For the brothers here;
To the best of my understanding, majority of what has been discussed here as regards initiating "contact" with a lady revolves around knowing the lady to an extent, maybe neighbors, place of work or the lady's brothers or sisters.
I'd like opinions on how to go about it in case of meeting someone u dont know AT ALL. Like someone far from your area that u just happen to meet along the road.

In short, what are the probable ways of "pursuing" a complete stranger (wit d intentn of marriage)
Sisters' opinions too are welcome

It seems inappropriate to say you want to initiate marriage proposal with someone you just saw/met. I know what you mean though, you are somewhere and see a sister and you think: "she is not bad at all".

Since, I am not ready for marriage, it ends at that for me.

The danger with saying you are going to propose to such a lady is that you just do not know enough about them. Hence, to say you want to marry them is unwise.

I suppose the polite thing to do if you are really interested is to introduce yourself and ask for the most appropriate place for one to meet them without falling into haram. Their phone number or something similar is essential.

I did not mean proposing at first sight. I was trying to see how it works as regards someone i do not know. How to possibly navigate around it in a way that wil nt lead to haram.

kayword: For the brothers here;
To the best of my understanding, majority of what has been discussed here as regards initiating "contact" with a lady revolves around knowing the lady to an extent, maybe neighbors, place of work or the lady's brothers or sisters.
I'd like opinions on how to go about it in case of meeting someone u dont know AT ALL. Like someone far from your area that u just happen to meet along the road.

In short, what are the probable ways of "pursuing" a complete stranger (wit d intentn of marriage)
Sisters' opinions too are welcome

-Social medias can be of help here.Say facebook. Get her username, find friends and family and ask about her from them. One problem is that they might not want to disclose anything to a stranger. We all have a way of getting things we want so, how to convince them depends on you.
- Ask questions too

By sheikh Kamal el Mekki

Assalamu Alaykum Everyone,

Good deeds are valuable. We will realize their true value in the next life; where you would refuse to give up one good deed even if you have thousands. For now, we pass up opportunities for extra reward and we do things that put as at risk of losing hasanaat (good deeds) in the next life.

We're talking about insulting, badmouthing and backbiting people. The hadith of the bankrupt individual (al muflis) describes a man that will come forth with many good deeds but he offended many people as well. So he will pay them back with his good deeds until his good deeds expire and he is thrown into the hellfire. For that reason the righteous before us never spoke ill of anyone.

Abdullah Ibn Almubarak tells Sufyan Althawri (RA), " I have never seen Abu Hanifa backbiting anyone". So Sufyan Althawri said, " Yes, Abu Hanifa is more intelligent than to allow someone to take away his good deeds".

Alhasan Albasri was once told that someone was backbiting him. So he sent the man a bowl of dates and a message saying, "It has reached me that you have assigned some of your good deeds to me. I couldn't find anything to reward you with except these dates".

Here's a good rule to live by:

If there's someone you really dislike, then NEVER speak bad about them. Because then you'll be giving someone you hate the hasanaat that you love.

Wasalam!

tbaba1234: Albasri was once told that someone was backbiting him. So he sent the man a bowl of dates and a message saying, "It has reached me that you have assigned some of your good deeds to me. I couldn't find anything to reward you with except these dates".

Tbaba should explain better, what's the correlation.

Boink

The older I get the more I feel many marriages fail because people married the best available person and not the kind of person that they actually imagined would suit them. So when that kind of person comes along and the one they married starts to look and feel "jaded" to them, the recipe for marital crisis becomes complete.

maclatunji: The older I get the more I feel many marriages fail because people married the best available person and not the kind of person that they actually imagined would suit them. So when that kind of person comes along and the one they married starts to look and feel "jaded" to them, the recipe for marital crisis becomes complete.

Comes along? After marriage? You still looking outside after you chose the best available material?

Choosing the best available material maybe true to an extent for the non adventurous sisters coupled with the biological time ticking but for a guy? He has no reason to complain.

maclatunji: The older I get the more I feel many marriages fail because people married the best available person and not the kind of person that they actually imagined would suit them. So when that kind of person comes along and the one they married starts to look and feel "jaded" to them, the recipe for marital crisis becomes complete.

There are many reasons apart from that, people change and drift apart.

onegig: Comes along? After marriage? You still looking outside after you chose the best available material?

Choosing the best available material maybe true to an extent for the non adventurous sisters coupled with the biological time ticking but for a guy? He has no reason to complain.

Not even the women have that excuse. If u are not yet 40, there is no cause for alarm

Not that I am encouraging giving birth late, as it carries several risks, but people over emphasise the biological clock.

I think many Muslims marry because they want to have sex. Since they cant get it outside marriage, they run into it. Gbam and after see finish, wahala starts.

deols:

Not even the women have that excuse. If u are not yet 40, there is no cause for alarm

Not that I am encouraging giving birth late, as it carries several risks, but people over emphasise the biological clock.

I think many Muslims marry because they want to have sex. Since they cant get it outside marriage, they run into it. Gbam and after see finish, wahala starts.

Hmm interesting theorem. I am 30 and still a "V" it can be quite embarrassing at times.

deols:

Not even the women have that excuse. If u are not yet 40, there is no cause for alarm

Not that I am encouraging giving birth late, as it carries several risks, but people over emphasise the biological clock.

I think many Muslims marry because they want to have sex. Since they cant get it outside marriage, they run into it. Gbam and after see finish, wahala starts.

Your first paragraph hmmm. Tell that to your family and society. Hit 29.99 and there's no clear cut person in the picture and you would be a candidate for numerous prayer points.


