dayokanu:

Have you considered that the money the guy could have used to develop himself was what he invested in bringing her over and sending her to school?
If the guy had taken that option of developing himself only, then the woman would still be a Baby making machine or community - baby sitter.
The guy sacrificed himself for the union and he is now viewed as an ordinary cab driver who isnt good enough for a NURSE

Maybe. That is life really especially if that non development of himself has led to stagnation.
We all have choices at the end of the day and have to accept the consequences of our actons.

tensor777:

Maybe. That is life really especially if that non development of himself has led to stagnation.
We all have choices at the end of the day and have to accept the consequences of our actons.

you do know that development does not always have to lead to upward mobility right ? the fella may be an avid reader who develops his mind by reading the works of imhotep, plato, shakespeare. he may even be into developing his body via jujitsu, taekwondo, karate, kendo, kick boxing. swimming. he may even be into developing his serenity by yoga, meditation. he may be into developing his pineal gland by only eating raw foods. all these are kinds of development he may have undertaken.   am jus sayin

i odnt know what to say this life is incredible,you can see here a nice chick hooked up with a bad guy na wah ,

why can't men be nurses? is there anything wrong with that? or find another profession. medical technician or something.

I think you're just looking for any excuse to justify yourself. lol
a lot of times sef. I don't think any man is sponsoring the women to become nurses. even if that is the case, the women pay back (fully + MORE in terms of taking care of the family) eventually.

I think guys should develop themselves and stop looking for excuses. "i can't develop myself because i'm busy helping to develop my wife" you don't even know how silly that sounds.

A man imports his wife. The wife is new and cant get a decent job, If the man decides to go to Nursing school where do they get money to feed the house in the period he is in school?

You mean the few hours he would work after school is what the house would live on?

The logical thing to do is the man who has been here for relatively longer stick to his job and pick the bills while the wife schools and contribute very little financially. Its all nice until the women are done with school and realize that its demeaning to be married to a menial worker

Hmmmmm,
Apart from someone called "cougar", most contributors here are either speaking out of ignorance or pure mischief (and l dont mean to be rude or sanctimonious; l will actually apologize ab-initio, if l come out that way)

First, like cougar pointed out, most of these "imported wives" are long term relationship that developed from Nigeria before most guys travels out.
See it this way, we all like to go back to our "comfort zone" and when you want to make a life-changing decision like marriage, you will naturally go back to that lady you have been comfortable with, your Naija sweetheart!

Again, a few people have questioned the truth in the poster's story simply because they dont understand how certain things work.
For example, have we ever asked ourselves: How come women/wives seem to get the heads-up more in the western world while it is the opposite in Nigeria? Is it that the men just became "lazy overnight" when they marry or get to the "West"?
Or could it be that African men face some institutionalized challenges in the west, that their wives dont face and together as a family, they decided it is "easier" to educate or "PUSH" the wifey ahead, for the good of the couple/family? Just reflect on these things first.

For anyone that has been close to Nigerians awaiting their "paper", you will observe that as a couple, their Social benefits paid into the wife's account, on behalf of the family! That is the way the "West" is, they trust the women more than their men, to manage the family (its an old tradition).

For those insulting the poster's friend as being lazy, l did not see any evidence of such conclusion from the story so, buzeegee and co should not jump to conclusions.
But then, what is wrong if you "prop-up" your wife, if she has the best chance of survival (relatively) between the two of you? I have seen men who opt to work few hours, l have seen those who even opt to look after the "home and kids" because the wife is better employed with better pay, than the husband and in fact, the whole wage of the husband is only fit to pay their child-minder (when they both go to work) and they both reasoned that the husband will do a better job looking after his own children, than the minder!
Its a question of "agreement, understanding" and remaining faithful to such agreement!

Now, back to the poster's story.
Let's be honest with ourselves: Nigerian marriages are in tatters in the West. Thats the home truth.
Statistically, about 75% Nigerian marriages have "completely FAILED" in the West (Europe and Americas).
The next 15% is struggling with a lot of hatred bottled-up between the spouses and it is because of the "Nigerian stigma"  they are trying to avoid (like how will people view it that Pastor and his wife are heading to court for divorce?!   ), that they still "stay under the same roof".
That 15% are just marriages by NAME only, not by function.

Then there is the "heavenly 10%" that is the dream of any couple!
These ones are blessed and are the envy of anyone, any day! They are proper marriages in every sense of it.
If yours belong to this select category, you're blessed. Please cherish and nurture it, its getting very rare!

