Your case is most complicated - basically cos you love the guy, but I can't categorically judge this, i'll leave the girls to judge.

Radiant, come help a sister in dilemma o!

but before then, let me tell you some bitter truth about us guys;

You can't hold a guy down with sex, money or pregnancy. If you leave, someone else will provide those, so don't hastily provide those, cos if you don't he can as well survive. He's been getting it before you came by and he will when you are gone.

He calls you fiance, and so what? If tomorrow he calls you step sister, what are you gonna do? If you go to his house this night and see another girl in Nightie/lingerie, are you gonna commit suicide? Wake up and smell the fish, this guy is obviously not your destination, dust your pants and move on. He has no respect for you whatsoever, how the hell are you gonna count if he decides to punish you by marrying you?

I strongly believe there's someone for everyone out there, it's just a matter of open mindedness, watchfulness, patience and perseverance and you'll be happy again.

Don't visit him no more. Talk on phone. Don't go outta your way to please him, it'll break your heart even more when you find out he's been using you. He does not have you in his future plans so bounce or show him your break lights. Don't even wait for him to call it quitX type his divorce papers right now dat u r online and be polite enough to tell him "he'll always be your baby dog - puppy"

I wish i could be a friend 2 u, feel deep pity, I guess no one is perfect afterall, not even Chris.

I already stated earlier that marriage is not something you can just walk out of like that, especially if it's over something you can amend. No matter how bad a man is, he must have some good sides too. These good parts are what you should consider. If your husband beats you once, twice or thrice, you should try helping him overcome this monstrous attitude of his (when his sanity returns, of course). If you'll be so quick to leave your husband simply because he beat you once or twice, even though you have not tried helping matters yourself, then you never really loved him in the first place. Your desertion only becomes totally justifiable after several failed attempts

Oh. I get it now. Ose sah. I should wait til I am beaten black and blue with scars all over my body before I leave. or Maybe I should wait til he decides to throw acid at my face. Abi you dont remember the time when there was an epidemic with the whole angry husbands throwing acid on their wives? Yes ok. I get it now. I beg, comot with your bullshit.
and HE obviously never loved me by disrepecting me enough to actually try such a thing so please STFU.

ThiefofHearts, why don't you help a fellow lady out instead of looking for Donzman's wahala?

Get over yourself Donzman, no one was criticizing you. You're the one who came out of no where yarning garbage like "use your brain", didnt even bother to explain your reason behind that retarded statement and all of a sudden you act like everyone is against you. get over yourself.

benheart. I suggest you leave. You two arent even married yet and he's treating you like crap, let's not even think of how married life would be where he'll use his "Im your husband you should obey me" garbage. Giving him money and all that isnt helping, you're fueling the fire. You just have to find a way to keep yourself away from him. Keep your mind OFF him, you truly have to develop a blase attitude towards this guy. I seriously wouldnt be surprised if he's using the money you give him on other girls and the fact that he calls "enemy of progress after all you've done for him. Disgusting.
He knows he can keep up with this attitude cos he believes you wont leave him. If you PROVE to himself that enough is enough and that you're out, he'll regret all he has done to you and it will haunt him. When guys know that you "love them so much," more than you love yourself, they take serious advantage of it which is what your "bf" is doing now.
I assume you dont have kids so you should be loving yourself before anyone else at this point.

or you could go "goodguy"'s route and allow him to beat you to the point of death, at least in death he wont be able to hurt you anymore, right GOODGUY?!

Donzman:

ThiefofHearts, why don't you help a fellow lady out instead of looking for Donzman's wahala?

considering that response was to GOODGUY and NOT DONZMAN, unless you're saying you and "goodguy" are the same people, sharing the same identity on NairaLand eh? explains alot.

Meanwhile, I can lend you songs from my playlist or songs to help you get over him thruout this mourning period. Infact, it's my current playlist.

