sounds like your job is very demanding.

why not try taking an occasional sick or vacation day, so you can unwind.

carefree:

hi chrishenzo,

The Chinese that you were initially referring to is Chinese race as a whole or China chinese ?  Either way, it doesn't make any difference.  Is correct that in Chinese household, the women are the ones who do majority of the housework and cooking.  In recent years, you may find  couples say 40ish and below ( yappies ) have husbands who enjoy cooking at times,  especially when it comes to inviting friends over.  Is more of a hobby then sharing of household chores and almost never on a regular basis.  As people get more affluent, they go restaurants more ,  try out different cuisines, travel to different parts of the world, some even go on gourmet tours to specific countries to experience authentic cuisine from different region ( eg France / italy) , availability of cookbooks and recipes over the internet not to mention cooking shows by celebrity chefs on tv, going to gormet supermarkets for exotic ingredients etc and all these interest which subsequently leads to the interest in cooking is just Lifestyle !

Younger working couples do share in household chores if they can't affort helpers. But when comes to cooking, is only the minorityof men and even then I still believe is a interest thingy.

Stop kidding me with those words. Two questions

Why do most Chinese girls always dream to have a Shanghai as a boyfriend?
Why do most Chinese girls prefer a weak man to a strong man that can stand on his decisions?

Don't give me a fake answer. Use what happen in real chinese life to answer my question

@ Poster,

   This is a bit complex. It seems you (u & your hussy) have set yourselves a high standard of living e.g. boarding school, good things of life etc that it cannot be maintained without your income.
If that is the case, then your man will know why you are away the whole day and should not complain about you not doing enough domestic chores.

A lot of guys here are hinting that your long hours away may be putting your home at risk. Maybe it is not what you want to hear (you prefer SA doddesses' posts) but they may have have a point.
If he now complains "religiously" as you put it, then he may have become unhappy with the status quo but knows that he cannot afford everything alone.
You seem to have made up your mind that your career and current lifestyle are non-negotiable.
Have you sat down with your husband and try to explore how much it disturbs him??
Any possibilty of downsizing?  I know people  here in the UK who didn't go to boarding school but have been through or are going through Oxbridge. I went to a good old Naija secondary but didn't stop me getting the grades or going to UK uni of my choice or course of my choice.
Sometimes, it's keeping up with the Joneses or face-saving  (not saying it's so in your case) that prevents people from downsizing.
We have had to sacrifice extra income for my madam to have more time to spend with the kids.

@OP
for now, it's just cooking, it might end up being more, i'm all for women working and finding themselves but 5am to 10pm? writing reports till 12am? that's way beyond too much, when do you have time for your husband? how does he feel about it?

men have egos o, while you're trying to get him over to his side, make sure you're careful not to put yourself in a position where his ego is bruised. Cos if it becomes a matter of ego then you'll have a very bad case.

personally the idea of my wife coming consistently home after me is just wrong.

of which this isn't a 'romance' topic, the OP is missing out on a lot of good advice, heck if it was in family, there's no way mr cork would have found it to post his brand of  errr. . .wisdom.

no be Amerikkah, dem no go pay you  .
in this economy, one would be on the top of ''whom to lay off"

tpiah:

sounds like your job is very demanding.

why not try taking an occasional sick or vacation day, so you can unwind.

If only a white man didnt come and tell us to stop marryin 2 or 3 like abraham: a friend of God or david: a man after God's heart all these would not have arise, we could have just shift camp

ebonyvibe:

@ Tosinville: I married my husband out of love not because of his money cos I was doing very well on my own prior to our meeting. But I had to marry a man that can take care of me and my family. And am sure that was part of the reasons he married me as well cos we can HELP each other out in dry patches.

I will never leave my husband if anything was to happen to him finacially cos I know he is not a lazy man he can take care of his family and bring the bread home. If he is able which he does to it entirity. Am probably one of the lucky ones my husband will clean the streets if it means putting food on the table for his family. That is a man.

