bignero:


i was quite skeptical initialy but when you mentioned that the message was six months old...and the guy had called a year back etc

i concluded shes probalbly cheating more like 80 percent probablity...

residing in the us makes it harder on you ..considering the fact that the law always backs ladys in these cases...

then again, another advantage of being in us .... why not CALL CHEATERS... http://www.cheaters.com/contact/, http://www.cheaters.com/cheaters-detective-agency/ for real though,they will do a thorough and effective surveillance on her...or hire a private detective to investigate...i believe this will answer all ur questions

CHEATERS, good idea, but then what happens afterwards, it wont stop her from cheating with some new guy in the future. OP needs to step up his game and then make her realize without being insecure, that he is comfortable with who he is, she should be the one ashamed to cheat. On the other hand, I think OP is much older than her, imagine training a lady through school, she probably feels like she was bought and doesn't have any chemistry with him at all.

That's why I aint gonna marry no village girl or raising no body from rags to riches that don't deserve me or cant see what I have done to earn their love, done it in the past (relationship not marriage) and it ended like the OP's case. If you buy a piece of cloth no one wants, adorn it with diamond accessories and hang it out on your porch, do not expect thieves to not come around to try steal it. If you buy a worthless woman's love with your money, when you upgrade her, you are actually placing her up for auction and the highest bidder would always take her away. Love earned can never be broken.

brasilia:
I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

hmmmm , God will lead you

brasilia:
I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

You don't need to ban her from the church but rather follow her there by so doing you will give her a covering against the sexual predators ..Show her your love and talk things out together..it isn't easy suspecting ones love .With God on your side all will be well.

frank317:


Prove what bros?

"Do u miss me?"

"My husband is here"



Husband.. "what's happening with u and that guy?"

Wife.. "is it my fault he wants to fuk me? Go to hell and do/whatever you like"


Pls what prove do u want? Her reaction is enough to make him act like a man... She mustn't even be cheating on him yet

Obviously the op is soft tempered and seems like those kind of people who will rather come home and see his wife banging someone else before he makes his move

Can you contact me on naija_soul@yahoo.com

I need to brief you confidentially.
Let me know the email address you used so I don't respond to the wring person. Walls have ears.

op might be pulling our legs tho

majorbravo:


CHEATERS, good idea, but then what happens afterwards, it wont stop her from cheating with some new guy in the future. OP needs to step up his game and then make her realize without being insecure, that he is comfortable with who he is, she should be the one ashamed to cheat. On the other hand, I think OP is much older than her, imagine training a lady through school, she probably feels like she was bought and doesn't have any chemistry with him at all.

That's why I aint gonna marry no village girl or raising no body from rags to riches that don't deserve me or cant see what I have done to earn their love, done it in the past (relationship not marriage) and it always ends like the OP's case. If you buy a piece of cloth no one wants, adorn it with diamond accessories and hang it out on your porch, do not expect thieves to not come around to try steal it. If you buy a worthless woman's love with your money, when you upgrade her, you are actually placing her up for auction and the highest bidder would always take her away. Love earned can never be broken.

ur right tho...on the village girl talk...so many stories ofmostly village girls taken to yankee or sponsored and they later revolt

he needs not step up his game..(for her)if shes found cheating...though am not married yet....i cant take back a wife who has the balls to sleep with another man..., he has enough eveidence to dump, her and has bliblical backing too..shes probably capable of murder too if she a cheat,beacuse she will see the man as a hinderance to her happiness, especially in the us...well unless they have kids which i belive they may have, this will make it more complex for brasila

brasilia:
Thanks very much, the guy is not a family friend per say, because I do not know him, he is friend/church member with my wife. I only hear of him. Sadly when I asked my wife about the messages, she was very angry, she said she was not in control of wat ever the guy was sending, and moreover, she doesn't care. So the only option I have is to look for the guy and speak with him, but I don't know how this will look.

Leave the guy out for now.
Talk to your wife. Let her know you are not comfortable with her movement with the guy.

brasilia:
Hello all, my phone went bad, I was using my wife's old phone, and i ran in to a message between she and a supposed family friend . my wife asked the guy to take her some where, and the guy replied her like this, are you missing me ? my wife now said,this, my husband is right by side, the conversation went on, and my they were just talking casually, then again my wife now asked him again if he will come and drop her, the guy replied and siad, what about if your husband sees you in my car, my wife replied and said that I already know that the guy has dropped her off twice,

the truth is that I did not per say, it was a day she was going out and i asked her who was going to drop, and she angrily told me i do not know the person, but much later like months later, during our normal discussion, she told me it was that guy . So could she be cheating with the guy, should i call the guy and ask,

who r u asking? Ask her

NotOfThis:
Don't call the man because he would obviously deny it and you would get nowhere. Besides, he has no responsibility towards you but your wife is the one who owes your her faithfulness and the one you should be voicing your concerns to.