1. I'll be there - Mariah Carey fet Jermain Jackson
2. I will get there - Boyz II men
3. Love don't cost a thing - J-Lo
4. Girls - Destiny's Child
5. Independent women - Destiny's child
6. Irreplaceable - beyonce
7. Don't love you no more - Craig david
8. Bye Bye Bye - nsync
9. Where d'you go? - Fort Minor
10. Goodbye my lover - James Blunt
11. I hate you so much right now - Kelis
12. Trick me - Kelis
13. Doing just fine - Boyz II men
14. Out of reach - Gabrielle
15. So sick - Ne-yo
16. You no holy pass - Tuface
17. Redemption song - bob marley
18. Ready to rise again - Gabrielle
19. I will always love you - Whitney Houston

and finally:

20. Hit em up - Tupac (cos you need some bit of thuggery feelings to get over it(or him or watever)!)

not the time to start loving up with Stick witchu by Pussycat dolls or Be without you by Mary J. blige, Abeg, if you are in for some lifechanging "breaking up" decisions, holla @ ur boy
I can burn u d cd and dat'd be a great xmas present from me. Welcome to da club

you mara.

cept I think that Gabrielle song is actually nice. As for everything else you still mara.

Christino:

Meanwhile, I can lend you songs from my playlist or songs to help you get over him thruout this mourning period. Infact, it's my current playlist.

1. I'll be there - Mariah Carey fet Jermain Jackson
2. I will get there - Boyz II men
3. Love don't cost a thing - J-Lo
4. Girls - Destiny's Child
5. Independent women - Destiny's child
6. Irreplaceable - beyonce
7. Don't love you no more - Craig david
8. Bye Bye Bye - nsync
9. Where d'you go? - Fort Minor
10. Goodbye my lover - James Blunt
11. I hate you so much right now - Kelis
12. Trick me - Kelis
13. Doing just fine - Boyz II men
14. Out of reach - Gabrielle
15. So sick - Ne-yo
16. You no holy pass - Tuface
17. Redemption song - bob marley
18. Ready to rise again - Gabrielle
19. I will always love you - Whitney Houston

and finally:

20. Hit em up - Tupac (because you need some bit of thuggery feelings to get over it(or him or watever)!)

not the time to start loving up with Stick witchu by Pussycat dolls or Be without you by Mary J. blige, Abeg, if you are in for some lifechanging "breaking up" decisions, holla @ your boy 
I can burn u d cd and that'd be a great xmas present from me. Welcome to da club

you still dey cry

@ThiefofHearts

Yeah I'm a good guy but I'm not goodguy.

yea in your dreams

either way there shouldnt be any reason for you to repond to posts written to him unless you are commiting identity fraud like the others

I wasn't replying to that post specifically, I was just talking about ThiefofHearts in general. 

You know I'm a good guy, stop kidding yourself. I don't hit women.

Then why did you feel the need to butt into the convo on the page before this one to say shit to me?

, Because you were acting like men are a hindrance to success or something.

@ TOH,

I bet you've been listening to these songs lately abi?

Meanwhile those Gabrielle's songs are the craziest of all, i dunno why u like them, have you seen the lyrics of those, very tight, you'll never make up with that guy- NEVER again!


@ Muki,

Get thee behind me . . .

@ Donzman
you guys not only look good together, you look good to go!

gnite guys, Uncle Chris' goinna bed. Don't fight, cos if i roll over and see you fighting, i'll beat u guys up. I'm serious here.

Gnite. Can't sing u lullabies 2nite cos i'm so fagged out, eyes heavy, head heavy, errthang heavy. c u 2moro.

And my playlist'll b on till d break of dawn.

Merry xmas Nairalanders, women, wife beaters and men haters. Cheers@@@

_{Can't believe all the replies. . . going back to read them from the previous page}

@ goodguy,

You came all over my YIM talking nonsense the other day. Now you are here saying nonsense again

You are a christian (at least that is what you claim!), the bible says "husbands love your wives as Christ so loved the church"!
Is it possible that Christ is nice and loving but "occassionally abusive" to you?

