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We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage - Romance (6) - Nairaland

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RE: We Met In 2017 On Nairaland And In July,2020 We Got Married / We Met In 2017 On Nairaland And In July,2020 We Got Married / How “no Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage, 6yrs after I'm still single (2) (3) (4)

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Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by wizod(m): 4:38am On Sep 09, 2018
memories1:
Traditional marriage IS marriage. Every other marriage is a borrowed culture. Having a priest present to bless the union then is good enough. For the sake of legal documents, a court marriage can be added. End of.
i'm a Pastor and ur comment is really d conclusion of d whole matter

1 Like

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Mizwisdom(f): 4:41am On Sep 09, 2018
I know some people will believe this story, something fabricated by a sex starved person, people who don't want to marry but to have sex for free




Need books?
contact me via orderbooksng@gmail.com

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Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Nobody: 4:42am On Sep 09, 2018
BrokenCock:
u read story fr another thread come here dey comment

You crazy grin grin grin
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by larivers: 4:46am On Sep 09, 2018
ok, normally i don't comment.. but what i just read is ridiculus. embarassed
From you post, you don't love the guy, you don't even see him as your husband after traditional marriage. And you went ahead to hit him in the balls because of sex.
For guys, particularly with the woman you love, sex is more of an ego thing.. you also bruised the guy's ego

He did the right thing.

PS: Not everything we import from Europe is law.

1 Like

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by mailemy(m): 5:08am On Sep 09, 2018
Fake story from a priest to a pastor. Anyway,there is a lesson to be learnt from the story. Moreover,both partners becomes husband and wife after a traditional marriage.
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Nobody: 5:14am On Sep 09, 2018
What else can CONFUSED CREATURES offer you if not conjugal confusion.
SEXX weh white ladies dey carry do kolanuts for visitors. Na waaa
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by sisisioge: 5:25am On Sep 09, 2018
grin grin grin grin grin grin

Madam hoarder...you did well. Fighting your husband like that because of sex! Hian. May God continues to bless your ministry.

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Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by emperorblog(m): 5:26am On Sep 09, 2018
memories1:
Traditional marriage IS marriage. Every other marriage is a borrowed culture. Having a priest present to bless the union then is good enough. For the sake of legal documents, a court marriage can be added. End of.

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Ayoothniel1(m): 5:30am On Sep 09, 2018
Left to me, though am a strong Christian but due to the immoralities all these church ladies have committed in the past before running to church for salvation I’ll insist one gets pregnant before we can even do traditional wedding cos some beautiful ladies in church don’t even have a womb that can House a child due to the life they have lived in the past
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by kapelvej: 5:55am On Sep 09, 2018
Silly you!!!. So traditional marriage is no longer marriage. The only marriage Jesus attended was according to Jewish tradition
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Wagasigiungu(m): 5:58am On Sep 09, 2018
What am I reading on here?!!! This thread is trying to justify sex b4 marriage for some couples. Y'all are just blaming the lady, while forgetting the man is also blameworthy. I think she is better off without him jor. Y'all didn't notice the derogatory words used by the man and the fact he repeatedly tried to rape her.

Who does that? In addition he is a weakling who can't control his sexual desires and also an alcoholic who turns to the bottle to drown his sorrows. Who wants such a man for a husband?

4 Likes

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Wagasigiungu(m): 6:02am On Sep 09, 2018
Ayoothniel1:
Left to me, though am a strong Christian but due to the immoralities all these church ladies have committed in the past before running to church for salvation I’ll insist one gets pregnant before we can even do traditional wedding cos some beautiful ladies in church don’t even have a womb that can House a child due to the life they have lived in the past

Strong Christian indeed. So you would rather commit fornication and father a bastard out of wedlock rather than doing due diligence without sacrificing your beliefs. Pregnancy doesn't make a good marriage!!!

Don't sacrifice the sanctity of God's commandments on the alter of selfish immorality.

2 Likes

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Toofan007: 6:04am On Sep 09, 2018
Justice310:
I met him in church one Sunday morning. He sat next to me and I couldn’t help it but recognize the kind of gentleman he was. He was soft spoken and had this shyness on her face anytime he tried to talk to me. During the service, I realized he was finding it uneasy to sing along with the church because he didn’t come along with a hymn book. I shared mine. We both sang from the same hymn book and got closer as the service progressed.

After the last grace was said by the priest and the church dispersed, he turned to me and said thank you. I smiled and asked his name. “I’m Martin,” he said.

“Nice meeting you Martin” I responded. But before I could turn around and leave, he told me;

"Actually, this is my first time being here.” Amid smiles he continued. “and it’s great finding a friend at my first time in church. Do you mind if I called you sometimes?”

