chaircover:

A good question we need to ask is Why do some men have affairs with thier househelps?

They see the traits in these househelps that their so-called wives have refused to show overtime and that is CARE for the family.
(Na who give my housegirl belle Ekaette don get belle) Mayehunta song if you were privilege to listen to it while twas on air.
Not like I'm supporting but tis an obvious fact that men are tuned to what tickles their fancy and hey, we all have EMOTIONS which is ignited more by our likes and dislikes.

In as much as Mr Corkscrew can be crazy, he makes more sense from his nonsense and I see loads of peeps vexed by his comments. Truth hurts indeed.

If only we can go back to one of his crazy threads about women doing the work and trying to be at level shoulders with men yet complaining of men,

As for you OP, I hope you read and take the MALE comments more cos dat's wat dey'd do if they were in your position and why would you feel you hubby aint thinking in that line already. Besides, you should compensate for all these time with loads and loads of SHAGGYING and nailing. That will ease the stress from you both and reduce tension for a while

IMHO, I do not think the OP is sincere with herself because in one of her responses she claimed how will the children love her if they do not attend the best of schools and how will the husband love her if he comes back to meet the fridge empty and he has to pay all the bills? Since she believes in a marriage, the criteria for the success or otherwise of same is the wealth she amasses and the school the children attend, then why bother about her husbands complaints since he loves her because of the food he meets in the fridge. Any career that places itself before one's family is not a good one and moreso, the individuals involved in such, lacks some understanding 'cos the joy of a home is not in the wealth they amass but the joy and love that radiates in the home.

For me this should be strictly for married ppl only. So are you guys commenting married? if not what do y'all know about married life? Mr. Cork can I borrow your "no ooffence?"

Please op if you really need peace in your home you can take advice from everyone in here but from GOOGLES, NAH NAH NO.

This is why we need to know each other better before marriage, I hate seeing my environs nasty. The op sound more like a lazy woman when it comes to house chores.

Besides, you should compensate for all these time with loads and loads of sleeping-with and nailing.

op ^^

better read between the lines of what your husband is saying.


take time off from work if need be.

many mistresses dont do housework either- they simply focus on the s.ex alone and the men dont say they mind.

i think your husband is a typical African man. thats y he behave like.

Author: Date: Sep 7th, 2010. | Category: Metro, News. | Follow comments: RSS 2.0. | You can leave a response below. |
The Pastor of Glorious Vision International Ministries, Ori Oke Ogudu, Lagos, Nigeria, Pastor Paul Nna has been arraigned before the Ogudu Magistrate’s Court charged with raping a housewife (names withheld).

P.M.NEWS gathered that the woman’s husband, also a pastor in another church sent his wife to Pastor Nna’s church to collect a bag from him.

When the victim got there, Nna reportedly told her that he saw a vision that there was danger lurking ahead in a new appointment she was about taking up that morning.

Nna was said to have deceived the colleague’s wife that she needed deliverance to cast a demon out of her body.

In the process he flogged her severely with broom and after she became exhausted, she fell down.

According to the husband, Charles Kukuise, before his wife could recover, Nna raped her. But immediately the woman became conscious she phoned her husband to reveal the incident to him.

Charles then reported the matter at Ojota Police Division.

He also rushed his wife to an undisclosed hospital where she was admitted.

After investigation, the matter was charged to the Magistrate’s Court.

The prosecutor, Assistant Superintendent of Police, ASP Eyo Owai docked the pastor on a one-count charge of raping the pastor’s wife.

When the charge was read to Nna, he pleaded not guilty.

The trial Magistrate, Mrs. Aje Afuwa granted Nna bail in the sum of N100,000 and one surety in like sum.

She adjourned the matter till 13 October, 2010 for trial.

@poster
some of the people giving you advise here do not really know what it takes to live comfortably overseas. can one income pay all the bills? probably not. you have to sit down with your husband and discuss this issue. he MUST participate in the house choir especially during the week when you are at work since he normally comes back earlier. At weekend you can prepare a meal that will be sufficient for the rest of the week.Do all your laundry at weekends and arrange your children cloth by then.  

Quote from OP

I dont get in until about 10pm and still have to run a long list of report till about 12pm. Wake up at 5am to be out of the house at 6am. I dont have the time and at weekend I do my fair share of cooking and cleaning but I cant do it on a daily basis as well.

