tensor777:

What have you just said? Don't you know and is it not written that by their fruits you shall know them?  If he is indeed a Christian then he should know that God hates divorce and putting away. Period. He should also know that men are enjoined to love and honour their wives. Period.

God hates divorce but i am also sure that he understands that 'you cant keep what does not want to be kept'. it is what it is. you cant love and honor what does not want to be loved and honored. dunno how you operate bruh but you sound like you condone 'stalking'. if a bird wants to be free, let it go. if it does not come back then it wasnt meant to be yours to begin with. thats all am sayin bruh

tensor777:

Now you are clearly a very clever astute observer of the Indian culture. Everything you say is true They are very very disciplined, have an incredibly strong work and business ethic and to cap it all they are very family oriented.
Anyway as I said all this strife in Nigerian homes in the West has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with so called culture but rather overweening control freakery in the matrimonial home.
Was it part of our ancestral culture that wives should be the main breadwinners ?

absolute bollocks. when i lived in manchester all my best friends were pakistani and indian. i was like family. went to mosque with them and all (they were trying to convert me to islam). bruh ? the wives are the most sexually repressed and saddest creatures ever. some of them actually sneak around and cheat, believe it or not. a lot get divorced. some of the wives just vanish and go missing. they run off back to india to marry their childhood sweetheart etc etc. dont let the facade fool you now. i also know this married indian woman who walks around checking out the package of black men. always staring discreetly at crotches of black men looking for a bulge (extremely sexually repressed). entering that world was an eye opener for me.

buzugee:

absolute bollocks. when i lived in manchester all my best friends were pakistani and indian. i was like family. went to mosque with them and all (they were trying to convert me to islam). bruh ? the wives are the most sexually repressed and saddest creatures ever. some of them actually sneak around and cheat, believe it or not. a lot get divorced. some of the wives just vanish and go missing. they run off back to india to marry their childhood sweetheart etc etc. dont let the facade fool you now. i also know this married indian woman who walks around checking out the package of black men. always staring discreetly at crotches of black men looking for a bulge (extremely sexually repressed). entering that world was an eye opener for me.

yup, i agree, when i worked with some asian girls (indian and bangladeshi) my eyes were opened to what really goes on.  They very rarely marry for love as dating is  frowned upon by their communities, instead their parents pair them up with guys or girls from the same caste and socio economic background, most of the time they marrry people they do not know, a few months down the line they start having problems with the guy as they discover they've got absolutely nothing in common with each other and before you know the whole thing ends in divorce.  The girls complain that their guys are extremely chauvinistic and expect to marry a woman with super model looks, fantastic job and super bright prospects.  Also dating is frowned upon, girls who are found to have dated too many guys are regarded as "damaged goods", they tend to either marry based on recommendations made by family as that is seen as more respectable.  The girl i used to work with said that women are expected to act as if they are living in the 18th century, with very high premiums placed on remaining boyfriendless until marriage, ultimately when they do get married the girls tend to go in with unrealistic expectations and are shocked to find out that the marriage isnt what it was cracked up to be.

I was also told that the guys and girls (with the backing of their families) tend to be very materialistic and focus on marrying people in professions such as law, medicine, dentistry etc.  This asian girl i used to know had numerous marriage offers but her mum vetoed all of them because none of the guys were professionals like her, eventually she was allowed to marry a dentist!

buzugee:

absolute bollocks. when i lived in manchester all my best friends were pakistani and indian. i was like family. went to mosque with them and all (they were trying to convert me to islam). bruh ? the wives are the most sexually repressed and saddest creatures ever. some of them actually sneak around and cheat, believe it or not. a lot get divorced. some of the wives just vanish and go missing. they run off back to india to marry their childhood sweetheart etc etc. dont let the facade fool you now. i also know this married indian woman who walks around checking out the package of black men. always staring discreetly at crotches of black men looking for a bulge (extremely sexually repressed). entering that world was an eye opener for me.