We exchanged contacts and left each other’s presence. Truth be told, I was going through the hardest times of my life. The man I’ve dated for about two years just called it quit and I was very devastated. I was nursing my wounds when Martin came along. He kept crossing my mind all week but I resolved not to call him until he does.

He never called until we met in church again the next Sunday. Inwardly, I felt guilty for thinking about him the way I did all week. That’s girlish. But we had another good service together, singing from the same hymn book and making fun under our breath.

After the service, he called when he got home. We started chatting on Whatsapp and grew closer together as the days pass. I shared my story of broken relationships with him and he was kind enough to offer soothing words. He didn’t judge me. He didn’t condemn my actions or sought to give directions as to how I should have handled things. He gained my trust that way and I opened up more.

He told me a little bit about himself. Nothing of note though, but I was happy he was overcoming his shyness. We grew closer and closer until finally, after about six months later, he made it obvious that he wanted us to date.

He didn’t propose to me. I don’t remember him telling me he loved me or wanted to be with me. He loved to act than to use words. We spoke more about it and decided to be in a relationship. He already knew my fears and easily accepted the conditions I laid down for the relationship. I told him; “I don’t want sex now. At least, if it should happen, it should happen after marriage, that is if you have any intention to marry me.” He only nodded and smiled. That day in his room, I remember we had our first kiss.

It was awesome! A lot of things started running through my head. Hey, I wasn’t a nun. I’ve had sex before and kisses this intense usually lead to sex. I remember grabbing him intensely like my whole life depended on him. I was shaking. I wanted something more than the kiss but I held on. He was gentle. The farthest he could go was to hold my head in between his palms, look me in the eyes and kissed intensely. I couldn’t breathe. I gathered the little strength in me and pulled away. I was panting like I’ve been running around for hours. The next words that came out were; “No more kisses until marriage. I mean it.”

For the next two years, we didn’t kiss and we never had sex. The farthest we went was to hold hands, lean on each other and occasionally cuddle. Martin was a good boy and I loved him dearly. We decided to get married after two years of being together. When we started counseling, our pastor wanted to be sure if we’ve had sex before. We had all the pride in us when we answered no. I don’t know if he believed us but we were telling the truth and didn’t care if he did. He only told us to be careful since it’s at this stage that all manner of temptations creep in. We knew our strength. We were sure we could scale above all temptations.

Our marriage arrangement was to have the traditional wedding and then do the church wedding in six months later. We started having troubles. The urge to have sex became greater. After all, we were going to marry so what stops us from having sex? In my mind, I wanted our first sex to be special. I wanted to blow his mind off during our first sex and what better moment to do it than to wait for the honeymoon? this thought kept me going. Two weeks before the traditional marriage, we spent most nights together in the same room and on the same bed. We had a lot of errands and arrangements to do and it was better we stayed together. But sex had a way of creeping into our minds.

I remember one night it turned into a serious scuffle. Martin wanted it. I’ve never seen him so aggressive. He was pushing and struggling with me to allow him to have s*x. To him, we were already married and didn’t see the reason to still cover the cookie. I implored. I fought him. At some point, I wanted to scream. What the pastor said was ringing loud in my ears; “it’s at this stage that all manner of temptations creep in.” Amid threats of screaming and loud prayers, I won and slept in peace. That wasn’t the last. We kept having series of minor fights because of s*x.

Days to the traditional wedding was tough. We could go all day without talking to each other. He was angry and I was angry. S*x was killing the beautiful thing we had together. But we soldiered on.

Finally, we did the traditional wedding. The pastor was there to pray and bless the union. During his sermon, he complimented us for staying chaste all this while and told us to still be strong and keep it till after the church wedding. I could see my husband restless and with a subtle frown.

The night after the traditional wedding we had a fight. Our first fight as husband and wife happened on a night we ought to be happy together. What brought the fight? SEX! Not That I didn’t want to have sex, I wanted to but the time wasn’t right. So I told him; “Didn’t you hear what the pastor said? This is not the real marriage so we can’t have sex. Hold it together. We are only six months away.”

After saying this, my new name was launched; “Madam-We-Can’t-Have-Sex, I hear you but tomorrow, I’ll have s*x somewhere else.” Did you hear what he just called me? Madam-We-Can’t-Have-S*x? At this point, I didn’t care who he would have sex with if only that would make him stay off me till our honeymoon.

For a week, we lived in the same room but talked less to each other. He was always angry with me. What a way to start a married life. I was determined. To me, that was the right thing to do. The church frowns on sex before marriage, not that I also frown on it, I had a different motivation. I wanted the first sex to be unforgettable. I was saving my best for last and for no one but him. So why was he rushing?

Then one night things got worse. Martin came home with a friend. He was too drunk he couldn’t have made it home without the help of his friend. We had spent two arduous months together. I was sad for him. “Is he going through all that because of sex?” I asked myself.

