maybe NL guys can come out to help out.

has he gotten better since the first time? at least a little bit better? maybe it's a gradual process for him.

Not better at all except for a few things that I guide him to do, I don't find him focusing on this and there is something seriously wrong, If he has to have a married life with any woman, he has to first get some sexual counselling as to how to please her because he seems to be giving up on it just because he can't get it right in the first take. He does not consider my feelings and needs int his matter. Earlier I used to be very supportive but lately I just get irritated if he gives up and treats it like a student treats homework.

mishooo:

WOW!! I never knew i could live long enough to see this day!!

Our same 'ol Ujujoan!!!
I kinda like this 'so much matured' views you air lately. It shows you are a very interesting person. Nice one you are learning and making changes too. i used to detest your views on many matters then, but you kinda piped down and more reasonable nowadays.
Kudos Uju.

Yea . . . . about that . . . I still want to marry a millionaire!

Ujujoan:

Yea . . . . about that . . . I still want to marry a millionaire!

Thats easy !!

BTW, millionaire in Naira or Dollars??

@OP,whats new?You guys kissed and made up now
You are a woman,Your husband is the head of the home but u as a woman(neck) has the power to manipulate the head.
Apologize and make up first then later tell him you won't tolerate his hitting.

unsuregirl:

I have never slept with another man but I do know that I never get an heavenly feeling, what the heck, our intercourse lasts barely a few strokes as he cums easily, there is never a chance to get to the point where we can experiment or I can get any pleasure, And I am also his first, its very common in our culture to save ourselves for marriage and we both preferred to avoid penetration till marriage, Usually I am not the kind to express my frustration in words, I prefer to sulk over such things but then I guess it was a long time and I needed him to see something, I don't know , and he does not give an angry response, he also just gives up too easily, probably he can't take failure well, he wants to please me but he says he does not know how to get it right and he even told me once that he dreamt once that I left him because he could not please me but I could never do that(never imagined to do that) , I always thought that we just have to try more to get it right but expected his co-operation and not this

I see, if at 25 u happens to be his first why are u rushing over it, u guys just got married 2 months back, which mean u both started having intimacy in just 2 months. The guy is still trainning himself, give him time am sure he will improve in no distance time. One question Is ur Hubby a Nigerian dude? Because the thing dey baffo me ooo.
My dear try and help him more some people are like that, not very active as a result of praticing it late.

plappville:

I see, if at 25 u happens to be his first why are u rushing over it, u guys just got married 2 months back, which mean u both started having intimacy in just 2 months. The guy is still trainning himself, give him time am sure he will improve in no distance time. One question Is your Hubby a Nigerian dude? Because the thing dey baffo me ooo.
My dear try and help him more some people are like that, not very active as a result of praticing it late.

How I wish I had talked to someone who had given me this response before this even happened. Probably I never would have been frustrated in the first place and nothing would have ever happened. We both felt a need to rush things.
Neither of us is a nigerian.

Quote from: unsuregirl on Today at 12:10:17 PM
I have never slept with another man but I do know that I never get an heavenly feeling, what the heck, our intercourse lasts barely a few strokes as he cums easily, there is never a chance to get to the point where we can experiment or I can get any pleasure, And I am also his first, its very common in our culture to save ourselves for marriage and we both preferred to avoid penetration till marriage, Usually I am not the kind to express my frustration in words, I prefer to sulk over such things but then I guess it was a long time and I needed him to see something, I don't know , and he does not give an angry response, he also just gives up too easily, probably he can't take failure well, he wants to please me but he says he does not know how to get it right and he even told me once that he dreamt once that I left him because he could not please me but I could never do that(never imagined to do that) , I always thought that we just have to try more to get it right but expected his co-operation and not this

. . .I never read or saw this part of ur story
Like i said b4 dear,those things u want,u have to try initiating it rather than giving orders.Take the lead and encourage him.
Speak less,act more.enough of all the verbal "lets make love,u aint doing it right" rants,start doing it right urself.
When he is tired,pls try to contain ur urges or at least let him get some rest/sleep then later in the night,cuddle up.
Don't expect him to be on same page with u,it takes time . . our body systems are not all same.
Coach him and help him be the man you want in bed.
Goodluck

oyinda.:

kinda ironic. lol esp. if you consider the african guy stereotype and why foreign girls go for them. most people around you will assume things not knowing you are not getting any.

