obowunmi:


OP should find someone in his class, no need for epistles.

I know a woman who married a jobless man at age 38. She did it for the Nigerian society, just to say she's married.

She's the most bitter woman I know. The man can't even buy boxers and singlet for himself.

The role of a woman is not to be a man's nanny or parent. He must be able to take care of himself, with or without a woman. That's a real man.

This jobless man sees his wife as a meal ticket and not a wife. He stays home from morning to night watching football. Then he goes to church when he's bored. When the woman comes back from work, no to cook and clean. She's so frustrated. It's like she's taking care of a baby and calling him husband.

Lazy MEN.

Funminicrown:
Drop her and make her friend your latest fiancee since she's also a new catch.
Tell her you need a helpmate not a liability, if she queries your decision.

vjsmiles:
this yho fiancee isn't even worth calling building material o

Funminicrown:
Drop her and make her friend your latest fiancee since she's also a new catch.
Tell her you need a helpmate not a liability, if she queries your decision.

deyemia:
Her friend was even saying that she doesnt like to be a liability that at least it should not be the man's responsibility 100% that the wife should be able to support financially, My fiancee outrightly disagreed with her saying support doesnt have to be financial from the wife, that it could be through prayers.

Cavenchy:
OP I have read your post and saw your concern but after reading some comments thrown at you and your replies, I think this might be a case of a scared fiancée but I sure hope I'm wrong. Let's analyse.

The lady has seen gold digging tendencies in you and is trying to protect herself.

The lady thinks you are lazy and are the type to always seek help not wanting to take up responsibility.

You said it yourself that her mum Is rich, that shows you probably have an eye on her family's wealth, you never mentioned in your post that you also have a rich family or that you are well to do yet. She would read all these signs in the way you behave around her. For example: you treat her like an egg and are overtly careful about things you say not yo hurt her and apologetic at the slightest sense of anger. You probably always have a habit of asking after her mum (cos she is the rich one) and probably hardly ever ask after her dad.

Your resilience to take advice here to leave her, shows that you see a lot of benefit in your future relationship besides her character which is most likely a monetary one.

She knows a lot of men are gold diggers these days and she barely knows you enough to not judge you as one of them.

She has not yet fallen in love with you, when she does all these above will fly out the window. Worse, it's hard for you to earn her love when she hasn't seen how she's earned yours. Gold digger men are always easy to spot. They love before she even opens her mouth or has proven any quality character. If it acts and quacks like a duck it probably is.

Finally, she is protecting herself from a lazy man. If you aren't a lazy man, work hard to prove your worth, no woman can say those words to a man she is madly in love with and knows is hardworking and successful.

Bottom line: you aren't compatible at the moment, try again later.

deyemia:


Thanks so much for taking your time to add this contribution, I really appreciate it.

I have a good job and I have a roof over my head and I pay all my bills by myself and even some few others that are not mine. We were matched because we both needed something we didn't have, a partner.

We are just getting to know each other and for all reasons, I am sure this is not the best way to go about avoiding gold diggers. I have never asked her for anything matter of fact, I find it difficult to ask people for favors because I feel dejected when I get a "No" for a request.

I'm just trying to meet a wife to go on a journey with for life, I never asked her about her family wealth background until she told me.

If I were a gold digger like you alluded to, I won't share this post.

Just being honest!

missyadorable:
I can support my husband in terms of providing food,kid's fees and upkeep,etc

But NEVER to add my money to buy / build a house,or other properties(in case 2moro,he decides to kick me out n bring in another woman,men are very funny)...Or give my husband cash in any form.

My family can't be hungry when I have money

Your fiancee is rather too rash

But anyway,thats her opinion

Dump her,if you like

Another guy will marry her.

Seems you are interested in her because she is from a rich family and you thought she will be using her money to run the home and now that she has made her stand clear,you no longer see where and how you will benefit from her.

Cavenchy:


You replied quite earlier than I expected, as I had modified the quoted post a little bit, notwithstanding, the main points remained same.
Now to your reply, I appreciate the fact you come across as a genuine man looking to settle, you may need to do some investigations to protect yourself as well, because you barely know her either. I'm glad you are asking important questions. This Is another one you may need to find out, Why is her mum rich and not her family (dad inclusive?). What is her impression of men? How was her dad as a father growing up? Was he lazy? Was he a wife beater? Or a drunk? What about her mum? Was she disrespectful to her husband? Did she rub the fact that her dad wasn't too well to do in his face? If this is the case, does your fiancée support her mother's views?
You can find these out without being direct. Subtle conversations would bring out the truth about where she got her fears from. Best wishes.

deyemia:
The Person I Intend To Marry Just Told Me This!!!


Dear Nairalanders,

I've come again to hear your views about this issue.... especially married "Egbons"

So it all started like this, My new fiancee and I just finished a sunday service and I was about going to drop her at home when one of her single friends asked if she could join us which we agreed.

On our way they started talking all wife stuffs sharing their views on a marriage and shii, then one thing led to a financial topic where my fiancee started saying she can never support a husband financially, that a man should be a man and take all responsibilities of every penny to be spent, that the reason she's working is to be able to afford all the things she wants that all the responsibilities of the household is for the husband . I acted cool at first.

Her friend was even saying that she doesnt like to be a liability that at least it should not be the man's responsibility 100% that the wife should be able to support financially, My fiancee outrightly disagreed with her saying support doesnt have to be financial from the wife, that it could be through prayers.

I couldnt keep mute anymore I had to ask her "what does it mean when people say supportive wife? " she replied she doesn't know, that she's sure it doesnt have to be financial.

At some point when the friend had already alighted, I asked what if the man is building a house and needs immediate support for just window frames, she said never!

She even said if she has money in the bank and their is no food at home, we will all drink Garri.

Now here are the facts,
-We got introduced through match making,
-there are some good things about her that is worth consideration.
-I dont think she has dated before because she obviously has no experience whats so ever when it comes to relationship behaviours. she's "efikko" kind of.
-This her ideology seems deep rooted in her upbringing and family., her mum is rich.

My Challenge is,
Should I stick around and try to change that ideology or just move on because I am sure it's a destructive ideology.

deyemia:


Her mum got inheritance from her grandmum,

deyemia:


Some part of me still can't believe she seriously meant that. If everyone on NL knows its a dangerous mindset then she should also know it's a terrible ideology.

But then, this is marriage where one cant afford to make a mistake.

I will try a bit of patience and dialogue and I hope my instincts dont betray me..

Thanks bro

petkoffDrake:

Are u sure??
















Were u not d one that told ur bf to buy 1k suya.... U ate all d meat and gave him onions to feed on!








Just saying

MzOnajin1:
Lol, thats how it should be

petkoffDrake:
Eiya! Is not fair ooo... So if am ur bf now, dats how U'll treat me?









U and d Girl op is lamenting of...... No lie, both of u are same family baa? :

MzOnajin1:
bros, no be so. Invest in me, let me show you how Great God is.

deyemia:


She is not joking o! I still wish it was an expensive joke sef