many are confusing the issue . . . the fault isnt harakiri's. Madam is just tired and wants to try out a new clubside.  
Transfer-list the chic and start shopping for a new main striker.

true talk, but dont start looking immediately since u probably gon still have feelings 4 dis one, u gon need to heal emotionally then things will happen naturally n u'll most definitely find someone who'll love u 50/50 (unlike in this case), goodluck

Mudley313:

true talk, but dont start looking immediately since u probably gon still have feelings 4 dis one, u gon need to heal emotionally then things will happen naturally n u'll most definitely find someone who'll love u 50/50 (unlike in this case), goodluck

Actually, when i decide to go "hunting" again, it's gonna be for animal instincts.Period!

This whole love thingy is all a facade.It ain't real. Call it one of the seven biggest lies since the evolution of homo sapiens. I'm hurt emotionally but i'll heal at some point.Love is an over rated lie that doesn't exist else why do people break up? I need to get my objectivity back on track. . .and see "relationships" as "mating unions" and nothing more.

Run, baby, run!

@harakiri

I felt I had to give you this long lecture about love, it might help you make better decisions going forward regarding marriage and dating. It may help others as well.

I have often wondered why men go into relationships without a plan: a goal.
Women don't do that. A woman knows whether she would have 5ex with a man within 5 minutes of meeting him (according to research); and if she would have se'x with him, then she would also likely marry him.

Most men start off relationships without a goal in mind. Why? You don't build a house without a plan, neither would you start a business without a plan. So why marriage? Most people think that marriage is a social decision, but they are wrong.

Marriage is an ECONOMIC decision.

From the first date, to the first child, to your death, you are making economic decisions.
Now, all these three years, you were spending on her, right?
If you had a plan, there is no way you would be stranded now, because you were planning marriage. If you wanted marriage, you would have married her since. If you were not ready, then you should not be keeping her that long  in the first place.

If you wanted to date her only, fine! but still have a plan and ensure that (like in stocks) you do not invest what you cannot afford to lose. No two relationships are the same. The key is to know yourself and your limits as a man.
Avoid women who are "bigger" than you. Only foolish men think that women cannot be bigger. Women can be bigger in so many ways. Size is relative. For every big woman, there is also a big man. By big I mean: looks, finances, sexual compatibility, physical abilities (swagger and fad etc). That all men are equal is a big LIE. Same with women too.

Find your size and marry her. She may not meet your expectation, but your expectation may be above your size which led to your current predicament. Mario Puzo says in his novel "THE LAST DON" -"there are two types of women a smart guy must avoid: one is the damsel in distress and the other is the woman who has more ambition than you". Go figure.

My advise is meant to help you make a better decision when next you meet a woman. Peace and please don't commit "harakiri".

Onlytruth:

@harakiri

I felt I had to give you this long lecture about love, it might help you make better decisions going forward regarding marriage and dating. It may help others as well.

I have often wondered why men go into relationships without a plan: a goal.
Women don't do that. A woman knows whether she would have 5ex with a man within 5 minutes of meeting him (according to research); and if she would have se'x with him, then she would also likely marry him.

Most men start off relationships without a goal in mind. Why? You don't build a house without a plan, neither would you start a business without a plan. So why marriage? Most people think that marriage is a social decision, but they are wrong.

Marriage is an ECONOMIC decision.

From the first date, to the first child, to your death, you are making economic decisions.
Now, all these three years, you were spending on her, right?
If you had a plan, there is no way you would be stranded now, because you were planning marriage. If you wanted marriage, you would have married her since. If you were not ready, then you should not be keeping her that long  in the first place.

If you wanted to date her only, fine! but still have a plan and ensure that (like in stocks) you do not invest what you cannot afford to lose. No two relation is the same. The key is to know yourself and your limits as a man.
Avoid women who are "bigger" than you. Only foolish men think that women cannot be bigger. Women can be bigger in so many ways. Size is relative. For every big woman, there is also a big man. By big I mean: looks, finances, sexual compatibility, physical abilities (swagger and fad etc). That all men are equal is a big LIE. Same with women too.

