alsudaes1:


They won't push her out, they wouldn't have accepted her in the first instance if they would, you should understand such type of family.

I still stand by my opinion, if he doesn't reconcile things with her and her relatives, what I predicted WILL definitely happen.

baby124:

Whether he begs or not, if she wants to leave she will leave. Even in his home. If he goes to beg now, she will do worse in future. She will cheat in his presence. She needs to mature where she is. She is very immature.

By the way parents will accept you back but observe you. She is bound to display her immaturity at home. And in this recession, most people can't even eat 3 square meals. Her so called boyfriend will chop her and run once she starts her normal demands. Most rich executives can't even afford their runs girls in this period. Not to talk of a single guy carrying on a demanding girl and her responsibilities. She needs to gain sense and some maturity. Otherwise her next action will be worse.
If she goes ahead and remarries. OP can then sue for custody of his kids and move on. It's his fault for promising heaven and earth and marrying someone so immature, on a job. Jobs are not assured these days. He needs to give her time to think and decide if she wants the marriage. She is an adult and a married woman. No amount of begging will make her be happy or decide if she wants to remain married for real.

taiiremide:


She said she doesn't want me anymore.

alsudaes1:

I didn't see where I mentioned 'beg'

I mentioned RECONCILE.

Her parents will "Observe" her you said, like they don't know their daughter and not aware of what's going on between her and her husband!!!

I stand firmly by my opinion, it is REALITY. . .

Try relating this to an elderly man close to you, and confirm if truly her parents will 'push' her out

taiiremide:
My wife absconded with our kids (2 boys). We’ve been married for 4years plus. I did everything a good husband would do to please his wife, but she never satisfied. Before we got married, I’ve a good job and she knew my worth, after marriage things isn’t as rosy and it used to be, I lost my job and I was able to get one after 2 months but the salary is 120k excluding other freelance jobs I do online.

We’re unable to save. We spent most of the money on food stuffs, I hate seeing her hungry. She called me one faithful night and reminds me of the premises I made before we got married about the car and supermarket I promised her (I can’t remembered making such promises), but I still encourage her to be patient with me, that things gonna be fine. She never supported me as she’s not working. I remember I gave her 450k to start a business; she was pregnant at the time so she rejected the money because of her condition. I added some money and I bought a car, I needed the car to hustle for contracts, I cant be jumping from okada to marwa, nobody gonna take you serious. A month later, I got a printing contract from one of the best companies in Lagos, the condition is to use your money for the contract so I sold the car to print the job, I bought a machine unfortunately the machine packedup, i lost the gain and money for the car but I was able to delivered the job more that expectation but I lost huge amount of money. She always complaining ever since, when I tried to encourage her that things will be fine she will ask me ‘when’.

She treats my kids as if she wasn’t the one that brought them to this world, she always using negative words for those kids, I later realized she doesn’t love me, if she love me, she’ll equally love my kids.

4 months ago, she went to visit my younger sister in osogbo, she saw the way my sister’s business was moving fine, she fall inlove with osogbo, she sent a message thus ‘dear, guess I am in love with Oshogbo is peaceful and cool’. When she came back to Lagos, she said she wanted us to move to osogbo, after much persuasion and consideration I succumbed. We moved to osogbo, I spent more than 300k. 2 weeks later, she started complaining that osogbo is boring. I was so mad. I had to risk my life travelling from osogbo to Lagos almost every week.
On the 16th of September (a day after I celebrated our last born birthday) she left for Lagos for her sister’s wedding, I gave her 12k for tfair and other expenses. I called her a week later to remind her that our first son gonna resume school the following Monday, that’s when she said she’s no longer interested in the marriage, that I should move on, I called her mother, she said I should come see her but my family stopped me, since we never had a fight and I was not the one that sent her packing that she should be the one to come.

I’m missing my kids, they’re my life, I don’t know what to do.

taiiremide:


Bro. Pls read again, we never had a fight before she left for Lagos. The only serious issue we had was when I saw 'call me back I love you' on her phone, I challenged her and she accused me of suspecting her, that I don't trust her. The second one was when my mum ask my son to go home with her, my wife stopped my mum, saying my nephew will beat him. I told my mum she can go with my son. She also accused me of putting my family above her, that I only respect my family that her opinion doesn't count, which isn't true. I love but I won't allow her to disrespect my mother.

taiiremide:


