OP isn't only chauvinistic, he's also an articulate incompetent. SMH.

For all I know and care, a true leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. Therefore, a man as the first between equals in a marriage should endeavor to live an exemplary life at all times, while the wife emulates him. This is the only way a woman can have peace in the union - I only hold brief for virtuous women.

Unhealthy marriage is a no marriage - therefore there can't be any atom of peace in one for someone to savour. And a healthy marriage is one where both parties are happy individually and collectively. Unfortunately, peace/happiness and unfaithfulness/disingenuousness can never exist together literally.

Maybe he'll have to rewrite the subject of his article and term it "how a woman who loves suffering and smiling can stay in a marriage with an irresponsible man."

coputa:
Any women that decides to tear her home apart out of ignorance will surely regret it.
This is why they should know the challenges that are inherent in Marriage after the Cinderellas courtship.
They should prepare their mind on how to handle the challengeso that it won't affect their marriage,so they should learn to live with it,becausee these are realities that are more likely to happen.
They should develop thick skin and a large heart to deal with the real man after the period of courtship.

Exactly why I chose to write these stuffs. ..but most ladies are wired to be totally gullible and myopic,they chose to be foolish rather than learn and at the end they suffer for it.

If I woo a nairaland lady today they will certainly have serious fears considering the type of threads I create but it's quite funny that most guys who come on my threads to firm good guys are the real wolves but guess what? most ladies due to their foolishness will fall for the hypocrites because they are naturally inclined to love lies and at the end they cry and wail.

I am not bothered in anyway because I know that someday,those who rant on my threads will think back and say "toks was right afterall".but for now let me allow them bask in their delusion.

As I type this, a pastors wife I currently fighting with her pastor husband cause he slept out late.
Women, never fight fire for fire, you will just get burnt.

Benita27:
Men should also keep an open mind and expect their wives to cheat. If she doesn't, congrats. No be only for una DNA cheating dey. This way, the equation is balanced.

Benny can you imagine? I should go to the alter, and say "I do". With the stupid twisted mentality that my husband would one day cheat on me. Is that not me stupidly subjecting myself to bondage? Because in the hypocritical society we live in, 'women are not supposed to cheat but cheating is in men's DNA'.

Mrnairalandd:
The most dumbest person on earth is the Op.

Honestly, i thought i have seen all the dumbest people on earth until i read this

It’s only a foolish person that ll advise a woman to focus more on her children than the husband

I have seen a lot of homes gone down cos of this stupid advice

And the reason why a lot of mother in laws literally depend on their children at old age for survival is cos of this stupid advice

A lot of women enjoy the old age with the husbands they build relationships with.

Children ll leave one day and the woman ll be stranded

It’s happening today all over the world where mothers literally spent all their lives on their children and only to become lonely cos she failed to build that relationship with heir husbands.

The husbands end up marrying a younger lady as a second wife while the old wife begin to disturb the marriage of her children cos she has no where to go.

The same stupid advice was given to my ex girlfriend that all men cheat and this lady carried this myth as if her life depends on it. No matter how honest you are, she has been fed by people like this idiot that all men cheat.

A lot of men don’t cheat...

You just ranted cos all the pooh pooh you wrote has no bearing with my write up.

This is how you guys read upside down and start writing pooh.

What I wrote up their is clear..IF SHE FINDS HERSELF WITH A CHEATING HUSBAND...IF...IF simple English.

Go back and read the thread again and give a reasonable input.Puma

Toks2008:
Each time I hear ladies talk about the need to be careful in choosing the man to marry and they use words like "it's better to marry late and be with the right guy rather than get married in a hurry and regret"....i just shake my head and wonder why our ladies just don't get it ....

You can never be too careful in choosing the right man and if you like wait a thousand years trying to be careful,it's never a sure proof that you will end up with the right guy.

Ladies must understand that marriage is a risk. There is no good or bad choice of man but what we have is "YOUR CHOICE" and what you make out of it so you must learn how to deal with it.

So in my opinion,I present to you 10 unusual steps you can follow if you truly want to experience marital happiness.

