slimyem: love has no limitations!
Just be cautious and patient.
It'll come when you least expect it!

Well said!

PrettyCindy: @ ACIDTALK, absolutely NO i didn‘t force him ooo. I know d implications of doing that and besides i c no reason y a woman would force a man to marry her because it always backfires at the end. It was his whole idea that is y i was stunned when he suddenly declared divorce as option when he gets tired.

When i took in for him, he refused to give me money for ante-natal or register me with his office NHIS. When i askd y, he said he doesnt want anythin to do with my child, he left d house,moved into a new place with a girl he was dating in the next compound &never contactd me all thru my preg. God was really faithful and kind to me during this period.
Anyway he has not seen my baby till date.when i called him last month to discuss child support with him, he clearly said he won‘t support but if he must, he will take permission from his eldest brother (his family pushes him around). I cant depend on him or wait for him oooo, i will take care of my son.

Someone said i should lower my expectations: well when we got married (only brideprice,no ceremony)he was earning #25000 while i was earning #50000. I believe in people progressing and couples growing together.

Next time i will aim a little higher because i was taken for a ride.

Oya now, get ready.

I feel you need more of humility now than before.

of course you can is this even a question yes you can

To come from a polygamous family is not a factor for man to be irresponsible. Again, it is a pity that the man you married is a black sheep of Yoruba. I have brothers and friends who married Ibo ladies and they are happily married and we enjoy them even better the Yoruba ladies.
To the Poser, all hope is not lost, you can still find a responsible love. Just be prayerful and be truthful to your new love that you have gotten a child. Infact, let him know from the very first about your condition, if he truly love you, he will happily marry you with your son and even take care of that boy as if he was his own child.
Also dont look for how wealthy a man is. Although it is desirable but dont put as your major criterion.
Most importantly be prayerful to God and I know he will answer you. My blood sister had a similar problem, with prayer and honesty, she finally found another man although, the man is married but as a muslim, the first wife accepted her and as I am writing the two wives are in Florida now doing their Masters degree together.
God has made them the friends of each other.

Kolababa: To come from a polygamous family is not a factor for man to be irresponsible. Again, it is a pity that the man you married is a black sheep of Yoruba. I have brothers and friends who married Ibo ladies and they are happily married and we enjoy them even better the Yoruba ladies.
To the Poser, all hope is not lost, you can still find a responsible love. Just be prayerful and be truthful to your new love that you have gotten a child. Infact, let him know from the very first about your condition, if he truly love you, he will happily marry you with your son and even take care of that boy as if he was his own child.
Also dont look for how wealthy a man is. Although it is desirable but dont put as your major criterion.
Most importantly be prayerful to God and I know he will answer you. My blood sister had a similar problem, with prayer and honesty, she finally found another man although, the man is married but as a muslim, the first wife accepted her and as I am writing the two wives are in Florida now doing their Masters degree together.
God has made them the friends of each other.

The black sheeps must really be in the majority because, i'm sorry to say, marraige(especially the muslims) to Yoruba men don't usually last.

@OP, You can. But you will have to lower your expectation like someone rightly said. The guy will probably be divorced himself or from another non-ibo tribe as it is very rare to find single ibo men marrying single mothers. Even if they want to their family will always kick against. Except you live abroad though where everything and anything goes as per marriage. Here you can find single guys married to woman with seven kids from different fathers . Of course most likely na for the papers.

There's something our ibo sister is not telling us...I have never heard a man except a crack head abandon his marriage after 7 months, refuse to give his so-called wife money for ante-natal when its so much obvious both of them are expecting their first issue.
That babe isn't telling us everything we need to know to enable us make proper judgement. Do you know the distance from the nearest yoruba state to the East? And you guus want me to believe that the man forgot all the stress of that journey with his family after 7 months,abandon heavily pregnant wife and took off?
I sure say na Lagos marriage una do and dat man no even see your parents face,let alone ur siblings,or else him for get fear for at least one year before him run.

