Okay maybe I'm not making myself clear . . .

I'm not encouraging the man to hire the househelp oh. I'm just saying that a man who can't control himself around a teenage househelp is not responsible. Period!

Una no fit force me to agree with una na . . .

@ujujoan - you lucky say no be politics section you de. Dem for eat you raw. Take the hint just as CC has done and it be

Whatever!

Men wont fall for EVERY HM but will for ANY 18year old HM wey SET like the poster described. So its better to run.

Ujujoan:

I'm not encouraging the man to hire the househelp oh. I'm just saying that a man who can't control himself around a teenage househelp is not responsible. Period!

Ok, everyone especially Ujujoan, please forgive me. I know this topic should have ended long ago, but just one more thing, abeg

You're right, a man who can't control himself and goes ahead and sleeps with a teenage househelp is not responsible.

Ujujoan:

Okay maybe I'm not making myself clear . . .

I'm not encouraging the man to hire the househelp oh. I'm just saying that a man who can't control himself around a teenage househelp is not responsible. Period!

Una no fit force me to agree with una na . . .

hmmmm!!!! u're acting like you're a stranger on this planet, forget the age of the girl, she's a teen and she might not even look it, temptaion comes in different ways.
i used to joke wiv ma friends that any gurl under the age of 20 is child abuse but with time i started seeing it as "normal" when i started meeting ladies that are way younger but won't know until we sit to talk which might even be late most times,

hollars:


hmmmm!!!! u're acting like you're a stranger on this planet, forget the age of the girl, she's a teen and she might not even look it, temptaion comes in different ways.
i used to joke wiv ma friends that any gurl under the age of 20 is child abuse but with time i started seeing it as "normal" when i started meeting ladies that are way younger but won't know until we sit to talk which might even be late most times,

Omo All hole is hole in as much is opened

Interesting thread

A woman should be sensitive enough to know what it means when a man says "NO" to something like having a young female maid. Get somebody else!

Only the poster knows what he saw and sensed. Who are we to judge? A woman knows if she is interested in a man the first time they meet. A man is capable of knowing if he can knock down a woman the first time they meet. All the other waits are 'shakara'. Anyway, whatever you do not eat, you do not smell.

@Poster, stick to your guts!

Well I've just learned that there's a lot to learn about marriage, so I am going to delay this marriage thing for as long as I can. Quite frankly I do not want to find myself fighting with a so called husband over a so called right house help.


Maaaaannn! I honestly dont plan spending the rest of my life being a cock blocker.

Quoting Ujujoan, ''Now I know she's pretty and lots of the club members want to sleep with her, but I trust my bf enough to know that he can't stoop that low.''

For your information, Tiger Woods slept with waitresses.

pannyman:

Quoting Ujujoan, ''Now I know she's pretty and lots of the club members want to sleep with her, but I trust my bf enough to know that he can't stoop that low.''

For your information, Tiger Woods slept with waitresses.

Others are: David AQrquette, George clooney, Eddie Murphy, David Schwimmer, Reggie Bush, Michael phelps, Adam Levine, John Mayer and many more.
Waitresses are women who wait on tables to earn a living. There aint no stooping low in that

MsTom:

Others are: David AQrquette, George clooney, Eddie Murphy, David Schwimmer, Reggie Bush, Michael phelps, Adam Levine, John Mayer and many more.
Waitresses are women who wait on tables to earn a living. There aint no stooping low in that

hmmm interesting,
but i think this opening poster is a bit in-sincere, this post is 8 pages long
which is a reflection of the "sexual undertones with Oga's & House-helps" in Nigeria

If the guy does not like the house-help he should just tell the wife
to get another girl, i this house help is more like a cheer-leader in his eyes lol

@busy body and tubabie

Hmmm. Everybody seems to be after the poster for not being able to restrain himself but like a popular saying goes, body no be wood. I'd like to introduce a new perspective to the topic. One person asked why the wife hasn't started looking for another house maid after 3 days and no one picked on it. I won't be suprised if the wife is actually bisexual and might have something already going on with the house maid. @poster, am not saying that your wife is but given the fact that 90-95% of nigerian ladies both married and single are into girls, I wouldn't be suprised thats why she's angry for 3 days. I'm sure if she wanted a housemaid that bad, getting another to replace the rejected one wouldn't be too difficult. Anyways, thats just my 2cents, feel free to burn me.