I once dated a poor man, what an absolute bore - [b]this guy was lazy [/b]and that was the genesis of his poverty. At first I thought love will do it, Hell No, it wasnt happening always angry for ever miserable life wasnt treating him right and all the jobs he could find werent good enough and all the ones he wanted he couldnt do I mean honestly he did not have a clue.

We couldnt go out cause he didnt have money I was always footing his bills. At this point honestly men you loose your respect

I am not one to usually point fingers but you do upset me.
Your husband is ready to do anything for you and your kids but you are not?
See who is calling someone lazy.

ebonyvibe:



@Tink sh: I dont think my children will love me if they couldnt attend the best schools, dont think my husband will be too happy either if he was to come to an magnificantly clean house but still no food on the table cos all his salary has gone to paying bills and there isnt any food in the fridge not to talk of cooked food. Oh by the way we might not have gas as the supply might have been cut off.

I have three kids, two are in boarding schools and I take my annual leave when they are on vacation my youngest is five and is well looked after. My mum comes in the morning to look after him before school and his father picks him up when he is coming home from work. I spend all the weekend with him that is my system.

I wish you the best sha. My prayer is that your husband will get a better job so he wont be feeling inadequate (the way you are trying to paint him out to be).
Maybe then you won't be feeling that without that your job that his world will collapse.
Help him enjoy some dividends of married life, na.

..

blank:

I am not one to usually point fingers but you do upset me.
Your husband is ready to do anything for you and your kids but you are not?
See who is calling someone lazy.
I wish you the best sha. My prayer is that your husband will get a better job so he wont be feeling inadequate (the way you are trying to paint him out to be).
Maybe then you won't be feeling that without that your job that his world will collapse.
Help him enjoy some dividends of married life, na.

She praised the husband and then talked about the lazy guy she dated before she met her man. . . . .did I miss something?

4llerbuntu:

sigh. thank God for NL

i am also a man, i really don't like work (its too stressful and the pay is bad)
i prefer staying at home and Nairalanding all day and night.

i go out, dont get me wrong, but say around the evening to my JOB as the neighborhood cool spot manager and live wire and get back around 12 midnite to see my lovely wife and kids in bed, or at times all night especially weekends!!

i sleep with my wife once every week on sunday evening if i am not too tired from the weekend activities.

i also generally cannot afford to give my wife money (she works too and i often tell her to help with the expenses) afterall im not SUPERMAN!!!

my wife also complains all the time about not having sex and my not meeting the bills but i really think she should help out by understanding and accepting the situation afterall, im the head of the neighborhood recreational spot, it takes time and unfortunately most of the money i make.

i try to help out with house chores like minding the baby when i wake in the afternoons but im really no good with them. i also cant cook or wash or sweep to save my life so im really not that useful in that regard. BUT I TRY HARD OOO!!!

I NEED ADVICE, COS IM TIRED!!!

so pls let you very smart women tell me what to do too!!!
constructive responses too.

@ poster, do you think i am a good husband? so do you think you are a good wife

AHA!!! i need advice too nah!!!, pls help oooo, am getting outta my head too. or do i have to start another thread? just answer here pls.
people of NL!!

*Hauwa*:

no be Amerikkah, dem no go pay you  .
in this economy, one would be on the top of ''whom to lay off"

true sha.

@ Posters Ebonyvibe you said you are a working woman and hence no time to cook or do home chore, well you just another black mother that has failed her self, i am willing to bet in 15 month time your husband will kick your black behind out of the house, well hope you will also come to us in nairaland for advice then, see you in 15 month time then.

ebonyvibe:


I dont think my children will love me if they couldnt attend the best schools.

i think you mean you dont think your children will[b] like it [/b] if they dont attend the best schools.

Ebonyview shame on you, ok.

Mr Cork my brother only the truth you speaketh.

SA Goddess:

She praised the husband and then talked about the lazy guy she dated before she met her man. . . .  .did I miss something?  