Sorry you were dissapointed that her husband is not Nigerian. Trust a Naija guy he would so beat it up that she would be the one running from him.

Naija men. Dont mess with us in that aspect

unsuregirl:

How I wish I had talked to someone who had given me this response before this even happened. Probably I never would have been frustrated in the first place and nothing would have ever happened. We both felt a need to rush things.
Neither of us is a nigerian.

Try any Ade, Emeka, Ochuko or Akpan. You would surely give glory to God

mishooo:

Thats easy !!

BTW, millionaire in Naira or Dollars??

I'm a Nigerian in Nigeria . . . what do you think? Naira will be fine . . thank you!!      

dayokanu:

Sorry you were dissapointed that her husband is not Nigerian. Trust a Naija guy he would so beat it up that she would be the one running from him.

Naija men. Dont mess with us in that aspect

Try any Ade, Emeka, Ochuko or Akpan. You would surely give glory to God

Dayo nko?

Uju,

Like others said, I was wondering if someone actually took over the fiery Uju's account. Now you see a lot comes with maturity. Maybe if you had married 2 yrs ago, you would have divorced but Thank God you began to see things not only from your POV and now know the concept of real woman power doesnt lie in aggresion or fierceness. There is something called "Bottom Power" ask Jennykadry and CC.

When can I bring my gourd of palmwine.

Why not Dayo? I would most likely marry a Nigerian, There are things I wont understand if I were the husband, I be regretting why I didnt stick to my ppl instead of this Shaking, Kicking, Slap my own back "Dan-Kora"

@OP,

You are Hindi?

I didnt know. Ap kaise ho?

dayokanu:

Uju,

Like others said, I was wondering if someone actually took over the fiery Uju's account. Now you see a lot comes with maturity. Maybe if you had married 2 yrs ago, you would have divorced but Thank God you began to see things not only from your POV and now know the concept of real woman power doesnt lie in aggresion or fierceness. There is something called "Bottom Power" ask Jennykadry and CC.

Puhleeeeez! Are you trying to say that I was a spoilt, immature brat

Both are not Nigerians? little wonder her brain couldn't grasp small info

It got to a stage I wanted to ask of her mother's whereabouts but thought against it before she starts thinking I am insulting the innocent woman,she obviously did not have a good chat with her mum/a mother figure about marriage if not no woman will wanna walk out of a 2 MONTHS OLD marriage just like that. We nigerians have good mothers(not all) that put us through countless of marriage councelling sessions to prepare us for the bittersweet journey ahead.

Well what can I say?feel free to walk out of your marriage, thats what you wanna hear right?

.

The biggest complaint that guys in relationships usually have, is not getting enough sex from their wife.
But this is not ur hubbys instead it turns out the contrary.  
In this case, u have a great role to play, put anger aside completely and invite patient.
It can really be frustrating when a woman gets turned off, becos it is said that women are more sexual and they do enjoy sex more deeply than men are capable of all thesame, u should be happy u are not having problem with lost of sexual feelings a result. U ve reminded me of I nephew that got married to a  virgin lady of 24, it was same situation u are facing for very a long period he kept complaining and was advised to be patient and continue to make her improve.
After some time it was my nephew that was now runing for sex   looools funny but true.
So dear this is not case at all, it's very common.
I advise u touch him like he likes it dont make it all about what u like make it about him! Good luck.
 

from DAYOKANU, Try any Ade, Emeka, Ochuko or Akpan. You would surely give glory to God

i beg nô kill me with laugh oooo,!

lol plappville where do you always get this your . . . . . "it is said that" or % stats?

How do you know who is more "sexual" like you put it?

Ujujoan:

Puhleeeeez! Are you trying to say that I was a spoilt, immature brat

Not exactly. Actually I am interested in submitting an application to the matured Ujujoan

dayokanu:

Not exactly. Actually I am interested in submitting an application to the matured Ujujoan

really? Are you a milloniare?

