From what I can percieve your lady has met somebody she feels is better than you. Hence she enjoys such company more than she used to with you. she is very used to you and there is nothing new that you want to offer her again.
You are also her safe card, because she feels she already has you. To be sincere you are now her plan B.

I would like you to answer the following questions first before you follow my advice;

1. Check yourself, do you give her space at all since you started your relationship with her?

2. Do you try to rush her into doing things that will benefit you only?

3. Do you allow her mix with other men, even as friends or you question the identity of everyman that she talks to, waves to, receives their calls because for me you sound very very possesive. it is not enough to love a woman but also allow her to be herself.

4. Was she at anytime heavily dependent on you and now her status has suddenly changed, may be she could probably afford alot of things without you providing them.

If you answer no to all this question then i advise you to do this:

1. Try all that you can in all your might not to call her in a week or two. Please restrain youself and see if she calls you at all, you may be scared that if she doesnt call you you might be giving her the opportunity to meet this other guys and the worse could happen, but please for your dignity and pride dont call her, see if she calls you.

2. If she calls you please act very cold towards her allow no affection or pleasantries

3. Also anytime she is around get a friend to call you and act suspiciously as if another lady was calling you or pick the call and act lovingly to the other party on the phone as if something is between you two. i did this for my elder brother the lady sat up fast

4. After 30minutes of she being in your house tell to start going that you are expecting somebody or you are having a date some where, she will sit up fast as she sees her plan B going down the drain.
5. If she invites you to her house or something tell her if you have time u will make it or tell her you dont have time.

6. Just act distant and cold towards her, i bet if she still loves you, she will adjust and begin to monitor you and fight and ask questions

Just dont kill yourself look beyond what you have invested in her life. I can tell you there are other ladies with excellent behaviour that will make you happy.

totalabi:

From what I can percieve your lady has met somebody she feels is better than you. Hence she enjoys such company more than she used to with you. she is very used to you and there is nothing new that you want to offer her again.
You are also her safe card, because she feels she already has you. To be sincere you are now her plan B.

I would like you to answer the following questions first before you follow my advice;

1. Check yourself, do you give her space at all since you started your relationship with her?

2. Do you try to rush her into doing things that will benefit you only?

3. Do you allow her mix with other men, even as friends or you question the identity of everyman that she talks to, waves to, receives their calls because for me you sound very very possesive. it is not enough to love a woman but also allow her to be herself.

4. Was she at anytime heavily dependent on you and now her status has suddenly changed, may be she could probably afford alot of things without you providing them.

If you answer no to all this question then i advise you to do this:

1. Try all that you can in all your might not to call her in a week or two. Please restrain youself and see if she calls you at all, you may be scared that if she doesnt call you you might be giving her the opportunity to meet this other guys and the worse could happen, but please for your dignity and pride dont call her, see if she calls you.

2. If she calls you please act very cold towards her allow no affection or pleasantries

3. Also anytime she is around get a friend to call you and act suspiciously as if another lady was calling you or pick the call and act lovingly to the other party on the phone as if something is between you two. i did this for my elder brother the lady sat up fast

4. After 30minutes of she being in your house tell to start going that you are expecting somebody or you are having a date some where, she will sit up fast as she sees her plan B going down the drain.
5. If she invites you to her house or something tell her if you have time u will make it or tell her you dont have time.

6. Just act distant and cold towards her, i bet if she still loves you, she will adjust and begin to monitor you and fight and ask questions

Just dont kill yourself look beyond what you have invested in her life. I can tell you there are other ladies with excellent behaviour that will make you happy.

you said it all

My dear u are not overreacting. I believe ur woman is seeing some man. When a woman is cheating, one, ur presence will begin to irritate her, two, love making won't be appealling anymore and three she would always want to be on her own thereby giving excuses why she can't see you. All the traits ur woman is showing means that she has seen a man that has swept her off her feet. It is painful though but give her time, make friends with some other girls, call them and let them call u back. Discuss freely with them and do it even when she is around. If she genuinely cares she will feel threaten but if her mind is made up, she go bone ur side. Don't try to pressurize her to stay, like one poster wrote and I quote "when a woman mind is made up u cant beg her to stay" it is true. When I left my overbearing and possessive ex he cried, begged, cajoled but my mind was made up. Women are weak in body but not emotions. Face your life and move on. When the same ex was sleeping with his neighbour n taking me to be a fool. You know the consequences I had a GP lower than 2.0 in 400L but thank God I picked up the pieces of my life and made good grades in my final yr plus plus what I had in previous years. Emotional turbulence is not good, it affects ur output at work and with every other person. So my guy run and don't look back.