You have a point there. They do have the hots for black men to be sure. However we are not talking about that as in the grand scheme of things it makes little difference in terms of inter racial marriage.
However they do have a lot going for them in terms of community cohesion and strength of the family. So it is not total hogwash as you may say.

buzugee:

God hates divorce but i am also sure that he understands that 'you cant keep what does not want to be kept'. it is what it is. you cant love and honor what does not want to be loved and honored. dunno how you operate bruh but you sound like you condone 'stalking'. if a bird wants to be free, let it go. if it does not come back then it wasnt meant to be yours to begin with. thats all am sayin bruh

You know what Buzugee? The Bible is a total package. It says God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows that shall he reap.
Going to Nigeria to pick up a bride, training her to be a nurse or some other profession and then making her work the dayshift, the night shift, and even the split shifts just to make money while the husband just lolls around the house or spends his time in betting shops and pubs.
You think the wife would be eternally grateful to the man for "rescuing" her from a life of poverty or not see it for what it actually is namely economic  exploitation.
Then there is the familiar refrain from the husband: But I brought you to the West , etc etc. What does the wife do but to pay the guy the relocation and training expenses in the hope of stopping the verbal bullying. Still the guy continues blustering and raiding their joint account to feed his addictions. What to do but to take out a restraining order preventing same.
So yes from what I have heard the man is the architect of his own troubles so the sooner he mends his ways the better it would be for him and his family

buzugee:

absolute bollocks. when i lived in manchester all my best friends were pakistani and indian. i was like family. went to mosque with them and all (they were trying to convert me to islam). bruh ? the wives are the most sexually repressed and saddest creatures ever. some of them actually sneak around and cheat, believe it or not. a lot get divorced. some of the wives just vanish and go missing. they run off back to india to marry their childhood sweetheart etc etc. dont let the facade fool you now. i also know this married indian woman who walks around checking out the package of black men. always staring discreetly at crotches of black men looking for a bulge (extremely sexually repressed). entering that world was an eye opener for me.

hahaha you black guys feel that every race of women are obsessed with you or something.
I think that may be one of your problems in the long run.

I really dread the time when most diaspora naija kids will be growing up in conditions familiar to many Caribbean kids today: single mum households, large turnover of boyfriends. Terrible prospect.

this is inevitable.

cap28:

yup, i agree, when i worked with some asian girls (indian and bangladeshi) my eyes were opened to what really goes on.  They very rarely marry for love as dating is  frowned upon by their communities, instead their parents pair them up with guys or girls from the same caste and socio economic background, most of the time they marrry people they do not know, a few months down the line they start having problems with the guy as they discover they've got absolutely nothing in common with each other and before you know the whole thing ends in divorce.  The girls complain that their guys are extremely chauvinistic and expect to marry a woman with super model looks, fantastic job and super bright prospects.  Also dating is frowned upon, girls who are found to have dated too many guys are regarded as "damaged goods", they tend to either marry based on recommendations made by family as that is seen as more respectable.  The girl i used to work with said that women are expected to act as if they are living in the 18th century, with very high premiums placed on remaining boyfriendless until marriage, ultimately when they do get married the girls tend to go in with unrealistic expectations and are shocked to find out that the marriage isnt what it was cracked up to be.

I was also told that the guys and girls (with the backing of their families)  tend to be very materialistic and focus on marrying people in professions such as law, medicine, dentistry etc.  This asian girl i used to know had numerous marriage offers but her mum vetoed all of them because none of the guys were professionals like her, eventually she was allowed to marry a dentist!

you have said it all. sad life really. wouldnt wanna be them. extremely constrained by religion and tradition. they are basically slaves to their religion and culture.

tensor777:

You have a point there. They do have the hots for black men to be sure. However we are not talking about that as in the grand scheme of things it makes little difference in terms of inter racial marriage.
However they do have a lot going for them in terms of community cohesion and strength of the family. So it is not total hogwash as you may say.