Find your size and marry her. She may not meet your expectation, but your expectation may be above your size which led to your current predicament. Mario Puzo says in his novel "THE LAST DON" -"there are two types of women a smart guy must avoid: one is the damsel in distress and the other is the woman who has more ambition than you". Go figure.

My advise is meant to help you make a better decision when next you meet a woman. Peace and plase don't commit "harakiri".

Thanks a million man (although she is not bigger than me though in any level).Na me dey upgrade am sef.As per commiting harakiri, i'd rather she commits sepuku instead.

Actually, when i decide to go "hunting" again, it's gonna be for animal instincts.Period!

This whole love thingy is all a facade.It ain't real. Call it one of the seven biggest lies since the evolution of homo sapiens. I'm hurt emotionally but i'll heal at some point.Love is an over rated lie that doesn't exist else why do people break up? I need to get my objectivity back on track. . .and see "relationships" as "mating unions" and nothing more.

bro, now u're over reacting (just cos of one failed relationship experience) "true" love is real, trust me, but u got to understand wat it entails first, true love is not just the euphoric feeling (infatuation) it encompasses everything, both the good n the bad, dats why to build true love takes hard work (from both sides), when u see couples growing old together, its hard work u see right there, becos we're all different individually, there sure is gon be diagreements, fights, differeces, but its how you (both) handle (work on) it that seperates the real from the fake, u ask, why do people break up? the answer is what i explained earlier, love starts wit feelings (lust) which is more like fantacy, where see ur partner as a knight in shiny armor, but when all dat starts to fade, when u both start to see both ur weaknesses(cos no human is perfect) is when the real work starts, the weak ones(like dis ur girl) will fall off n the strong will work on it, n thats where true love starts to come into play

yea, u're right, u need to get ur objectives back on track (tho its not wat u said), n dat is 4 now, start working on/thinking of "you", enjoy the single life n trust me, u may eventually find dat one

Smack her with indifference for a time period and see what her response would be. If she doesn't show real concern, know that your relationship has decayed exponentially.

-- Coach.

, and dont mind Onlytruth, it has nothing to do wit her being bigger than u, but more wit how women are built (they think more wit their emotions dat why all the logic you're trying to talk wit dis ur girl is falling on answering machine), n dats why all dat ur former plans of talking to pastors or relatives wont cut it, it takes two (you and her) to tango, even if she listens to logic from pastors n relatives it will eventually still fall apart since evidently u too are not emotionally on d same page right now, n also dont mind Onlytruth's talk of a plan (aka rushing into marriage), u probably would have been regretting it by now cos dis feeling ur girl is having now even comes more n quicker in marriage (cos of dat feeling of entrapment), n wit d way she's handling dis now; ur marriage would have been one living hell of lovelessness

Mudley313:

, and dont mind Onlytruth, it has nothing to do wit her being bigger than u, but more wit how women are built (they think more wit their emotions dat why all the logic you're trying to talk wit dis your girl is falling on answering machine), n dats why all dat your former plans of talking to pastors or relatives wont cut it, it takes two (you and her) to tango, even if she listens to logic from pastors n relatives it will eventually still fall apart since evidently u too are not emotionally on d same page right now, n also dont mind Onlytruth's talk of a plan (aka rushing into marriage), u probably would have been regretting it by now cos dis feeling your girl is having now even comes more n quicker in marriage (cos of dat feeling of entrapment), n wit d way she's handling dis now; your marriage would have been one living hell of lovelessness

I don't think you understand, but anyone with some real experience in these thing will agree with me. By "plan" I meant goal. Most guys enter relationships without due diligence. Bad idea.  I can see a relationship failing waayy ahead of time.  That is what having a plan ensures. I wouldn't even take 10% of what harakiri went through. It simply won't get that far.

She is obviously doin dz so as 2 force 2 breakup wt her,she is not after ur s** stamina bt MONEY dtz wt de wnt now,so lyk i said wen d goin gtz hard u gt hard also,cal her n walk away maturedly moreover she got a NEW LOVE,gt used 2 it dz is lyf bro, @

She is obviously doin dz so as 2 force 2 breakup wt her,she is not after ur s** stamina bt MONEY dtz wt de wnt now,so lyk i said wen d goin gtz hard u gt hard also,cal her n walk away maturedly moreover she got a NEW LOVE,gt used 2 it dz is lyf bro, @

Again if you have a plan, you will understand the concept of time too. Time is valuable to women. If you understand time, you will have the upper hand because you can see all her fears and make your moves to maintain your advantage. Stuff is too complicated to explain here, but harakiri should at least bear my advise in mind.