mylove4him:

My dear u are not overreacting. I believe your woman is seeing some man. When a woman is cheating, one, your presence will begin to irritate her, two, love making won't be appealling anymore and three she would always want to be on her own thereby giving excuses why she can't see you. All the traits your woman is showing means that she has seen a man that has swept her off her feet. It is painful though but give her time, make friends with some other girls, call them and let them call u back. Discuss freely with them and do it even when she is around. If she genuinely cares she will feel threaten but if her mind is made up, she go bone your side. Don't try to pressurize her to stay, like one poster wrote and I quote "when a woman mind is made up u cant beg her to stay" it is true. When I left my overbearing and possessive ex he cried, begged, cajoled but my mind was made up. Women are weak in body but not emotions. Face your life and move on. When the same ex was sleeping with his neighbour n taking me to be a fool. You know the consequences I had a GP lower than 2.0 in 400L but thank God I picked up the pieces of my life and made good grades in my final yr plus plus what I had in previous years. Emotional turbulence is not good, it affects your output at work and with every other person. So my guy run and don't look back.

Oro! Every single word written is true. Co-sign!!

She went later said it was a guy from friend finder and nothing serious and i'm like, it's of no use telling me coz if i didn't catch you red handed, you wouldn't have told me anyways.This is the third time i catching her in this game of hers and i don't want to think of what else is happening behind my back.As far as i'm concerned, i am done fighting for the life of this relationship.Perhaps i should focus more on my enhancing my life/well being instead of working myself up for an over rated union called marriage.It's so stressful.We neva marry, na im i dey see all dis one, what if we marry nko?She's been sending all kinds of apology texts and all. . .i feel indifferent.I don't play games with her and i feel she's taking me for granted.

She is testing you. Just be fast and marry her. All her gragra go stop!

THE WAY U GET ATTENTION OF SUCH WAYLESS:IGNORE HER  TOTALLY N MAKE UP UR MIND.AVOID WAYS WITH HER,BEHAVE AS IF SHE DOESNT EXIST.
ITS CANIVAL, E GO SOON COMOT 4HER EYES N SHE WILL CERTAINLY COME BEGGING BUT DONT YIELD IF U LIKE URSELF.

totalabi:

From what I can percieve your lady has met somebody she feels is better than you. Hence she enjoys such company more than she used to with you. she is very used to you and there is nothing new that you want to offer her again.
You are also her safe card, because she feels she already has you. To be sincere you are now her plan B.

3. Do you allow her mix with other men, even as friends or you question the identity of everyman that she talks to, waves to, receives their calls because for me you sound very very possesive. it is not enough to love a woman but also allow her to be herself.

The poster does not sound one bit like he is possessive. Rather, I would say, he gave her so much freedom. If he was possessive, he would burn the house on learning that she goes to adult friend finder website.

@ Harakiri,

From the few posts i read at the beginning, you're now starting to live in a fools paradise. Put your foot down and bloody well damn the consequences! At this rate you're going, you'll have no control over your household!

I want to appreciate all of you for the contributions given, i have benefited immensely from the discussion .

@ Poster

May God give you the fortitude to bear the loss

Let this relationship Rest In Peace. RIP

Your consolation should be that this girl never worth it in the first place, if she can start this so early, what will she do God forbid if things are not working fine for you after marriage!

There would be no need for me to repeat what most people here have said.
To lift your spirits OP, one thing is sure, you'll get someone much better and thank God that all this happened.
I am talking from experience and normally if a relationship ends and you were not at fault, you'll get someone much better than the person that hurt you. That's how it works.
Take heart

what kind of test are people talking about here? Get some of those numbers and do ur own private investigation dude.
This babe has grown wings my guy! If u dont want to die prematurely ,better sit her down once more , and talk to her for the last time.
Tell her how her actions are affecting the trust u had and the future consequencies. If she is made for u and also sensible,she will mend her ways. But i doubt this serious as she has gone too far already,From your comments i believe u love her now more than she loves u and thats unfortunateTake heart and make alternate arrangements before its too late.