Never hit a woman, neither your sister, wife, cousin or friend! It is cowardly! No woman should be forced to endure that in the name of marriage being a union! I have seen my mother cry in my presence before when i was just 12 or 13! I made up my mind to NEVER follow in the footsteps of those who hold the bible in one hand and beat their wives with the other!

Donzman, "get over yourself". Damn! I had to read that reply from TOH twice to get what she was saying 'cause I was drunk with laughter.

TOH, you got some apneic lines girl Donzman, beware!!!

Tino Darling, you just a case all together

David, keep it up

And finally, my dear Benheart, I won't preach much to you. As you yourself can see the evidence against a bastard like your whatever he is, is clear as crystal. What more d'u need? You should thank God you saw this violent, animalistic attitude from your whatever early enough.

Don't mean to be rude or blunt, but you have to leave that guy right away! Don't even give it a second thought. He's against your progress and he's calling you an enemy of progress 'cause you were agains't the freaking car he bought. And so what he bought a car? He thinks he's won a million dollars huh? Like TOH will say, tell him to get over himself

Yeah, you may still love him, but you definitely don't love him more than yourself. Or do you? There are definitely ups and downs in every relationship but this issue of hitting and battering and "punishing" a lady is way out of comprehension and must stop!

Try as hard as possible to stop visiting him. Stop taking his calls 'cause he might just end up talking to you in a more disrespectful manner if he finds out you backing off and guess what? He might just say those words you ever dreaded. The guy don't seem he cares about you anymore (If he ever did)

Don't even get excited about him calling you his "fiancee". You should scrap that name off your memory and face your education.
I feel I'm talking too much on this. Just dump his ass in the deepest pit and move on! [/b]If you feel you can wait until "God changes him" then may you not complain again. Goodluck!

[b]Merry Xmas Nairalanders

Donzman:

, Because you were acting like men are a hindrance to success or something.

Well how else would you explain the fact that lesbians are happier than straight women?

Seriously though I dont believe I ever said that, I just pretty much said that I dont depend on them for my happiness. Everyone screws you over in one way or the other.

lol Radiant. Merry Christmas to you as well and everyone else.

rubbish

ThiefofHearts, your last reply just cleared some things now.  Please don't be cross with me.  I was looking at it from another perspective entirely.  I certainly won't advise you to remain till you're beaten black and blue.  But then, I really do not want to believe that there are men who derive pleasure in beating their wives.  I believe those that beat their wives do it under certain uncontrollable external influences, and as such, shouldn't be held totally responsible for their actions.  And that was why I advised that you should try helping him overcome that attitude, and if you would refuse to do this and be so quick to leave him alone just like that, then you probably never really loved him.  Anyway, I get your point now. 

Merry Christmas.


P.S. goodguy and Donzman are two totally different people. Thanks!

davidylan:

@ goodguy,

You came all over my YIM talking nonsense the other day. Now you are here saying nonsense again

What nonsense was I saying over your YIM, and how does it relate to what we're presently discussing here?

davidylan:

You are a christian (at least that is what you claim!), the bible says "husbands love your wives as Christ so loved the church"!
Is it possible that Christ is nice and loving but "occassionally abusive" to you?

No it's not possible.  I never said or implied that, did I?

davidylan:

Never hit a woman, neither your sister, wife, cousin or friend! It is cowardly! No woman should be forced to endure that in the name of marriage being a union! I have seen my mother cry in my presence before when i was just 12 or 13! I made up my mind to NEVER follow in the footsteps of those who hold the bible in one hand and beat their wives with the other!

I don't think there is anywhere on this thread where I've supported beating a woman, so I really do not know the essence of your sermon here.

@ goodguy,

Funny how you seem to "get TOH's point" and yet can't get mine even though we both were saying the same thing!

About the YIM thingy, i dislike hypocrites! don't come up on my YIM preaching nonsense, if you wish to do so please preach to someone else. I ended up blocking you anyway so thanks for the unsolicited comments!

