ping pong:

@ulujoan - And you think the man's spirit agrees with D girl abi? The woman knows D reason, lets not deceive ourselves.

Even if she knew the reason, she still has the right to be angry. What if you hire an excellent and hardworking gateman/gardner - Who cleans the compund excellently well, tends to the plans and opens the gate at the first horn, but your wife doesn't like him because she's attracted to him?

You might not want to keep him because you won't want to 'tempt' your wife but don't tell me a part of you won't feel bad about it!

Will I see temptation right in front of me and embrace it?

I bet you did not tell her the reason huh?
"I don't like her" is the diplomatic version.
Tell her the real reason and she may be more undertanding of your true situation.

Why don't you suggest to her to interview some other prospects so it does not seem like you do not want her to get a maid at all?

My dear brother, perhaps your good wives strategy is to go with a maid you don't like. Perhaps the reasoning is that you wont be tempted by someone you don't like anyway. Ironical, isn't it?
I've got absolutely no advice for you on how to go about this one, but I can definitely tell you what NOT to do: What ever you do, DO NOT take the advice of those in here telling you to tell your madam your reason for not wanting the maid in question. Trust me, that path is froth with pain and anguish.

@ujujoan - the difference between the subject matter and your scenario is that the gardener had already started work.

Whatever . . it's just a mere technicality. Okay what if you wanted to employ him and he was recommended to you by someone he has worked for so you know his capabilities.

@ujujoan - you know what I will give u a true life story I experienced 2 show you that men ought 2 keep quite most times

That will be later cos I am using my phone currently and it has limited text input.

Ok fine, I'll wait for ur story. But I still think the woman deserves an explianation!

I'm disappointed with some of the comments here. Here is a honest man seeking advice and all he gets is criticism.

There are many men that would gladly welcome a maid they're attracted to for their own selfish reasons. This man has not done that. True, we should all learn to control ourselves, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try and control our "circumstances". And I don't know why people should be bringing up the issue of the workplace here.

My advice is that you should give your wife a hint. Tell her you want an older woman for a maid. Let her interview some others. Say things like "she's too attractive/polished to be a maid" - if that makes any sense.

If she still won't get it, let her know your mind. This could be tricky though, and you have to be very tactful in how you put your message across.

Good luck

@ Ping Pong

And you are right, I think the poster's wife already know he likes the girl. That's probably why she's angry. And I tell you, his inability to admit it will only make her anger worse!

@ Ibrahim

So you want us to pat him on the back and praise his taste in women

I'm not particularly critisizing him, but hey don't expect me to give him an award either. It's one thing to admit to admiring someone, it's another to not be able to control yourself around the said person! This poster thinks he might lose it someday and pounce on the girl. I'm sorry but I can't help but show a little dis taste for that!

Oga Poster,

I whole heartedly agree with IbrahimB's 3rd paragraph.  

she is your better half, i agree, for better for worse, perfect but I always remember something that i learnt from my family while growing up, it is not everything you discuss and bring to your wife's knowledge (I may not be popular with this statement but its a fact), Just give her a hint and maintain your composure.

You can sight the fact that she may start attracting boys to your home, you dont have to feel guilty about this and its not as if you are denying the girl in question a career opportunity, the fact is that you know yourself very well and still want to maintain fidelity with your wife. This fact should not be lost on Nlers here.

If you go ahead and tell her verbatim, I will expect further threads from you in the future about ever lasting suspicion from a certain wifey

@ Oga Dami_Paul, this is the greatest xmas present you can ever get. In fact this new maid is Santa Claus' niece. She has come with a priceless xmas present on

a platter of Diamond. Please eat from this platter I beg you (ahh mo gbe), nobody has to know. Just shop and clean mouth nah.

If this was the Lion and the Jewel (by High chief Wole Soyinka), you will be Baroka, the Lion of Ilujinle, the Lion fears no temptation, it will confront it head on. It

will grab the bull by the b.r.e.a. s.t ( sorry, horn).

As for the maid, she is Sidi, the priceless vir, g.in of Ilujinle. Ask her if Santa has other fwesh gyals for me this xmas, abeg, shop and clean mouth, nobody has to

know.

