Have you tried make up sex?

Trust me here, when a man slaps you over sex, you don't wish to have make up sex with him and that too when he seems to be proud/sure of his actions. Tell me, how am I supposed to even talk to him about where I went wrong when he assumes that his slap was well deserved.

CC,

That shows that having erect pen15 and full boobs are not the only requirements to get married.

CC, Lets do ours too, Slap me and I would come and slap you back, shake me to stop me from sleeping, and I twist your arm, kick me and I slap you. 2days dont talk to me, dont look at my face

WHat else is left to complete the kid game? water bottle, sand castles, toys and cartoon

^^ I wont leave you alone until you grant my request.

So whats the thing here? He should have slapped me and I should have acted like an obedient child and gone to bed? what is the course of action? Or should I have gone on my knees and begged for forgiveness when he slapped me? By the way, he said he would want me to beg for forgiveness.
Does anyone here realize that had he not slapped me and fled the situation, I myself would have made it upto him the next day because , accept it, everyone has some pride. By abusive someone physically, you can hurt that pride in an irrevocable way. Who is saying that I would have blamed him if he had just not had sex?? Would I have been leaving him if he had not slapped me? or would i have been posting here if he had just not had sex with me? we have quite enough rooms in our house and i usually prefer to sleep in some other room for a few hours whenever i am upset or angry and then i come back.
Dont you think, there are better ways to deal with your rage. I am saying this after only thinking for more than 24 hours.

Many people wonder how old we are. We both are 25 yrs old. Does that change anything? He is physically much stronger than me, and, he hits me in some way each time when I refuse to go the way he wants , when we argue. Even if I had once stopped talking when he was making me upset, he had harrassed me to make me talk, how he harrassed me? by calling up my mother and my friends from my cell phone for an hour and then cutting the calls, and next day i had to answer everybody with excuses. I made him promise never to do that again and since then he did not repeat it but threatened to repeat it once, but i stopped him by doing what he wanted then.

Which kindergarten do you both attend?

I need to inform the teachers that you two are not facing your A for Apple book.

BTW WHich parents agreed to two toddlers getting married? I need to ensure that my nephews are actually in their nursery school and not actually married to someone

chaircover:

which request?

You are acting like you've forgotten. Ti a ba ri adan, a man fi oobe se ebo. You better hand over that your friend to me else?

Don't put up with a hitter. Don't modify your behaviour just to prevent him from hitting; that's the beginning of tyranny and control really. Just break it up.

@Dayo, your words are not helpful, without any insight, Right now, this is not what I need. If you want a good laugh, you can have it but not at the expense of someone's feelings. I would appreciate it if you could help.
@CC, I have no excuses here, I know how I acted and it was not a mature behavior. But unless, my partner feels the same way about what he did, how am I supposed to talk any further. I was immature in a moment of frustration. He is still acting the same way if he is expecting me to beg for forgiveness.

Seun:

Don't put up with a hitter. Don't modify your behaviour just to prevent him from hitting; that's the beginning of tyranny and control really. Just break it up.

You are not entirely wrong Seun, I want to point it out here that the first time he twisted my arm, he apologized to me and I forgave him after a while. Now if he does that, he never apologizes. What do u guys think of that? That was a beginning of tyranny and control. Same way about making phone calls. He uses that as a weapong whenever he badly wants to get his way. Same can happen for the slapping scenario. He did not even apologize.
Next time he will slap over a minor issue and this may as well be the beginning of tyranny. Does anyone else think this makes sense or am I just being too imaginative due to my hurt?

chaircover:

The hitting has to stop. So you may want to let his parents on to the hitting because that is unacceptable

You too have to learn to effectively communicate and when you see that he is beginning to get angry, you know when to step back.