Mudley313:

, and dont mind Onlytruth, it has nothing to do wit her being bigger than u, but more wit how women are built (they think more wit their emotions dat why all the logic you're trying to talk wit dis your girl is falling on answering machine), n dats why all dat your former plans of talking to pastors or relatives wont cut it, it takes two (you and her) to tango, even if she listens to logic from pastors n relatives it will eventually still fall apart since evidently u too are not emotionally on d same page right now, n also dont mind Onlytruth's talk of a plan (aka rushing into marriage), u probably would have been regretting it by now cos dis feeling your girl is having now even comes more n quicker in marriage (cos of dat feeling of entrapment), n wit d way she's handling dis now; your marriage would have been one living hell of lovelessness

By "bigger" I meant "she can walk out of the relationship and you would be crying". If that can happen to you, then she is bigger. Of course we all feel sense of loss when we lose our lovers, but be sure you can move on. If not, you have entangled yourself with a "bigger" woman. Simple.

@poster
guy just let the girl be. throw her ass out and tel her u are moving on. please dont look back. or maybe u can just ask her t marry you. do it the formal way if she hesitates tell her it is over

what is all these about bigger or no bigger. so if woman succum she dey small be if she come grow wings the following day she don big abi?

I do not usually post here, but I'm forced to ask, what's your fiancee doing on a dating site, Friendfinder? She not only gets on there, but freely gives her digits to be called at anytime of the day. She tells you she is on friendfinder and you see nothing wrong. Which other friend is she finding online, if you give it to her real good? I'd think in between giving it to her, she'd spend the rest of her time snoozing to catch up on her breath.

My point is, you do not know much about this girl, even after 3yrs. Men are alot easier to read than women. She made you play all your cards (tell her all your secrets while concealing hers) and she's simply not interested, just as David put it in his earlier posts. The relationship is dead; yes dead hence she's gone online to shop for suitable replacements and those "replacements" are currently being interviewed via phone or already picked. She's no longer interested in being intimate with you, tells me that either you are not doing a good job (which you do not agree with) or she's thrown caution to the wind and getting the koko from a better or more adventurous kokomaster. My advice is, RUN; wait, get your ring back, if you actually proposed with one, sell it and take your buddies out for a drink and then, do not look back; forget all those people that are saying she'd come back and beg; even if she does with her village, give her a hug and maybe a kiss and tell her "Thanks for saving my life". Marriage is no joke and it's signs like these that people ignore, ending up confused, distressed and divorced within months of getting married. Love is real, a man has to be able to use his head and apply his heart when he finds it;when you eventually get married, you'd have to learn to use your head alot to sustain a happy home; so a simple test like this should help build you up. Goodluck but I must say you dodged a bullet here. The man above is definitely watching over you.

@harakiri

Please revert back to this thread, I made a post on your little dilemma there:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-396243.608.html#msg5668332

The signs are all there, time to move on, you already feel something's not right,later down the road you will be saying I knew it! And it will be too late, marriage,children,families involved (avoid all that now)

harakiri:

Alright NL people, this post of mine is gonna suck a lil bit but i had to post it anyways so i can get it off my chest and get a good nites sleep.

I've been dating this wonderful girl for 3+ years now.It's been great and we are engaged.Her peeps know me and my people know my intentions towards her (marriage).In the past couple of weeks, i've noticed a great change in her demeanor.She's uneccessarily rude to me, snaps over little issues,replies me with scorn and contempt, intercourse is highly irregular (amongst other things). I've tried to sit her down on several occasions to talk about it but each time i do, she's dodgy, dribbles the whole conversation, deflects every question back to me and nothing is achieved.She's also been recieving calls from strange men recently and each time i ask, it's either she says its one middle aged man down the street who is fooling himself or it's some dude from friendfinder and i wonder, if it's nothing serious, why take the calls in secret. . .why cut the calls the moment you see i'm around.Some of you (especially the NL ladies might call me "insecure" and all that), but this is a girl that practically went into a fit when an ex-gf of mine called to give me condolences when my mom died in 2008.She almost went insane when she realized i was talking to an ex and here she is today (madam chatterbox).

