queensmith:

12inches thats not Kitty worship. Thats transactional sex. And the reason why its soo predominant in Nigeria is because the men have nothing to offer but their money. Someone said we have a culture of draining mens finances, why will we not when men continue to use it as leverage and the women refuse to work? We end up with a culture that confines a woman to the kitchen regardless of whether or not she is also doing other things.

@chaircover im assuming your a housewife. And when i say housewife minus your maternity leave youve worked less hours outside of the home than your husband.
Many nigerian women trade a career for a marriage and a job for children, still doesnt mean they are on this earth to cook and clean. Cooking is not rocket science and neither is cleaning. Women with with professions do not behave like housewives. It's simply not possible, we may take a 50/50 opinon differently oyibo women are not subjected to thier husbands like Nigerian women are. Nobody can deny this. I[b]ts not a misconception, how many oyibo women do you know serve their husbands?  How many full time working oyibo women do you know cook and clean without the husbands help? How many full time working oyibo women don't contribute to the house's expenses? Please marriage is very very equal, as equal as it can get anyways. [/b]

Here come the hypocrisy,

Every little thing we compare with OYINBO MAN/WOMAN.

Sorry alot of OYINBO woman clean and cook with or without their hubby's help.

freshcvv:

Get the picture: she's not with kids, just the 2 of them, they both go to work, come back late, you only gets to prepare food for 2 people (herself and one other person), yet she's crying of stress, now picture it, what happens when she's:

pregnant?
with a kid?
2 kids?
teenagers who need parents around to guide them?

Conclusively, not everyone is meant to do a 5am-8pm job, it will only get you mad and make life miserable for you. she does not sound like someone that can handle just her hubby not to talk of the above mentioned.

Let her get something (a job or a business) that gives her more time to enjoy her life, food, young marriage.

Why live a life of the ancient slavery days when the only time couples (slaves) see each-other is late in the night after stressing all through the day?

That does not answer my questions.

Try again.

freshcvv:

Get the picture: she's not with kids, just the 2 of them, they both go to work, come back late, you only gets to prepare food for 2 people (herself and one other person), yet she's crying of stress, now picture it, what happens when she's:

pregnant?
with a kid?
2 kids?
teenagers who need parents around to guide them?

Conclusively, not everyone is meant to do a 5am-8pm job, it will only get you mad and make life miserable for you. she does not sound like someone that can handle just her hubby not to talk of the above mentioned.

Let her get something (a job or a business) that gives her more time to enjoy her life, food, young marriage.

Why live a life of the ancient slavery days when the only time couples (slaves) see each-other is late in the night after stressing all through the day?

What if hubby is in a better position to get a less stressful job

Sagamite a woman that cannot cope with a career and a family is not a career woman.
A career woman can function under all conditions.

@ Mutter: Am sure no one is underminding the role of a stay-at -home mom,

While on maternity leave, i had to stay at home for 3months, and trust mi, it was not funnie. There was always something to do.

At the same time, not every woman can afford to stay at home while the husband goes to work. If you reside in nigeria, lagos, you understand that it truely takes two to make any home work.

Who wouldnt want to take their child to school? Or do u think am all smiles having to wake my son up as early as 5am to prepare for creche(child-minders u call them)? NO. Bt, mommy must work! ANd i always tell him that, "mom loves u, bt, mommi must work'

So, the income we get working, is used to get a very good creche, which is were my son stays, and am not the least bodad cos i know he's simply fine.

Its easy to say one should get a flexible job, bt are we still talking about lagos the only flexible job u get is with telecomms, and dey aint employing!

How do u go into business or buying and selling without having the capital to fund or even sustain it?

At the end of the day, what matters the most is knowing that you the mother is fine, and your family is doing great. We cant measure the success of a stay at home mom to that of a working mother, because at the end of the day, most of us are products of working mothers, and they didnt just have us, they have like 4 of us, so, if we are doing fine as adults, so will our children.

Besides, most of those that do stay at home, still have maids that cook, wash , clean and look after their children, so, wot difference does dat make?!

@Sagamite

 Sorry was never in the first place answering your question, but if you wanted an answer, the answer lies in my comment if you read carefully without a defensive mindset.

