Am I Over Reacting? - Romance (5) - Nairaland
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| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by SisiKill1: 9:29am On Mar 11, 2010 |
@ Topic She's bored with you. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by na2day2(m): 9:30am On Mar 11, 2010 |
Sisi_Kill: then why cant she be honest about it and just break up with the guy? |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by Nobody: 9:37am On Mar 11, 2010 |
Delta007: There's nothing wrong with hooking up with people on the internet and networking sites. I've met wonderful people who have become good frineds over time on this forum with nothing remotely romantic between us! Running is never a solution to anything, if there's anything he can do, he has to do it. This might also be the Devil's way of making him lose his future happiness  |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by Nobody: 9:43am On Mar 11, 2010 |
na2day?: I said 'probably' which means, I'm just looking at that possibility. There's always a second side to every story and he's only telling us one. The guy needs help and I was just making a suggestion and tryong to cover all possible scenarios. I don't like your insinuations. You are making it sound like I'm anti-men. Well I'm not. . . |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by dkings101(m): 9:49am On Mar 11, 2010 |
U know wat dude, send her number to DJ Mannie de mastro of coolfm on the programme "Kiss n Make UP", ask him to call her and ask her who is her bf, there you would know her bf, if is u or her new suitor.    |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by smooooooth: 10:05am On Mar 11, 2010 |
@OP, here comes smoooooth the psychic. i see, i see you marrying her, i see, i see you guys having four kids, i see three of those kids from three different men, and you the father of one. hmmm. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by ursa: 10:09am On Mar 11, 2010 |
@poster, Sometimes gut feelings are true. If what you feel is right, then 2 things about her have changed. There is a distraction and she is not handling it well. The distraction could be from external (other chaps) or from internal (something about you is putting her off) The easy part is that you can do something about it. 1. Wake up from sleep. [ Throw off the love story, dream, i love you, avatar world etc from your head] 2. Work on yourself. [ Get correct baffs, look clean, expensive perf, good watch, nice shoes] 3. Add the swagger. [be calm, no hurry, nothing do me kind a thing, self control, no I am sorry ] 4. Be happy [See have some friends--girls especially but keep it casual, let them call you. If she wants to know just say a friend] 5. Create some space. [reduce the time you spend with your girl, but increase the quality of time spent] 6. lay off intimacy [intimacy with an unmarried partner beclouds your judgment, spend time to study her, learn her, evaluate her, decide if she is worth your value of her] 7. Call it quits [ By the time you finish step 6 you would really know whether she is the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and if she is not then you call it quits or she would say something like she is dumping you, smile and let her go, you already know what she is worth but you cannot do step 7 without the lay off intimacy part of step 6, for what hurts is not rejection but the lack of intimacy ] |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by okenwa(m): 10:11am On Mar 11, 2010 |
@ poster all advice take pls, |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by ursa: 10:12am On Mar 11, 2010 |
Sometimes gut feelings are true. If what you feel is right, then 2 things about her have changed. There is a distraction and she is not handling it well. The distraction could be from external (other chaps) or from internal (something about you is putting her off) The easy part is that you can do something about it. 1. Wake up from sleep. [ Throw off the love story, dream, i love you, avatar world etc from your head] 2. Work on yourself. [ Get correct baffs, look clean, expensive perf, good watch, nice shoes] 3. Add the swagger. [be calm, no hurry, nothing do me kind a thing, self control, no I am sorry ] 4. Be happy [See have some friends--girls especially but keep it casual, let them call you. If she wants to know just say a friend] 5. Create some space. [reduce the time you spend with your girl, but increase the quality of time spent] 6. lay off love making [love making with an unmarried partner beclouds your judgment, spend time to study her, learn her, evaluate her, decide if she is worth your value of her] 7. Call it quits [ By the time you finish step 6 you would really know whether she is the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and if she is not then you call it quits or she would say something like she is dumping you, smile and let her go, you already know what she is worth but you cannot do step 7 without the lay off love making part of step 6, for what hurts is not rejection but the lack of ] |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by Emperoh(m): 10:14am On Mar 11, 2010 |