Let's get started.

For you to use the word LADY and REALISTIC in thesame sentence, bro, are you okay ?

You often hear them say, YOU DECEIVED ME, even for guys whom they love.

So just find a girl to deceive and she is yours.

makydebbie:
Benny can you imagine? I should go to the alter, and say "I do". With the stupid twisted mentality that my husband would one day cheat on me. Is that not me stupidly subjecting myself to bondage? Because in the hypocritical society we live in, 'women are not supposed to cheat but cheating is in men's DNA'.

The day some ladies try to expunge emotions when they analyze issues is the day they will see the realities of life

I'm sure you are also one of those "MY HUSBAND CAN NEVER CHEAT ON ME" crew...

If you like die and come back to life,it does not change the reality YOU MAY LIKELY FACE but as I wrote, if you end up with a faithful partner then congrats...the essence of that thread is that you should be psychologically prepared.

If that does not make sense to you then I'm sorry I can't help further.

Only ladies who have been married for at least 5 years can relate to this while the unmarried can get busy writing wishful fantasies.

LordKO:
OP isn't only chauvinistic, he's also an articulate incompetent. SMH.

For all I know and care, a true leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. Therefore, a man as the first between equals in a marriage should endeavour to live an exemplary life at all times while the wife emulates him. This is the only way a woman can have peace in the union - I only hold brief for virtuous women.

Unhealthy marriage is a no marriage - therefore there can't be any atom of peace in one for someone to savour. And a healthy marriage is one where both parties are happy individually and collectively. Unfortunately happiness and unfaithfulness/disingenuousness can never exist together literally.

Maybe he'll have to rewrite the subject of his article and term it "how a woman who loves suffering and smiling can stay in a marriage with an irresponsible man."

Proportinately my brother. The oP has some very interesting points. Perhaps " Proportionately " .

I like this though :


Unhealthy marriage is a no marriage - therefore there can't be any atom of peace in one for someone to savour. And a healthy marriage is one where both parties are happy individually and collectively. Unfortunately happiness and unfaithfulness/disingenuousness can never exist together literally.

Toks2008:
8.The moment you start raising children,focus more on improving your life and that of the children cos your husband may cease to be yours but your children will forever be yours.

Worry less about who he sees,where he goes,the ladies around him. ...but let your focus be on building your life and a better future for your children.

I tot you were going to write something better.

So you are asking women to marry Men Cheats.

This thread will encourage men to be promiscuous.

Stop this nonsense

Toks2008:


Exactly why I chose to write these stuffs. ..but most ladies are wired to be totally gullible and myopic,they chose to be foolish rather than learn and at the end they suffer for it.

If I woo a nairaland lady today they will certainly have serious fears considering the type of threads I create but it's quite funny that most guys who come on my threads to firm good guys are the real wolves but guess what? most ladies due to their foolishness will fall for the hypocrites because they are naturally inclined to love lies and at the end they cry and wail.

I am not bothered in anyway because I know that someday,those who rant on my threads will think back and say "toks was right afterall".but for now let me allow them bask in their delusion.

RED FLAG BRO :



.but most ladies are wired to be totally gullible and myopic,they chose to be foolish rather than learn and at the end they suffer for it.




THIS HAS SOME POTENTIAL :



If I woo a nairaland lady today they will certainly have serious fears considering the type of threads I create but it's quite funny that most guys who come on my threads to firm good guys are the real wolves but guess what? most ladies due to their foolishness will fall for the hypocrites because they are naturally inclined to love lies and at the end they cry and wail.


AMEN TO THIS:


I am not bothered in anyway because I know that someday,those who rant on my threads will think back and say "toks was right afterall".but for now let me allow them bask in their delusion.

Hmmmm... This thing takes patience.

Naughtysite:


For you to use the word LADY and REALISTIC in thesame sentence, bro, are you okay ?

You often hear them say, YOU DECEIVED ME, even for guys whom they love.

So just find a girl to deceive and she is yours.

A million likes for this...They are here on nairaland. ever available for deceit.