Ujujoan:

What if hubby is in a better position to get a less stressful job   

 But is the Hubby the one complaining here? do not make this a feminist issue, the hubby won't get pregnant for 9 months, won't breastfeed either so even if the hubby gets a less stressful job, is he going to be carrying the pregnancy or breastfeeding for her?

mutter:

Sagamite a woman that cannot cope with a career and a family is not a career woman.
A career woman can function under all conditions.

Please give the babe some air!

She's only seeking for advise, probably newly married, it takes time to adjust to things that u aint used to.

Dat she asking for help doesnt mean she cant function 'under all conditions'

give her a break! abeg!

Tobiegal:

Please give the babe some air!

She's only seeking for advise, probably newly married, it takes time to adjust to things that u aint used to.

Dat she asking for help doesnt mean she cant function 'under all conditions'

give her a break! abeg!

what is actually there that she ain't used to?

cooking for herself?
washing her own plates?
arranging her home house?

is it because one person joined her in what is suppose to be a normal routine before?

how many plates does the hubby use?
how often does the hubby eat at home? maybe once in the night i believe
and is the hubby a baby that needs to be dressed up daily before work?

so what exactly is she doing at home that's actually hard? please i need enlightenment here.

Tobiegal, I hope you realise that there is a difference between a working wife and a career wife. Most women who claim they are career mums or wife `s  are actually just working.

I certainly am not condemning mothers that work and certainly you cant always get a flexible job. I know how it i in lagos, worked there some years myself and had two kid, it was hard, especially the traffic  

freshcvv:

@Sagamite

Sorry was never in the first place answering your question, but if you wanted an answer, the answer lies in my comment if you read carefully without a defensive mindset.

But is the Hubby the one complaining here? do not make this a feminist issue, the hubby won't get pregnant for 9 months, won't breastfeed either so even if the hubby gets a less stressful job, is he going to be carrying the pregnancy or breastfeeding for her?

Somehow with this coment, you managed to make women look like victims. And I'm the feminist one?

Besides, she's not complaining cos she's pregnant or breastfeeding!

We talk about pregnancy, breast-feeding bla bla bla . . . as if that's all a woman's life is all about. Does it take one's whole lifetime to do these things? Why should she have to stop her life because of them My mum had a full time job and still managed to have 9 children and breast fed all of them. Did it kill her? No! Instead my dad was the one who died young.

In my opinion, it's easier for me to dress up and go to work with my pregnancy, than stay at home and wash, cook, clean, e.t.c.

Somehow you are forgeting that a stay at home mom is not idle. That itself is a full time job and can be very very stressful!

freshcvv:

@Sagamite

 Sorry was never in the first place answering your question, but if you wanted an answer, the answer lies in my comment if you read carefully without a defensive mindset.

What you need to be educated on is that:

No 1, don't assume something is a failure or un-rectifiable just because of some little problem. You have to learn to critically analyse and generate options and not jump to the first conclusions and options that come to your mind.

No 2, there is a difference in practicality and rewards of different options. You think everyone wants to live petty trader lifestyle or it is as rewarding as her life in her job will pan out?

mutter:

I know how it i in lagos, worked there some years myself and had two kid, it was hard, especially the traffic  

Aside d traffic(dats still very terrible) a whole lot of things are not what they used to be. And with husband's salary alone, trust mi wen i say, mom must work!

Whether career mom or working mom, not sure i know d difference sha, all i know is dat dey both earn their pay at the end of the month and are prone to get promoted when d time is rite

freshcvv:

what is actually there that she ain't used to?

cooking for herself?
washing her own plates?
arranging her home house?

is it because one person joined her in what is suppose to be a normal routine before?

how many plates does the hubby use?
how often does the hubby eat at home? maybe once in the night i believe
and is the hubby a baby that needs to be dressed up daily before work?

so what exactly is she doing at home that's actually hard? please i need enlightenment here.

.

The difference is simple:

Before i got married, when i get home form work, i simply walk to the kitchen to get ma food cos ma mom wld ave fixed that for me. I may wash the plates or leave for the maid to do that, as for washing, we had a washman who does all the washing, while the maid would do the cleaning, she's was ma time-keeper and wld wake mi up in the morning, sometimes, assist to iron ma clothes, are u getting ma drift.

Now am married, n i have to fix us food to eat when we both get home at the same time, say 8pm, i use the washing machine instead of a washman(which now am thinking is better cos i dont ave to spread d clothes ) and i ave to clean the house cos i have no maid, and be the time-keeper for hubby n baby cos i cant afford to be late to work!