I left him in the coach till he woke up at dawn and came to sleep next to me. He was smelling like a rotten fish. I couldn’t stand it so I woke up, picked a pillow and started walking away to sleep in the coach. He pulled me over and tried forcing himself on me. We’ve been through this tussle over and over again and I always won. I was used to it. This time, something was different. He was stronger and determined.

We struggled and fought for about fifteen minutes. He seemed to get stronger by the minutes while I was losing steam. He managed to tear off my pant and held my two hands apart with his two hands. We were both left with our legs to struggle with. I got tired and realized I couldn’t fight any longer. I kept my calm. He sensed the victory and quickly dashed over to have me. That was when I raised my right knee and unfortunately, my knee caught him in the balls. He fell over and screamed out loud. He suddenly got frozen. I’ve never been scared in my life. I thought I had killed him.

I tried calming him down but he kept whining in pains. Neighbors who heard him screaming started knocking on our door. I rushed to put on a dress and opened up the door. It was very embarrassing seeing neighbors in my room trying to help him regain his calm. After a lot of going up and down, he regained his calm. We were left alone.

The next morning, he packed what he had in the house and left. I didn’t ask him any question. I feared he might hit me. I left to my parent. I kept playing out the incidence in my mind over and over again. I kept asking myself; “Did I take this no sex thing too far.” I believe I did. He never picked my calls for three days. My parent and I went to meet him and his parent to try and resolve the issue but he didn’t listen to a word of what we had to say. All he said was he wanted a divorce. Two weeks later, his parent and other family members came over to dissolve the marriage.

That was it. My marriage lasted for only two and half months. What breaks my heart is the fact that I gave sex to those who didn’t deserve it. They had sex and left anyway. This one—Martin did everything right but I allowed fear to take over my senses. Recently, I heard from another pastor saying that traditional marriage is also marriage and sex is allowed after traditional marriage. If that was true, how stupid could I be? I was married and I didn’t even know it?

Three and half years after our break-up, I attended a wedding—Martin’s wedding with another lady I knew so well. I’m here, still single after six years of our breakup. Guess what, I had a boyfriend. We had sex but the relationship didn’t go well so we broke up. Back to single again.



http://silentbeads.com/not-sex-marriage-destroyed-marriage/#.W5RCDGko80M
Contrived nonsense.
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by PrimadonnaO(f): 6:11am On Sep 09, 2018
ultimate77:
Who wrote this story again?
ok, tell the person its all lies. pictures or we will not believe it.
in short, i cant take this rubbish from you oP. just come and apologie.




Nigga... here it was a catholic church and the Bolded was in charge.



when did catholic church start having pastors? Niggga stop this trash make thunder no locate you o.

The story might be made up, but the different clergy men indicated in the story isn't proof to that. A pastor from either parents' church might have been the one who gave blessings at the traditional wedding.
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Nobody: 6:17am On Sep 09, 2018
Gabriel99:
I and my wife waited for 4 years and didn't get this naughty in the last important hours, no disrespect ma'am..but it's all lies, It's either you are trying to get to someone that is holy or you're trying to discredit purity in marriage. I see this message as directly insulting a Christian holy living.
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by thunderbabs: 6:22am On Sep 09, 2018
Its a thing of choice.. For females especially.

Giving it to ur guy or not, he will always see a lady willing to give him dt sex anytime anyday... Sex is often overrated.
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Twagrill(m): 6:23am On Sep 09, 2018
AskProf:

Really?
bro. you're wicked oo... You just wasted my energy scrolling.:@
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Reinah(f): 6:24am On Sep 09, 2018
This story mighy be fake but issues like this could be happening. It is quite sad how people place so much unneccessary importance on white/church weddings, oh! It was important when couples used to stay celibate till that night, it showed purity. If you got pregnant before then, you couldn't have church wedding but times have changed, people do it without being celibate and even with pregnancy. Didn't our forefathers get married before Christianity came? Even the Europeans had weddings before Queen Victoria started the white wedding. What makes the wedding above others, the vows or wedding dress?

Traditional marriage is as important as others.. As long as the dowry has been paid(Culture) and the law(Court certificate) recognizes you as man and wife. My aunt had to do court marriage after 10 years of church wedding because the church couldn't confer a post on her without a court marriage certificate. If I had my way, court and traditional wedding is just enough for me. I'd just get a pastor and interested church people to be there..shebi it is for the church to recognize us ni? grin I'd not waste time and resources on white wedding. God is everywhere and Jesus didn't give rules for wedding but that the marriage bed be undefiled.

In other news; #NoSexUntilMarriage is bae grin

4 Likes

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by holaoni(m): 6:29am On Sep 09, 2018
YoungDaNaval:
If not for the fact that am a mariner and will be having a ceremonial wedding walai, white wedding for no dey my agenda. Traditional marriage (igba nkwu) is the main thing.