As for me olatokunbo,I will never deceive a lady cos I'm too real for that.If I am too real for you then walk away...

Ladies and lies be like..

onesimus4:
Marriage not in my calendar, no need for it, I can just hire a girl to give me two kids and pay her off. I don't like disturbances that may emanate from marriage.

same plan bro

Toks2008:
2.Ok you are now married and he is all over you so you just believe he is such a sweet romantic angel that have eyes for just you....

Well im so sorry to break your heart but expect him to cheat and be psychologically prepared for that regardless of how crazy he feels for you.

*Yes I know not all men cheat bla bla bla" just expect him to but if he doesn't. ...CONGRATS.

I totally concur.

Over and over again, men have proven to me they will always cheat. starting from my father, to my brother, to my bf, to our catholic priest, to the pastor we attent prayer in his ministry, to my boss in my office, to the Alpha that is in charge of the mosque in my street, Just name them..., they all cheat.

So, i dont expect a man to be faithful, He doesnt owe me anything.

My only problem is when an unfaithful man expects me to be faithful to him, when he expects me to owe him loyalty.

Naughtysite:


I tot you were going to write something better.

So you are asking women to marry Men Cheats.

This thread will encourage men to be promiscuous.

Stop this nonsense

The OP is right, perhaps he has some reputation. But take time to read his post again please. He passes raw facts across

Toks2008:


The day some ladies try to expunge emotions when they analyze issues is the day they will see the realities of life

I'm sure you are also one of those "MY HUSBAND CAN NEVER CHEAT ON ME" crew...

If you like die and come back to life,it does not change the reality YOU MAY LIKELY FACE but as I wrote, if you end up with a faithful partner then congrats...the essence of that thread is that you should be psychologically prepared.

If that does not make sense to you then I'm sorry I can't help further.

Only ladies who have been married for at least 5 years can relate to this while the unmarried can get busy writing wishful fantasies.

I'm part of the MY HUSBAND SHOULDN'T CHEAT ON ME crew. He should be a role model to our kids, they should look up to daddy and learn how to respect women. I'll rather not marry than to go into marriage with the mentality that my husband will cheat on me, it'll make me a bitter paranoid woman. Then it should be two ways, he should expect me to cheat too. See your stupid lame excuse for a cheating husband. Smh.

winnar:
I totally concur.

Over and over again, men have proven to me they will always cheat. starting from my father, to my brother, to my bf, to our catholic priest, to the pastor we attent prayer in his ministry, to my boss in my office, to the Alpha that is in charge of the mosque in my street, Just name them..., they all cheat.

So, i dont expect a man to be faithful, He doesnt owe me anything.

My only problem is when an unfaithful man expects me to be faithful to him, when he expects me to owe him loyalty.

Not all men are cheat. Many men and women are cheats, but it's better we go into relationships with less expectations in this world of ours. One can committ and swear they're faithful, but when you hire a private investigator, walla ! For me, it is my dogma not to let my thoughts wander, i can't come and die because i'm monitoring something jare. I rather focus on life, career and my objectives. The stress from thinking where a partner can be or is with can wreck one's peace.


By the way, i've seen some ten years relationships close hand without cheating. It's plenty in the society, stop letting social media taint our minds. We won't stop seeing people as evil if we keep letting social media affect our judgement

nawtibownie:
Hmmmm... This thing takes patience.

Serious patience my dear...


Rachel Oniga recently advised ladies to fight for their marriage and not make the mistake of leaving as she did when her husband went for another woman.

This is not about pride but I have lost count of people who sent me a PM thanking me for my threads but amazingly they hardly make comment but just read and comprehend....it is mostly the tatas on nairaland with raging hormones who are still battling with dating that rants and disturb my threads with deluded comments cursing and wailing.

YelloweWest:

You think too low of yourself...

He basically said. Get married. Accept it if ur husband cheats on u with anyone and brings diseases. Make ur own money. Feed and take care of ur own children. And be a perfect wife

If that's your idea of marriage it's a shame. Cos God created marriage and this is no where close to what God ordained.

Smiles, you are wrong.