Believe me, am not cold. I'll never take her back. I just want my kids

ted1741:
Those advising you to move on and the kids will come back obviously do not have kids. Your kids need you just as much as you need them. The kids need the nurturing from both parents. Fathers raise kids differently from mothers because we come from two different perspectives in life. Your kids need that balance and benefit of upbringing from those two perspectives. More importantly, the way she left implicitly means that she is habouring animosities towards you based on her own imaginary and utopian world devoid of your circumstances and reality. She is dislusioned that you are not delivering the "good" life for her. Perhaps she married you under those expectations or based on promises you made or she perceived. It doesn't now, if you do not intervene now, she is likely to poison the kids' minds towards you by saying uncharitable things in both subtle and verbal ways. If you do not intervene in a timely fashion, don't surprise the hostile attitude towards you from the kids, believe me, it will happen and happen very fast. Consequently, the kids will perceive you as a run a way father and may not forgive you so easily. Once the bond is elastically over stretched, the disconnect may never be reversed when they are matured. Put differently, if you are absent in their lives, they will resent you and you have from now before they turn 14, a teenage age when most of our lives' attributes are formed and shaped. Human beings begin to internalize events in their lives as early as three years. They will remember how their mother suffered and sacrificed to raise them and wonder what kind of dad you are and no amount of explanation from you can disabuse them of that ingrained memory. I strongly suggest you meet with her mother and diligently make effort even to a fault and speak with her. She is your wife, she may not be rational in this regard but as a man, she needs your effort to bring her back to reality because she is going through a phase. I suggest you ignore friends who may laugh and call you unprintable names because they are not in your shoes and don't understand why you the dogged effort to bring her back. A philosopher once said that, "in every relationship, one person must play the fools part" for it to succeed. Every family has issues and until they confine in you, you may never know what they are going through. My father once said that, "until you sleep with someone on the same bed, you will never know how their mouth smell", literally. Go and get your family. That is what a good husband/father does. It may take a lot of persuasion to get her to come on board either out of pride or irrationality, but persist for the sake of the children. Confine on someone she respects and listens to if all efforts fail and let the person speak with her. It is imperative you raise your kids or you will be sorry in no distant time. Goodluck.

FortuneTeller:


Please don't say this. You may find it in her heart to forgive her. From your story, I can understand her frustration. It seems that failure was following you everywhere, so when she saw how well your sister was doing, it made her feel even worse about life. Your wife is depressed and feeling in despair. She doesn't know how to handle all the hardships. She is going to look for greener land elsewhere, but she will not find it and then she will want to resume the marriage. Before your heart is completely hardened against her, please try to talking with her family about the situation.

taiiremide:


What failure are you talking about, I've a job. She's not contended. Am doing well. I dey try.

FortuneTeller:


You lost your job right after the marriage, you don't have any savings, you gave away the money that you supposedly set aside for her, you sold the car, you lost the printing machine. It is good that you are working now, but because of the setbacks, you are still in the "hole". I'm sure this has affected your duties in the bedroom also. In addition to these hardships in the marriage, you beat her. The woman is thinking about all the promises you made before marriage and feeling it was all a lie. She is unhappy. Is it going to hurt you to discuss the issue maturely with her family and try to find a resolution? Marriage is for better or worse. This is your WORSE. Will you just let it go so easily?

taiiremide:


Read my post from beginning to the end. And please don't use those words for me 'failure, hole' am not a failure and am not in hole' just keep ur advice.

taiiremide:


Your opinion, you can say whatever you like. If your mother warn you against something don't yield to her warning, okay? Real man. Anybody can just come here and say trash when they're not in my shoes. I know you're popular in auto section, this's marriage issue bro.

FortuneTeller:


You lost your job right after the marriage, you don't have any savings, you gave away the money that you supposedly set aside for her, you sold the car, you lost the printing machine. It is good that you are working now, but because of the setbacks, you are still in the "hole". I'm sure this has affected your duties in the bedroom also. In addition to these hardships in the marriage, you beat her. The woman is thinking about all the promises you made before marriage and feeling it was all a lie. She is unhappy. Is it going to hurt you to discuss the issue maturely with her family and try to find a resolution? Marriage is for better or worse. This is your WORSE. Will you just let it go so easily?

OP's wife was disappointed all round including the bedroom. He commanded no respect there either.

A poor man with excellent bedroom skills will keep a wife happy thinking of the next encounter

GAZZUZZ:


OP's wife was disappointed all round including the bedroom. He commanded no respect there either.

A poor man with excellent bedroom skills will keep a wife happy thinking of the next encounter

janellemonae:


Na wa for u o! Ingrate? So u just judged them based on ur own situation because u also moved to osogbo.

Madam ur not in d same situation. They are both jobless & have 2 kids under d age of 3yeàrs. U & ur husband are not jobless & u have no kids yet.

sisisioge:




I been always guess say you get choco for head...na today I confirm am!

taiiremide:
My wife absconded with our kids (2 boys). We’ve been married for 4years plus.....