[size=8pt]I really would pleads with u to hold on to her, try to share in this moment with her, stick by her, offer the supports you can, maybe try to act as if u are not bothered by what she is doing, pretend to encourage her and asks her to talk about her new friends, and maybe she might realise how much she would be missing if she let you go.


Just Try It javascript:void(0); [/size]

If u are all u claim to be, then d chic is really messing up. She's lucky to have found a good guy and she's taking it for granted.
I wud ve said, show her the red card, but smtimes, we all get this little itch, to be with sb else. it may not mean she doesn't love u anymore.
It happened to me once, but i came back to my senses and went back to him. and we were much closer afterwards.
I think u still need to get up and say shape up or ship out. But be patient.
Time will tell.

bro d hand writing is on d wall.U'v already messed ur game up big tym by tryn 2 talk 2 her.d already d knows d way u will feel bout her bullshittin but doesn't giv 2 bleeps.y? cuz u r not "d man" any longer.I would say quit asap.n do it as calmly as possible.she's gonna wnt u back(babys don't like loosin dr favorite "toys" n would send a lot of peops u both know,specially family 2 appeal on her behalf. but rmbr dt even if she sends d pope.when u walk,U WALK.

Reading between the lines, I'd say your girlfriend of three years isn't as into you as she once was. She's pushing you, so you'd break up with her. That way, she'd be the victim, and you'll be seen as the big bad guy that ditched her.

That's the way it comes across to me, sorry!

Siena:

Reading between the lines, I'd say your girlfriend of three years isn't as into you as she once was. She's pushing you, so you'd break up with her. That way, she'd be the victim, and you'll be seen as the big bad guy that ditched her.

That's the way it comes across to me, sorry!

You read really between the lines. I said exactly the same couple of pages back. I am sure the guy would have made up his mind by now.

Alright,

I haven't been picking her calls or replying her text messages until noon yesterday.She said we needed to talk and i was like, no problem.She came to my crib later on,said she was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me and it was only those two people calling her and nothing more than that.The whole thing sounded like crap and i switched on the TV to watch BBC. . .at least there is 30% truth in their news reports.

After a while, she came to meet me on the sofa and said i wouldn't understand why she did what she did, and i was like. . .okay.She started sobbing and saying she did that to hurt me and i was like, how? She wanted it was because i refused to donate blood to her sick father when her mother requested for more donors (he died recently of prostrate cancer and we buried him about a week ago in Akwa Ibom).I reminded her that i had initially gone with her on my own accord to donate blood and the docs there said my PCV was 35 (which is ridiculously low for a man. . .a normal woman has a PCV of 36 while a man should have at least 40).My PCV was low coz i had been ill and i was on a heavy dose of medication and that resulted in me losing a lot of blood cells.The docs said i needed at least 8-12 weeks to get back to normal and there was no way i could donate blood without collapsing right there (or even worse).So how on earth could i donate blood when i was still in recovery!

It would have made no sense coz the docs would still turn me down.I told her outrightly that her story was lame.I really felt like telling her there and then that it was over and done with but i decided to follow the advice of several posters here who suggest i take things slow and "keep my tail in the water in case i need to swim again".As of present, i am gradually withdrawing into myself.I no longer take the so-called relationship seriously.If she's the one, she will do whatever that's necessary to amend the massive damage that's been done.If she's not, i cannot be bothered.I've already made up my mind for the worst.I just hope i'm not going about this wrong way.Perhaps i should have cut it all off there and then.

Wetin una think?

In between, thanks for the priceless of responses.It really went a long long long way putting my mind at rest.I appreciate that.

Siena:

Reading between the lines, I'd say your girlfriend of three years isn't as into you as she once was. She's pushing you, so you'd break up with her. That way, she'd be the victim, and you'll be seen as the big bad guy that ditched her.

That's the way it comes across to me, sorry!