After all King Solomon had over 700 of 'em, Abraham penetrated his maid too ( if am wrong sue me!), Its a man's world

@op
if u notice no man on this forum has told u to keep the maid.
Forget all these women talking rubbish they dont know how a mans mind works.
Your control is perfectly ok its just that you are saying the truth
Its better you avoid tempting situations cos u dont know how u will react cos. when it comes to sex dont trust yourself.
To those quoting the bible
It says resist the devil and he will FLEE but it also says FLEE youthful lusts. My brother dont stand and resist cos many strong men of God have fallen victims. Just look for a reason and tell your wife so you dont sound autocratic

""These past three days have been full of drama. My wife brought a maid to the house for me to interview and decide whether to take her or not. After the interview, I told her without mincing words that I didn't want the maid. For the past three days she hasn't said a word to me. Will I see temptation right in front of me and embrace it? Pls, do I backdown or stand my ground. Advice pls""

, u must be an upcomin fOOL, no hard feelins.  i've neva seen where a goaT is given to a lion and the lion rejects the effin goat, in dis digital era, ?

Ujujoan:

@ Ibrahim

So you want us to pat him on the back and praise his taste in women

I didn't say that - what I said is that he shouldn't be criticised. That's all. The OP should be advised to work on himself but we shouldn't descend to mocking him.

I'm not particularly critisizing him, but hey don't expect me to give him an award either.

Don't take it too personal. I refrained from quoting anyone in particular in my post.

I'm sorry but I can't help but show a little dis taste for that!

Yeah, it sounds distasteful. I agree with that. But much more distasteful than that, is if he ends up cheating on his wife with his own house-help.

jedisco:

@op
if u notice no man on this forum has told u to keep the maid.
Forget all these women talking rubbish they dont know how a mans mind works.
Your control is perfectly ok its just that you are saying the truth
Its better you avoid tempting situations cos u dont know how u will react cos. when it comes to sex dont trust yourself.
To those quoting the bible
It says resist the devil and he will FLEE but it also says FLEE youthful lusts. My brother dont stand and resist cos many strong men of God have fallen victims. Just look for a reason and tell your wife so you dont sound autocratic

+10

IbrahimB:

I didn't say that - what I said is that he shouldn't be criticised. That's all. The OP should be advised to work on himself but we shouldn't descend to mocking him.


Don't take it too personal. I refrained from quoting anyone in particular in my post.

Yeah, it sounds distasteful. I agree with that. But much more distasteful than that, is if he ends up cheating on his wife with his own house-help.

Okay whatever . . . I just dont know how to babysit you guys!

Ujujoan:

Okay whatever . . . I just dont know how to babysit you guys!     

It's all well 

then opt for a male maid then, she won't ask why, she'll get the message without making it formal,

Listen up,
1. Who paid for the maid income?, YOU
2. Who owns the property where the maid will be staying , YOU
3. Who is suppose to be the man of custodian of law and regulation
in the family, YOU
4. Who get seduce by the maid when the madam of the house is
not at home, YOU
5. Who receive all the blames when something goes wrong after the
maid has successfully seduce you, YOU
6. Who get all the bash and labelled irresponsible and most of all cheater
for succubing to the maid's power of seduction, YOU
7. Now as yourself, if all these above is you, why cant YOU act now

deeplo:

Listen up,
1. Who paid for the maid income?, YOU
2. Who owns the property where the maid will be staying , YOU
3. Who is suppose to be the man of custodian of law and regulation
in the family, YOU
4. Who get seduce by the maid when the madam of the house is
not at home, YOU
5. Who receive all the blames when something goes wrong after the
maid has successfully seduce you, YOU
6. Who get all the bash and labelled irresponsible and most of all cheater
for succubing to the maid's power of seduction, YOU
7. Now as yourself, if all these above is you, why cant YOU act now

OMG I think I lost my way . . . this must be the stone age!

@ Oga Dami_Paul, Please listen to Tu face, Raindrops.

Young man, be careful and think twice, before you use your device, lool. May the cosmic continue to uplift Tubaba.

This gyals are very deadly,

I am a woman and I am not too happy with some of the comments from the women.