I supported the write up cos it's appears many bail out on their marriages at the slightest sign of misunderstanding or lil problem. And all I see to Op point is for people to stay in marriage and make it work and no one is perfect. He observed the current happenings in marriages, pointed them out and how you can solve them without leaving your marriage.
I don't support cheating and I don't pray to find myself in one but then should such happen the spouse has to be realistic n deal with it properly. You expect the wife to pack out? cheat too? Or wat...... No no. Two wrongs can't make a right.

Someone doing bad knows he is doing bad, but when you don't reciprocate with bad they tend to change their ways naturally without being forced to.


As my pastor will say God hate divorce. Stay in your marriage and try every to make ur work, see your pastor, counselor etc.

The truth is no one is perfect we all, we all are trying to be. For example, you court someone for 5yrs believing you already know each other and within the blink of an eye you hear head impregnated someone, or the girl got pregnant for another, or either of of them just says he/she is tired of the relationship or at the slightest provocation one stabs the other to death.

See its only God that can help one, there is no logical or mathematical reasoning to marriage. The institution is a black market, we just need to be be at peace with ourselves before we can go transfer it to our spouse.

If you see my opinion as a shame, it's fine. It is a free world and we all are entitled to our own opinions.

KreativGenius:



Not all men are cheat. Many men and women are cheats, but it's better we go into relationships with less expectations in this world of ours. One can committ and swear they're faithful, but when you hire a private investigator, walla ! For me, it is my dogma not to let my thoughts wander, i can't come and die because i'm monitoring something jare. I rather focus on life, career and my objectives. The stress from thinking where a partner can be or is with can wreck one's peace.


By the way, i've seen some ten years relationships close hand without cheating. It's plenty in the society, stop letting social media taint our minds. We won't stop seeing people as evil if we keep letting social media affect our judgement

It will be insane to say ALL MEN CHEAT....ironically I have been with a lady for 12years and I did not cheat on her for a sec and that was why she couldn't let go even after she strayed until I eventually put a definite stop to the union.

But it's amazing that 18 out of 20 married men I cone across cheat and I began to wonder...many marriages have crashed because of this so I believe that rather than waste my time admonishing men to be faithful,I should rather prepare the minds of these ladies so that they will know that there is no point leaving a cheating husband cos there is almost a certainty that the next man will also cheat except of course they will remain unmarried and not mess up their life by equally sleeping with other men.

KreativGenius:



Not all men are cheat. Many men and women are cheats, but it's better we go into relationships with less expectations in this world of ours. One can committ and swear they're faithful, but when you hire a private investigator, walla ! For me, it is my dogma not to let my thoughts wander, i can't come and die because i'm monitoring something jare. I rather focus on life, career and my objectives. The stress from thinking where a partner can be or is with can wreck one's peace.


By the way, i've seen some ten years relationships close hand without cheating. It's plenty in the society, stop letting social media taint our minds. We won't stop seeing people as evil if we keep letting social media affect our judgement

dear, social media has nothing with all wrote before.

I wrote based on what i have seen and experienced. If you read well, you will see i even used my father too. The thing is.., Right from childhood down to my adulthood.., all i have seen is unfaithful men.

So, do you expect me to just change my mind.., just because you said so?

Men are cheats. yes, and i know women cheats too. But, the op is talking about men today.

Good

Toks2008:


Serious patience my dear...


Rachel Oniga recently advised ladies to fight for their marriage and not make the mistake of leaving as she did when her husband went for another woman.

This is not about pride but I have lost count of people who sent me a PM thanking me for my threads but amazingly they hardly make comment but just read and comprehend....it is mostly the tatas on nairaland with raging hormones who are still battling with dating that rants and disturb my threads with deluded comments cursing and wailing.

Toks, it's a thing that comes only after people have moved forward and look back. Be the villain for now. You can't expect people to have experiences if they don't move forward, and have some reflection to do. Do not seek validation for points you've leanrt not just through personal life experiences, but stuffs that happen all around us everyday.

If pride is dropped and people fight for their love, its way better than walking away with pride and conceitedness.