^Uju,omo Ibo na ekene gi.
Dayo,Toyosi dey throway salute.
anyway,make una "[i]sample" [/i]b4 tying the knot . . . its always safer and better,less stress.

^^Ifyalways,

Why you dey fall my hand, bring Toyosi here sharp sharp.

Ujujoan:

really? Are you a milloniare?

Yes in Zimbabwean Dollars, I am rich, he bible says Blessed are the rich in Spirit

Hey unsuregirl, i feel your pain Sistergirl, you could have lied and could have come here to say for example "I have been married 2 months and my Husband has slapped me 4 times and twisted my arms 5 times, and the last incidence happened when i was begging him for s/e/x", so i really applaud your honesty, for sticking out your neck and saying more than necessary, your honesty is refreshing, keep it up, it will stand you in good stead.


I don't see you as proud or immature either, you are not here because you want to walk away from the marriage, but you are willing to apologise to your Husband but is looking for tips on how apologising to him would not inflate his already overbloated ego and turn him into an overbearing egostistical sadist, who would not see the error of his ways and ackonwledge he was in the wrong, hence reason you constantly keep harping on the fact that it was wrong of him to slap you. Yes I agree, it is totally wrong for a man to hit anyone, moreso a lady, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO PROVOKE THEM, they are generally stronger than us, and all it takes is one blow to 3 certain part in the body for the recipient to go and meet his maker in Heaven. If you are lucky his blow does misses the mark, it could still send you flying and you landhead first. (Yes i know he is only slapping you around, but that is usually the start) Would he physically lash out at his Boss if he/she kept piling work on him way past his working hours which delays him from getting home on time It is plainly an animalistic behaviour and should not be condoned.


Your man knows he is in the wrong hence the reason he eventually relented and approached you, though his approach was haughty and full of pride. Now this is where you were wrong, yes you were not in the mood to talk and he was not polite in his approach, but as long as he did not approach you cave-man style with a club in his hand ready to drag you by the hair,  you should have seized this line of communication and grabbed it with both hands, and could have told him something like " okay babes i will come and join you "soon" (your "soon" could be anything from minutes to hours - let him stew and use those time to reflect his wrongdoing)


As for those creepy silent phonecalls made to your parents, does he have a few screw loose or missing from his head? Has he been watching and overdosing on horror films? Does he want to give your parents hypertension? You mentioned he promised never to do it again but threatened to do so again, so let him know you have reported him to your parents and his parents so next time they get such nonsense calls, they would be thinking he is trying to kill you and you are the one calling them to come and save you before he kills you, that should stop him.  
 

As a last note, that slap you gave him should have been delivered with immediate alacrity the first time he ever slapped you when you were still dating to let him know you would not accept such rubbish, and if he starts wondering maybe you are a violent person, apologise and tell him it was a one-off reflex action that you did not know what came over you (okay on a serious note, i don't condone violence from any quarters, but have it at the back of your mind that a guy who hits you whilst dating you would definitely hit you once he marries you and you become his property to toy with at will.


He already made the first move, so now is the time for you to swallow your pride and go and ask him you are ready to listen to what he has to say, good luck in your quest babe

Listen, unsure girl, even if he is not good at sex, force, nagging or complaints is not gonna make it better. He is a sexual novice like you, so nothing is unusual about your case. If he cums quick the first round, then chill out for 15 -20 minutes and initiate sex again. He will last much longer the second round. You must both work together patiently to get it right. Watch Indecency together, if need be.

Second, you seem to be blaming him for not being good in bed, but are you good? From your comments about not giving your husband blow jobs, I can tell you are equally as unskilled as him. Just be patient, understand that force or complaints will only worsen the situation. The only ingredient is patience and working together.

jennykadry:

lol plappville where do you always get this your . . . . . "it is said that" or % stats?
How do you know who is more "sexual" like you put it?

