seriously man,y waste ur time on a girl like dat who definitely tinks dat u shud b grateful 4 her just giving u her attention and pussy..as in 4 real?..she cant change cus dat is hw she has bin brought up by her mum to tink dat she is a Queen who her man must b ready 2 to take up all resppnsibilities if he wants her 2 grace his bed..man wake up,if u still enjoy her pussy den continue dating her but NO marriage o..find ur wife 4 front o

deyemia:
The Person I Intend To Marry Just Told Me This!!!


Dear Nairalanders,

I've come again to hear your views about this issue.... especially married "Egbons"

So it all started like this, My new fiancee and I just finished a sunday service and I was about going to drop her at home when one of her single friends asked if she could join us which we agreed.

On our way they started talking all wife stuffs sharing their views on a marriage and shii, then one thing led to a financial topic where my fiancee started saying she can never support a husband financially, that a man should be a man and take all responsibilities of every penny to be spent, that the reason she's working is to be able to afford all the things she wants that all the responsibilities of the household is for the husband . I acted cool at first.

Her friend was even saying that she doesnt like to be a liability that at least it should not be the man's responsibility 100% that the wife should be able to support financially, My fiancee outrightly disagreed with her saying support doesnt have to be financial from the wife, that it could be through prayers.

I couldnt keep mute anymore I had to ask her "what does it mean when people say supportive wife? " she replied she doesn't know, that she's sure it doesnt have to be financial.

At some point when the friend had already alighted, I asked what if the man is building a house and needs immediate support for just window frames, she said never!

She even said if she has money in the bank and their is no food at home, we will all drink Garri.

Now here are the facts,
-We got introduced through match making,
-there are some good things about her that is worth consideration.
-I dont think she has dated before because she obviously has no experience whats so ever when it comes to relationship behaviours. she's "efikko" kind of.
-This her ideology seems deep rooted in her upbringing and family., her mum is rich.

My Challenge is,
Should I stick around and try to change that ideology or just move on because I am sure it's a destructive ideology.

hmmmm dis kinda pesin can't change my dear runaway now that u can I jst pity ur future with he sha

deyemia:
The Person I Intend To Marry Just Told Me This!!!


At some point when the friend had already alighted, I asked what if the man is building a house and needs immediate support for just window frames, she said never!

She even said if she has money in the bank and their is no food at home, we will all drink Garri.

Didn't read this before I commented earlier. . Mehn, her case is pathetic

Husbands and wives are in partnership and should be willing to support each other at all times!

adepeter26:
U don enta one chance(just like nigerians enta 1 in d hands of APC) if u marry her without her changing her mindset abt wife been supportive.
Without the NECK, where will the head be? Husband & wife ought to be supportive in one way or the other

mY person!!!!! nice talk about changing her mindset but you no be God or Holy Spirit wey go fit change her mind. Even if she tends to give in now for the sake of not loosing you, when you marry finish d matter go change ooooo, her inherent nature go resurface ooooooo! I must tell you, its not possible to get a "perfect" spouse, but you've got to weigh the sh**t you can smear on yourself without feeling the awful smell and stick to the one that worth the smell.

0taPiaPia:


one question for you bro..
The clear conscience, is it after the marriage

no, not really. Before marriage actually. It means you tried instead of just ending without trying. It is wrong to end a relationship simply because of one's error or flaws. I have ended numerous relationship because the other person just seemed unreasonable, mostly without trying to change them or help them become a better person. But if I continue like that, it would be very detrimental at the end because there is no complete package anywhere.

Start now to teach her the lesson
First all her to take care of herself, stop dropping her at home by telling her to handle that and excuse yourself with the excuse that you are saving it all for the future family...... Let her take care of herself and feel how is it to be an island.

deyemia:
The Person I Intend To Marry Just Told Me This!!!