The question we should be asking is WHY? WHY do some "heavenly marriages" by couples who obviously are in love, suddenly hit the rocks once they relocate abroad?
I have seen too many of these types: Husband and wife are successful while in Nigeria and just to better their children's future, they decide to relocate abroad and before you could say 'Jack', the marriage is destroyed and dead!
I bet everyone on this forum can point to one or more of this example! Question is W-H-Y?

I wont go into too much details because you will get bored and some dont have a very tidy "attention span" to read long discourse but let me offer a summarized hindsight:

* Two people eventually decide to marry because they have reached a level of relationship where "standards, codes, ethics of behavior" are established and agreed.
* Based on the above, each party to a marriage has "basic expectations" from the other party.

* The marriage is "contracted" based on these mutually established rules.
Like any "contract" you cannot vary the conditions after the agreement has been signed.
You have to dissolve it first (divorce?) and then probably re-establish a fresh contract!
Now, whatever the "agreed rules" are, is immaterial, the important thing is that both have agreed to be bound by it otherwise, l am yet to see an angry man that is complaining about a lady's behavior (and vice-versa), walk to the alter to get married under such condition!

This is where most marriages or wives imported abroad develop K-LEG!
One or both parties VARY EXPECTATIONS (rules, codes, ethics of behavior, rules of the contract)

You can now begin to adduce reasons for one or both parties, varying the expectations and you wont be wrong.  A few examples:

#Is it the hardworking husband who is used to being served dinner while watching TV (in Nigeria) and when they get abroad, the wife requires he gets to the kitchen and serve himself or wash his plates or even cook his own food? Did i hear you say tufiakwa?

Is it the wife that is used to the husband paying for everything (as Naija man concern) while she shops till she drops or goes on holiday every summer, only to get to "Abroad" and is now faced with the reality of having to "contribute" (at times, more than 50%!) to house finances by working a 9-5 job? Surely, expectations have been varied here, Nnna, this is not how we use to do before in Nigeria!

During courtship, most couples would have had a spat or another between themselves and it gets resolved amicably, at the worst, with the intervention of good friends/family. Most times, the man may even be guilty and the wife is expected (as per culture) to apologize first and the man would now pull-out all stops to compensate her for being a good wife!  
It is a taboo to slap your husband or arrest him with "eeke Police" in Nigeria!
In the West, if your husband annoys you, the "right thing" to do is to dial 911 (Police will arrive faster than you think   ) and you would teach him a lesson he will remember for the rest of his miserable life Did l see expectations changing again? I can see some men scratching their heads right now

Or in similar cases, like the case of this Poster who could have been used to giving his partner "house-keeping" allowance but when they got to the "West" and are still struggling to settle down, the little that the government assists them with, is paid into his wife account and thus, it is the wife that would now give him "house-keeping" allowance   and probably decide how it is even spent! Did l hear you say "impossicant"? Well, take it or leave it, thats how it is done in the west! Expectations have just been varied!

In conclusion, "some can cope with these "variations in agreed expectations" better than others. The severity of the variation also defers.

Some people (especially men) are very traditional and its even worse if you're completely formed, behaviorally, before going to the West since its difficult to "teach an old dog a new trick"  
THEY CANT JUST ADJUST to the variations and before you know it, disaster strikes!

Can Nigerian couples be more understanding towards each other? MAYBE
Are we very vindictive and will use "encountered opportunities" in the west to violate and in-dignify our spouses? Most likely

My advise:
If you are the very traditional man that holds on onto our Nigerian culture, morals and expectations of a wife, STEER CLEAR of obodo Oyinbo with your wife!
S-I-M-P-L-E-s  

I think "Admin" should help me, that post was just too long

dayokanu:

A man imports his wife. The wife is new and cant get a decent job, If the man decides to go to Nursing school where do they get money to feed the house in the period he is in school?

You mean the few hours he would work after school is what the house would live on?

The logical thing to do is the man who has been here for relatively longer stick to his job and pick the bills while the wife schools and contribute very little financially. Its all nice until the women are done with school and realize that its demeaning to be married to a menial worker

Considerate specie of human being will understand what you are talking about but not something that produces milk without eating grass. Its a lose lose game for men; you can never satisfy those women. I;m not gonna put in all that effort and you act like a pure ingrate, i will tell it to your sorry face how ungrateful you are, be it a wife or girlfriend .

this is a serious issue,but why must the wife change there African culture as in the set down rules of African way of living betwen husband and wife, all in the name of travelling to the west,"if it rains on leopard those it wash off it spot"?

No woman will ever be satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate peni.s that shoots out money.

na wa o.
oya let's talk about success stories.

With all these sad and unhappy stories i keep reading on here about marriage (both in 9ja and abroad), i keep wondering if there is ANY marriage that remains happy after 5-10 years. It's all sad sob stories all the way.