Harakiri bruv. . . .Nna men, i no gbadun your present condition ooo. . . . .been there and know what it feels like to be done in by a woman!! Nonetheless. . . . u just got whiff of it on time. . . . . .make up your mind and then move ahead. . . . . some are just not worth it Two things are happening. . . .no be me talk but everyone here has muted it one was or the other. She may want to know how jealous u do be but present feelers and what u said has rubbished this line. Someone somewhere is really really giving her a good and time and pathetically, she is being carried away!! I hope and just hope though to your disadv. . . , that the guy will settle with her cos when the fun ends or the guy messes up, I bet that babe go run come meet you. . . . .why some people can't just sit tight and build on a foundation beats me Must everything be ready made before one is a wonderful man? The sooner u do it the later. . . . her action and reaction will tell how and what is left of ur relationship. Call her and if possible, this is best, neet face to face and initiate a break to this affair. Why i said face to face is for her to know how serious u are and then give some respect to what u had in the past. And guess what, u are a brave person. . . . .for anything, for subscribing to the tenets of Fidelity!! U weren't a fool for loving her. . . .you gave her a options and she made a choice lets hope she 's right. . . . . be convinced however, that you have groomed someone in the art of relationshipss. . . . . she will always refer to you in whatever she does in affairs. But for now, like everyone has said, just cut it off. . . . . but leave a tail in the water in case u have to swim again!!!! I wish you well!! |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by SmashingM(f): 10:25am On Mar 11, 2010 |
The flame is dimmimg, you've got to light it up again. If after this, she's still behaving the way she's doing right now then you can make your decisions. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by temi777: 10:34am On Mar 11, 2010 |
O ma se o! I was about going out for something important but I decided to give my two cent. Thank your God for saving you man. I once had a relationship like that. I met this girl in church. She did all the chasing , got my number from her friend and all that and I fell for her totally and nearly adored the ground she walked on for close to two years. I then proposed even though I was in university in UK . she agreed , I even rented the hall. The mother, her family really liked me me thinks. then she strated telling me about a Nigerian guy she met at her holiday work. How he's funny and all. I took no notice because I thought our relationship was really deep and advanced. Believe me, to cut a long , bad story short this girl came to see me one Friday and the next day(Saturday) went to sleep in the other guy's house.(Only God could have revealed such but yeah she confessed herself. I even tried to forgive even though I was nearly losing my head and getting depressed. The turning point was one day I was ill and the guy was ill. Guess where she went? the guy's house after forcing me to allow her to go. Then it was like I didnt exist, same behaviours like yours is exhibiting. I then had a meeting with my self and decided that I had to be a man. I had a period of like 4 weeks of just sex with her (I am born again now so wont encourage this please)and then one day I told her you know what? it's all over, whether I rent hall or not. cancelled all the bookings and all. Told only one mutual friend about what happened and even changed church. Believe me she came back, begged me like she was going to die , I just brought a bucket beside her and told her to cryu me a river. she even arranged a meeting with their pastor friend and I FAILED THEM. I am now married to a lady that is 7 years younger and more beautiful. Please thank your God and move on. I have spoken o! |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by mikedanza(m): 10:38am On Mar 11, 2010 |
WHEN A WOMAN PIERCES A MAN’S HEART! Generally a man is born timid, non-differentiated from the opposite sex and very much a softy like every baby. Over time his hard and harsh side begins to show. I’m sure lots of people will think it’s the hormones that kick in and make the differentiation, but I say nay, I have another theory. It takes a woman to harden a man! Most times when ladies come across players, pimps and heart-breakers, they tend to think it comes with the territory (i.e. being a man), but that’s absolutely not true. SEX A man knows only as much of sex as he has had. The more he diversifies and experiments the more his libido increases and the quest for more conquests escalates. So permit me to theorize as follows: 1. Sexual desires of a man who has had sex with only one woman = The total sexual capabilities of that single woman 2. Desire for sex => (His Total sexual experiences + His Fantasies) 3. A sexually active man desires sex every 1.5-2days sustainably. It means a man can have sex every alternate day. It also means when you get married and he has to live very far away on business or other trips he will most likely cheat on you if the time frame exceeds 2 months. Exceptions I must be frank enough to point out that exceptions to the rule exist for a normal healthy man when: a. He is 100% sure his spouse will be faithful b. He is strongly involved in religious activities to the extent of at least 4 times a week c. He is sure to return home after the exact completion of the given time frame (therefore it is safe to theorize that a soldier who has had his tour of duty extended might not hold fast to his celibacy anymore) 4. A man who strongly suspects his spouse of cheating will most probably cheat on her even if he can’t confirm it. 5. If he isn’t getting some and he is not complaining then he is definitely getting some 6. A player thinks he can get almost any girl, and he does. This is not voodoo, he believes in his capabilities and exudes it as confidence. This confidence makes him persist with sure cockiness, and girls love men who know what they want, simple. 