What advantages does pride offer if we may ask? But people would rather put on clean clothes over a wounded heart. So beneath all her acting, she carried this hurt ! Little wonder, many role models have wounded hearts and can't dish out what can truly nourish people's lives.

I've lost count of women that make mistake in their 25 and never recovered from it. So many, so i can relate with your points 100%. And that's why i said earlier, lots of people don't marry the best partner, they look back, wishing they did if only they could compromise and be a little more tolerant.

People care more about self image than well-being, it's why we find it hard to say sorry or engage in activities that propagates relationships positively, cause we feel we don't wanna hand a fella the psychological remote to control our lives. Needless to say, people set up complex defense machinery in their hearts so they don't " according to them fall ", excessive rationalism and needless caution makes people stray in a wandering path, causes them to make bad decisions and hinders them from thrusting ahead with good decisions.


Toks, the battle is half-won in our own hearts,and i second all the comments you made in this post. May the good Lord add to your wisdom. Many folks haven't reached the age yet to understand these truths, don't defend yourself. A truth seeker should disseminate truths from his treasure house, dish it out and move on. You've done well, please make time out to create more posts to encourage and edify he/she that is circumcised of the heart and open to corrections and adjustments.

God Bless

KreativGenius:




Toks, the battle is half-won in our own hearts,and i second all the comments you made in this post. May the good Lord add to your wisdom. Many folks haven't reached the age yet to understand these truths, don't defend yourself. A truth seeker should disseminate truths from his treasure house, dish it out and move on. You've done well, please make time out to create more posts to encourage and edify he/she that is circumcised of the heart and open to corrections and adjustments.

God Bless

You have said it all

Yewandequeen:

Smiles, your are wrong.

I supported the write up cos it's appears many bail out on their marriages at the slightest sign of misunderstanding or lil problem. And all I see to Op point is for people to stay in marriage and make it work and no one is perfect .
As my pastor will say God hate divorce. Stay in your marriage and try every to make ur work, see your pastor, counselor etc.

The truth is no one is perfect we all, we all are trying to be. For example, you court someone for 5yrs believing you already know each other and within the blink of an eye you hear head impregnated someone, or the girl got pregnant for another, or either of of them just says he/she is tired of the relationship or at the slightest provocation one stabs the other to death.

See its only God that can help one, there is no logical or mathematical reasoning to marriage. The institution is a black market, we just need to be be at peace with ourselves before we can go transfer it to our spouse.

If you see my opinion as a shame, it's fine. It is a free world and we all are entitled to our own opinions.

The guy you quoted is probably naive or just been unrealistic.

I always tell my ex.."I chose to be faithful to her not because I love her but because I love GOD" and there are few guys like that out there.

What is the crime in preparing the minds of ladies towards a possibility? many ladies are in the psycaltry as I write because of the shock of heartbreak and I wonder if it's really worth it...

It's a crazy world out there and the best you can do is to prepare for it.

winnar:
dear, social media has nothing with all wrote before.

I wrote based on what i have seen and experienced. If you read well, you will see i even used my father too. The thing is.., Right from childhood down to my adulthood.., all i have seen is unfaithful men.

So, do you expect me to just change my mind.., just because you said so?

Men are cheats. yes, and i know women cheats too. But, the op is talking about men today.

Human beings are cheats my dear, not men or women, someone told me a staggering 70% of married women cheat and that 90% of married men cheat, this person was femal yet she said this. She said it with such temerity that made me felt she had some first hand experiences so i couldn't argue against it.


I focus on healthy marriage my dear and not cheat or no cheat. It's what i'm saying, evil has so much perverted this generation that it imbues our mindset to tilt towards looking out for evil in people. Cheat on me or not, no problem, i won't let my mindset be tuned to a negative mental stance where am i take a microscope and then begin to investigate people.


Why don't we focus on propagating and cultivating healthy relationships. Suspecting people puts a strain on good relations with whom we're stuck it. For example, with your experiences so far, it's clear to see your mental perceptory, and that you have en eyes set to see evil.