I was In a forum recently and ther was a poll drawed, the result shows dat 44% of men said, (when asked about their overall sex life): {I wish I had sex more frequently.} Guys I’ve interracted with in chat room  think that women just aren’t as sexual or into sex as much as guys. But My experience as a woman, and with much discussions from other ladies i know however, has been to D contrary. Women re by far MORE sexual and enjoy sex much more than men do. Their orgasms last longer and as a group Dey are much more capable of multiple orgasms dan men. Yet, is very typical to hear a most married m'en complain that he only gets sex 4rom his wife once a month. U may ask, if women are more sexual then men that men are the ones who usually complain about nt getting enough sex. The answer lies in 2 differences between men and women.
, (1) Women don’t get physically turned on as easily as men. And conversely women get turned off more easily then men. So if a hubby is not doing or saying the right things to his wify,, she won’t get turned on, and in fact might get turned off. , (2) Combine that wit the fact that women ve one ability that men don’t have and you will start to get a better
understanding of the situation.
I use myself as an experiment before knowing from other women, but i am nt a SEX Dr oooo   just My own way. Do it may nt be just.

@ Ify
I'm getting tired of waiting for Omo Ibo to overcome his 'shyness' so I'm just gonna go ahead and explore other options!

@ Dayo
Did someone say Toyosi? I think you'll be better off with her honey . . I'm kind of allergic to Zim Dollars!

Waoh!!! This thread is becoming very tough ooo, see how replies are coming fast.
Where is Poster? Viens vite!!!!

Busy_body:

Hey unsuregirl, i feel your pain Sistergirl, you could have lied and could have come here to say for example "I have been married 2 months and my Husband has slapped me 4 times and twisted my arms 5 times, and the last incidence happened when i was begging him for s/e/x", so i really applaud your honesty, for sticking out your neck and saying more than necessary, your honesty is refreshing, keep it up, it will stand you in good stead.


I don't see you as proud or immature either, you are not here because you want to walk away from the marriage, but you are willing to apologise to your Husband but is looking for tips on how apologising to him would not inflate his already overbloated ego and turn him into an overbearing egostistical sadist, who would not see the error of his ways and ackonwledge he was in the wrong, hence reason you constantly keep harping on the fact that it was wrong of him to slap you. Yes I agree, it is totally wrong for a man to hit anyone, moreso a lady, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO PROVOKE THEM, they are generally stronger than us, and all it takes is one blow to 3 certain part in the body for the recipient to go and meet his maker in Heaven. If you are lucky his blow does misses the mark, it could still send you flying and you landhead first. (Yes i know he is only slapping you around, but that is usually the start) Would he physically lash out at his Boss if he/she kept piling work on him way past his working hours which delays him from getting home on time It is plainly an animalistic behaviour and should not be condoned.


Your man knows he is in the wrong hence the reason he eventually relented and approached you, though his approach was haughty and full of pride. Now this is where you were wrong, yes you were not in the mood to talk and he was not polite in his approach, but as long as he did not approach you cave-man style with a club in his hand ready to drag you by the hair, you should have seized this line of communication and grabbed it with both hands, and could have told him something like " okay babes i will come and join you "soon" (your "soon" could be anything from minutes to hours - let him stew and use those time to reflect his wrongdoing)


As for those creepy silent phonecalls made to your parents, does he have a few screw loose or missing from his head? Has he been watching and overdosing on horror films? Does he want to give your parents hypertension? You mentioned he promised never to do it again but threatened to do so again, so let him know you have reported him to your parents and his parents so next time they get such nonsense calls, they would be thinking he is trying to kill you and you are the one calling them to come and save you before he kills you, that should stop him.


As a last note, that slap you gave him should have been delivered with immediate alacrity the first time he ever slapped you when you were still dating to let him know you would not accept such rubbish, and if he starts wondering maybe you are a violent person, apologise and tell him it was a one-off reflex action that you did not know what came over you (okay on a serious note, i don't condone violence from any quarters, but have it at the back of your mind that a guy who hits you whilst dating you would definitely hit you once he marries you and you become his property to toy with at will.