You people have a long way to go; your marriage is only 2 months old for goodness sakes

I did that yesterday. I have informed my mother and his dad. I did not want to but I had to do this since I am planning to leave the house and go away for a while and give both of us some time to realize what the marriage means to us or if it was a mistake, I did not want his parents to find that out from someone else.
His father advised me to try to not do anything to make him angry for sometime. His father think that since we both are the same age, adjustments might be difficult for us and that could be the reason for such outbursts. He thinks his son was out of line in hittin gme but that I need to analyze why he did that. Well, I already knew everything that he said. What more could he have said or done anyway,

chaircover:

Seun please dont incite her. They are both wrong. They are both immature and they both have big egos

They are married so the least that they can do is to work on the issue rather than just walking away.

From what I have read here, even if they go their separate ways, they will still have problems with their new partners because they cant communicate and both are full of pride which are bad ingredients for a successful relationship of any sort.

OK, so we are both immature with big egos. Accepted. I will not deny that. But the difference and the problem here is that my partner is not able to accept this. I do. Only when u accept, can you change or improve.

//

chaircover:

I give up

WHat happens to my issue?

I think that instead of slapping you, he should have left the house. I'm not a fan of domestic abuse.
but still, you are partially to blame. You said he has twisted your arm before and has been physically abusive so why are you still provoking him. you should be happy it was just a slap and he didn't hit your head to the wall or do something that would have landed you on a hospital bed.
just be careful around him and don't provoke him to the extreme if you already know what he's capable of. to me, you were begging for trouble. physical abuse usually only gets worse. not better. And I wouldn't say you are innocent either since you were both kicking, hitting and slapping each other.

my advice is to beg him and keep to yourself for a while. if things start to get out of hand, one of you should leave the house and come back when things have settled. marriage generally shouldn't be like this but sad to say, you have to do what you have to do.

have you ever had a roommate or housemate? all these fighting thing should be something you should have gotten out of your system with experience of learning to live with people peacefully. especially your husband for that matter.

oh and always learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes to avoid all these trouble in the first place. if you were extremely tired would you be able to respond to request for sex? instead you were being selfish and only thinking about yourself.
go and put this (putting yourself in another person's shoes) to test by apologizing to him. Ideally, he should come to his sense and feel guilty for what he did.

Jenifa_:

I think that instead of slapping you, he should have left the house. I'm not a fan of domestic abuse.
but still, you are partially to blame. You said he has twisted your arm before and has been physically abusive so why are you still provoking him. you should be happy it was just a slap and he didn't hit your head to the wall or do something that would have landed you on a hospital bed.
just be careful around him and don't provoke him to the extreme if you already know what he's capable of. to me, you were begging for trouble. physical abuse usually only gets worse. not better

I did things to make him angry. I know. Do you think I did things to make him slap me?
also, Everybody thinks that I should be careful because he may hit me hard enough to hurt me. Actually, he usually hurts me in a way that should stop me and even when he slapped me, it was not a hard slap that should hurt me or leave any marks. It was a slap that was meant to control me and just insult me. He shows me a lot of anger , like animal rage but it seems like he is threatening me, normally he is very very gentle by nature so I have a strong feeling that his anger is on purpose and he shows it so bad so that he can threaten me and not to harm me, Otherwise, he could be having a serious personality disorder. Because the rage does not look normal or like anger.

I am not afraid of apologizing to him for pushing him for sex. But is it possible that if i apologize to him, he might mis understand it as my submission to his slap and cold attitude and not hesitate to slap me again when I happen to do anything he does not like?

I think you are putting symbolic or emotional significance into the slap and that's what's hurting you. am i right?  but I understand though. it's humiliating
but the reason why I think you had it coming is because you say he has been physically abusive before. so of course the chance of him doing something worse the next time is a bit higher.

let me ask you a question though, which will hurt you more emotionally:
him slapping you for nagging him for sex when he's tired.
him rap-ing you because you were too tired to have intimacy with him.
would you have slapped or ra-ped him if you had more physical strength? think about it.
you probably may have done something similar in his shoes. wouldn't you? That's why we have the police to defend women in terms of abuse like this. but i'm sure if women were stronger, the situation would have been reversed.

i'm definitely not condoning him. but really it's up to you what you decide to do whether to get a divorce or not  I don't know how to advice you.

unsuregirl:

I am not afraid of apologizing to him for pushing him for sex. But is it possible that if i apologize to him, he might mis understand it as my submission to his slap and cold attitude and not hesitate to slap me again when I happen to do anything he does not like?