Ujujoan:

Okay maybe I'm not making myself clear . . .

I'm not encouraging the man to hire the househelp oh. I'm just saying that a man who can't control himself around a teenage househelp is not responsible. Period!

Una no fit force me to agree with una na . . .

Is a teenage house-help not a human/female-being like you? What did you possess that a female HH does not?

To me, a teenage house help possesse's more attraction b'cos, she's stil young and lookin sexy (wit pointed brst)!

Nobody is forcin you to agree with em cos, everyone is entitled to his or her opinion!

If na me sef, I go piank were comot 4 D HH nyash, den if yawa gas, make my wife take am lyk dat, na she cos am!

'/'/

YAY! The thread continues.

In my opinion, this thread dealt with 3 main issues:

1) Was the poster right in refusing the housemaid? It seems the majority answer was YES. This is also my view because I believe every man knows himself and should therefore place the right controls around him to help him maintain his integrity.

2) Communication. I think we can learn a lot from Chaircover about openness in relationships. For me it's also what works in my marriage.

3) A man's natural urges (Libido or whatever other name we can think of). This was a big issue for me. The very fact that the man was attracted to the housemaid somehow led to questions about his morality, his marriage etc. My point was that this is not necessarily true. From what I know about men (myself and guys I interact with) it's natural to find certain types of women attractive - each man has his type. For most of the men of integrity that we see out there, we have NO IDEA what goes on in their minds. Obviously, anonymous forums like this allow people to speak their minds so you can get to learn a lot. In the world out there, we can only judge integrity by actions, not what a man feels like doing (however brief the feeling is).

Poster, you are a honest man, a man of integrity and who will not want to compromise his integrity on any ground. I salute your courage.

The Bible let us realize that IF YOUR RIGHT EYE IS THE ONE THAT WILL MAKE YOU FALL INTO SIN, PLUCK IT OUT!. It's a simple analysis. What enters the mind is not sinful but what comes out of it.

The question of smone having control over his AP or not does not really come into everyday temptation, temptation that is not temporar, but the one you live with everyday, then everyday you see her, you get tempted and smday, you will take the girl to bed. "If Rev. Fathers could be tempted and fall on the alter of sex, what more cannot happen to you and me, followers of the clergy man?"

My advice:You are the head of the house, the chief controller of the home affairs. Nobody dictates to you on what comes in and goes out of the house, who you can take in or eject. Stand your grand, YOU DON'T WANT HER, PERIOD!

A little while after, you may call her to explain reasons behind your decision on the girl. Am sure, she will respect you the more and depose more confidence in you.

@CC - welcome back from Cuckoo Island.

LadyT:

@busy body and tubabie

Leave me joo, after stealing my Sagamite from me and leaving me to raise 19 kids on my own Were there no single men out there that it was my own baldheaded, toothless, pot-bellied, bowlegged sexy adonis you had to tiff  

Ranoscky:

Any guy that can be able to recommend a gal with the statement below:
Pls, tell me what would happen if givin a slight opportunity?

Now imagine Ujujoan and her husband wakin up in the mornin and met their housemaid soo damn sexy and Ujujoan jokinly accused her husband of findin the housemaid attractive, and her husband replied; "ofcourse I find her attractive, she's pretty!" And they both laughed off the matter (while Ujujoan was on her way to work). Immediately she leaves, what do you think would happen next?

ROFLMAO

I know what my prayerpoint point will be at the Olumba Olumba gathering this Sunday, I will pray for utmost openness so that if my Husband says afterall we have made a pact to be 100% honest and keep nothing away from each other and then proceeds to tell me "honey I almost didn't marry you, you were my fourth choice, I asked Bisi, Nneka and Halima to marry me, but they said no because they had other suitors, then I asked you on day 4 and you accepted", I will be able to accept the news cheerfully