@Poster

Women will always be women (ingrates). Na one of those things!

@harakiri

With all these sad and unhappy stories i keep reading on here about marriage (both in 9ja and abroad), i keep wondering if there is ANY marriage that remains happy after 5-10 years. It's all sad sob stories all the way.

@Poster

Women will always be women (ingrates). Na one of those things!

Hmmm,  l dont think "all" women are ingrates!
There is no "one cap, fits all" in this type of relationship wahala though it gives course for worry seeing the way our Nigerian marriages are "exploding" like da-bomb once it gets to the West!
There are "cost and benefits" to everything (decisions, actions, e.t.c ) thing in life.
If our women decide to trade "marital security" for "western rights" in their marriage, then it a choice.
The "cost" of course is felt by a broken home (single motherhood) and the children that are made to suffer emotional and psychological trauma that no amount of money or gifts bought for such children can compensate for.
God who institutionalized marriage and thought it wise to have a "Father and Mother" in  a family is certainly not dumb, is HE?
Maybe HE would have allowed men to be able to conceive and have children if he thought they could do it alone!

"No Civilization can be destroyed from the OUTSIDE except it first destroys itself from the INSIDE"
I hope we Nigerians are not destroying our civilization right now, thinking it is freedom!

Food for thought!

@lastpage. . . I feel u. The thing is, our people subconsciously view themselves as inferior to the extent a lot of ppl deny their roots once they are in the west. They are swift to put down their own ppl even in the presence of other races (perhaps it gives them a feeling of self worth). I generalized about women coz its not just a 9ja thing. . .its global. You will see a once loving couple whereby the man is giving everything he's got 2 make it work, the woman gets bored, files for divorce and without mercy. . .she exterminates the poor guy in court. She goes after everything of value. Men are judicially despoil.D in court on a daily basis. When they are finishing u, they dont look back 2 d gud times. They squash BECOS THEY CAN and feel no remorse. . .instead its justificatn. It isnt a surprise why more and more men opt out 2 have just a kid and avoid marriage completly. Marriage is becoming more of a man's funeral in the west if not worse.

^^^^^^^ Cant be better put!
I read on a forum where the women were advising themselves to "squeeze the guy for the last penny and enslave him" (using alimony payment!) till he enters his grave!
Another one said she wants to ensure he does not see the kids ever again and get as much money from him regularly so she can retire from now onwards!
I say no wonder some "weak Nigerians" decide to kill an go to jail rather than become the slave of an ex-wife for life!
I called them "weak" because they reacted/did exactly what she and other stereotypes wanted them to do! BECOME A CRIMINAL!

see why some fathers are "absent"?

Actually training your wife and then disappearing later is not unique to imported broads.

I know of a businessman in naija who trained his wife at uni after having 4 kids or so. She left him after becoming a pofessional. The good man was suddenly not good/educated enough for her. She gave no reason at all, no quarrel, nothing.

Despite entreaties by her friends and family she left. Although she came back to beg after many years to come back, the man refused. That happened in the 90s in naija.

Whoever said Nigerian based girls are better than overseas based girls. My experience on my street sleeping with at least 8 women (young and married) is an indication that home based are equally corrupt. Dude should just act like a mumu in the meantime till he gets his papers. Pick his kids and runaway - evidently the crazy bitch he's married to won't work with him.

@ harikiri,

There are happy marriages o. Although you need to define "happiness". It is subjective. Is it  a man having  his food ready, spreading himself on the sofa, watching EPL on Sky while guzzling Stella Artois OR overall happiness/wellbeing of your kids and better half that give you a lot of joy?

I think long term, it is no more "jigi jigi like railway feeling" of earlier days.
Love becomes more realistic: trust, friendship, knowing each other, caring for each other, everyone playing his/her role.
Intimacy may not be daily anymore (remember kids are now involved) but perhaps of better quality.
A child with fever sleeping in your bed so you can monitor his/her temp better overnight is more important than a sizzling night of passion. A lot of challenges come.
Quite a lot of things come in the mix. It depends on how you can adapt to these things and consistency of faithfulness to your partner irrespective.

Be extremely careful when taking women out of cobweb. They are dangerous _ you rather leave them in the den.

pah! silly thread.

leave the woman if she is stressing you na. What's the point in staying in a marriage where all you get is grief( this is assuming you are telling us the truth and you are not yourself a wife beater, cheat and irresponsible unresponsive man)



Vote for Nigerian Referendum now! we split, southern Sudan did it! YES WE CAN

///

Most Marriage break-ups is due to pride from both sides. husband and wife must be ready to sacrifice before their marriage can work whether in nigeria or westnern society, that is they must be ready to compromise some of their stance, opinions and ideas to meet in the 'middle'.