Dat is the difference.

Sagamite:

What you need to be educated on is that:

No 1, don't assume something is a failure or un-rectifiable just because of some little problem. You have to learn to critically analyse and generate options and not jump to the first conclusions and options that come to your mind.

No 2, there is a difference in practicality and rewards of different options. You think everyone wants to live petty trader lifestyle?

Sorry but who said anything is a failure? i said NOT everyone is made for 5am-8pm JOBS. please read well before putting words in my mouth.

@UJU,

 We are not competing please, what i wrote stands,  if she can't handle just the hubby now, what is she going to do when what i listed start happening? and yes  pregnancy and  breastfeeding  is likely going to fall in too, so i am on point with that, what happens when all these fall into place?

Tobiegal:

Aside d traffic(dats still very terrible) a whole lot of things are not what they used to be. And with husband's salary alone, trust mi wen i say, mom must work!

Whether career mom or working mom, not sure i know d difference sha, all i know is dat dey both earn their pay at the end of the month and are prone to get promoted when d time is rite
.

The difference is simple:

Before i got married, when i get home form work, i simply walk to the kitchen to get ma food cos ma mom wld ave fixed that for me. I may wash the plates or leave for the maid to do that, as for washing, we had a washman who does all the washing, while the maid would do the cleaning, she's was ma time-keeper and wld wake mi up in the morning, sometimes, assist to iron ma clothes, are u getting ma drift.

Now am married, n i have to fix us food to eat when we both get home at the same time, say 8pm, i use the washing machine instead of a washman(which now am thinking is better cos i dont ave to spread d clothes ) and i ave to clean the house cos i have no maid, and be the time-keeper for hubby n baby cos i cant afford to be late to work!

Dat is the difference.

But the OP is not you right?

I doubt if the OP had maids, had mom cooking for her at her "working" age nor got all these things you are talking about, hence the reason she must not do what others are doing because everyone ain't same and some can tolerate, endure and take more stress than others.

freshcvv:

Sorry but who said anything is a failure? i said NOT everyone is made for 5am-8pm JOBS. please read well before putting words in my mouth.

@UJU,

We are not competing please, what i wrote stands, if she can't handle just the hubby now, what is she going to do when what i listed start happening? and yes pregnancy and breastfeeding is likely going to fall in too, so i am on point with that, what happens when all these fall into place?

I just found out you are a man so I really do not have anythig more to say to you!

^^^

So because i am a man, i shouldn't say things the way they should be? you just found out i am a man because my opinion differs from yours?

Sagamite:

You think everyone wants to live petty trader lifestyle or it is ad rewarding as her life in her job will pan out?

Exactly. I guess that's why he assumes being an entrepreneur is not going to be more difficult than an 8-5 job. Just go and open a shop somewhere right?

All these talk from yesterday, see this is a simple matter no need flogging the issue more than we have done.

1. Married couples help yourselves.

2. Women be responsible wives and don't think because you are a career woman your homes have to suffer.

3. Nigeria men, help your wives, it will not hurt or harm you, if you helped with the dishes or laundry at times, it does not take anything from you, it even shows you are the neat type.

4. women cook ooooo, find time to cook, i hope you don't get married to gluttons that can eat stones and still not get filled, also hope you get married to a good cook too, it is fun when you cook together sometimes, but do not assume your husband has to share that duty equaly with you.

@ileobatojo


 Being your own boss gives your power over your own time. that alone is enough to solve most of her domestic problems,

freshcvv:

@ileobatojo


 Being your own boss gives your power over your own time. that alone is enough to solve most of her domestic problems,

Sure it gives you power. But setting yourself up to work a few measly hours a day will not a successful business make.

freshcvv:

Sorry but who said anything is a failure? i said NOT everyone is made for 5am-8pm JOBS. please read well before putting words in my mouth.

You scolded her to quit her job and do something else. A Plan B!

Why would you do such if you do not already believe Plan A was not viable?

I honestly cannot believe some people's comments here!
I wish I had time to reply to some really silly comments but work comes first.

I have been well advised by some really intelligent people here especially the working mothers amongst us and I am working on those tips.

I advise people like Freshcvv and Mutter to stick to the topic and quit the insult. Just offer ways you have coped or seen people cope; lets act like adults, please.

