@Chika4real


A lot of times, the types of women who stay in these kinds of relationships for a long time are women who have no one to turn to and the man who batters them is all that they have. That man may not be worth anything but for now and for a long time he has been all that the woman knows. The man is like a negative addiction, he has been her way of life for a long time and so he has been a survival tool for this woman, he is all she knows In the battered womans mind, that is what she thinks and feels.

She is being physically, mentally and emotionally abused. She feels like she deserves it because the man tells her she is useless, ugly, fat etc. and no man in his right mind would want to be with her. This is what he wants the woman he batters to believe. You see, even though he beats her, he is the only man who is stupid enough to be with her, this is what he metally conveys to the woman he batters.

For a woman who has no family or close friends to turn to for help, she can really begin to believe that all this man say's is true and her self esteem will crumble. Women like this will only accept outside help if someone steps in and offers them some hands on help like a place to stay, help with finding a job or relocating to another job to stay away from the man who beats her. They will not accept outside help if they don't see the outside help as a for sure thing. In other words a for sure way out of the abusive relationship.

Radiant  ''when a guy says any gurl he wld have 2 beat that wld b d end of d R/S--it means'' he will beat his gurlfrnd wen caught doin smtin he dsnt like! That phrase is implicating!

Jay, it's very good I asked you that question. He meant that , he'll rather call off a relationship than beat the girl

Oh Oh --my bad i did not read meanin 2 it or My b i was waitin 4 Little Euph 2 come say smtin abt it

lol. . .

@Radiant, Woleprof

That post was a joke, no woman beat me ohh!, Kai, she no dey fear face?

lmao

Not sure what to believe again

Donzman:

@Radiant, Woleprof

That post was a joke, no woman beat me ohh!, Kai, she no dey fear face?

i kinda guessed , thats why i asked if she was ten years older than u

Oh so sad. That lady has so much low esteem for herself. She must just walk out of the relationship. It'll seem hard, but her man will not change. That is not love but torture.

SHE MUST LEAVE ASAP!!!

I cannot imagine her being treated as such, she's a special person and should be treated as such. She did not come into this world to be battered, hell no!! 

Tell your friend or if its you, to walk out immediately. There is another good man out there who can treat her/you even far more better than her current man. Or she can just stay single, it aint that bad aswell. ADVICE: If a man lays a hand on you for the first time, immediately walk out of that relationship, because, there will be more to come, believe me.

iice:

No man puts his hands on moi, i can kindda understand women who remain in such relationships but not me, i don't care about love wantintin, no long tin, if hin wan pucnhing bag, make hin hit the gym

who would dare lay his hands on iice?

Well, you cant just WALK OUT of a maariage, its quite different u know,

a girl once told me she cant marry a guy who wont beat her

and I was like


apparently she loves both parents but seems to love her father more. And may I say, her dad beats her mum.

Stranger, sorry to ask but is the girl Schizophrenic?


Mystique, can you tell me more on that?

[/b] IT'S A CYCLE THAT'S PASSED ON FROM PARENTS!!! GUYS THAT SEE THEIR DAD ABUSING THEIR MOM MOST TIMES END UP BEING ABUSERS THEMSELVES. FEMALES THAT SAW THEIR MOM ABUSED WHILE GROWING ALSO END UP FALLING INO THE SAME TRAP CUZ THEY THINK IT'S OKAY CUZ THEIR MOM STUCK WITH THE DAMN GUY !!! I WISH SOME GUY WOULD TRY LIFTING A HAND TO MY SIS, THAT WILL BE THE LAST TIME HE'S ABLE TO MAKE USE OF THAT HAND!! BASTARD!!

@achinu maan you're really tough in cyberspace

Mystique:

Well, you can't just WALK OUT of a maariage, its quite different u know,

says who? lol that's what you think

lol

TOF, I asked her to explain o. Don't get it either

achinu:

[/b] IT'S A CYCLE THAT'S PASSED ON FROM PARENTS!!! GUYS THAT SEE THEIR DAD ABUSING THEIR MOM MOST TIMES END UP BEING ABUSERS THEMSELVES. FEMALES THAT SAW THEIR MOM ABUSED WHILE GROWING ALSO END UP FALLING INO THE SAME TRAP CUZ THEY THINK IT'S OKAY CUZ THEIR MOM STUCK WITH THE DAMN GUY !!! I WISH SOME GUY WOULD TRY LIFTING A HAND TO MY SIS, THAT WILL BE THE LAST TIME HE'S ABLE TO MAKE USE OF THAT HAND!! BASTARD!!