7. A man knows when a woman is cheating on him even if he acts like he doesn’t. Reasons for his actions include <he has no proof <he has no sufficient proof <he has proof but does not want to lose her <he is also cheating on her< he wants to serve it to her on a later date. You know what they say about revenge. Some say its best served when cold< or he loves her too much and would rather act the fool. THE MAKING OF A PLAYER STAGE ONE The story of every player, love-vendor and heart breaker begins with one woman. Yes, one single woman. He wakes up one day in his child-like innocence and places all his bet in one woman. He puts his freshly laid bare-brained eggs in one basket. He trusts, loves and adores this one woman. And the woman gives him the same impression. He is fooled. All his friends had told him earlier that he was being played, his intuition told him she was definitely playing him for the fool- but he blocked his ears like the adder that refused to listen to the snake charmer! Men are capable of loving only once in a very long while. That’s why a man could still be in love with his wife and still be cheating on her (write-up for another day!). Now when this one time trust, love or emotion (whatever you call it) gets broken, he goes into a long withdrawal. He then proceeds to heal from a broken heart for a long period of time. If he meets any woman within this healing process she becomes to him what we classically call ‘the rebound’. STAGE TWO The rebound serves as the harbinger of things to come. She is the cross-over SUV he uses to forget his first Porsche and acquire his next one thousand utility vans. He treats her shabbily because he is still hurt and she thinks ‘he will come off it’ and other stuff like ‘I need to be soft on him after all he has been through’. But her taking little and giving too much prepares the ground for the player transformation. STAGE THREE He loses his rebound. She has put up with too much shabbiness and she has had it. And she quits. He is not heart broken any more. But he misses his ex. STAGE FOUR He goes after his Porsche. He thinks he misses her so much and he would do almost anything to have her back. He begins to stalk her in the office, at home; he calls all their mutual friends and acquaintances to help him beg. He buys lots of gifts and roses. She stores his name on her phone as ‘stalker’. But the pressure is so much that she gives in to him. She muses, after all it’s a mountain I’ve climbed and a river I’ve swam. STAGE FIVE He breaks her heart. Discovering she was not worth all the trouble and she definitely does not thrill him like she used too, he ups and leaves. She is stunned. Unbelievable! But her consternation thrills him. STAGE SIX The player is born! He learns from his mistakes. 1. He needs to be nice in order to get and keep a woman (lessons from a lady called rebound) 2. He is scared she might break his heart first (lessons from a lady called Porsche) 3. He exercises power when he walks away first (Porsche, the reborn) 4. He can have more when he makes no commitments and takes no prisoners (lesson from the SUV cross-over) By mikedanza © 2010 |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by jaxxy(m): 11:15am On Mar 11, 2010 |
my bro i say just relax, dont stress ur self, if shes urs she will eventually be urs, dont rush d marriage thingy either so u dont make a mistake, if shes a pretty gal she cud be gettin admirers and dat doesnt mean she taking dem seriously or plans to ever cheat on u. give her d benefit of doubt and just keep watching her actions to make sure she doesnt make steps dat adversely hurt ur relationship and just correct her in a nice way, i thinks shes just tryin to get some new admirers off her case in a friendly way possible and doesnt want to get u involved cos of how u would react. i say chill be calm and dont over react and make her understand ur not insecure and can handle wit her watever shes dealing wit, she might even open up about it to u, dat wud be a better approach. her defensive attitude is normal wit all gals wen dey feel ur being too controlin. if shes a gud girl i dont think she'll throw wat u guyz have got away just like dat. cheers. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by tolu001: 11:26am On Mar 11, 2010 |
You really need to be very careful on this, there might be two ways to it; she might be seeing someone that she feels is better than u are not necessarily in terms of money but also in other things she feels more secured with and so trying to frustrate u out the relationship. On the other hand, she might want to test ur love by making u feel unnecessarily jealous. Whichever the case may be, just try as much as possible to be patient, open ur eyes wide, and show less concern about whatever she does, then trails her when she least expect. Pretend as if u are not jealous, that way u will know the truth soon with ur eyes wild open. If it happens she's been seeing someone, and u get her red handed, just take it cool, ask her wht exactly she wants, whether a "leave or a stay". If it is the former never let it come from you, and make it clear she opted for it, and she wants the latter, then state clearly your "rules and regulations". Good luck |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by azubyky: 11:45am On Mar 11, 2010 |