Dear Nairalanders,

I've come again to hear your views about this issue.... especially married "Egbons"

So it all started like this, My new fiancee and I just finished a sunday service and I was about going to drop her at home when one of her single friends asked if she could join us which we agreed.

On our way they started talking all wife stuffs sharing their views on a marriage and shii, then one thing led to a financial topic where my fiancee started saying she can never support a husband financially, that a man should be a man and take all responsibilities of every penny to be spent, that the reason she's working is to be able to afford all the things she wants that all the responsibilities of the household is for the husband . I acted cool at first.

Her friend was even saying that she doesnt like to be a liability that at least it should not be the man's responsibility 100% that the wife should be able to support financially, My fiancee outrightly disagreed with her saying support doesnt have to be financial from the wife, that it could be through prayers.

I couldnt keep mute anymore I had to ask her "what does it mean when people say supportive wife? " she replied she doesn't know, that she's sure it doesnt have to be financial.

At some point when the friend had already alighted, I asked what if the man is building a house and needs immediate support for just window frames, she said never!

She even said if she has money in the bank and their is no food at home, we will all drink Garri.

Now here are the facts,
-We got introduced through match making,
-there are some good things about her that is worth consideration.
-I dont think she has dated before because she obviously has no experience whats so ever when it comes to relationship behaviours. she's "efikko" kind of.
-This her ideology seems deep rooted in her upbringing and family., her mum is rich.

My Challenge is,
Should I stick around and try to change that ideology or just move on because I am sure it's a destructive ideology.

Don't marry her until you're sure she has changed that mindset. I'm talking from experience

halfricanadian:
rubbish mindset

with d lesson wey i don learn i av to be fuly responsible for my sef hubby money goes to d kids no spend on me dats just it av learnt my lesson

Change that mindset of hers ok

How can u have money in d bank nd let ur family drink garri?? oga she is joking

Na from clap dance dey start

Kindly confront her personally regards that topic and hear out her final decision on it. if she still affirm it as her top priority.... let go and point your search beam light into another direction....

2sexycom:
Bro, I would have said dump her but having grown wiser, it is not the best to end a relationship on the basis of one's imperfection, hence the need to mould someone into a better being. That is the reason for our co-existence as humans, leaving them better than you met them.

There is no complete package anywhere.

You need to sit her down and talk to her at length. Let her know where you stand and what you feel about her words. She may not likely change but your conscience would be clear that you tried.

Pls bro, there is nothing to mould in such a lady, she has already made up her mind,infact such ideology must have been instilled in her by her 'mother' or her mentor. Itz a good thing the guy is aware now b4 saying 'I do'.

Run, OP, run!

deyemia:


I hope so, I'm actually hearing such for the first time in my life

First I'll like to know some facts, is she working now or earning some kind of steady cash? If yes then test her, find a way or gimick, maybe tell her your car broke down at a bad area & you need some money urgently to fix it & for one reason or the other you cant access your money in the bank, if she refuses to help you when she is capable then there is no basis for such relationship. On a personal note, I used to assume that the lady I want to marry is selfish & wont help me financially because she was always demanding even when I was broke, then she got a job & things changed, she now uses her money to solve some needs & even bought me a designer shirt this weekend, I was shocked!! So her rhetorics might eventually be different from her true character.

PresVA:
Men need 'supportive' wives that would help them run the house financially. .. but it's sad many of them can't help domestically while still expecting the wife to make money...

I encourage men to marry women that have visions; she should have plans career wise or business wise atleast to add value to herself. .. However, marrying a woman because she'll help you financially doesn't just add up to me.. A man shouldn't keep such a mindset! You should struggle and your woman would know when just to step in and help; you shouldn't be echoing the financial help thingy. ..

Except the lady in question is a lazy Gold digger. .

Domestic work are piece of cake for me lol.

suwalee:
hmmmm dis kinda pesin can't change my dear runaway now that u can I jst pity ur future with he sha

i know say you, you go give your man every.... dollas plus pounds lol

What a life?