So stop painting this guy as unholy and crude. I believe you have your excesses. Either you cheated on him with an igbo guy, or you lashed at him because you earn more than him (something we guys won't ever forgive), or you just wanted to start a topic,a very controversial one here on NL.

I will tell you this, try and stay away from single guys as much as possible, it takes a big maturity for a single/young guy to 'really' fall in love with a single mom, before i was married i used to say i can't marry a single mom, but with more experience over time, i found out that most single moms out there are caring, i can tell u that categorically.
Focus on older men, probably a divorcee or a widowed man also single dads could work too, guys that have never been married before or had no kid(s) might not be able to handle a lot of things very maturely.
There are some folks out there that would read my post and say it's all rubbish, trust me i know what I'm saying.
Good luck, mother Africa, don't give up on love, there is a man out there for you, just don't be desperate.

@thoniann, very very correct, she must have edited the story somehow, plus it must be a Lagos-marriage- and such marriages hardly succeed, they are either unhappy, unfaithful, or end up in a shabby way. But will our sisters learn? I insist if her story is entirely true, it wouldn't have ended that way had she married an Ibo man. Tribe and religion are vital things to consider when making choice of husband or wife, I insist! I would counsel: marry your tribe and religion (except the person agrees to convert sincerely and wholeheartedly to your own religion so you both can share similar belief and not create Palestine vs Israel)! Ibos pls learn, learn, do not let Lagos carry you away pls...live in Lagos but don't let Lagos live you!
@benlay, u have a very crucial point. in fact your point just said it all, but she must focus more on her tribe whether the man is married or divorced, and that was why I said she need to lower her expectations....benlay you are a very correct man, thumbs up!

Why not? Wen we'v gat lotta impotent guys out der. On a serious note, if u can't find love, js love ur kid.

thoniann: There's something our ibo sister is not telling us...I have never heard a man except a crack head abandon his marriage after 7 months, refuse to give his so-called wife money for ante-natal when its so much obvious both of them are expecting their first issue.
That babe isn't telling us everything we need to know to enable us make proper judgement. Do you know the distance from the nearest yoruba state to the East? And you guus want me to believe that the man forgot all the stress of that journey with his family after 7 months,abandon heavily pregnant wife and took off?
I sure say na Lagos marriage una do and dat man no even see your parents face,let alone ur siblings,or else him for get fear for at least one year before him run.

So stop painting this guy as unholy and crude. I believe you have your excesses. Either you cheated on him with an igbo guy, or you lashed at him because you earn more than him (something we guys won't ever forgive), or you just wanted to start a topic,a very controversial one here on NL.

Are you sure you don't know the couple in question because you have taken ownership of the story and twisted it to soothe your ideal plot. Why not leave the lasy to tell her story the way she wants.

guys, there's no point in getting all worked-up and tribalistic...makes y'all sound like cave men to me, woulda thot y'all woulda had more sense than this by now...don't make me reach for my switch, let's show the gal some love in the house.

@prettycindy;
get a straight head on ur shoulders and stop thinking so much fear and negativity, so what, u hitched up with a silly fool who couldn't understand, love, cherish and groom a good woman into a goddess of love and pure joy; that's his loss!

just keep the gist from Acidtalk &co in mind!!

the pain won't always be there...soon, u might even start feeling so much need for true companionship...its legitimate and right. ur chances are best, just take this time to really evaluate ur values, ur past choices, the sentiments and factors that made u take them...hang out with ur girls if u have any, get busy in church, with ur career etc....and don't drop easy for just any winning smile...flaunt ur child but don't make it look like anyone wanting you would have to go through him to get to you, ok? or that might also invite some other pretentious muguns...

"After-Ones" as they are called in some circles often make the best spouses especially women...i was best buddies and counseled one before and so nothing but goodness in her; i would've dated and maybe actually married her if the chance came but it i didnt cos we spent the whole time trying to work a reunion with her blind/bull-headed Ex.

so just go easy on yourself now, believe God for the best and go at it one step at a time, God bless u!