Let us assume you start work by 7am and finish by 9pm. Does it mean you do 14 hour shift. That equates to 70 hrs in a wk. This is illegal in any EU country unless you are not in Europe. Ok you write your report till 12 midnight and sleep by 1am to wake up 5am. 4 hrs sleep/rest after 14 hrs shift and 2 hrs report writting. You must be new machine. When are you going to enjoy all this wealth? when u break down?. If i know your hood i will sure come and open a tura or lux shop(Just Tura or Just Lux will be the name) as your hubby will be a potential target.  The man ga agba pices na ncha.

Honestly you need to cut down your working ours and give sometime to your five yr old child otherwise he/she might thing you are just a wkend visitor cuz he will only get to see you during wkends. I believe your child only see you during weekends as he must be asleep btw 10pm and 5am which is the time you are home during week days.

@gamesb

Are you high on something? Is this where you should post a news story?

Whats your problem?


www.vibes-extra..com

Obviously, this is a time management issue.

So, simply put, you need to improve your time management, improve the time you spend at the office, and extend it to home support. If possible, find a sister, or a small boy, or a help that can do most of the kitchen work, only you pay on the long run with say, sending the person to skool and all that like feeding. Then, basically cut the time you spend at the office.

Don't expect a man to play with his stomach and laugh with you, It frustrates every other thing we do.

keeptrying:

@poster
some of the people giving you advise here do not really know what it takes to live comfortably overseas. can one income pay all the bills? probably not. you have to sit down with your husband and discuss this issue. he MUST participate in the house choir especially during the week when you are at work since he normally comes back earlier. At weekend you can prepare a meal that will be sufficient for the rest of the week.Do all your laundry at weekends and arrange your children cloth by then.  

Relax, some people here know what it takes to leave abroad and pay bills et al. So don't give us that condescending statement. The fact is the poster has put her career ahead of her family, even if she does not admit it. Whether she lives in the western world, or lives in naija, it does not change the fact. People have given her lots of advice already. It's only a matter of time before she loses her husband if she doesn't start putting her family first. The wheel is in motion, it started with the husband hinting and complaining.

monkeyleg:

@deniyor, I wouldnt recommend or encourage that. I think this lady came on here for some good advice, and the least we can do is offer her some, no matter how truthful it might sound

Of course, no one would. I am merely looking for options for the poster. Moreover, I just hv a thing against people who put their career ahead of family. Don't start the family in the first place.

@poster, its good to be a career woman, infact i prefer career women to others. Haven said that, lets assess ur options, i think its either you and ur husband arrive at a compromise or you change jobs. At any rate u are not getting enuf rest which may be harmful to u. U work throughout the wk and at wkends, u do cooking and house chores, i think its high time u reconsider ur stance.

Poster. . .I think you are being lazy and doing the things that are not the most needful.

What do you have to do? Wash clothes. Vacuum the rug. Cook. Wash plates. Do grocery shopping.

To wash clothes, all you need is to put them in your washing machine. When done, put it in the dryer. How hard is that? It's not that you are washing by hand, is it?

To clean rug, plug it and move it around and it does all the work. Just move around the house, shikenan!

To cook, no big deal. Do 3 - 4 weeks of cooking at once, portion them out and get it totally frozen within a few hours after it cools down. It will taste almost as fresh weeks from that time.

To wash plates, put them in the dish washer, and take them out when done. What is hard in that?

To do grocery shopping, buy things to last for a month. Stock in fridge and buy little, little things like fruits and veggies on your way from work. What is hard in that?

Finally, don't kill yourself with working. The number of hours people work in the developed world is set and overtime is based on volume of work which you still get paid or can opt-out.

So, how do these suggestions help for a solution?

Poster,
I'll be a foool to marry a woman who can't or won't do house chores because of her career.
If your career is that important to you, why did you go into marriage in the first place?
You can't possibly be tall & short at the same time.
Were you expecting your husband to do the chores at home while you work?
Even If you're the bread winner and your husband is jobless, is still no reason for you to neglect ur responsibilities.
You can look for a househelp but be sure to lose ur husband to her in a couple of months.
A person whose house is on fire does not chase rats.

@ post.

Why is the husband now complaning . . did he not see this before you guys got married . . . or did someone pretend?

We all keep hoping our spouses will change after marriage and /or childbirth. It never happens

Sorry for you both.

I tink if u have a good undestandin hushand,takin care of the minor work when u are not at home wouldnt be a big deal. Bt mind u, u have 2 have a proper time management schedule in place.