I know that she praised her husband in that quote, that was what i was trying to bring out.
Now in this thread, she makes him sound inadequate and dat if she lets go the whole world will collapse.
okay let me modify my post so u will understand.

4llerbuntu:

AHA!!! i need advice too nah!!!, pls help oooo, am getting outta my head too. or do i have to start another thread? just answer here pls.
people of NL!!

what you need is deliverance. . .lol


i'd like to suggest that this thread be moved to 'family', that way there'll be less distractions due to the romance sections peculiar brand of experts. . .

Do d damn Housework and cooking. . . .nonsense!wtf!i sorry 4 u!

your husband is an azz. you mentioned that you have kids, so therefore i am assuming you have been married for a while now and he has put up with your lack of domestic skills for a long time so why is he belly-aching now ? unless of course you used to be a very domestic person when he met you and then all of a sudden you flipped the script on him and decided you no longer want to be domestic, in which case he has a right to be angry. if i buy an apple, i will hope it stays an apple and not turn into an orange.

secondly, your husband is an azz to be complaining about you making that nice juicy chunk of money for the family which negates your time to do domestic work, unless of course you earn all that money and do not contribute it to the household and use it for yourself and the kids, in which case he has a right to be angry at you.

bottomline, if you decide you no longer are into housework, you better be contributing a huge chunk of your salary into the household, and if you do and he still complains about your lack of housework ? he is an azz. if you do not contribute a huge chunk and decide you are not into housework ? you are an azz.

McDonalds will always sell their products. what do u think

Any woman who fails  to live up to expectation with regards to house work and cooking has failed woefully as a wife. We sometimes forget that we are Africans, no matter the years u have lived in the Western world, u remain an African.

I see this post as very nauseating, What kind of career lady are u anyway? Are u now telling us that your career supersedes your home? U better think twice and act fast before it becomes too late. I sometimes assist my wife in the cleaning of the house and cooking when i discover that she is too tired.  But is not enough for her to subsequently fold her hands, cross her legs and watch me do her duties. Nonsense  

@Poster,

Wahala dey o   You need to sacrifice some hours at work to make your husband feel like a man. Your marriage should not be toyed with. Act fast before your husband starts imagining himself with another woman. Hmn.


www.vibes-extra..com

All you need to do is to give him a good Mouth Gig every evening. . . . That will calm him down

wow, don't really know wat to say but i think u shud listen to d guys and act on wat they say since your hubby is a guy and we have guys here telling how they wud feel, if it were them.

secondly cut down ur working hours it too much i mean are some slave or something (no offence)

@/

I understand my dear. Maybe i over reacted jare.

But sincerely, u need to exercise extra caution in handling this issue, it has pushed so many men into the waiting hands of other women. Try and make him understand and put in your best.
But u have u tried changing your present job to another that can give more time?

buzugee:

your husband is an azz. you mentioned that you have kids, so therefore i am assuming you have been married for a while now and he has put up with your lack of domestic skills for a long time so why is he belly-aching now ? unless of course you used to be a very domestic person when he met you and then all of a sudden you flipped the script on him and decided you no longer want to be domestic, in which case he has a right to be angry. if i buy an apple, i will hope it stays an apple and not turn into an orange.

secondly, your husband is an azz to be complaining about you making that nice juicy chunk of money for the family which negates your time to do domestic work, unless of course you earn all that money and do not contribute it to the household and use it for yourself and the kids, in which case he has a right to be angry at you.

bottomline, if you decide you no longer are into housework, you better be contributing a huge chunk of your salary into the household, and if you do and he still complains about your lack of housework ? he is an azz. if you do not contribute a huge chunk and decide you are not into housework ? you are an azz.

It is quite derogatory to be calling somebody's husband an azz. Show some repect I beg.
If the man has been putting up with this no cooking for 5 years expecting that the wife will change and she did not . what do you expect, he should not voice out his opinion again?

I seriously hope u dont destroy your home in the name of been a career woman.