I see what you mean. I will apologize to him to see how he reacts. But the apology won't be just a "i'm sorry" You actually have to go and sit for a long talk!! let him know how you feel from what he did and tell him you are apologizing to try to save your marriage. of course you are not doing it because you think he's right. If he doesn't apologize back to you, then express disappointment. because to me, he should also feel sorry and also apologize to you. Also talk about your expectations (and his) from the marriage and how you guys are going to be handling your conflicts. it is something you actually need to discuss.

what i'll advice u to do is to take ur time and let him realize that what he did to u is bad. but has he has done this act time without number within two month of marriage(twisting if arm) it difficult to correct. the only thing is to be patient with him and both of u should realize that this is marriage and not courtship that u can workout anyhow. i wish u the best in ur marriage.

@Jenifa, Thanks, Every word you spoke here makes perfect sense to me. I am definitely putting emotional significance into the slap because I have never been bruised or hurt in a way that I can display it to anyone, it has always been a threat kind of thing.
Also, I feel that if I was physically stronger, I might have hurt him , maybe not if he did not let me sleep but for some other reasons that might have bugged me.
Also, I need to think about the apology part because even though the way you have suggested makes perfect sense if my partner was acting in a mature manner after the fight and showed even a little bit of interest in the marraige, But from all that I have known him for, my words will either instigate him or just inflate his ego if I tell him that I am apologizing for saving the marriage and not ebcause I think he did the right thing. And I do not expect him to apologize to me after my apology. But thanks for understanding the situation and your profound advice. Right now, the most I need is that somebody would understand what the situation is like.

Unsuregirl, are you sure you are really 25yr old? Honestly you too act like teenagers. PLS GROW UP.

What do you want? quarrels,? fighting? separation? divorce? or Peace and marital bliss?

If you want the later, then you will have to do more. Stop nagging, be submissive even though you are age-mates.

Avoid heated arguments and learn how to get what you want from your man without demanding - It is the way of wise women.

@unsuregirl,
no problem.
are you currently living together under the same roof? have you interacted at all since the incident?

I think everyone who is telling me to stop nagging is right. Thanks for being honest about that. It never yields anything positive.

Jenifa_:

@unsuregirl,
no problem.
are you currently living together under the same roof? have you interacted at all since the incident?

Living under the same roof, i first decided to leave but then I decided to give it a couple of days as a cool off period, But we have not really interacted. He once came and asked to sort but his tone was such that I could not bring myself to have a discussion, do you understand that tone? when somebody is asking u to sort things in a tone that is more or less meant to scare u or give an ultimatum? I don't think I can handle any arguments right now and I prefer to be quiet for a while, Is that wrong?

^ that is the best actually. I hope you let him know the reason why you are not willing to agree to sort. and he understands that he needs to use a different tone if he wants coorporation.
when I say apologize to him, i mean go and talk to him calmly and if he doesn't seem to be responding in a coorporative way, then leave (what I mean by expressing disappointment). only fully apologize when you know that he is ready. but otherwise wait and try again. I think eventually he will learn that if he wants to make peace, he will have to cool down.

but try to take the initiative at least. I don't know how long you guys are going to remain under the same roof without talking. someone has to make the attempt. don't be too proud to take that initiative but also do it in an uncompromising manner. ie not defeatist. let him know that you won't tolerate abuse in the future. not even arm-twisting and this should be the end of it. find a way to sort your conflicts if it means one person will leave the room if arguments are becoming too heated. you need to discuss all these things.

but definitely wait for things to cool off a bit before going to talk to him like you say. if things are still too tense currently.

best of luck sha. I hope the married ppl can come back to give you advice.