I am not rich but i am comfortable.She lacks nothing (except a car  ).If it's about love making, i can proudly say i am above average and i give it to her good.I do my best to be the "ideal man" and i wonder, where did i go wrong?This is a lady i intend getting married to anytime soon.Maybe it's all in my head.I don't know but my gut is telling me otherwise.The girl I've been seeing in the last six weeks is not the same girl I've been dating for more than 3 years.I haven't dated anyone else not to talk of cheating on her since we started so why all this?

NB : I expect the usual tirade of "insecure bla bla bla" from some NL peeps (especially the ladies) but any unbiased pointers would be welcome.

There, i said.Off my chest.

Make i sleep small.

Will be back later on.

i was going to yab the life out of u but i had already promised to help u on the other thread b4 reading this so i will try and be nice. i just have a simple solution for this among other solutions i could offer u. send her a text msg at around 10:30pm and the contents of that text msg should be short and straight to the point. the msg shld be something like this. . . . "ovularia, i need some time off our relationship, about a year. plz use this time to date other guys and i will date other girls also. i strongly advice you to delete my number as i will be changing it; if fate sees it fit for us to be together after one year so be it. dont call me or text back" . . . . well that wasn't exactly short but u get my point i hope. help urself too, delete her number after sending it to her or block it asap! delete all memories of her, photos, yim, email address etc, that will help u keep focus. if her head is correct she will take the right step if it is not, u have just saved urself from one loser! hope this will be helpful FYI: dont even try to explain why u are taking that decision to her.

[b]tai2 [/b]your words are in order by guy, read your post, yes the lot. @Poster, I guess by now u know what is going on as u have been inudated with sound advice
by good ppl of NL. I will ony advice u move on as the show is over. U can make it difficult for her and become an astronaunt by joining NASA. Meaning, give her a big
space and get urself a rebound to cure it.

As for a relationship next time, be wary of girls that talk ill of their ex that did them no wrong. It may seem lame but believe me it gives u an ideal of who u are about
to commit. Be wise next time as u seem intelligent to seek for advice.

Also acknowledge Davidylan, his thought process is first class.

@ Poster,

Sorry mate, I have been in your shoes, one too many. You give a woman your heart, she messes it all up. From my own experience of life, she is definitely no more into you. She is simply just keeping you as a spare tyre. A woman whom you are in a relationship with, suddenly develops a condescending attitude to you, becomes secretive, hides her ''so-called friends'' from you is pure DANGER.

Have you asked yourself this pertinent question: ''what will you do today, if she tells you the truth?'' Sincerely, were she to open up to you today, how will you handle it? Continue to love her and hope that she changes one day? KMT!

Dude, wake up and smell the coffee! A woman who will love you, will give you her heart and not play poker cards with you.

Love is a delicate matter. I have seen it shattering a lot of people time and time again. She might ''love'' you, but the signs are there for you to see her philandering ways. When a woman reverts to online meet-up and exchanging numbers, flirting online and over the phone, she definitely has some low self esteem, relationship and security issues with her, mixed with an unsatiable desire for the long stick. Moreso, when she is fully aware that she has her own man. Take a walk out of this matter and get a breather. She is totally not worth the hassle you are giving yourself.

And again, the extent of time you dated her, does not matter here. Whether it was 3years, 3weeks, or 3days, a woman that will cheat, act snubbish, treat you like trash, ignore issues/discussions will still do it! If it is who she is, time will tell. In your case, count yourself lucky. . . . You are not yet married to her, jump out of this emotional torture. Even though, I can tell you, it ain't gonna be easy!

You did so much and it seems it's not working, well what can you do? It's pretty obvious. End the relationship. It's a sad truth to swallow and it is not going to be easy, but I don't see her coming around. How long r u just going to sit and let her walk all over you? Sit her down and ask her this simple question, do you want us to go our separate way? This is a yes or no question. There is no in betweeen answer. If she said yes, well, it's over. If she said no, then give her the conditions under which the relationship will be able to continue. If she is hesitatant about her answer, take it as a yes and end the relationship. Ending the relationship doesn't mean you world is over. Trust me, you will find another. There are many fiishes in the sea.