That's the way i see it too.

harakiri:

Alright,



After a while, she came to meet me on the sofa and said i wouldn't understand why she did what she did, and i was like. . .okay.She started sobbing and saying she did that to hurt me and i was like, how? [b]She wanted it was because i refused to donate blood to her sick father when her mother requested for more donors (he died recently of prostrate cancer and we buried him about a week ago in Akwa Ibom).[/b]I reminded her that i had initially gone with her on my own accord to donate blood and the docs there said my PCV was 35 (which is ridiculously low for a man. . .a normal woman has a PCV of 36 while a man should have at least 40).My PCV was low coz i had been ill and i was on a heavy dose of medication and that resulted in me losing a lot of blood cells.The docs said i needed at least 8-12 weeks to get back to normal and there was no way i could donate blood without collapsing right there (or even worse).So how on earth could i donate blood when i was still in recovery!





In between, thanks for the priceless of responses.It really went a long long long way putting my mind at rest.I appreciate that.

what a lame and flimsy excuse. uhm trust now girls will always have excuse

@OP:

Your girl isn't serious, and you should run so fast, that superman and the flash would watch you in envy.
So, she wants you to die right? She wanted you to donate blood to her sick dad, when you had a low PVC?
And you know this, and you are still here on NL, talking about how you want to save your relationship?

A woman who really loved you wouldn't even expect you, a sick man, to donate blood to her sick dad, knowing fully well you are in recovery. Shes just playing you and fishing for excuses. I am surprised she hasn't used the words "possessive", "insecure", and "immature" to turn your head, and emotionally blackmail you the way some of these people here have used them against you.

I suggest you stop her from coming to your house, and play PSquare's "Game over" song for her,

Nonsense.

Reach inside, pull out your inner alpha, find your balls, and dump the chick. Abi you wan die?

harakiri:

Alright,

I haven't been picking her calls or replying her text messages until noon yesterday.She said we needed to talk and i was like, no problem.She came to my crib later on,said she was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me and it was only those two people calling her and nothing more than that.The whole thing sounded like crap and i switched on the TV to watch BBC. . .at least there is 30% truth in their news reports.

After a while, she came to meet me on the sofa and said i wouldn't understand why she did what she did, and i was like. . .okay.She started sobbing and saying she did that to hurt me and i was like, how? She wanted it was because i refused to donate blood to her sick father when her mother requested for more donors (he died recently of prostrate cancer and we buried him about a week ago in Akwa Ibom).I reminded her that i had initially gone with her on my own accord to donate blood and the docs there said my PCV was 35 (which is ridiculously low for a man. . .a normal woman has a PCV of 36 while a man should have at least 40).My PCV was low coz i had been ill and i was on a heavy dose of medication and that resulted in me losing a lot of blood cells.The docs said i needed at least 8-12 weeks to get back to normal and there was no way i could donate blood without collapsing right there (or even worse).So how on earth could i donate blood when i was still in recovery!

It would have made no sense coz the docs would still turn me down.I told her outrightly that her story was lame.I really felt like telling her there and then that it was over and done with but i decided to follow the advice of several posters here who suggest i take things slow and "keep my tail in the water in case i need to swim again".As of present, i am gradually withdrawing into myself.I no longer take the so-called relationship seriously.If she's the one, she will do whatever that's necessary to amend the massive damage that's been done.If she's not, i cannot be bothered.I've already made up my mind for the worst.I just hope i'm not going about this wrong way.Perhaps i should have cut it all off there and then.

Wetin una think?
In between, thanks for the priceless of responses.It really went a long long long way putting my mind at rest.I appreciate that.

Somebody should have told her to shut the trap because her dress was helplessly transparent  and everyone could see her 'It was white' (dirty ) undies.
If she wanted to hurt you with that act, she would not even have stopped answering when you came around.

Such a lame and transparent lie.

harakiri:

Alright,

I haven't been picking her calls or replying her text messages until noon yesterday.She said we needed to talk and i was like, no problem.She came to my crib later on,said she was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me and it was only those two people calling her and nothing more than that.The whole thing sounded like crap and i switched on the TV to watch BBC. . .at least there is 30% truth in their news reports.