Emperoh: From your write up u sound very much like a loving Guy any lady would want to have. and it seem to me you gave your girl a free hand to do what ever she like becoz you trust her but the question is, do u know were to draw the line? becoz not every girl appreciate such previlages. Talking about what happened while u both were in the kitchen, pardone me but i think your girl is enjoying a new found love. is possible they hvnt started sleeping together but u never can tell. base on experience and in order for you to keep your sanity you need to step up and show her the man in you.(if possible the thug in u). this becomes very necessary becoz she has taken alot of ur manly attributes for granted. 1. when u both are together and her phone rings and she try sneeking out then you make a pronouncement like "IF YOU DARE MOVE AN INCH DONT YOU DARE COME BACK AGAIN 4 LIFE COZ AM SINK OF THIS YOUR BITCHY ATTITUDE (PLS DONT USE THE WORD BITCH) 2. MAke a decree that if this ever repeat itself then that will be it. coz u feel she is giving puddy for free and you cant stand that anymore, 3. if she continues dont be afraind to call it off if you dont she might dump you!! if she still hve that love for you she will adjust but if not she might devise another way of doing what she is doin. make her know u mean every bit of what u have said. so enough of that "the boy is nice" kinda of approach in order not to loose your mind. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by azubyky: 11:51am On Mar 11, 2010 |
From your write up u sound very much like a loving Guy any lady would want to have. and it seem to me you gave your girl a free hand to do what ever she like becoz you trust her but the question is, do u know were to draw the line? becoz not every girl appreciate such previlages. Talking about what happened while u both were in the kitchen, pardone me but i think your girl is enjoying a new found love. is possible they hvnt started sleeping together but u never can tell. base on experience and in order for you to keep your sanity you need to step up and show her the man in you.(if possible the thug in u). this becomes very necessary becoz she has taken alot of your manly attributes for granted. 1. when u both are together and her phone rings and she try sneeking out then you make a pronouncement like "IF YOU DARE MOVE AN INCH DONT YOU DARE COME BACK AGAIN 4 LIFE COZ AM SINK OF THIS YOUR BITCHY ATTITUDE (PLS DONT USE THE WORD naughty woman) 2. MAke a decree that if this ever repeat itself then that will be it. coz u feel she is giving puddy for free and you cant stand that anymore, 3. if she continues dont be afraind to call it off if you dont she might dump you!! if she still hve that love for you she will adjust but if not she might devise another way of doing what she is doin. make her know u mean every bit of what u have said. so enough of that "the boy is nice" kinda of approach in order not to loose your mind. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by la1(m): 12:26pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
Guy, isn't it so obvious  She is tired of the relationship due to several reasons, i dont know but the flames might have died out or something else. she just ain't digging you like before. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by otokx(m): 12:29pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
You have not yet reacted and you are asking if you are over - reacting? |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by maxtop(m): 12:35pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
U do you still need a soothsayer to tell you that ur gurl is dating other guy, ? C'mmon, it is all written on the wall except if you claimed you dont see it anywaiz. This is what i will advised you to do, make sure you sit her down, and talk to her when you think her spirit is high and eady to listen up. let her know yu can understand what is goin on and you will need an answer from from if she is still interested in the relationship so that you can go on with ur life. I wish you best of luck  |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by Emperoh(m): 12:50pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
azubyky: Azu Thanks for the compliments. . . . .unfortunately, being that loving guy lead me to a horrendous mistake but thanks to God, i had to time to flog myself back in line. . . i gave a free hand, allowed ideas and gave all. but is that all that is needed? there is more to a woman than meets the eye. . . . 1+1 never equals 2 for them Thats why i told Poster to just give it up but have an open heart in case. . . . we'll all be here to see what happens next But it very obvious the Friendfinder site friends have ruined his once loving relationship!! Dude, do u knw the pain one goes after having done everything to keep ur woman and then she slips? Poster is too adult a person to fight over a woman no matter what she offers. . . , he's got to move on!!! As for where to draw the line, the situation and one's elastic limit is the determinant!! As case can never be exactly the same with B |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by 1honeybee: 12:51pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