The sermon had absolutely NOTHING to do with you or any comments you made, i wonder why you felt you just had to comment on them. Next time please ignore them and continue reading.

Do you need me to remind you of your post where you defended husbands who are loving and caring but "only occassionally abusive"?

goodguy (m)
Lagos, Nigeria
Posts: 5639

Online

Re: Battered, Bruised But Still Hanging On To Your Boyfriend
« #139 on: December 22, 2006, 08:14 PM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For once, I totally agree with Donzman here.


@Radiant, if a man is naturally caring and loving, but occasionally abusive, it wouldn't be a totally wise thing for the woman to walk out of the relationship just like that. This is where the issue of Love now comes in. The woman should at least try to make him a non-violent person. Violence is not an in-born thing. It can be wiped out, just like most other ills. That's what makes marriage different. But then, if it gets out of hand, and all efforts prove abortive, it wouldn't be a totally wise thing for the woman to remain in the relationship either. Because if she dies in the process, God will not pat on the back, smile and tell her "Weldone, my daughter".

Coco's story is a perfect example to explain my point better.

davidylan:

@ goodguy,

Funny how you seem to "get TOH's point" and yet can't get mine even though we both were saying the same thing!

Really?

davidylan:

About the YIM thingy, i dislike hypocrites! don't come up on my YIM preaching nonsense, if you wish to do so please preach to someone else. I ended up blocking you anyway so thanks for the unsolicited comments!

And I'm seriously wondering who the hypocrite is now in this case.  What we discussed on Yahoo messenger has absolutely nothing to do with this thread/topic, so I wonder why you're bringing it up here.  It seems you're just looking for an avenue to fire back at me because I told you the truth about yourself, privately.  Besides, I wasn't preaching to you, mister!  I tried to be as calm as possible, but no, you wanted it the "hot" way, and I simply served you likewise.  At least, I'm glad you got my last message (seriously, it was going to be the last I'd send to you) before you blocked me.

davidylan:

The sermon had absolutely NOTHING to do with you or any comments you made, i wonder why you felt you just had to comment on them. Next time please ignore them and continue reading.

I wonder why you had to start your post with "@ goodguy" if those comments were not directed at me or my comments.

davidylan:

Do you need me to remind you of your post where you defended husbands who are loving and caring but "only occassionally abusive"?

Do you need me to remind you of my last post I directed at ThiefofHearts?

Modified:  I can see you've modified your post.  The part of my post that you emboldened is not in defense of abusive husbands at all.  I never said, or even implied that they are right to beat their wives ocassionally so far they were caring and nice in other aspects.  Rather, I was only trying to make a point there, as to what action a woman needs to take if she ever found herself in such situation.  Please don't misunderstand me.

blah blah blah

i'm done talking to two-faced hypocrites. Pls ignore me since you told me the "truth" already.

I seriously hope you know the meaning of that word "hypocrite" you keep using to describe me.  What exactly makes me a hypocrite?  You accused someone wrongly, I told you you were wrong, and suddenly, I become a hypocrite?  Interesting!

And, you don't have to be tautological. You're either two-faced, or a hypocrite.

goodguy:

I seriously hope you know the meaning of that word "hypocrite" you keep using to describe me. What exactly makes me a hypocrite? You accused someone wrongly, I told you you were wrong, and suddenly, I become a hypocrite? Interesting!

Forget the tautology dear! I called you hypocrite for ONE reason, did you remember to go on YIM and preach to Eurphoria and Radiant too and tell them they were wrong? I'm sure you forgot dear that i was just one of many who were "wrong" that day.
Hmm if i'm not mistaken they made more of the posts than me you know. . . Funny how many guys here genuflect at the ladies here and yet are so quick to point out the "wrongs" when its a guy.

If i can still read, TOH's reponse to you simply provoked a mere "yes ma, i now get your point ma" despite the fact that hers was 100x harsher than any word i ever used in my one little post that you prefered to pick apart even though half of the comments were not aimed specifically at you!