The question is: Why did YOU marry him in the first place? Frankly, a marriage that lasts just seven months never took off at all. And to think that you guys started talking about divorce just three weeks into the marriage! Guess there's more to the story that you're not telling. Did you marry him for his money? What was the catch? Cos I'm sure you did not know each other well enough before you pressured him into marriage. . .yes YOU pressured him, cos I don't think a man can pressure a woman that barely knows him into marriage if she isn't already dying to get married to him.

The key to finding another man to love you (single mom or not) is to take a long, hard look at yourself to determine whether you're lovable or not, and whether your intentions are pure or not. In other words, examine yourself thoroughly to ascertain whether you are the cause of your own problem.

No problem, you can all get your love, age is not barrier, but understanding do matter, i can marry someone who is older than me, but she must take me as the head of the family. Maybe that is the problem you are facing because men love to be the head of the family, as much as she can put me first, i will love her for everything she is No problem, you can all get your love, age is not barrier, but understanding do matter, i can marry someone who is older than me, but she must take me as the head of the family. Maybe that is the problem you are facing because men love to be the head of the family, as much as she can put me first, i will love her for everything she is

REALITY101:

Sure why not.

Just wondering why a sis from east got hooked up with a estupid arss yoruba dude. Just wondering

..... Just angrily return d dowry,he goats olodo.

sure sister, someone is already there waiting for you. Just move on.

A dude who care-less about compeiting ur bride price is whom u were expecting 2 take ur marriag seriouse. Sorry i must say u miscalculated, mayb u were carried away by his AMU cus no sane igbo woman will do what u did, moving in with him without (wedding). Am sure u are among those igbo girls that will say (i will never marry an igbo man) cos they are this they are that! . I dont want 2 b tribal by saying some things here wich i know u understand wat i mean. that main THING wey make u write this, tell am 2 eny igbo girl wey wan bhav like u cos we igbo men know watin u dey talk.

PrettyCindy: I was married to a Yoruba man 2yrs ago (am from d East). The man is from a polygamous family and deeply believed in divorce; infact 3weeks into the marriage he suddenly decared that divorce is an option when anyone of us gets tired. Bottom line, the marriage lasted for just 7 months.

I did all I could to make our marriage work but I was totally frustrated. My pregnancy was 2 months old when he physically assaulted me repeatedly kicking my stomach. My child survived and he is 4 months old now, a healthy baby.

Now the thing is this, am a single mum now as we are finally seperated. What chances are there for single mum‘s to find love, are they discriminated against? Am not saying i want to start dating again now, i just want to know what its like for us out there.

madam what was d duration of ur courtship with ur husband? going by all u've laid down ere, its evident that ur husband's elder brother has a strong hold on ur relationship/ marriage and i'm wondering how u never got 2 see that part of it. then 3wks in2 d marriage he also made divorce an option wen he's tired,physically assaulting u and repeatedly kicking ur stomach......here u had d strongest note of warning 2 ask urself what he wants from u cos its pretty obvious you and your baby are not wanted and i see no reason why u should go on to have the baby eventually( terminating the preg would ave been a great option at that point) i strongly believe u saw it all coming but u turned deaf ears and didn't you have any close confidant 2 put you through, cos i bet he wld have put up this animalistic xter even b4 d marriage was contracted. i believe you can find true love again, but this time not in any man but in your own SON. no matter how nice,caring or loving any man appears to you now, that trauma from the past will always hunt you and its gonna be so difficult to trust or believe any man again. take care and wish you luck outhere.

REALITY101:

Sure why not.