Scientific studies has even shown that people in happy marriages live more fulfilling,healthy and happy life that single people especially as they grow old, even regardless of wealth.

I live in london and it's shocking to see the increase in divorce rate, NO WONDER THE RISE IN THE NUMBER OF SAD AND LONELY OLD MEN AND WOMEN IN THE SO-CALLED 'DEVELOPED' WORLD.

fff

Becomrichn:

This is with marriage falls into the same issue, there is something wrong with living in the west for black people. It hard to say it, and everybody is running away from saying it. But the truth most be said. The system does not treat them fairly. One face of obama , another of oprah is not a true reflection of what black people face out here. This faces are just for television camera to see compare to the pain black people face in the west.

When someone look at you and call monkey to your face in this day and time. It tell you what is in thier heart toward employment and others.

The issue why people going home , please just go on all dating website, 100% of the india women have turn thier setting option on to " NO black man should send them messages" ,same goes for the chinesse, the samething goes for some white women. You just have very few white women open to the fact of  interracial dating. You cant be talking about you want to marry someone from a society that have thier setting option as" No Black should send me message".
This is one of the reason. People are allowed to block who send them messages.
If you look at this. Now imagine if this same people are going to be your employers. Do you think, you are going to get a job.? NO.

Now let look at if the problem is with the black man or with the system.

Now in the case of nigerian men, who the west as classified as irresponsible. 90% of them are success story in Nigeria. Nigeria has about 20 billionaires about 14 of them were classified by the west as irresponsible , reject.no good, , backside hole, .  They could not get a job in the west, even when they wanted to start a business, they either was hunted down by police who were working for rival or phone tap to make them fail, so that they could send them to prison, like the rest black men. or call you terrorist.

Let look at them , his name his mike adenuga , he is richer that I am proud to boost than any black man, i repent than any black man AMERICA have ever produced die or alive. Can i repent this words again, than any black man america have ever produced die or alive.  nigeria has 10 times rich black men than america.

Jimoh Ibrahim, he own several plane and hotel chain, including gas stations.

Jim Ovia, he own one of africa largest banks in several african countries. 
This people and many more were classified as irresponsible , reject.no good, , backside hole. They are success story , we all see, it tell you, there is nothing wrong with black people. But the truth is , there is something wrong with the system in the west the way, people treat black people. And this is why black family marriages fail.


You can imagine Uche Okafor killing himself , just because he live here. You need to know this person call Uche Okafor. Nobody would believe he could do that, we are talking of someone who already made million in dollars. And he came over here,  most likely he treated like trash  or half human by everybody just because he was black. He most likely could not take the harassment anymore and took his own life.


look i once remember going with a nigerian at the immigration entrance , i was shock to see him pull down his underwear even before the immigration officer ask him for a check and he ask the officer to check his anus to see, if he had drugs inside. because he has so much face so much harassement.

And that why most people that write about nigeria issue are nigerian abroad. And they are ready to pay anything, to stop the nonsense going on in nigeria.


The issue is not with black people, but the issue is how to change the altitude of people over here to like black people.

look, if you doubt me. Go to any dating website and pretend you are a black man and see if you would get a response from 10,000 women who are not black, you would be lucky to get 10 reply, and now imagine if those people are  going to employ you.

And that is the altitude that need to change in the west.  until this mind set change, it is hard to make progress in the west.

The truth is the new nigeria women dont know this is the society that have come into they assume it is still like nigeria, it is different.

very strong points. i concur

Maybe not in Us,but here in UK most Nigerian wives still live the traditional lifestyle despite thier 9to5,they still obey thier hubbys

uplawal:

Maybe not in Us,but here in UK most Nigerian wives still live the traditional lifestyle despite thier 9to5,they still obey thier hubbys

you dont say ?. why is it that every nigerian girl i have met in england smokes weed, cigarettes or drinks big stout ?

^^^^^^^ rotflmfao! ;d

@buxugee,thats a lie,maybe you ,meant very few,i said majority and not the few mad spoilt ones

///

Better he be,but he sound real and not teasing though,but still,like i said,most women are so traditional in uk particularly the muslm women,they dont live western livestyle,but more of homemakers,though there are some name spoiling ones too that smoke igbo,cigarette and consume Alcohol eventhough they are highly skilled such as IT,MEDICAL ETC,or any good job,they still do some miserable act that you begin to wonder,why?but these people still fall on the few group

uplawal:

@buxugee,thats a lie,maybe you ,meant very few,i said majority and not the few[b] mad spoilt ones[/b]

. so you are saying all the nigerian women in britain are mad ?

chaircover:

He is only teasing you