Now dear, you know why i dont respect you and refer to you as a hypocrite. Have a merry christmas. . .

davidylan:

Forget the tautology dear! I called you hypocrite for ONE reason, did you remember to go on YIM and preach to Eurphoria and Radiant too and tell them they were wrong? I'm sure you forgot dear that i was just one of many who were "wrong" that day.

1.  It was because I saw your YIM status as "online" here on the forum, that I decided to have a reasonable conversation with you.

2.  I didn't deem it necessary to discuss the issue with any of the ladies.

I still do not know how this classifies me as a hypocrite.

davidylan:

Hmm if i'm not mistaken they made more of the posts than me you know. . . Funny how many guys here genuflect at the ladies here and yet are so quick to point out the "wrongs" when its a guy.

If I am not mistaken, you started that topic you know?

davidylan:

If i can still read, TOH's reponse to you simply provoked a mere "yes ma, i now get your point ma" despite the fact that hers was 100x harsher than any word i ever used in my one little post that you prefered to pick apart even though half of the comments were not aimed specifically at you!

There was/is no point exchanging words with her.  It definitely wasn't/isn't going to result into anything productive.  I don't know if you've noticed, but I stopped exchanging words with ladies on this forum a long time ago.  The same ToH once called me a "Retard" for a statement I made, to which I innocently replied, "I am sorry".  Even on that same thread you started, Euphoria called me "dumb", which I peacefully addressed here.  Also on another thread, kiki insulted me for correcting her, and I simply replied "You're welcome" with the 'Cool' smiley, to which she responded, obviously surprised I didn't fire back, by calling me a "Gentleman" .  You may call that a genuflection.  I really do not care.  Actually, it's called 'Chivalry' . God knows I am very good at exchanging words, especially with ladies.  Even Seun once called me a troublemaker.  But really, it's nothing to be proud of.

davidylan:

Now dear, you know why i don't respect you and refer to you as a hypocrite. Have a merry christmas. . .

I don't need you to respect me, and I still do not see anything I've done that warrants you calling me a hypocrite.  Have a merry Christmas too.

P. S. Can you please stop calling me "dear"?  I'm not gay!

goodguy:

1. It was because I saw your YIM status as "online" here on the forum, that I decided to have a reasonable conversation with you.

2. I didn't deem it necessary to discuss the issue with any of the ladies.

I still do not know how this classifies me as a hypocrite.

1. Thanks for reminding me to set my YIM status OFFLINE from now on to avoid overzealous, self righteous people from offering unsolicited advice.

2. Offcourse why would you? Unlike me, they'd already called you "dumb" and would probably not have entertained you beyond your first hypocritical statements.

You dont need to know, just suffice it to say i see you as a self righteous hypocrite.

goodguy:

If I am not mistaken, you started that topic you know?

O really? So starting the topic gives you the right to buzz me on YIM and start talking crap?

goodguy:

There was/is no point exchanging words with her. It definitely wasn't/isn't going to result into anything productive. I don't know if you've noticed, but I stopped exchanging words with ladies on this forum a long time ago. The same ToH once called me a "Retard" for a statement I made, to which I innocently replied, "I am sorry". Even on that same thread you started, Euphoria called me "dumb", which I peacefully addressed here. You may call that a genuflection. I really do not care. God knows I am very good at exchanging words. Even Seun once called me a troublemaker. But really, it's nothing to be proud of.

Yep i see why there is no point in "exchanging words" with her since she already called you a retard! Well deserved i must say! O i might just advice you to add me to the list of those ladies you no longer exchange words with too!
Wonderful how you prefer to "peacefully" respond to them and then come on my YIM to give unsolicited criticism!

Merry christmas dear, people like you remind me of when we were in secondary school!

David, what happens if a woman is beating up a man in the home, cheating on the man but, "occasionally" though?

If the woman beats you, beat her back, no bullying in this area. [img]http://www.insidehoops.com/forum/images/smilies/no.gif
[/img]

lol Losers.