Just wondering why a sis from east got hooked up with a estupid arss yoruba dude. Just wondering

ask her oh. Lost interest when i saw that shiet

@poster, do u need a professional advice? Bear this in mind, every men will treat their wives the he can treat his mother. If a guy kicks a woman that means he can kick his mum. Many pple here dont marry for the sake of love but my friend is married. I should also find a man to marry.

poster that said she is gonna find it difficult here in nigeria , u so wrong, basics007 too , lowering expectation is a NO NO.. plus every other comments wit negativity here, @poster if wat u narrated is tru, u definitely dint watch b4 u leaped cos ur ex husband seem insane from wat i read (if true) and u must have seen it while dating , cos those traits dont hide, ( irresponsibility in its tiniest form wld show even on a pretender only if u observant sha)and its not about tribe religion or wateva its about personality, if personality is not alright or intact be it a pastor, a white man, a black man,ibo hausa or yoruba, MADNESS NA MADNESS,CRAZE NA CRAZE,....and it manifest in many ways, from ur story which i find kinda interesting tho....
would only be able to tell u one thing be urself, if ur "self" is not alright work on it to be a better person.. by self i mean ur persona.....
am a single mom by unforeseen circumstances i couldnt control.. ma lil boy is gonna be four in june ....he is wonderful....did the whole stuff myself, tru pregnancy and weaning dint find it easy tho, i faced my business, my kid and myself, building an extraordinary personality....after a few years i started dating like a normal person no bias no past interruption just extra careful... right now i dont know how many guys on ma case, some of them dont even believe i have a kid and i never hide it,i havea good body and figure it doesnt get into my head, and my yanga pass person wey no get pikin sef, cos its an added advantage, raising my kid made me stronger,and more confident and face life with no fear, am not wheree i wanna be yet tho, but am not far from there, my business is good so what more ,on NL here, i deal cars, i sell gadgets, and clothings, i have a paid monthly job asides my personal biz..... babes u better than whoever if u believe so.... dont let d devil make u feel lesser, i went tru dose periods too, thinking what would i do , who wld marry me, but babes now, its who can marry me, who can fit to marry me... av been loved by a very wonderful person for a long time now..... tho broke up recently for some reasons ,picking a suitable guy from a queue of suitors is not so difficult for me if am interested... so my word to u once more is live ur life like its golden......and dont let anything hold u back...give ur self and ur child child the best every other thing shall follow.... am tired of typimfg i hope i passed a msg

@ Meristem, u are quite a funny dude or are u like him? Y will i come to nairaland, concoct a fake story just to attract sympathy? Will ur sympathy add any good thing to my life?
I opened up here freely because of its anonymous nature and wanted to know what life is like out there for single mum‘s. I dont have any friend or relative who is a single mother. Anyway u are entitled to ur opinion but pls note one thing: i will be a stupid lady to lie against the ex husband. Do u know what its like to be married to a man who refuses to pray with you? I will beg and beg but he will tell me that i should pray on my own that salvation is personnal! Yet he is a christian.

@loafboy, i later found out its his nature. He has a 4yr old son from his ex fiancee. When we were living together, i remember he never visited the child nor showed interest to see him despite pleas from me. Yes someone will say, i knew he had a child and still went ahead! Hmmnnn yes i knew he had a son but he told me several upon several lies about the girl. I got to hear the truth much later and a bit too late. From what i heard, it was the same way he treated me he treated the lady, hers was even worse that she ran out of the house with the boy.

Anyway the story is too long. At least i have read some reassuring comments. Thanks guys.