Then my next point of prayer would be for God to give me the spirit of perseverance and endurance to be able to maturely reply my husband that "awww common babes, it is not the end of the world, i appreciate your honesty, and i know you are telling me this necessary and productive piece of information which i need like a hole in the head, to enrich my life   And now you have told me this, because i love you sooooo much and my goal is to keep you happy, i hear Bisi your first choice is still single and did not marry that guy, so feel free to hook her up and see if their are still any sparks left, because I know if you are mine you would come back to me Or isn't that why you my dearest Husband is telling me this vital life-saving, life-affirming story


A man can control his libido and loin 100%, just like us women can control our mouth when our Mum/Dad/Botyfriend/Husbands etc, asks us the pertinent question "Is that a new bag/shoe/cloth you just bought"? and we respond "Oh common don't be silly you can't be referring to this old bag i bought years ago" or "oh I only paid N5 naira for it oh" Women sha

Arrghhhh, the battle of the sexes begin again, we all know this is not going to end . I see some people are blaming the guy for thinking its best not to employ the girl and then you blame him for having self control or whatever you call it (what is self control sef ), remember that guys are wired differently. I think the poster is very responsible thats why he recognises that it makes more sense to stay away from temptation as compared to looking for trouble to prove self control.

I dont know about explaining your reasons because this kind of explanation could be taken in different ways , although it seems fairly straight forward. Based on some of the posts i've seen here , we can assume that explaining to your wife would make her feel like you cannot control yourself, bringing another worry of what you do behind her back . I am sure you dont want to make your wife insecure cos ,

No you do not want to employ the house help , SIMPLES!!!!!

Pame:

Poster, you are a honest man, a man of integrity and who will not want to compromise his integrity on any ground. I salute your courage.

The Bible let us realize that IF YOUR RIGHT EYE IS THE ONE THAT WILL MAKE YOU FALL INTO SIN, PLUCK IT OUT!. It's a simple analysis. What enters the mind is not sinful but what comes out of it.

The question of smone having control over his AP or not does not really come into everyday temptation, temptation that is not temporar, but the one you live with everyday, then everyday you see her, you get tempted and smday, you will take the girl to bed. "If Rev. Fathers could be tempted and fall on the alter of sex, what more cannot happen to you and me, followers of the clergy man?"

My advice:You are the head of the house, the chief controller of the home affairs. Nobody dictates to you on what comes in and goes out of the house, who you can take in or eject. Stand your grand, YOU DON'T WANT HER, PERIOD!

A little while after, you may call her to explain reasons behind your decision on the girl. Am sure, she will respect you the more and depose more confidence in you.

@bolded
this has been my thought all along. The man is wise, sensible, honest. i don't see any reason why anyone should blame him. He's only been realistic.

chaircover:

I wont lie but I have been enlightened these past few days about men & controlling their libidos & I must have been living in cuckoo land for a very long time.

I do agree that men can and do get hadrons by simple things but I would have thought that the brain gets in gear and controls the man. I expect that the attraction will be for a fleeting second but other things start working to counter the "hard on" such as your vows, morality, integrity and so on.

To a certain degree I think women are somewhat to blame too because we keep on excusing cheating partners; we even blame each other for seducing the man. You also hear things such as "at least he comes home at night" "at least he looks after us financially" etc

I personally think that many relationships these days are not as solid & as deep as they should be, people marry each other for the wrong reasons, don't really know each other that well etc. Some people are not prepared to work at their issues in their relationships so they take the easy way out which is to look elsewhere for pleasure & then end up creating another problem trying to solve the initial problem. I am not referring to the poster but in general.

Personally, I don't think that anything should be out of bounds between husband and wife. Why would you marry a man or woman that you cant confide in or talk to, tell them your fears, weaknesses, concerns, aspirations etc. A problem shared is a problem halved. These are the ups and downs of marriage; its not just only when you win a contract that you talk to your wife. No one is perfect, but we can help each other to make us stronger; We are on the same team against the world.

I also notice that couples are too serious and have forgotten how to laugh and find humor in their relationships.

I do however agree that some women can be quite dramatic & make mountains out of molehills & so one treads carefully with these types.