As for your last....Might be true...but i don't think its the sole reason. Not sampled people's opinion in that direction though... However, If that was the case,people would just get married to anyone just to satisfy those needs.

onegig: Comes along? After marriage? You still looking outside after you chose the best available material?

Choosing the best available material maybe true to an extent for the non adventurous sisters coupled with the biological time ticking but for a guy? He has no reason to complain.

Which materials?is it clothes materials or house materials??

Fulaman198:

Hmm interesting theorem. I am 30 and still a "V" it can be quite embarrassing at times.

Same here but what I had found out was that many married for wrong reasons most especially wealth and beauty. They always put love in the front whereas it ought to be in back!!!These are the bedrock of marriage crisis!!!!!!

baba11: Which materials?is it clothes materials or house materials??

Wife or husband material na.

baba11: Same here but what I had found out was that many married for wrong reasons most especially wealth and beauty. They always put love in the front whereas it ought to be in back!!!These are the bedrock of marriage crisis!!!!!!

I think lust of the heart is what makes marriages crumble, that and placing too much emphasis on tangibles and fiscally related objects (cars, homes, neat new tech toys, etc.).

I believe that if a man and woman truly love one another, nothing can come between them. A love so deep that you would die on her behalf without second thought. Your life is her own and hers is yours. That is true love.

^^^^^Chai... Una go soon learn that love is never enough. Although it's very important but not the all in all. For a marriage to work the two partners must have come to terms that it takes "constant hard work" from both to make it a success and they would disagree, fight about most things but both recognise that they have a single goal which is making the "marriage a success."

And that up there should include respecting the other, not fighting dirty when disagreements crop up, both listen, listen and listen to the other, see each other as partners in progress and not oga and worker.


Find someone who share these and you are on a road to a blissful, long and happy married life God willing.

baba11: They always put love in the front whereas it ought to be in back!!!

quite right.

maclatunji:
because people married the best available person and not the kind of person that they actually imagined would suit them. So when that kind of person comes along and the one they married starts to look and feel "jaded" to them, the recipe for marital crisis becomes complete.

was this tongue in cheek?

lord have mercy o.


singles also experience everything you listed there, not sure why you're placing it on the married.

now, as to the rest of your statement, i want to assume (even though we are of different beliefs), you sought the face of God and actually prayed for a "right person for you" before you proposed. If you did pray, and you are now having second thoughts because you saw "your heart's desire" swing by your path, are you saying God made a mistake previously when a "best available" was in your front?



for those who are not that religious and whose "best available" does not match up to "the ultimate", will you spend all your one life seeking the golden fleece which in that case is not education nor even money.

if by your own admission, someone is the "best available" for you, then i dont understand how "actual imagined" aka imaginations came into the discussion again.


what if its a woman in this situation?

onegig: Comes along? After marriage? You still looking outside after you chose the best available material?

Choosing the best available material maybe true to an extent for the non adventurous sisters coupled with the biological time ticking but for a guy? He has no reason to complain.

I laugh at your 3 questions. Is there an automatic switch that makes one immune from being attracted to the opposite gender after marriage? I think not. It is only self-discipline that restrains it unless you are not going to interact with them thereafter.

Guys marry hastily too for many reasons.

tpia5: if by your own admission, someone is the "best available" for you, then i dont understand how "actual imagined" aka imaginations came into the discussion again.


what if its a woman in this situation?

When the desirable is not available, the available usually becomes the desirable until the desirable is available.

tbaba1234:

There are many reasons apart from that, people change and drift apart.

The person they choose becomes jaded to them, I wrote it already. Obviously, this is not the only cause of marital strife and even the new person may not be "all that". These are factors that could negate my hypothesis but I believe I am correct for the most part.

maclatunji:

I laugh at your 3 questions. Is there an automatic switch that makes one immune from being attracted to the opposite gender after marriage? I think not.

Note my use of the word "You still looking outside" which means you should have self restraint once you made the choice.

Marriage does not confer that automatically, but it's expected you make that decision and effort.

onegig: Wife or husband material na.

Fulaman198:


A love so deep that you would die on her behalf without second thought. Your life is her own and hers is yours. That is true love.

Can you do it?

baba11:

How many yards do you want? Or na bundle you wan carry?

baba11: Can you do it?

You mean him commiting suicide because of love? Lol.

Fulaman... Too much fairy tale novels is not good for ones health.

onegig: Note my use of the word "You still looking outside" which means you should have self restraint once you made the choice.

Marriage does not confer that automatically, but it's expected you make that decision and effort.

You are belabouring the issue, the ideal is one thing, reality is another. If people observed this simple rule, there would not be marital strife would there?

I am still looking at marital strife here but remember, Islam does does allow a man up to 4 wives with conditions attached. So the "closing of eyes" is not for everyone, only those of us that find monogamy attractive and women.

onegig: ^^^^^Chai... Una go soon learn that love is never enough. Although it's very important but not the all in all. For a marriage to work the two partners must have come to terms that it takes "constant hard work" from both to make it a success and they would disagree, fight about most things but both recognise that they have a single goal which is making the "marriage a success."

And that up there should include respecting the other, not fighting dirty when disagreements crop up, both listen, listen and listen to the other, see each other as partners in progress and not oga and worker.


Find someone who share these and you are on a road to a blissful, long and happy married life God willing.

This is exactly how it should be!Maybe, we watch telemundo abi wetin dem dey call am sef 2 much?but wait ooo,me sef my favourite movies na Bollywood's and I know dey think of love!love!!love!!!Something is wrong somewhere#ithinkso!!!!the moment we stop stereotyping,the better our life will be#justsaying