@Deniyor, I get you. Dont mind that guy that thinks he alone leaves abroad and raises a family. Most people I know abroad now are striking the right balance which in most case would mean one stays at home while the other goes to work, and this also applies to oyibo people, so it is not a black thing.
Saying that, there is so much merit in the wife staying back to really put a good eye on the kids and family and making a very successful home. It is not about the big bucks jobs, most times they end up being real killers, but folks fail to realise this before it is too late and then they blame it on something else, rather than thier inability to give up thier selfish desire

@poster, pls take another look at the advices from male folks, it will help u understand hw ur husband thinks. Also life isnt about only u, do what is best for your family.

i will cook for my wife and children when i can. But it is d womans duty to cook for the family.
the management of any home is d woman's duty. Men should assist i suggest. Women are not slaves but its in every man's desire to eat his wife's meal and it is fulfilling and makes him to walk shoulder high in the streets.
Please support ur husband and cook his meals. let something go for his sake and he will definitely reciprocate in another way.

Ebonyvibe you are a controversial black lady, dont want your kind any were near us them black brother, go,go,go.

MOBO444:

Ebonyvibe you are a controversial black lady, dont want your kind any were near us them black brother, go,go,go.

Leave her alone you annoying little prick

lest i forget

op, on the offchance you're actually posting innocently here without any undercurrents in the background, you should be careful how you introduce your personal matters on the web.

things arent what they seem, and a lot goes on same as the unseen forces in real life.

just a word of warning, which you're quite free to ignore.

of course, if you're already in the system then no problem.


but posting on the web is like giving a speech in a huge marketplace full of people- even folks you dont know (and the ones you do know) are seeing and listening to you. And rest assured they will dig into your matters.

~~true talk.

@MOBO444 Nigga stay away from my girls,

Um,ok

AM NOT SEEING THE POST FOR THE TOPIC

WHERE THE TOPIC


LOL, THE POSTER DON COMOT AM~

My own 2$s

Some of the people posting here have NO CLUE.

OP
In a full day, there are no more than 24 hours. Even though you do not say it, I bet he complains about intimacy too as I would assume that you will be tired on a 4-5 hrs of sleep a day schedule.

For starters, you can have your cake and eat it; not the other way round.

I work but only because I get paid for it so NO thank you, I am not a career woman, I am a woman and would love to be a true home maker; if I can afford it. That said, the lifestyle that you currently have cannot be sustained by your hubby's income. That to me is a more valid reason for you to work 5am to midnight; than any effing excuse of boredom. Which kain boredom be that?
I will gladly hand my job to you in return for the money, thank you!

You have had some good advices here; I hope you make the right choices. If you make more money that your hubby to the extent that you could possibly get cut off of utilities or FOOD if you stopped working, then you guys need to reassess and reconfigure your lifestyles.

I do not hate housework but no matter how I pray or wish for it, 24 hours still make on day and I am human and not ashamed to say I get tired. So big wahala with me and my hubby all the time. Not many men will gladly take over the household chores so be realistic and know that he will always resent doing it even knowing that you are tired.

Good luck to you.

Really enjoying this topic but just to had ma few observations
1) why does your husband close 6pm and you close 10pm wondering what kind of job is dat have u discessed with him to find out if you have reduced hours of work or change your job to one with les hours whether it will b OK by him as per tkn care of d bills caused by d lapses

2) We all like to say we are in the western age now so the woman should not do all d cleaning and cookn coz she aint superwomen but u forget the repercussions which leads to so many divorces esp in the so called western world and single mum's and rily it is not our tradition we Africans so y chase after another man's world all d time

3) you need to take a look at most called career women in africa esp the blacks, a larger percentage are single, we tend to use our kids has an excuse but we forget this kids will grow up, leave your homes 4 theirs and you will have to spend your old age with your husband coz by then it will b only both of u so ow u manage the relationship now matters a lot in the future and its a big mistake taking your child first b4 your spouse in any relationship be it man or Woman

Lastly just tink you should have a dialogue with your husband and come to a compromise, has sum1 rightly suggested wkend cookn and cleaning aint a bad idea dont get to engrossed with this women empowerment bullshit know your role as a woman in has much as you are not slaves you are there to support and not overthrow the head. the bible makes it clear the man is meant to provide 4d family not the woman she is to support xcept if u know ur husb is not capable, God help you

Is it entirely wise to remain in such a job that keeps you away till 10pm? The house chores apart, when would you have time for family? Children and hubby?

People see a potential and very real marriage breaker and they persist in it.

Derp