Exactly. The man is not the issue. You are not married to him but to your wife. She is the one that took marriage vows so she is the one that you must settle this issue with.

You will address this issue with her, not with gragra fight but respectfully. Ask her why she is doing things to hurt you.

Then you too look at yourself, if there is anything that you're doing that is hurting her, then change your ways./s

I'm being sarcastic. Or not.

Let call a spade a spade, you need to secretly investigate her, she might be cheating on you. The questions the guy was asking tells there is something happening that is very unusual. When you finally know the truth, don't be in a rush to take drastic decision. Ponder on what might have caused her to indulge in this act and if eventually you find out that there is no connection between them, I will advice you to stay clear from the guy and tell your wife you are not comfortable with the guy around you guys. Don't bother asking him, he will deny it.

My point is, from all indication, it shows the man in question doesn't understand the wife enough on how to approach her on issues as heavy as cheating.

Just like she said, she does not have control over what anybody sends to her.

#myopinionthough

MrMcJay:


Only a woman would come up with such crap as this. Truly, these hoes ain't loyal.

dealslip:
@brasilia,have you cheated on her before? where a woman doesn't give a rat ass about how you feel in the face of a possible adultery suspicion is not a good sign. She is definitely enjoying this guys attention or affections. When a wife is in that position,she is definitely not impressed by you.

Maybe he is lacking in za-zo-za room

one way you can get quick answers is knowing the guy, look for a friend of his and ask the said friend to get all the answers you need from him or you arrange a lady friend and ask her to become friend with your wife and you still get same answers.

jomonic:


Please do not bother yourself to speak to that guy. It is not worth it. Besides doing so makes you look very weak and might fuel an affair if there was only a potential. Talk to your wife and let her know you are not comfortable with the closeness. A woman who still loves her husband will listen. If she really cares she will listen to you. Otherwise brother you are in for a deep wahala.

she already she doesn't give a damn on whatever I feel

majorbravo:


CHEATERS, good idea, but then what happens afterwards, it wont stop her from cheating with some new guy in the future. OP needs to step up his game and then make her realize without being insecure, that he is comfortable with who he is, she should be the one ashamed to cheat. On the other hand, I think OP is much older than her, imagine training a lady through school, she probably feels like she was bought and doesn't have any chemistry with him at all.

That's why I aint gonna marry no village girl or raising no body from rags to riches that don't deserve me or cant see what I have done to earn their love, done it in the past (relationship not marriage) and it always ends like the OP's case. If you buy a piece of cloth no one wants, adorn it with diamond accessories and hang it out on your porch, do not expect thieves to not come around to try steal it. If you buy a worthless woman's love with your money, when you upgrade her, you are actually placing her up for auction and the highest bidder would always take her away. Love earned can never be broken.

we are five years apart. Never lacked anything in the uni.

OP,if you really love your wife I advice you just sit her down and talk maturely. Do the things you used to do when you guys were dating,romantic stuff,just forget the past,that is if you yourself have cheated on her before. But if you have been faithful, go ahead and separate yourself from her in every possible way. Life is too short for drama and unhappiness.

Dude your wife is obviously cheating with the guy.
Infidelity is not only when there is sexual knowledge.

The emotional investment is a cheat.

Confront her with the evidence and read her the riot act, she either abandon such relationship or ship out.

brasilia:
Thanks very much, the guy is not a family friend per say, because I do not know him, he is friend/church member with my wife. I only hear of him. Sadly when I asked my wife about the messages, she was very angry, she said she was not in control of wat ever the guy was sending, and moreover, she doesn't care. So the only option I have is to look for the guy and speak with him, but I don't know how this will look.

With this reaction and attitude from a supposed wife bro, start counting your losses.

majorbravo:


CHEATERS, good idea, but then what happens afterwards, it wont stop her from cheating with some new guy in the future. OP needs to step up his game and then make her realize without being insecure, that he is comfortable with who he is, she should be the one ashamed to cheat. On the other hand, I think OP is much older than her, imagine training a lady through school, she probably feels like she was bought and doesn't have any chemistry with him at all.

That's why I aint gonna marry no village girl or raising no body from rags to riches that don't deserve me or cant see what I have done to earn their love, done it in the past (relationship not marriage) and it always ends like the OP's case. If you buy a piece of cloth no one wants, adorn it with diamond accessories and hang it out on your porch, do not expect thieves to not come around to try steal it. If you buy a worthless woman's love with your money, when you upgrade her, you are actually placing her up for auction and the highest bidder would always take her away. Love earned can never be broken.