Meanwhile, where's my hero NwaAmaikpe and my crush makydiebbie
Blik na same thing dey our mind..... I can't but experience this guard of honor on my wedding mehn
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Slurity(m): 6:31am On Sep 09, 2018
Traditional weeding is even the true marriage, your pastor did not understand the Bible culture. what a pity
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Smarkie: 6:34am On Sep 09, 2018
you destroy a marriage that could have produced 2 or 3 kids because of sex. smh
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by doyinbaby(f): 6:35am On Sep 09, 2018
Once you do traditional marriage sex is permitted before God and Jesus......have as much sex as you like in fact get belle
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by ollygee2008(m): 6:50am On Sep 09, 2018
God's time is the best.
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Nobody: 6:51am On Sep 09, 2018
ultimate77:
Who wrote this story again?
ok, tell the person its all lies. pictures or we will not believe it.
in short, i cant take this rubbish from you oP. just come and apologie.




Nigga... here it was a catholic church and the Bolded was in charge.



when did catholic church start having pastors? Niggga stop this trash make thunder no locate you o.


Lol. Catholic priests are also pastors to their flock even if they don't particularly use the word. The word has been usurped by Protestants so much it seems to belong to them, but it's not.

I'm not speaking for the validity of the story anyway. Sounds dumb to me. The bride should have asked the opinion of other parties or even her mom before allowing her marriage to break up.

They weren't married yet she was comfortable staying in the same room and sleeping in the same bed with the man and yet didn't expect sex. If he didn't make a move she should have been worried.

1 Like

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Nobody: 6:53am On Sep 09, 2018
sisisioge:
grin grin grin grin grin grin

Madam hoarder...you did well. Fighting your husband like that because of sex! Hian. May God continues to bless your ministry.

grin

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by ariesbull: 6:54am On Sep 09, 2018
I would only take that bullshít if the lady is a virgin
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Abatemtem(m): 6:56am On Sep 09, 2018
I've been telling my girlfriend and female friends these days this same thing.
Traditional marriage left to God is the only marriage that is recognized. Only your parents blessings are needed for a marriage to be constituted.
No pastor no matter the anointing is needed for you to be married!

My dream is to have a traditional wedding that is as big if not bigger than a white wedding.

It's time we stopped this eurocentric attitude we have. Indigenous is better!

1 Like

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Nobody: 6:57am On Sep 09, 2018
LoveThemChubby:
Many things in the story don't add up. Looks more like a daddy freeze and Linda Ikeji disciple trying to lure people into immorality.
1. How come you moved in with him if you felt you weren't married yet? Does your church permit cohabiting but frown at sex before marriage? shocked kiss undecided
2. How come the distance between the trad and the church wedding was as wide as the gulf of Guinea? shocked tongue
3. How can someone who had the courage to even physically resist sex with someone she did traditional marriage with easily spread her legs for a mere boy friend before and even after the incidence?
Please let's fear God o! He might be slow to anger but when His anger eventually comes, there is no hiding place o!

Trust me. People do that. And i have a problem with that. As soon as they realise you seem like a cool snd serious dude who is looking to settle down. They use sex as a bait or the ultimate prize in marriage. And these ladies aint virgins to start with. And of which they might be getting it somewhere else you might not know.

When they have shared it indiscriminately before you came around. Its baffling

3 Likes

Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by Nobody: 6:57am On Sep 09, 2018
Reinah:
This story mighy be fake but issues like this could be happening. It is quite sad how people place so much unneccessary importance on white/church weddings, oh! It was important when couples used to stay celibate till that night, it showed purity. If you got pregnant before then, you couldn't have church wedding but times have changed, people do it without being celibate and even with pregnancy. Didn't our forefathers get married before Christianity came? Even the Europeans had weddings before Queen Victoria started the white wedding. What makes the wedding above others, the vows or wedding dress?

Traditional marriage is as important as others.. As long as the dowry has been paid(Culture) and the law(Court certificate) recognizes you as man and wife. My aunt had to do court marriage after 10 years of church wedding because the church couldn't confer a post on her without a court marriage certificate. If I had my way, court and traditional wedding is just enough for me. I'd just get a pastor and interested church people to be there..shebi it is for the church to recognize us ni? grin I'd not waste time and resources on white wedding. God is everywhere and Jesus didn't give rules for wedding but that the marriage bed be undefiled.

In other news; #NoSexUntilMarriage is bae grin

True talk.
Re: We Met In Church: How “No Sex Before Marriage” Destroyed My Marriage by YoungDaNaval(m): 7:00am On Sep 09, 2018
holaoni:

Blik na same thing dey our mind..... I can't but experience this guard of honor on my wedding mehn
My Brother. if I cross sword for my colleagues and them no cross for me....wetin I gain??

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