daintytara: poster that said she is gonna find it difficult here in nigeria , u so wrong, basics007 too , lowering expectation is a NO NO.. plus every other comments wit negativity here, @poster if wat u narrated is tru, u definitely dint watch b4 u leaped cos ur ex husband seem insane from wat i read (if true) and u must have seen it while dating , cos those traits dont hide, ( irresponsibility in its tiniest form wld show even on a pretender only if u observant sha)and its not about tribe religion or wateva its about personality, if personality is not alright or intact be it a pastor, a white man, a black man,ibo hausa or yoruba, MADNESS NA MADNESS,CRAZE NA CRAZE,....and it manifest in many ways, from ur story which i find kinda interesting tho....
would only be able to tell u one thing be urself, if ur "self" is not alright work on it to be a better person.. by self i mean ur persona.....
am a single mom by unforeseen circumstances i couldnt control.. ma lil boy is gonna be four in june ....he is wonderful....did the whole stuff myself, tru pregnancy and weaning dint find it easy tho, i faced my business, my kid and myself, building an extraordinary personality....after a few years i started dating like a normal person no bias no past interruption just extra careful... right now i dont know how many guys on ma case, some of them dont even believe i have a kid and i never hide it,i havea good body and figure it doesnt get into my head, and my yanga pass person wey no get pikin sef, cos its an added advantage, raising my kid made me stronger,and more confident and face life with no fear, am not wheree i wanna be yet tho, but am not far from there, my business is good so what more ,on NL here, i deal cars, i sell gadgets, and clothings, i have a paid monthly job asides my personal biz..... babes u better than whoever if u believe so.... dont let d devil make u feel lesser, i went tru dose periods too, thinking what would i do , who wld marry me, but babes now, its who can marry me, who can fit to marry me... av been loved by a very wonderful person for a long time now..... tho broke up recently for some reasons ,picking a suitable guy from a queue of suitors is not so difficult for me if am interested... so my word to u once more is live ur life like its golden......and dont let anything hold u back...give ur self and ur child child the best every other thing shall follow.... am tired of typimfg i hope i passed a msg

i like this post,who said women need a man in order to be happy and successful??keep it up

Pls dudes don't turn this into tribal bashing she is confused now n it ll do her gud that u don't nake her feel worse than dhe aready does,@ op,if u are a working class lady n independent then it wuld be easier to find a man,and yes u can find true luv,luv ur kid and let ur world revolve round him,dats a very admirable character n some men(like me) finds it really attractive.all the best

cugresources: @acidtalk, in Nigeria, when choosing a life partner, it is important to consider: tribe, religion, family background, and culture first. in Ibo land of ancient times, they do all these things, and its for a reason- if she had married an Ibo man, the marriage wouldn't have ended that way, just 7months, nope my friend, it won't believe me. the guy's elderly relatives and parents, with the lady's own would have sat down on a round table to iron things out, ask other people here. Ibos sacrifice a lot to ensure their son's and daughter's marriages remain united, I respect them for that. inter-tribal marriage hardly survives in Nigeria, if you doubt it, take a statistics around your immediate environment or ask experienced people. like I said, Ibos are the only tribes in Nigeria that marry anyhow- they marry tom, dick and harry in their liberal mind-set. maybe becos they travel a lot, so wherever they go, they build mansions, establish there and take those people as their own, and wouldn't mind marrying them, thats what I meant by they have liberal minds unlike other tribes in Nigeria. Talking of education, I am M.Eng holder from Leeds, MBA from Pan African University (Lagos Business School), so if your talking of whoever having more academic qualifications than I do, then the person must either be a Ph.D. hold or a prof. So to say my friend, lets leave education apart, and face the topic becos being a prof. or whatever doesn't always guarantee good judgment in marital issues. She and every other person reading this thread should consider tribe, religion, culture and family background when choosing a wife or husband. as for her case, the mistake had been done, but for correction, let her focus on dating or getting married to Ibo men and not leaving her mind so liberally...she must define her environment now...else, similar mistake may reoccur, which I pray not. Ask yourself, how many Ibos still practice polygamy nowadays? Probably none, but other tribes does, which shows u how much Ibo people value and respect the modern marriage system- which owes tribute to Ibos being homogeneously Christians!

