I decided to sit down. My husband came out and stopped the prayer and started saying that I sat down because I wanted to show his mistress that am pregnant and that am doing drama for her mistress, something that I have never thought of doing. He started calling me all sorts of names all to calm the mistress down incase she notices that am pregnant. All to show the mistress that he is not happy with me being pregnant. All to make me feel bad and not happy of my condition.

While the congregation and the mistress were watching and laughing. When I couldn't take it anymore, I decided to walkout of the church. one of his workers ran after me and forcefully drew me back which left a mark on my neck. His claim is that I shouldn't move out while his pastor is talking. I pushed him out of my way, he slapped me inside church while my hubby watch. with the little strength in me I fight back and leave the church premises. I was so hurt that I want to revenge on my husband and his worker. how will I be proud of this pregnant now that he has said in his congregation that all am doing is noting but a show how painful. how do I pay him back.I really wish the worst on them now.God help me that I didn't do something unlawful to them.

Nkasiobi87:
Hi everyone, after what happened in my husband church on Sunday how he embarrassed me and his worker slapping me. I decided to consult his doctor friend to talk to him ,the only reason he gave the doctor is that the mistress saved his life when he wanted to kill him self because of a woman that died years ago in his church which left him confused then(I traveled with My last child when this incident happen) and the girl telling him not to kill him self is enough that the girl love him and that from that day he swear never to leave that girl nor let the girl feel bad in any situation.

He said that the girl is his life. so for me becoming pregnant is enough to make the girl feel bad so he now tries to defame me and make the girl happy.he suggested that the only solution that will bring peace to my family is me becoming friend with the said girl and serving her.and that I should beg the worker that I have forgiven him if I want him to accept me again.

Now the girl in question here is rude and proud. she insult me anyhow.she laughed at me now that am going through this with my hubby. today she saw me and started laughing that she must make me leave my home with my 5kids.

Now all am asking my self is how can I step so low to the extend of begging my husband mistress just for my husband to love me again. how can I befriend this witch of a girl. How can I worship this girl in my own house all to please my husband. A girl that saved my husband name with Baby m. Will that make me a peace seeker or a fool the more.will a reasonable woman do that?

Pls some one should read n summarize her story, i ll be bck to comment. Some times she sounds as if d man is a pastor, other times as an unbeliver

Brb