After a while, she came to meet me on the sofa and said i wouldn't understand why she did what she did, and i was like. . .okay.She started sobbing and saying she did that to hurt me and i was like, how? She wanted it was because i refused to donate blood to her sick father  when her mother requested for more donors (he died recently of prostrate cancer and we buried him about a week ago in Akwa Ibom).I reminded her that i had initially gone with her on my own accord to donate blood and the docs there said my PCV was 35 (which is ridiculously low for a man. . .a normal woman has a PCV of 36 while a man should have at least 40).My PCV was low coz i had been ill and i was on a heavy dose of medication and that resulted in me losing a lot of blood cells.The docs said i needed at least 8-12 weeks to get back to normal and there was no way i could donate blood without collapsing right there (or even worse).So how on earth could i donate blood when i was still in recovery!

It would have made no sense coz the docs would still turn me down.I told her outrightly that her story was lame.I really felt like telling her there and then that it was over and done with but i decided to follow the advice of several posters here who suggest i take things slow and "keep my tail in the water in case i need to swim again".As of present, i am gradually withdrawing into myself.I no longer take the so-called relationship seriously.If she's the one, she will do whatever that's necessary to amend the massive damage that's been done.If she's not, i cannot be bothered.I've already made up my mind for the worst.I just hope i'm not going about this wrong way.Perhaps i should have cut it all off there and then.

Wetin una think?

In between, thanks for the priceless of responses.It really went a long long long way putting my mind at rest.I appreciate that.

Wait wait wait,  Slow down abeg.

Your woman decided to allow another chap to pansh her from all sides as your punishment because you didnt donate blood when her father was sick even though you offered to and the doctors turned you down?

So in her eyes, "your" punishment was to have another man ride "her" like horse?

That's a bloddy wonderful arrangement o. Na win-win situation for the chic sha. For all future real and imaginary offences you commit, YOU will be punished by HER enjoyment of another MAN's willy Think about it.

I don't know why we are still discussing this issue to be honest.

You people will not fry my brain on this nairaland.

My guy, if you believe in GOd, then He must really love you oh because he has handed a way of escape.

Pack your things and run. Run as if your life depends on it. If you look back, walahi you will turn to salt.

There are other girls out there oooooo,  hmmmm

as with investments gone sour, it is difficult to cut one's losses and let go , but thats what you need to do

i'm sorry

She could not even think of a sensible lie to come up with except this one? Why punish you as a husband to be, by having to go and bang another man? And yet you sit down and tell me you expect her to work her way back into your life, if indeed she is the one for you? Dude, wake-up! This is a whole new decade. This girl is still banging your brains while getting banged by another dude!

@poster

I don't usually contribute but since I recently had a break up myself, here goes.

SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!!!!!!! She can give you all the excuses on the planet. This is not even a gender thing. Love is real and it exists but like all precious things, it is rare. If she truly loved you, you wouldn't be going through all this. Simple. I'm surprised you've lasted this long. Forget the tail in the water, you could do a whole lot better. There are over 100 billion people in the world, are you telling me you can't find someone better?

Tuneh

@totalabi i luv ur comment u really broke it down.
@poster juz take it easy cos wat will be will be so dont kill urself with stress also she has to be eager for d relationship as u r for it, it shudnt be one sided else dats trouble looming rite there. i think she stil luvs u though bt take da luv slow rite now till she starts acting rite.

You aint, you are definately not overeacting. Even though am younger than you are and am not looking for to get married yet, am kinda in your shoes and i know what its feels like. What i did and am still doing is to start letting go after trying everything in the book (talking to her, telling her sister, being nicer, staying  away e.t.c). It boils down to taking care of yourself first before anyother person. God said, LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOUR SELF. Yourself being the yardstick . Although its hard and i still feel attracted to her sometimes, am back out there hooking up with new people. You should try something new for your sake.

where is Pro01? i' would like to hear his views on this topic.

Sometimes i wonder if this site is a dating and advise site. Soo many people with soo many relationship issues

Hi , is Tolu and Omo fat still online,, Like ur response, can we talk on any freindly advise. I have a related concern too. Or anyone that wish to help. Thanks

add me on this Y! messenger

tooserious002@yahoo.com