it really is hogwash. their is a lot of backbiting and back stabbing in the cohesion. i have met numerous asians who say they just want to move somewhere new where nobody knows them. it aint all its cracked up to be bruv. the grass is never greener on the other side. its all an illusion.

tensor777:

You know what Buzugee? The Bible is a total package. It says God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows that shall he reap.
Going to Nigeria to pick up a bride, training her to be a nurse or some other profession and then making her work the dayshift, the night shift, and even the split shifts just to make money while the husband just lolls around the house or spends his time in betting shops and pubs.
You think the wife would be eternally grateful to the man for "rescuing" her from a life of poverty or not see it for what it actually is namely economic  exploitation.
Then there is the familiar refrain from the husband: But I brought you to the West , etc etc. What does the wife do but to pay the guy the relocation and training expenses in the hope of stopping the verbal bullying. Still the guy continues blustering and raiding their joint account to feed his addictions. What to do but to take out a restraining order preventing same.
So yes from what I have heard the man is the architect of his own troubles so the sooner he mends his ways the better it would be for him and his family

now you are just making up the story as you go along. how many men have you actually met like the one you described above ? because quite frankly i have never met one yet. if anything the man is a cab driver. then the dynamics change because now that she is a nurse, she feels a cab driver is beneath her. this is almost always the cause of marital discord amongst nigerian couples in america. then she gets disrespectful and all the other insubordination that comes with a superior mindset. if i have seen it once i have seen it a million times.

Jenifa_:

hahaha you black guys feel that every race of women are obsessed with you or something.
I think that may be one of your problems in the long run.


this is inevitable.

well the nubian black man, the true isrealite, the strong warrior of the tribe of judah, mandingo, nubian king, chocolate brother, is truly the most desired man on the third planet from the sun. deal with it. we got it like dat

Ahahahahaha
why do you remind me of someone?

chiogo:

Ahahahahaha
why do you remind me of someone?

i just might be that someone

Nah, definitely not.

So much too learn from people here good & bad lol.Hopefully the poster will be able to straighten things out with his wife but as many others have pointed out there are two sides of the story with this situation.His wife's side of the story no matter how bad should be kept into consideration as well.

I have seen many brothers going back to Africa to get a wife and things turning very unpleasant very fast .Virtues and vices lie within us as human beings and not the location if someone is mean-spirited or greedy in Naija then that character will follow them even to the North pole.But many times we are blinded by the physical attributes people have or the just plain ignore bad characters of an individual.

I have friends here who have met abroad and have successful marriages and vice versa.I also know their is a stigma of being born or growing up in the diaspora  and having some African men assuming that  the ladies are not intouch with their  African heritage .Get to know the individuals story  then pass judgement you might just be surprised or even shocked what you find there

People don't be fooled about this whole Indian marriage thing. It's a known fact they have arranged marriages worst thing is over 40% of the marriages are to close family (first or second cousins).Their problems are discussed within their family circles should the certain individual not co-operate then there is the Honour killings that MIGHT  follow.

One of my friends is a doctor and she told me their kids suffer the most due to being born with learning disabilities among other illnesses due to marrying family members.This kind of wahala is too much and on top of that you don't even love your wife/husband they just happen to be your relative who you are stuck with till kingdom-come in most cases.

Many of the Indian guys are too busy fooling around with the Oyinbo gals especially here in the UK while the wife is at home depressed too death she dare not ever think of divorce although there are a few cases of some who have done but what has followed has been ugly

buzugee:

now you are just making up the story as you go along. how many men have you actually met like the one you described above ? because quite frankly i have never met one yet. if anything the man is a cab driver. then the dynamics change because now that she is a nurse, she feels a cab driver is beneath her. this is almost always the cause of marital discord amongst nigerian couples in america. then she gets disrespectful and all the other insubordination that comes with a superior mindset. if i have seen it once i have seen it a million times.