Here is a man that is telling himself the truth and not decieving himself by saying he can withstand temptation.
He has studied the girl and has seen some traits that can pose as threats in the future.  He never said he was attracted to the girl from the interview but from her actions, he can smell danger.
Living under the same roof with a girl is very very different from seeing ladies outside. If she is out to get the man, she would do everything to make him fall. The men here are talking from experience.

If he accepts the housegirl now, the same ladies here would rain curses on him if he bows to temptations.
I quite appreciate him not telling his wife the real reason because we women tend to replay such words and use it against our men till eternity.

Stand your grounds sir and tell her you don't want the housegirl, if possible look for some flimsy excuse.
Like another poster suggested, get old women  to be your househelps.

The yoruba people say 'the soup we won't eat, we should avoid smelling it'. Prevention is better than cure


@ Ujujoan,
I just can't wait till you get married, I'll be watching this space o

aysometin:

I am a woman and I am not too happy with some of the comments from the women.

Here is a man that is telling himself the truth and not decieving himself by saying he can withstand temptation.
He has studied the girl and has seen some traits that can pose as threats in the future.  He never said he was attracted to the girl from the interview but from her actions, he can smell danger.
Living under the same roof with a girl is very very different from seeing ladies outside. If she is out to get the man, she would do everything to make him fall. The men here are talking from experience.

If he accepts the housegirl now, the same ladies here would rain curses on him if he bows to temptations.
I quite appreciate him not telling his wife the real reason because we women tend to replay such words and use it against our men till eternity.

Stand your grounds sir and tell her you don't want the housegirl, if possible look for some flimsy excuse.
Like another poster suggested, get old women  to be your househelps.

The yoruba people say 'the soup we won't eat, we should avoid smelling it'. Prevention is better than cure


@ Ujujoan,
I just can't wait till you get married, I'll be watching this space o

LMAO . .  don't hold our breath oh!    

You know I'm not asking him to keep the girl, I just think the woman should not be written off as being irrational. She has good reason to be angry with him. And seriously do you think she doesn't already know why he's rejecting the girl? Like I said earlier, that's probably where her anger is coming from . . . plus the fact that he just won't accept it!

And he didn't have to say he was attracted to the girl . .  he obviously is attracted to the girl!

I'm a woman and I would like to know. Just don't patronize me with an insensitive comment!

@aysometin,

thanks for bn real jare, not happy with the female's response to OP

neways OP, pls do what is best in your own interest!. .I would do the same if i were you

A maid that is smiling at the future oga when they never employ her!? No problem, employ her.

@ Ujujoan,

You are right about the woman deserving an explanation, but common if he tells her the real reasons all hell would be let loose. It's best for her to keep assuming rather than for him to open his mouth and say it, I trust us women the matter will never rest till Jesus comes.

This man is applying wisdom, it has nothing to do with him not being able to control himself, it's just a case of sighting danger and running for your dear life.


Seriously how the girl go dey smile sheepishly during an interview??

aysometin:

@ Ujujoan,

You are right about the woman deserving an explanation, but common if he tells her the real reasons all hell would be let loose. It's best for her to keep assuming rather than for him to open his mouth and say it, I trust us women the matter will never rest till Jesus comes.

This man is applying wisdom, it has nothing to do with him not being able to control himself, it's just a case of sighting danger and running for your dear life.


Seriously how the girl go dey smile sheepishly during an interview??

Okay I get your point . . but the same way he's stylishly avoiding telling the wife the real reason will be the same way she'll be stylishly punishing him for it!

Poster, as a married man who has long held the view that a man should be faithful to his wife, I applaud your decision to reject the maid.

You know your wife the most, so trust your instinct when thinking of a way to gently get her to drop this maid as an option.

As much as I love my wife, I do see other attractive women out and about, but in passing. The only attractive woman that I will have in my house day in, day out with long periods of us being alone together is MY WIFE!!!

@ dami_paul
Even in d bible, Joseph was tempted but was able to overcome d temptation by fleeing. Dont mind some posters, what u did was right, atleast prevention is beta than cure.
No offense, ur wife must be a lazy type for insisting on an house maid. If it come to d worst, ask her to hire a male maid and watch her reaction.