Haha, They go beat you join, na today?

I have read through all the posts adn i must say that RAdiant has been steadfast in her beliefs and i like that so ya'll sud back off telling her to ray that she does not find herself in a situation like that.

Women that stay in abusive relationships have very low self esteem, the fact that a lady falls inlove does not mean all sense of reasoning must be lost, and what is it with women thinking that they have supernatural powers to change a man?? My belief is that if he is not Good from day one he will never be good, so if a man raises his hand up to strike me it will be his very last b'cos he might just turn up dead the next day. I dont believe in love that gives me a black eye.
I as a person have never been afarid of walking out of an abusive relationship, whether verbally or physically,
I did it once i will do it again if it ever happens, no man is ever worth the pain.

"above all things i owe myself happiness"

"above all things i owe myself happiness"

a.k.a. I'm extremely selfish and unwilling to sacrifice myself for others.

@Radiant

That is far from the whole point of living.

Really? I owe myself happiness and don't depend on anyone to make me happy. YES!!!

If the whole point of you living is otherwise, I'm really worried about you.

I live to be happy and even if I sacrifice for others, I'm pleasing myself and others as well and that would definitely make me happy.

Could you share your own point of living that is far from making yourself happy? Thanks!

No wonder Nigeria is still in a mess, everyone owes themselves happiness. Surprise , surprise!

If they beat you, call police and hope they have fuel in the car.

Donz, you're missing the whole point.

Don't be naughty but ponder deep and be honest with yourself.

Theodora:

I as a person have never been afarid of walking out of an abusive relationship, whether verbally or physically,
I did it once i will do it again if it ever happens, no man is ever worth the pain.

That's because you've always been involved in casual relationships.  As Mystique said, marriage is quite different, and you can't just walk out like that.

Goodguy, can you be good enough to tell us more on marriage and why a woman can't walk out if it's not working well? Thanks!

@Radiant

Who is to define what makes a person happy or what doesn't?, Some of these women who remain in these relationships are not just doing it because of low self-esteem. Most of them feel like their main aim in this life is to ensure that their kids grow up with the family intact no matter how tumultuous it might be. She might be taking the beating with hope that atleast she and her so-called husband will be around to see their kids grow up. That is what makes them happy and that might be different from what makes others like you happy.

Some of these men apart from the beating part tend to be very caring and provide for their families. Sometimes, these women get to see the loving and caring side of these men that strangers on the outside do not see. The occassional beating might not be enough for the woman to leave this man she knows can be caring and understanding when he isn't pissed. Sometimes these beating happen when the men are drunk and honestly not under control of themselves.

Again, sometimes the women know that they're loquacious and obnoxious (see Sista for example ) and will understand that they've provoked the man. I'm going to be honest, I've met some woman who are straight up annoying and I've been tempted to smack them once in a while. I just walk away when it seems unbearable and some of them tend to pursue you and keep talking in your ear. Ok but when you're in a marriage, where are you going to run to?, You can't walk away, they best you can do is act out on your urges. After all, we're all equal human beings, when you're annoyed, you tend to employ the fist.

Some of the men are just plain cowards on the other hand. Most of them do not get the respect they crave from their peers so their only idea of respect is in beating up their woman night in, night out. Those men are the ones I belt whip!

I don't support men beating men and neither do I support men beating women or women beating men.

i know some of you may think that i am quite stupid for this comment, however i have to say not all men who hit does it because they are cowards, it has a lot to do with what they have witness as children and how they show emotions, not all men deserve the chance to retribution after hitting a woman but some do.

In the final year of my marriage my husband became very violent, i could, simply have walked away without ever talking to him but i know him and he is not a violent man instead i helped him to find counselling.

@topic
Battered and bruised still hanging on, one has to understand the psychology of the abused at that point. After such brutality why wud the woman or man still hang on? something must have gone wrong, or switched off at such a point . its not a one day thing, there must have been a history of violence, either systematic verbal or physical. Strange. I guess only someone who has been there could really shed light. But there are very many circumstances.

In the final year of my marriage my husband became very violent, i could, simply have walked away without ever talking to him but i know him and he is not a violent man instead i helped him to find counselling.

your ex husband became very violent you say and yet in the same breath you say he is not a violent man? this is a very ambigous statement. You may have helped him to seek help but that does not mean he is not violent, i mean lol he did beat you, how can he not be violent?