You know you just de yarn. Yes he could be a cabdriver. It stands to reason that he must have had something tangible doing in the first place.
But NOW who is that main breadwinner? How many hours a week does he currently spend cabbing? We can only speculate as to the real reasons for the marital discord
Money or status?
Personally I don't buy the idea that something as mundane as professional status could be the cause of discord in his home.
I think MONEY is at the root of it. You think if the guy had his own sucessful cab company the woman would not respect him? Think again BROS.

It happens many times.

The cab drivers bring their wives from Naija and use all the money from their cab driving to send her to Nursing school, She graduates starts making money and next thing its insulting for her as a Nurse to be married to an ordinary cab driver

dayokanu:

It happens many times.

The cab drivers bring their wives from Naija and use all the money from their cab driving to send her to Nursing school, She graduates starts making money and next thing its insulting for her as a Nurse to be married to an ordinary cab driver

Could be. Could be.
Well some of these taxi drivers should take this as a lesson to continue developing themselves because this issue is not going to go away any time soon.

tensor777:

You know you just de yarn. Yes he could be a cabdriver. It stands to reason that he must have had something tangible doing in the first place.
But NOW who is that main breadwinner? How many hours a week does he currently spend cabbing? We can only speculate as to the real reasons for the marital discord
Money or status?
Personally I don't buy the idea that something as mundane as [b]professional status could be the cause of discord in his home. [/b]
I think MONEY is at the root of it. You think if the guy had his own sucessful cab company the woman would not respect him? Think again BROS.

why do i get the feeling that you have never dated a nigerian woman before ? because thats what the bolded part tells me.

of course money trumps all. if he was a street sweeper and he parlayed his street sweeping skills into a million dollar business, of course the money will trump his status cuz he will be referred to as a business man. but if he is a street sweeper with the salary of a street sweeper, then his occupation will be a source of annoyance to her.

dayokanu:

It happens many times.

The cab drivers bring their wives from Naija and use all the money from their cab driving to send her to Nursing school, She graduates starts making money and next thing its insulting for her as a Nurse to be married to an ordinary cab driver

exactly right ? tensor 777 is saying this ' Personally I don't buy the idea that something as mundane as professional status could be the cause of discord in his home' . that tensor777 never jam

tensor777:

Could be. Could be.
Well some of these taxi drivers should take this as a lesson to continue developing themselves because this issue is not going to go away any time soon.

why should they develop themselves ? maybe they love driving cabs. the hours are great, you dont have to answer to any boss, it is cash business. why do they have to change what they love because their spouse, who saw nothing wrong with it when she was a nobody, now thinks he is an insult to her ? dont you think the problem is with her and not him ?

Yeah she's aight but she reeks of c.u.m. Yuck.

You should wash your mouth before saying anything on the forum.

Mekiko:

You should wash your mouth before saying anything on the forum.

 

he need to wash his mouth with OMO   

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buzugee:

of course money trumps all. if he was a street sweeper and he parlayed his street sweeping skills into a million dollar business, of course the money will trump his status cuz he will be referred to as a business man. but if he is a street sweeper with the salary of a street sweeper, then his occupation will be a source of annoyance to her.

Speculate what you like . Anyway she knew he was a taxi driver before they married and his earnings from that profession were used to bring her over to the West and train her. So basically she is into that profession as well whether she likes it or not. There is NOTHING wrong with being a taxidriver and she would be quite silly really to think so.
On the other hand she is bound to feel angry and resentful if this guy wilfully refuses to improve himself  whilst she herself  upgrades her status. That is just human nature.
Anyway the key to success in life is continued personal and business development. That should be seen  as mandatory since nothing stands still in this life

tensor777:

Speculate what you like . Anyway she knew he was a taxi driver before they married and his earnings from that profession were used to bring her over to the West and train her. So basically she is into that profession as well whether she likes it or not. There is NOTHINGwrong with being a taxidriver and she would be quite silly really to think so.
On the other hand she is bound to feel angry and resentful if this guy wilfully refuses to improve himself  whilst she herself  upgrades her status. That is just human nature.
Anyway the key to success in life is continued personal and business development. That should be seen  as mandatory nothing stands still in this life

well now you have seen the light. welcome into the light brother 

buzugee:

well now you have seen the light. welcome into the light brother

Don't kid yourself guy. Those status or no status ideas were your arguments not mine.