I was at a party with my husband a few weeks ago & we sat opposite this young girl who had 75% of her 44DD bosoms hanging out of her low cut dress. My husband actually sat directly opposite her & I was sitting beside my husband. When he sat down he gave me a funny look and I just winked back. A few minutes later her sent me a BB msg on my phone saying " I am being attacked o!" I knew what he was on about and I just responded saying "Agbaya, no friendly fire discharge o" and he smiled. My husband is not blind; he noticed the girl but he knew that it was a topic that we were both comfortable with. When we were leaving that night, I leaned across and asked the girl if she wanted a ride home & my husband gave me a big pinch. She didn't want a ride home BTW & we still laugh about the episode. I tease him about it and he teases me back.

If you are open with each other and able to discuss your inadequacies, fears, concerns etc with your husband/wife, then you are halfway there. Things won't look so daunting and mysterious.

I also think that if you share a deep & sincere relationship with someone, you know exactly what that person feels about you; so the self-esteem and insecurity concerns are removed because you know exactly where you stand. It is the not knowing that brings along the insecurity; The does he like big bosoms, am I doing OK in bed, am I pretty enough for him etc questions would have all been answered a long time ago.

And in answer to the question that I am sure a smart Alec will ask me is of this girl came to live in my house will my husband sleep with her; The answer is NO. How do I know? because he is a man of integrity and we have killed whatever passion in a matter of fact way. There is nothing mysterious about the girl. Will I want the girl living in my house? NO; because not everyone who comes across her will be able to control themselves & I don't want any scandal & besides I cherish my privacy.

But like I said earlier, Our method works for us and may not be for everybody & I am not here to force my views on anyone & and we are all just going to have to agree to disagree on this one

God bless you ma.

chaircover:

I wont lie but I have been enlightened these past few days about men & controlling their libidos & I must have been living in cuckoo land for a very long time.

I do agree that men can and do get hadrons by simple things but I would have thought that the brain gets in gear and controls the man. I expect that the attraction will be for a fleeting second but other things start working to counter the "hard on" such as your vows, morality, integrity and so on.

To a certain degree I think women are somewhat  to blame too because we keep on excusing cheating partners; we even blame each other for seducing the man. You also hear things such as "at least he comes home at night" "at least he looks after us financially" etc

I personally think that many relationships these days are not as solid & as deep as they should be, people marry each other for the wrong reasons, don't really know each other that well etc.  Some people are not prepared to work at their issues in their relationships so they take the easy way out which is to look elsewhere for pleasure & then end up creating another problem trying to solve the initial problem. I am not referring to the poster but in general.

Personally, I don't think that anything should be out of bounds between husband and wife. Why would you marry a man or woman that you cant confide in or talk to, tell them your fears, weaknesses, concerns, aspirations etc. A problem shared is a problem halved. These are the ups and downs of marriage; its not just only when you win a contract that you talk to your wife. No one is perfect, but we can help each other to make us stronger; We are on the same team against the world.

I also notice that couples are too serious and have forgotten how to laugh and find humor in their relationships.

I do however agree that some women can be quite dramatic & make mountains out of molehills & so one treads carefully with these types.

I was at a party with my husband a few weeks ago & we sat opposite this young girl who had 75% of her 44DD bosoms hanging out of her low cut dress. My husband actually sat directly opposite her & I was sitting beside my husband.  When he sat down he gave me a funny look and I just winked back. A few minutes later her sent me a BB msg on my phone saying " I am being attacked o!" I knew what he was on about and I just responded saying "Agbaya, no friendly fire discharge o" and he smiled. My husband is not blind; he noticed the girl but he knew that it was a topic that we were both comfortable with. When we were leaving that night, I leaned across and asked the girl if she wanted a ride home & my husband gave me a big pinch. She didn't want a ride home BTW & we still laugh about the episode. I tease him about it and he teases me back.

If you are open with each other and able to discuss your inadequacies, fears, concerns etc with your husband/wife, then you are halfway there. Things won't look so daunting and mysterious.

I also think that if you share a deep & sincere relationship with someone, you know exactly what that person feels about you; so the self-esteem and insecurity concerns are removed because you know exactly where you stand. It is the not knowing that brings along the insecurity; The does he like big bosoms, am I doing OK in bed, am I pretty enough for him etc questions would have all been answered a long time ago.

And in answer to the question that I am sure a smart Alec will ask me is of this girl came to live in my house will my husband sleep with her; The answer is NO. How do I know? because he is a man of integrity and we have killed whatever passion in a matter of fact way. There is nothing mysterious about the girl. Will I want the girl living in my house? NO; because not everyone who comes across her will be able to control themselves & I don't want any scandal & besides I cherish my privacy.