1trillionlikes:
Hmmm.... Test her by bringing up a story that a normal human being will wanna help you solve, financially, wen she hears..... If she doesn't help, quit..... She might not change.... I know of a woman whose children are sometimes chased out of school because of their fees, and she's rich enough to build houses... Once her hubby can't pay all bills..... All of them will suffer while she goes about buying all aso ebi and attending all functions....

2sexycom:
Bro, I would have said dump her but having grown wiser, it is not the best to end a relationship on the basis of one's imperfection, hence the need to mould someone into a better being. That is the reason for our co-existence as humans, leaving them better than you met them.

There is no complete package anywhere.

You need to sit her down and talk to her at length. Let her know where you stand and what you feel about her words. She may not likely change but your conscience would be clear that you tried.

Yes, this is one imperfection,but it's a major major one. If she doesn't change, he should move on jare. This imperfection can lead to a divorce.

favouryemmy:


Yes, this is one imperfection,but it's a major one. If she doesn't change, he should move on jare. This imperfection can lead to a divorce.

Glad you get my point. I actually meant TRY before giving UP, instead of just moving on like that.

robosky02:

i know say you, you go give your man every.... dollas plus pounds lol

I'd give him all of it cos I seen such situation nd I tell u its not funny atall for one person to bear the whole burden

wat is this be a MAN.
are u waiting for a woman to support u financially?
i dont think u deserve respect.

the more u rely on them the more disrespect u

2sexycom:
Bro, I would have said dump her but having grown wiser, it is not the best to end a relationship on the basis of one's imperfection, hence the need to mould someone into a better being. That is the reason for our co-existence as humans, leaving them better than you met them.

There is no complete package anywhere.

You need to sit her down and talk to her at length. Let her know where you stand and what you feel about her words. She may not likely change but your conscience would be clear that you tried.

So if she accept to change, you advice him to go ahead and marry abi....What is the assurance that she will not change back after marriage....This is God telling you to run for your dear life in my opinion.

Op...if u luv her,go ahead n marry her.
Like time, events changes a woman.
Knack her two children n u will c d motherhood in her.

Na to abandon her husband and children, pack out of the house or begin to look for another man crazy for toto to carry her responsility. A lot of them are arroud us.

deyemia:


I wonder what happens if God forbid the husband loses his job

suwalee:
I'd give him all of it cos I seen such situation nd I tell u its not funny atall for one person to bear the whole burden

gbam thats it

with this your talk ehhh

i recommend YOU to any sensible man that wants to run faster in life
cos you can give him wings to fly

That Sunday is your special Sunday ,God used it to reveal to you that you going the wrong way ,is left for u to change direction

demoore1:
So if she accept to change, you advice him to go ahead and marry abi....What is the assurance that she will not change back after marriage....This is God telling you to run for your dear life in my opinion.

bros, you can't light a candle and hide it under the bed;the light will still show.

deyemia:
The Person I Intend To Marry Just Told Me This!!!


Dear Nairalanders,

I've come again to hear your views about this issue.... especially married "Egbons"

So it all started like this, My new fiancee and I just finished a sunday service and I was about going to drop her at home when one of her single friends asked if she could join us which we agreed.

On our way they started talking all wife stuffs sharing their views on a marriage and shii, then one thing led to a financial topic where my fiancee started saying she can never support a husband financially, that a man should be a man and take all responsibilities of every penny to be spent, that the reason she's working is to be able to afford all the things she wants that all the responsibilities of the household is for the husband . I acted cool at first.

Her friend was even saying that she doesnt like to be a liability that at least it should not be the man's responsibility 100% that the wife should be able to support financially, My fiancee outrightly disagreed with her saying support doesnt have to be financial from the wife, that it could be through prayers.

I couldnt keep mute anymore I had to ask her "what does it mean when people say supportive wife? " she replied she doesn't know, that she's sure it doesnt have to be financial.