tensor777:

Don't kid yourself guy. Those status or no status ideas were your arguments not mine.

tensor777:

You know you just de yarn. Yes he could be a cabdriver. It stands to reason that he must have had something tangible doing in the first place.
But NOW who is that main breadwinner? How many hours a week does he currently spend cabbing? We can only speculate as to the real reasons for the marital discord
Money or status?
Personally I don't buy the idea that something as mundane as professional status could be the cause of discord in his home.
I think MONEY is at the root of it. You think if the guy had his own sucessful cab company the woman would not respect him? Think again BROS.

tensor777:

Speculate what you like . Anyway she knew he was a taxi driver before they married and his earnings from that profession were used to bring her over to the West and train her. So basically she is into that profession as well whether she likes it or not. There is NOTHING wrong with being a taxidriver and she would be quite silly really to think so.
On the other hand she is bound to feel angry and resentful if this guy wilfully refuses to improve himself whilst she herself upgrades her status. That is just human nature.
Anyway the key to success in life is continued personal and business development. That should be seen as mandatory since nothing stands still in this life

Have you considered that the money the guy could have used to develop himself was what he invested in bringing her over and sending her to school?

If the guy had taken that option of developing himself only, then the woman would still be a Baby making machine or community - baby sitter.

The guy sacrificed himself for the union and he is now viewed as an ordinary cab driver who isnt good enough for a NURSE

Look here Buzugee this argument is becoming circular.
In the  grand scheme of things does it really matter what one does to legitimately earn income. Taxidriving, cleaning, portering, teaching,soldiering,nursing etc.
Who cares as far as the bills are paid as and when due.
As I said before MONEY is at the root of this problem and many other cases of marital discord in Nigerian homes in the West not occupation.
That is that.
BUT men also need to be wise also and consider developing themselves even as their wives do the same.

dayokanu:

Have you considered that the money the guy could have used to develop himself was what he invested in bringing her over and sending her to school?

If the guy had taken that option of developing himself only, then the woman would still be a Baby making machine or community - baby sitter.

The guy sacrificed himself for the union and he is now viewed as an ordinary cab driver who isnt good enough for a NURSE

right right right. strong points my nubian brother

tensor777:

Look here Buzugee this argument is becoming circular.
In the  grand scheme of things does it really matter what one does to legitimately earn income. Taxidriving, cleaning, portering, teaching,soldiering,nursing etc.
Who cares as far as the bills are paid as and when due.
As I said before MONEY is at the root of this problem and many other cases of marital discord in Nigerian homes in the West not occupation.
That is that.
BUT men also need to be wise also and consider developing themselves even as their wives do the same.

whats circular is your perception of 'development'. what exactly is the purpose of this development again ? you want him to develop himself into the grave right ? have you ever seen a u haul truck behind a hearse ? look whats important in life is health, peace of mind and contentment. if he has all that, screw development.

tensor777:

Look here Buzugee this argument is becoming circular.
In the  grand scheme of things does it really matter what one does to legitimately earn income. Taxidriving, cleaning, portering, teaching,soldiering,nursing etc.
Who cares as far as the bills are paid as and when due.
As I said before MONEY is at the root of this problem and many other cases of marital discord in Nigerian homes in the West not occupation.
That is that.
BUT men also need to be wise also and consider developing themselves even as their wives do the same.

2 people cant do it at the same time, WHile one is schooling the other should be working else na stavation go kill them. The man opted to work and send the wife to school. He could have chosen to develop himself and leave the woman at home. I wonder what adjective you would have used to describe him then.

Is it strange for in a family, The elder bro to drop out of school learn a trade and sponsor his younger ones to school? Would you blame him also for taking the "hit" the whole family?