How will you deal with whom you're gonna be with? I personally believe even cheating is a process in people's lives at some point and with better self realization, they will mature and that craving in them will lose its grip sometime in the relationship.

So shall we discard the journey because of a knot in between? Or shall we throw away the baby with the bath water because of a flu? Shall the pains of conception grip the virgin and make her hate marital bliss and intimacy ? Evil only clouds the heart and sets a fog over it, take the lid of your heart, cheating or no-cheating, you can find a great lover out there, we all can. Focus focusing on the downsides my dear

makydebbie:
Benny can you imagine? I should go to the alter, and say "I do". With the stupid twisted mentality that my husband would one day cheat on me. Is that not me stupidly subjecting myself to bondage? Because in the hypocritical society we live in, 'women are not supposed to cheat but cheating is in men's DNA'.

That's what they want us to believe. That he payed your bride price means he could condescend that low while your job is to cover his mess or even plead with him to use condom next time. While the woman is at home building the home, the man is outside sabotaging it, and they see nothing wrong in that 'cause he has a dick.

Toks2008:


Toddler spotted.

Btw i gave 10steps,what about the remaining 9? Oya continue ranting..i dey gbadun you. *Presses play button on remote and throws it away*

I have one question for you. Would you provide condom usage for your cheating wife? Please don't tell me this bullshiit about women cheat with emotions, both genders derive pleasure from sex and I may simply want to taste something new outside. Sincerely, do you provide a condom for me? Let me know

Toks2008:


The guy you quoted is probably naive or just been unrealistic.

I always tell my ex.."I chose to be faithful to her not because I love her but because I love GOD" and there are few guys like that out there.

What is the crime in preparing the minds of ladies towards a possibility? many ladies are in the psyxaltry as I write because of the shock of heartbreak and I wonder if it's really worth it...

It's a crazy world out there and the best you can do is to prepare for it.

That's it brov, i'm a one man one woman guy. And i chose to be faithful because of God, not the person in front of me. Spot on

Yewandequeen:


You have said it all

Tushe, Tushe !

God Bless Ma. Happy Week Ahead

LordKO:
OP isn't only chauvinistic, he's also an articulate incompetent. SMH.

For all I know and care, a true leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. Therefore, a man as the first between equals in a marriage should endeavour to live an exemplary life at all times while the wife emulates him. This is the only way a woman can have peace in the union - I only hold brief for virtuous women.

Unhealthy marriage is a no marriage - therefore there can't be any atom of peace in one for someone to savour. And a healthy marriage is one where both parties are happy individually and collectively. Unfortunately peace/happiness and unfaithfulness/disingenuousness can never exist together literally.

Maybe he'll have to rewrite the subject of his article and term it "how a woman who loves suffering and smiling can stay in a marriage with an irresponsible man."

I agree with you.

Toks2008:


It will be insane to say ALL MEN CHEAT....ironically I have been with a lady for 12years and I did not cheat on her for a sec and that was why she couldn't let go even after she strayed until I eventually put a definite stop to the union.

But it's amazing that 18 out of 20 married men I cone across cheat and I began to wonder...many marriages have crashed because of this so I believe that rather than waste my time admonishing men to be faithful,I should rather prepare the minds of these ladies so that they will know that there is no point leaving a cheating husband cos there is almost a certainty that the next man will also cheat except of course they will remain unmarried and not mess up their life by equally sleeping with other men.

But, you told us our men will always have a side dish.., and we have decided to follow that advice.

So if all our men are having side dish.., who is faithful then?

Let me tell you what you dont know.., if you keep preaching all this your "men cheating sermon" You are only sowing seed of distrust in marriages.

Hence, breaking of marriages instead of holding them together.

You come to Nl to type how a woman shd stay put in her marriage even if her cheats on her.

Do you know how it feels to see a man you toiled with, suffered with, gave your world to.., to cheat on you?

To some women who are emotionally weak.., it destroys them forever. some it turns them to a wreack.

I expect you to preach and understand that women are humans too, they have a limit to what they can endure and take too.

If you know what you cant take.., Dont dish it to others, even if she is your wife.