| I kept scrolling down from page to page to see a post from the poster saying ''I BROKE UP WITH HER LAST NITE' or something similar, . . . but, well i was disappointed sha  |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by omofat: 1:31pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
1. (Most) girls dont like nice guys. 2. Some other chap is waxing your woman - or at best, confusing her 3. Sit down and talk to her 4. Make sure you DONT beg - She is not doing you a favour by being with you oo. NEVER NEVER NEVER beg her to choose you over him. If after 3 years with you, some new joker can confuse her then thats not a good sign. Pleasseeeeee, Do NOT Beg, Preserve whatever self-esteem you have left. 5. Give her a reasonable time to make up her mind. 6. If you don't see sings of improvement or she is unable to rid herself of the other chaps, then please pull the trigger. 7. If you do not pull the trigger - she will greenade your arse - and trust me, that would hurt 100 times more. 8. Pray and hope for the best :-) May the forces be with you! |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by azubyky: 1:41pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
Emperoh: Emperho: i quite agree with you, women are unpredictable, that is why is not good to be too linient with a woman (dont spare the rod to spoil the lady). i think poster@ have spoilt her with much peting or trying to be the understanding guy, that is why the lady in question can conviniently her boyfriends call in the presence of her fiancee, some other girls might be scared to do that when the man is around why? becos they know there will be repercusion. in a nut shell our nigerian Girls need brushing. talking about the friend finder site is really not a bad idea it all depends on the ladies motive for goin there. 1honeybee: you know the funny thing about things like this? when u begine to sense your girl friend whom you love so much with an intention to marry is seeing some one, that is when your love de strong pass. coz na dat time u de won try to impress her maybe she might change but after much love she is still not showing any sign of repentance, my guy!! u fit call the children wen de ur area begine xplain what ur girl friend is doing to u after u might hv exhusted talkin to all your friends about it. is that bad. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by spoilt(f): 1:43pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
Dude its not because of anything you did. Sometimes you cant force love. Its allowed for a girl to feel smothered or bored in a relatinship. You've loved her the way you know how. How on earth did the friendfinder person get her number if she didnt give it to him? Anyway just move on. I know its so cliche but there are so many fish in the ocean to fry. Find another girl to love and while you're at it make sure its someone hotter! Nothing do you! |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by azubyky: 1:44pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
omo~fat: Omo Nice one |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by Nobody: 1:51pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
she has simply found someone with more money and is worried about how to ditch you, probably because as a result of your three years everyone in her family, her friends etal know you and see you as a great guy. she may snap out of it if you play that game where you pretend to be interested in another chick - tho she might also use this as an excuse to finally split guess its time to let it go. sorry. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by amyg(f): 1:55pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
All these i go marry wey no marry.next pls! |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by timmy(m): 1:56pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
@mikedanza . nice character in your illustration, but i can swear his name must be Timmy |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by omofat: 1:56pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
Emperoh: The Pain na almost die! - loss of apetite , sleep deprivation, weight loss, all round depression - amongst other things. Save yourself my broda |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by hackney(m): 2:13pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
I honestly think she's no good. You haven't married her yet and she is doing all these weird things like snapping, taking hidden calls and being rude. She probably thinks you are already in the bag and her true self is emanating gradually (which means it can get a lot worse; heaven forbid she's the type that will derive pleasure in cheating on a loved one) The truth is that some people are just not good, simple. Its up to you to get out or put up with it for life. Good luck my dear. |
| Re: Am I Over Reacting? by 3ndy(f): 2:30pm On Mar 11, 2010 |
if u're so loyal, MARRY ME INSTEAD, |
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