....I’m missing my kids, they’re my life, I don’t know what to do.

taiiremide:


Thank you so much Gaborone. She took my kids to her parent's house, they're there as I speak, but my mother warned me not to step my foot in their house as they're planning something evil. I know my mother very well, she can never be wrong. I asked my ex wife to bring my kids to eatery atleast to discuss how we're going to take good care of the kids, schooling, shelter, feeding etc. But she and her family insisted I come over to their house if I want to see my kids.

FortuneTeller:


I am not trying to offend you. I am only sharing it from a woman's viewpoint. Can you not see anything you did wrong? You knew the woman wanted certain material things prior to the marriage. You made a promise to deliver those things, but you didn't. You presented your wife with multiple hardships and beat her when she became frustrated. Now due to your pride, you cannot see where you have gone wrong. Now is the time to accept responsibility for your mistakes and reclaim your family. It's your marriage, not mine. I'm only here giving advice.

taiiremide:


Believe me, am not cold. I'll never take her back. I just want my kids

kaboninc:


Lol. Sisi oge.

Oya come to Ilaje joor...na there ya husby dey wait for ya.

Choco ko, choco Milo ni.

Eketem:
Poster I broke months of silence to respond to this post.

From the story and responses these are the issues I noticed

1. Your wife is one of those women who want traditional marriages where a man takes sole responsibility for them while they only cook and clean

2. Your wife married you just to be an atm, it is a mentality, it has nothing to do with loving or not loving you, if she marries another man she will go with that mindset. I am sure if we ask for her side now she will say after all she cooks cleans and takes care of the kids so what else do you want from her

3. You are a bit irrational: you are in a hurry to do things you don't normally sit and think through things before embarking on them eg have an action plan, a solid ome before you commence a project. I saw this with the printing job, normally you should sit and do am excel calculation of what you would need and mark them out as you go. You were probably born between April and May, see why we advocate for men to marry rational supportive wives not " cookers and cleaners"!. Now my husband is a bit like you, but when he starts a plan like that I am the one who goes on the computer put it all together, do the costing, bring out eventualities and break it down fully for him and based on that we can make informed decisions.


3. Your mother has too much influence on your home. Respect your parents but don't respect your wife any less, she has been slighted severally by your responses here, your mother cannot always be right regardless of how many times she prays. Your mother seems to want your wife to be the submissive iyawo who says Yes to everything she orders your wife may have started that way but got frustrated along the way hence her rebelling towards your mother's demands. Unfortunately for you, you got caught up and are still caught up in a fight between two women.

Right now believe it or not your mother thinks she has " won" hence her scaring you off visiting your in laws.


4. You owe your in laws that respect you came to pick their daughter from their house even if you are no longer interested at least go to their house and humbly inform them formally that the daughter they gave you has left.

5. Don't let ANYONE, not your wife not your people not your mother, not pride keep you away from your kids. Kids need more than money and clothes they need parental love and admiration, they look up to Daddy, at this age of their lives Daddy is a hero don't let anyone tell them a single story about Daddy being a villain and then you are not there to cancel that perception, even if it it is not full custody use whatever time you have with them well. If it is only weekends then take the weekends but be in your kids lives or you will regret it forever. Forget the crap about the kids looking for you later in life many men made that mistake but these days I have gone to several weddings where the father is alive but was not part of their lives so he was not even invited to the wedding and when invited plays no role.

I hope you saw the Stella Odua drama, may God forbid that you sit waiting for your kids to " come back" and your son tells you he rather be a bastard than be your son.


Now moving forward :

1. You need to develop a proper business plan; detailed from start to finish, costed one too, look for business plans on Google and domesticate them. Have a plan, don't make irrational plans because you are in a hurry to " make it"

2. Go and see your in laws, you are the head of your home not your mother or your people, your home breaks because of pride on both ends God will ask you why not your mother or anyone else. You are the head you are responsible, when Ever caused Adam to sin it was Adam God held responsible and queried.


3. If you and your wife resolve to dissolve the marriage after failing to make peace please for the sake of your kids don't be bitter adults, make the separation easy for them and work out a legal way both of you can have access to the kids and be sane parents. Don't bad mouth each other or make them take sides.

You are adults resolve your conflicts as adults so the kids won't suffer.

Good luck

NIGHTMARE007:
Intertribal marriages always hav ish

brace up, they are coming for you

taiiremide:


Read my post from beginning to the end. And please don't use those words for me 'failure, hole' am not a failure and am not in hole' just keep ur advice.