True talk

Pls dudes don't turn this into tribal bashing she is confused now n it ll do her gud that u don't make her feel worse than she aready does,@ op,if u are a working class lady n independent then it wuld be easier to find a man,and yes u can find true luv,luv ur kid and let ur world revolve round him,dats a very admirable character n some men(like me) finds it really attractive.all the best

[b]28. cugresources(m): Quote Post
@acidtalk, in Nigeria, when choosing a life partner, it is important to consider: tribe, religion, family background, and culture first. in Ibo land of ancient times, they do all these things, and its for a reason- if she had married an Ibo man, the marriage wouldn't have ended that way, just 7months, nope my friend, it won't believe me. the guy's elderly relatives and parents, with the lady's own would have sat down on a round table to iron things out, ask other people here. Ibos sacrifice a lot to ensure their son's and daughter's marriages remain united, I respect them for that. inter-tribal marriage hardly survives in Nigeria, if you doubt it, take a statistics around your immediate environment or ask experienced people. like I said, Ibos are the only tribes in Nigeria that marry anyhow- they marry tom, Joystick and harry in their liberal mind-set. maybe becos they travel a lot, so wherever they go, they build mansions, establish there and take those people as their own, and wouldn't mind marrying them, thats what I meant by they have liberal minds unlike other tribes in Nigeria. Talking of education, I am M.Eng holder from Leeds, MBA from Pan African University (Lagos Business School), so if your talking of whoever having more academic qualifications than I do, then the person must either be a Ph.D. hold or a prof. So to say my friend, lets leave education apart, and face the topic becos being a prof. or whatever doesn't always guarantee good judgment in marital issues. She and every other person reading this thread should consider tribe, religion, culture and family background when choosing a wife or husband. as for her case, the mistake had been done, but for correction, let her focus on dating or getting married to Ibo men and not leaving her mind so liberally...she must define her environment now...else, similar mistake may reoccur, which I pray not. Ask yourself, how many Ibos still practice polygamy nowadays? Probably none, but other tribes does, which shows u how much Ibo people value and respect the modern marriage system- which owes tribute to Ibos being homogeneously Christians![/b]

@cugresources: You truly studied and i doff ma hat for you in line through your explanatory facts.you summarized with absolute great meanings broda.anyone who says,culture,tribe,religion and family should not come to play on the issue of marriage discuss most be an alien in African continent.They truly play key roles indeed.Never a born Igbo man leave his child... talk-less of male child to any human being,including pregnancy without formal dowry.In my entire Village,only very few men married two wives just because their first did not produce child and that led them to double wife.My friend Gbenga's father from Yoruba married six(6)women and all produced children but education was scarce in the lives of many in that family.
@Op,even bible made it known and clear that in terms of marriage "TRIBE" most come first otherwise it remains a game of luck between.Surly you will get a super loving dad to your yet unborn
children very soon.i,m gonna be in soon and would really wanna see you up.contact me with this add: fmsnk@yahoo.com and include your picture as well.

afam4eva: All the Igbo sisters i know that married Yoruba men are divorced. Does this say anything?

Maybe cos of pride.
We cant just blame the guy when we've not heard his part of the story.

afam4eva: All the Igbo sisters i know that married Yoruba men are divorced. Does this say anything?

Maybe cos of pride.
We cant just blame the guy when we've not heard his part of the story.

Maybe their sal difference initiate the misunderstanding.

acidtalk:



Ibos having Liberal minds? *surprised* maybe the ibos in Benin republic or Chad. Certainly not the Ibo of Nigerian Origin.

What do you mean are chances of finding love again is very slim? Why jump into conclusion with your small mind?


Anyway I know the Poster is more Educated than to even take an iota of your post to think of for a second.

With all this your writeup and english you couldn't make a single point. smh in disbelief.

A good elder hears both sides of the case before judging. I pity your situation but unless i hear the others side, i reserve my comments. Even the worst wife or husband will state their case to attract symphaty. Best of luck in your next step

The OP is not even talking about her parents action, she should have some people from her side to help her out.

Except she shunned them before the marriage.