Very apt buddy. You killed this one.

AngelicBeing:
She is not telling you the whole truth, why cant she tell the guy to stop sending her such messages because it is doing much harm to her matrimony, abegi , except she is lying and enjoying the flirty messages, you and l dont know what they discuss with each other on phone when you are not there, marriage is sacred l think and should be held so, flirting with another man or woman once married breaks the sanctity of the institution, it seems your wife is the husband in your house while you are the wife, l may be wrong, but you have to do all you can to keep your home or else another guy in the name of family friend/ church member might be feasting on your wife

It's obvious you are not in control of your end of your marital relationship
the anger is an act, a smokescreen
dont wait for her to destroy your life

secondly, don't you or her have family members?

checkengine:


With this reaction and attitude from a supposed wife bro, start counting your losses.

hmmmmmn

segzie2012:


@Psoul:
So you want the guy that is begging his wife for reconciliation to follow that advise? (the OP still wants his wife for your information)

there is nothing pointless in wat I have said, it is called COMMON SENSE [guess you don't have more important thing to do than to trail your woman - just give her all the attention she requires and all other stuffs will follow.] Piss out -

Please i expect you to respect my wife and never mention her here until i bring up her issues. There is no rule here that says that u must quote me. U can get out of my post without insulting me.

SPIRIT001:



I would have said it was a fast killer too but i was avoiding this response
Its a good idea to install a tracker on her phone... But 4 a man with a weak heart.... what will be of him after confirming she's really cheating....

Yeah...for a man with a weak heart. Bro, if u read my post very well, the advise is conditional and also with warning. It says "If you are really DESPERATE to ........." and the warning says that the action is illegal even to a law court.

In my post i also assumed that the guys wife might be somehow stronger than the guy and that makes the woman feel she controls the man rather than the other way round.

So your statement about "4 a man with a weak heart" is correct and it was also mentions indirectly in my post.

brasilia:
Thank, you, but how do i meet you please

Send msg to me through my mailbox

brasilia:
Thanks for your thoughts on the matter, you might be right,

He is right!


Take it like a man

brasilia:
she already she doesn't give a damn on whatever I feel

Brother you will learn from experience. Nobody can really advice you because human circumstances are not always the same. The only advise I will give is this. Do not ever get violent even if you are pushed to do so. You might out of frustration be tempted to become violent depending on your personality. Take a walk instead and let her be. You will not regret it, trust me.

jomonic:


Brother you will learn from experience. Nobody can really advice you because human circumstances are not always the same. The only advise I will give is this. Do not ever get violent even if you are pushed to do so. You might out of frustration be tempted to become violent depending on your personality. Take a walk instead and let her be. You will not regret it, trust me.

i cant help but keep reading your comment you captured it all,

Psoul:


Send msg to me through my mailbox

I have

brasilia:
I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

Marriages can be very complicated and it takes patience to handle even trivial matters. I can imagine how you feel, but it is important that you do whatever you can to keep your marriage and that excludes the use of force. You cant win a woman over using force.
I am naturally an aggressive person, but ive learnt that aggression, power, and confrontations can be very detrimental to relationships as women are naturally tender and need nurturing to get the very best out of them.
Your wife is not a bad person from what ive read. She is not necessarily doing the right thing but she is not what a lot of men are calling her. I strongly believe that you can do better in terms of creating a more intimate relationship with her by engaging her mind and heart constantly. When a woman has the complete focus and attention of her husband, she will not have the time to accommodate strangers. I strongly believe there is an emotional vacuum you are not filling hence the need for someone else.
Believe me it is easy to blame her, but i can succinctly tell you that you wont get any positive result until you take full responsibility for the situation in your marriage.
Remember that you can never force a woman to do what she doesn't want to do, you can only influence her to take that decision by herself.

Forget about that guy, infact dont even ask about him again. Focus on communicating and creating an environment of love not because of what you want but because its the right thing to do as her husband. Verbally and materially apologise to her for the wrong you have done her as its obvious shes angry with you for something you didnt mention. Let your home and presence bring her peace and happiness, be her clown and gossip partner. Make ridiculous jokes about people even yourself, show genuine interest in her work, family and life. Ask all sorts of questions about whats happening to her and also share yours too.
Cook, clean and support her whenever you can and buy her gifts too. Take her to some not too expensive restaurants and occasionally surprise her.
All you need to turn around the situation in your marriage is an attitudinal and behavioural change and believe me, your wife will gradually but surely come around. Dont allow this situation to linger for too long.
Its very easy to be complacent and forget that women are emotional beings and completely different from men. Good luck

brasilia:
I have

Ok