@Freshcvv
I do have a plan B; that's the reason I married my husband. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Tobiegal:


My husband n i work in the same area, so we come n go home together,  and when we get home depending on the time, we may just get some bread n eat with stew! Thankfully, hubby isnt the food type,  so he doesnt really boader mi whether there's food or not. Thats one understanding we both have.

[size=18pt]Abt the chores, frankly in my house, there's no wife work or hubby work,  we do d work as it comes,  if after i make dinner n d plates r unwashed,  he'l just pick dem up and do d washing,  if i see d house is dusty,  i take d broom sweep n mop,  if he sees dirty clothes in d lundry basket, he'l just thrown dem in d washin machine n dats done,  and its does make life easy for me, for us, and guess wot I DONT HAVE A MAID![/size]

I suspect you are married to a White man cos we are made to believe by some posters that only white men can do this

Queensmith,

maybe I should ask since you and your husband are supposed to share cooking and cleaning chores 50-50

Do you share things like the quoted 50-50? When the family car breaks down, do you take turns to open the hood and crawl under the car to fix it?

When you have a security concern at home, Do you take turns to fix it, Electrical fault, mechanical fault, plumbing issues etc, Do you also split those 50-50?

dayokanu:

Queensmith,

maybe I should ask since you and your husband are supposed to share cooking and cleaning chores 50-50

Do you share things like the quoted 50-50? When the family car breaks down, do you take turns to open the hood and crawl under the car to fix it?

When you have a security concern at home, Do you take turns to fix it, Electrical fault, mechanical fault, plumbing issues etc, Do you also split those 50-50?

Ahan nau, that one dey different. Some chores are 'manly' . . . .  even without being married I cant change my tire. But my husband washed his dishes as a bachelor so why should things be different now   

dayokanu:

I suspect you are married to a White man cos we are made to believe by some posters that only white men can do this

Dude, am a pure naija babe o, and ma hubby is very much a fully blooded yoruba man!  

dayokanu:

Queensmith,

maybe I should ask since you and your husband are supposed to share cooking and cleaning chores 50-50

Do you share things like the quoted 50-50? When the family car breaks down, do you take turns to open the hood and crawl under the car to fix it?

When you have a security concern at home, Do you take turns to fix it, Electrical fault, mechanical fault, plumbing issues etc, Do you also split those 50-50?

For mi n ma house, d answer is YES!

From him, i've learnt to fix stuffs, when generator isnt working n he's not home, i chk, if i can fix it i do, if i cant, i'd simply call n he'd direct, We split everything, even to wash car sef!!!

No big deal!

Tobiegal:

Dude, am a pure naija babe o, and ma hubby is very much a fully blooded yoruba man!


For mi n ma house, d answer is YES!

From him, i've learnt to fix stuffs, when generator isnt working n he's not home, i chk, if i can fix it i do, if i cant, i'd simply call n he'd direct, We split everything, even to wash car sef!!!
No big deal!

You strong oh!

Ujujoan:



You strong oh!

Babe, what a man can do, a woman sef fit do na!!!

Tobiegal:

Babe, what a man can do, a woman sef fit do na!!!

No be for that one oh! Infact I'll rather cook all the meals than wash cars.

That was when queensmith was championing that all chores should be split

In days you hear noise in the living room at night, Do you take turns to check if there is an intruder?

When the car breaks down, Do you take turns to get under the hood, Go to autozone, buy parts and fix it.

When electrical appliances develop faults do you take turns to fix it? when plubing works needs to be done, do you take turns at it too?

When lawns need to be mowed, Do you have a timetable for it?

@uju:
And u actually tik i wash d car?

I just drive it to d garage to get it washed , max i'd ask our cleaner for office to wash it,

No biggie, really.

Tobiegal:

Dude, am a pure naija babe o, and ma hubby is very much a fully blooded yoruba man!  

For mi n ma house, d answer is YES!

From him, i've learnt to fix stuffs, when generator isnt working n he's not home, i chk, if i can fix it i do, if i cant, i'd simply call n he'd direct, We split everything, even to wash car sef!!!

No big deal!

Now that is something!
Well done!

Ujujoan:

No be for that one oh! Infact I'll rather cook all the meals than wash cars.

lol
What happened to sharing chores?

I do agree with Uju here, I would rather cool all the meals, clean the whole house than wash cars.  Washing cars is not very lady-like