No dear you are not over-reacting? I honestly think that it might be time to walk away from this relationship. I know that you love her, have invested so much in the relationship and would have a lot of explaining to do to people since you are already engaged. But do you want to live the rest of your life without peace of mind, thinking you may have married the wrong person?
If my advise is too harsh then all I would suggest that you postpone thinking about marriage and take time to observe things properly for a while. Cus it sounds to me like your lady is beggining to give u signs thats she's no longer into you.

the problem with we babes is wen we think we gat it good with someone we just feel it will work out well with another


advise to poster, 3yrs no be beans so could u give her lets say a month to get her act straight(afterall dis is someone u want to spend d rest of ur life with)and tell her ur ultimatum after dat u could do watever(excludin going out for revenge on oda babes)if not d cycles of heartbreak n emotional trauma will just keep piling up amongst us unmarried folks

plenty thanks

I guess she is no more interest in the relationship anymore. The butterfly that was flying in her stomach wen the relationship btw u both were new as disappeared, !!!. She is just flirting around and such girls r not to be taken serious. Gather your mind together and come to a conclusion that you are done with the relationship and strange calls from us friendfinder male suitors. Take up ur career and job serious as woman would owez go after u wen u r successful and for the girl she is not worth an engagement ring nor marriage as you would end up being hypertensive.

@ poster

If you want my advice i will tell you to give her a long rope. Your girl know exactly what she is doing. Since she does'nt even want a dialogue, just watch her for a while. Look, she might not even want to marry you afterall. Exercise caution in making your decision before you take the next step. Marriage is no joke. Cheers.

I had a similar experience recently.I bounced the babe immediately.Let us not deceive ourselves,she is dating some one else, i have seen this many times, if she is not the one for you,she can never be, move ahead with your life bro, Faith will bring back real love for you,

Guy, this is simple now, play her back and do so for a few weeks and see her reaction, (ignore her, pick up late nite calls, dont see or call her often etc) make sure u get her attention. Like someone said she thinks or believes she has u cornered so make her think otherwise. But the truth is u need to make her choose at some point if she is still interested or not

hmmmm my brother it could be dis bad sometimes but the best way out is still to sit her down and talk, iron out ur issues wit her and if her responses re ok then the relationship can continue if not call it quit man trust me it is not how far but how well,
wat matters is not the 3 yrs but LOVE and TRUST

@poster I have a real story to tell you,a friend of my had a date for almost 9 years and all the same stuff you mentioned happened in their relationship and he could not let go and latter married her and the real problem started, I was their best man during their wedding but what am seeing now is something else,my friend has threatened to dissolve the marriage and I do not think that is what you want for your life,am married with two kids and it looks like my marriage is made in heaven but theirs are not.You have a chance to stop a future torture now,forget about fantacy,real woman/wife will never do what you just mentioned above.

At Poster,

I know you probably think you are the model boyfriend, but you are obviously not doing something right! Something she might have pointed out to you time and over and over and over again, but you still don’t want to listen. When a relationship comes down to marriage, people tend to readjust their priorities. Maybe she sees you as a good BF, but not a good husband.


But then again, maybe she’s not the one! Sometimes the relationships are all rosy and wonderful, but when the M word comes up, things starts messing themselves up.

My advise to you: Chill, relax, what will be will be. If she’s the one, things will sort themselves out, if she’s not, then better a broken relationship than a broken marriage!

Ujujoan:

At Poster,

I know you probably think you are the model boyfriend, but you are obviously not doing something right! Something she might have pointed out to you time and over and over and over again, but you still don’t want to listen. When a relationship comes down to marriage, people tend to readjust their priorities. Maybe she sees you as a good BF, but not a good husband.


But then again, maybe she’s not the one! Sometimes the relationships are all rosy and wonderful, but when the M word comes up, things starts messing themselves up.

My advise to you: Chill, relax, what will be will be. If she’s the one, things will sort themselves out, if she’s not, then better a broken relationship than a broken marriage!

very typical answer, it must always be the guy's fault. shior! to think i wanted to marry u