He already made the first move, so now is the time for you to swallow your pride and go and ask him you are ready to listen to what he has to say, good luck in your quest babe

thanks for being so considerate in your comments. Its a rarity on this forum. I have relayed the events just as they happened with utmost honestly only to get a frank opinion. Because I really need to do the right thing here. People may post on threads and then forget in a couple of days but for me this fight is going to last much longer,
And even though its very kind of you to say that I do not sound immature, I have been immature in my behavior on that particular night. But as someone else has correctly point out, women are nt turned on easily and are turned off easily, its quite irritating when thsi happens often. Omce pr twice it is okay but this is happenign quite often and its only because he is being a loser about it and giving up, not trying again after 15-20 minutes when he cums too fast, then he is just tired and i lie in bed just half crazy, half satisfied, And I can sense that he is not giving this the attention it deserves. Then he wants to wait till the morning but how am I supposed to hold on to the same feelings till the morning each time we try to have se.x

Genius100:

Listen, unsure girl, even if he is not good at sex, force, nagging or complaints is not gonna make it better. He is a sexual novice like you, so nothing is unusual about your case. If he cums quick the first round, then chill out for 15 -20 minutes and initiate sex again. He will last much longer the second round. You must both work together patiently to get it right. Watch indecency together, if need be.

Second, you seem to be blaming him for not being good in bed, but are you good? From your comments about not giving your husband blow jobs, I can tell you are equally as unskilled as him. Just be patient, understand that force or complaints will only worsen the situation. The only ingredient is patience and working together.

Whether I am good or not in bed is not the point. I am trying. Maybe thsi time I took the wrong road, but I have been trying for long. And I do not find oral se.x politically correct. Thats all. And for how long am I going to enjoy vicariously by seeing him have org.asms while I give him hand jobs and let him cum within 10 minutes? I have to feel it too and I can , only if he spent some time and thoght on it.

unsuregirl:

thanks for being so considerate in your comments. Its a rarity on this forum. I have relayed the events just as they happened with utmost honestly only to get a frank opinion. Because I really need to do the right thing here. People may post on threads and then forget in a couple of days but for me this fight is going to last much longer,
And even though its very kind of you to say that I do not sound immature, I have been immature in my behavior on that particular night. But as someone else has correctly point out, women are nt turned on easily and are turned off easily, its quite irritating when thsi happens often. Omce pr twice it is okay but this is happenign quite often and its only because he is being a loser about it and giving up, not trying again after 15-20 minutes when he cums too fast, then he is just tired and i lie in bed just half crazy, half satisfied, And I can sense that he is not giving this the attention it deserves. Then he wants to wait till the morning but how am I supposed to hold on to the same feelings till the morning each time we try to have se.x

If you were being immatured about the whole thing, I would not sugarcoat anything and tell it as it is, trust me You are simply understandably frustrated and rightly so, as your marriage should still be in the early stages of your head both being in the clouds with you walking on sunshine, but your Husband is just being selfish. He is happy to roll over and sleep once you make him come and then expect a repeat performance in the morning, again with only him being the sole beneficiary of the whole action. But try not to be too hard on him, gently let him know how much his lack of interest in satisfying you hurts you, and talk to him to find out what "outside help/influence" such as s/e/x toys, films, etc, he is open to, and willing to explore, otherwise you would be facing a lifetime of sex drought in your marriage, so keep talking, but in a soothing tone. I sincerely pray things work out between the two of you.

unsuregirl:

Whether I am good or not in bed is not the point. I am trying. Maybe thsi time I took the wrong road, but I have been trying for long. And I do not find oral se.x politically correct. Thats all. And for how long am I going to enjoy vicariously by seeing him have org.asms while I give him hand jobs and let him come within 10 minutes? I have to feel it too and I can , only if he spent some time and thoght on it.

MouthAction is not politically correct? What does your sex life with your husband have to do with politics? MouthAction is one way you can easily turn a man on. Had you given him MouthAction instead of forcing him to have sex, you will not have to open this thread.

Second, even without MouthAction, if he comes the first time, what stops you from initiating sex 20 minutes later after all you are the one that wants to experience an or-gasm?

Genius100:

MouthAction is not politically correct? What does your sex life with your husband have to do with politics?  MouthAction is one way you can easily turn a man on. Had you given him MouthAction instead of forcing him to have intimacy, you will not have to open this thread.

Second, even without MouthAction, if he comes the first time, what stops you from initiating sex 20 minutes later after all you are the one that wants to experience an or-gasm?

, sex Life and politics.