At some point when the friend had already alighted, I asked what if the man is building a house and needs immediate support for just window frames, she said never!

She even said if she has money in the bank and their is no food at home, we will all drink Garri.

Now here are the facts,
-We got introduced through match making,
-there are some good things about her that is worth consideration.
-I dont think she has dated before because she obviously has no experience whats so ever when it comes to relationship behaviours. she's "efikko" kind of.
-This her ideology seems deep rooted in her upbringing and family., her mum is rich.

My Challenge is,
Should I stick around and try to change that ideology or just move on because I am sure it's a destructive ideology.

One thing about relationships is that you should never enter one with the intention of changing your partner especially if he/she has a major character flaw just like this one. You can NEVER change person unless it's by the grace of God or such person personally resolves to make a change. My advice for you is to quit now that it's still early. I know two women who are selfishly spending their earnings on themselves by buying expensive clothes and handbags and still depend on their husbands for every other thing even expecting them to provide money for buying simple things like matches or pepper. Their Children are always dressed so poorly that you'd be surprised to learn that those women are their mothers. I'm really sure you won't like to be in a similar situation.

This looks like a test to me. I want to believe you're hardworking yourself; if you really love her, probe her intentions further. If not drop her like hot potato when you still can. Marriage without all-round support is a conditional arrangement that may not stand the test of time. Trust me, the tests will surely come and they will include financial tests

You want to change her

deyemia:
The Person I Intend To Marry Just Told Me This!!!


Dear Nairalanders,

I've come again to hear your views about this issue.... especially married "Egbons"

So it all started like this, My new fiancee and I just finished a sunday service and I was about going to drop her at home when one of her single friends asked if she could join us which we agreed.

On our way they started talking all wife stuffs sharing their views on a marriage and shii, then one thing led to a financial topic where my fiancee started saying she can never support a husband financially, that a man should be a man and take all responsibilities of every penny to be spent, that the reason she's working is to be able to afford all the things she wants that all the responsibilities of the household is for the husband . I acted cool at first.

Her friend was even saying that she doesnt like to be a liability that at least it should not be the man's responsibility 100% that the wife should be able to support financially, My fiancee outrightly disagreed with her saying support doesnt have to be financial from the wife, that it could be through prayers.

I couldnt keep mute anymore I had to ask her "what does it mean when people say supportive wife? " she replied she doesn't know, that she's sure it doesnt have to be financial.

At some point when the friend had already alighted, I asked what if the man is building a house and needs immediate support for just window frames, she said never!

She even said if she has money in the bank and their is no food at home, we will all drink Garri.

Now here are the facts,
-We got introduced through match making,
-there are some good things about her that is worth consideration.
-I dont think she has dated before because she obviously has no experience whats so ever when it comes to relationship behaviours. she's "efikko" kind of.
-This her ideology seems deep rooted in her upbringing and family., her mum is rich.

My Challenge is,
Should I stick around and try to change that ideology or just move on because I am sure it's a destructive ideology.

Bro, just leave her alone, na small pikin dey worry am.
If she doesn't intend to help you out, you too shouldn't. She'll draw back her stupid ideology in no time.

But for the main time, just leave her alone.
Don't call or contact her in any way. She'll run back to you.

Please move on. You cant changr her. I learnt helping my hubby from how my mum supported my dad while growing up.

My brother's wife will not cook if there is no cray fish in the house. My brother sponsored her to NTI after marrying her with SSCE attempted. She is a teacher now. Her son is 19 now and she has not changed that attitude. Her husband must provide everything.

Funminicrown:
Drop her and make her friend your latest fiancee since she's also a new catch.
Tell her you need a helpmate not a liability, if she queries your decision.

Please dont try this, this her friend may have done that to confuse your mind knowing that her friend(ur fiance) is not smart and make you see her as the supporting person. please work on ur wife and convince her to see reasons why she should support finacially