But like I said earlier, Our method works for us and may not be for everybody & I am not here to force my views on anyone & and we are all just going to have to agree to disagree on this one 

Beautiful! cant agree less with this, especially the bold. The truth is  a whole lots of people including OP and his wife are not like Mr & Mrs CC.

But I still dont get the reason for which you will not allow the lady-44DD to live with you, if the only threat is Mr CC and you are very sure he will not sleep with her.

Interview an older woman to be maid - end of discussion

Fleeeeeeeee from all appearance of Evil !!!!!!!!! , That Housemaid is an appearance of evil. @poster you are 100% right, after 3 days of anger by your wife she will come to her senses and realized that you have just saved your marriage.

@bold, are you for real. What brain?

@CC and Uju, Men are wired different. If you like talk about morality, integrity, vows bla bla from now till eternity , The urge to stray, to hunt is there, to explore is ever present and it is strong. Like i said somewhere else, it take God to do a rewiring. Even the Holy Books says run, not think logically.

i have a mentor who has been married for close to 13 years now. This guy is one of the most disciplined people i know. He tells me solemnly (and i have known him for 7 years, so i can vouch for his integrity) that he has not strayed outside his marriage from the day he said 'i do'. But he also told me a story of how he had to abandon a short course he had paid almost 200k for, 2 days into the 5 day course, because he started getting on famously with an extremely pretty coursemate, and he saw where it will lead to. He literarily parked his bags and took off without goodbyes to anybody. That is the way to go. Just run.

On another note, I have a friend who had a similar experience. The girl in question is his wife's cousin. On the day the girl - fresh out of secondary school, very well spoken, with an admission letter to a University in a couple of months - arrived from Benue, my friend took one look at the girl's fully stacked assets (in his own words), had a 3 minute discussion with her, and, in the middle of the night told his wife very very calmly that if the girl doesnt leave their house the next day, he will do her somewhere along the line. Wifey sharp sharp parked the girls load and sent her back to the villagethe next day. Of course, he has had to live with his wife's suspicion ever since, but as far as he is concerned, it is better than doing his wife's cousin.

My conclusions:
1. Nice one poster. It is better to avoid this situation. Leave all the big grammar to the idealists and theoreticians. E go soon reach their turn. If them like after dem marry bishop, make dem keep fine girl for house. We will expect a feedback in a couple of years.
2. I will advice a 'run' in these situations. E no mata how u think say u strong reach

chaircover:

I wont lie but I have been enlightened these past few days about men & controlling their libidos & I must have been living in cuckoo land for a very long time.

I do agree that men can and do get hadrons by simple things but I would have thought that the brain gets in gear and controls the man. I expect that the attraction will be for a fleeting second but other things start working to counter the "hard on" such as your vows, morality, integrity and so on.

To a certain degree I think women are somewhat to blame too because we keep on excusing cheating partners; we even blame each other for seducing the man. You also hear things such as "at least he comes home at night" "at least he looks after us financially" etc

I personally think that many relationships these days are not as solid & as deep as they should be, people marry each other for the wrong reasons, don't really know each other that well etc. Some people are not prepared to work at their issues in their relationships so they take the easy way out which is to look elsewhere for pleasure & then end up creating another problem trying to solve the initial problem. I am not referring to the poster but in general.

Personally, I don't think that anything should be out of bounds between husband and wife. Why would you marry a man or woman that you cant confide in or talk to, tell them your fears, weaknesses, concerns, aspirations etc. A problem shared is a problem halved. These are the ups and downs of marriage; its not just only when you win a contract that you talk to your wife. No one is perfect, but we can help each other to make us stronger; We are on the same team against the world.

I also notice that couples are too serious and have forgotten how to laugh and find humor in their relationships.

I do however agree that some women can be quite dramatic & make mountains out of molehills & so one treads carefully with these types.

I was at a party with my husband a few weeks ago & we sat opposite this young girl who had 75% of her 44DD bosoms hanging out of her low cut dress. My husband actually sat directly opposite her & I was sitting beside my husband. When he sat down he gave me a funny look and I just winked back. A few minutes later her sent me a BB msg on my phone saying " I am being attacked o!" I knew what he was on about and I just responded saying "Agbaya, no friendly fire discharge o" and he smiled. My husband is not blind; he noticed the girl but he knew that it was a topic that we were both comfortable with. When we were leaving that night, I leaned across and asked the girl if she wanted a ride home & my husband gave me a big pinch. She didn't want a ride home BTW & we still laugh about the episode. I tease him about it and he teases me back.

If you are open with each other and able to discuss your inadequacies, fears, concerns etc with your husband/wife, then you are halfway there. Things won't look so daunting and mysterious.

I also think that if you share a deep & sincere relationship with someone, you know exactly what that person feels about you; so the self-esteem and insecurity concerns are removed because you know exactly where you stand. It is the not knowing that brings along the insecurity; The does he like big bosoms, am I doing OK in bed, am I pretty enough for him etc questions would have all been answered a long time ago.

And in answer to the question that I am sure a smart Alec will ask me is of this girl came to live in my house will my husband sleep with her; The answer is NO. How do I know? because he is a man of integrity and we have killed whatever passion in a matter of fact way. There is nothing mysterious about the girl. Will I want the girl living in my house? NO; because not everyone who comes across her will be able to control themselves & I don't want any scandal & besides I cherish my privacy.

But like I said earlier, Our method works for us and may not be for everybody & I am not here to force my views on anyone & and we are all just going to have to agree to disagree on this one

OP, Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunn !!!

CC,u are wonderful! I enjoyed every bit of your last post, may God bless u n ur family! Haters,go work on your home!

Chaircover dear, you've said it all. I mentioned it five pages or so ago. It appears these fellows are boyfriend and girlfriend not husband and wife. For one thing knowledge of themselves is zero, perception of their environment bad and communication worse. This marraige is built on quick sand. The type founded on fantasies, you know the riding into the sunset thing. The poor fellow doesn't know marraige is like being in a submarine diving to great depths. The world around is just waiting to crush it and the tinniest of leaks implode the whole thing. The bulk of men here confirm the sex thing is a huge challenge and someone is saying the man is/has/will fail(ied) his wife by admitting same and neutralizing the threat. Chaircover, if your man told you at that event, 'baby I'm under threat, let's get out of here' will you reply 'darling you have failed me, why can't you resist or I'm shocked you can be tempted'. That is crazy. These are not kids, they are adults that live in the same house and share a bed and you pretend to your wife that you are what, superman.

Ujujoan, I respect your point of view and the personality of your boyfriend but you are very mistaken and I advice DONOT push your luck. Become pro-active, start communicating fast, test his tolerances properly, and pee around to mark your territory. He may delete the memory of that girl for now but I tell you as a man, the recycle bin is never emptied. It will only take one disagreement, one rush of blood, one extra drink, one serious attempt by the lady for him to push the restore button. You ladies have your own vices and so may not understand the 'sex thing' but the threat is very real and is damn serious.

Those who permit their girls - inlaws, househelps, guests roam about the house wearing whatever they like are already divorced without knowing it. Who told you women don't know what they are doing.

"The most beautiful woman in the world is the one you haven't slept with" - I heard a man say that and I was stunned - but in his mind and minds of many men that he interacts with, this is so. - I agree with the writer below [bold area]

Claus:

In my opinion, this thread dealt with 3 main issues:

1) Was the poster right in refusing the housemaid? It seems the majority answer was YES. This is also my view because I believe every man knows himself and should therefore place the right controls around him to help him maintain his integrity.

2) Communication. I think we can learn a lot from Chaircover about openness in relationships. For me it's also what works in my marriage.

3) A man's natural urges (Libido or whatever other name we can think of). This was a big issue for me. The very fact that the man was attracted to the housemaid somehow led to questions about his morality, his marriage etc. My point was that this is not necessarily true. From what I know about men (myself and guys I interact with) it's natural to find certain types of women attractive - each man has his type. For most of the men of integrity that we see out there, we have NO IDEA what goes on in their minds. Obviously, anonymous forums like this allow people to speak their minds so you can get to learn a lot. In the world out there, we can only judge integrity by actions, not what a man feels like doing (however brief the feeling is).