DaShyGuy: PrettyCindy, I feel ur pains absolutely. My advice is, concentrate for now on raising up ur son in a very decent manner. Leave love outta the equation @ the mo, coz, chances are that u might get hurt again. And in all things u do, always remember that u have a precious gift from God, for whom u owe a responsibility of care and love.
Cheers and be strong.

PrettyCindy i honestly think this is d best advice u can get 4 now. Concentrate on showing ur son absolute love and care. Fine @ 28 age is not on ur side. But honestly u should concentrate more on ur lovely son. That is not to say u shouldn't make urself available 4 suitors. But if i were you i would face d gift God gave me(the son). Marriage is only good when u can get a partner that genuinely loves you, otherwise its just thrash n unnecessary bondage: My opinion.

dat is d problem wit most men.dey neva love women who love dem instead dey prefer dose who suffer n stress dem..u were willing to grow wit him despite d fact dat he was earnin little.wat was ur crime for marryin him..i know it was a tough decision for u and ur family wen u wanted to marry him based on d fact dat he was yoruba n u were igbo..well,neva to worry cos ure still young and a good man who knows ur worth will come ur way.ur child doesnt stop u frm finding love again.u just have to forget abt dat yoruba guy completely cos he doesnt deserve u ok...God bless u

Lovely response here. In any situation a person is, coming out of it positively depends on the strenghts of the person.To the poster if you believe you will find true love then you will and if not then you may struggle. The problem the world has is as a result of unnecessary sterotypes that we nuture.

PrettyCindy: @ Meristem, u are quite a funny dude or are u like him? Y will i come to nairaland, concoct a fake story just to attract sympathy? Will ur sympathy add any good thing to my life?
I opened up here freely because of its anonymous nature and wanted to know what life is like out there for single mum‘s. I dont have any friend or relative who is a single mother. Anyway u are entitled to ur opinion but pls note one thing: i will be a stupid lady to lie against the ex husband. Do u know what its like to be married to a man who refuses to pray with you? I will beg and beg but he will tell me that i should pray on my own that salvation is personnal! Yet he is a christian.

@loafboy, i later found out its his nature. He has a 4yr old son from his ex fiancee. When we were living together, i remember he never visited the child nor showed interest to see him despite pleas from me. Yes someone will say, i knew he had a child and still went ahead! Hmmnnn yes i knew he had a son but he told me several upon several lies about the girl. I got to hear the truth much later and a bit too late. From what i heard, it was the same way he treated me he treated the lady, hers was even worse that she ran out of the house with the boy.

Anyway the story is too long. At least i have read some reassuring comments. Thanks guys.

How do i know a serious minded and honest man. I thot ex husband was real as he was very convincing.
[img]http://www.filii.info/g.gif[/img]

@OP:

The ship has sailed. You can never find true love again, and I hope you never find it. May you be heart broken for the rest of your life.

Yes you can. Tribe,Religion,culture,location,education e.t.c make up a man/woman aπϑ affect their thoughts and views about life generally but †☺ say that her marriage failed because she married from another tribe is wrong. There were other factors involved.surely, there must be divorce amongs the igbos. Take care of your child, you owe him that and pray for him so he turns out well. At the end of the day,that in itself wil be your compensation. Goodluck.

Just try dis,07044963888 if it is love and companionship u need and the thrills of companionship.

@stranger, thats too harsh, don't let us jointly pray for a back to sender to ur curses on the op! @All Ibo ladies reading this story, do not learn, keep falling uselessly for yoruba boys that lack value for marriage. if they are like me that is not ready for marriage now, they will conceal it in their hearts and deceive innocent girls into marrying them and once they are done ravishing you, they run four-forty! Other tribes love Ibo ladies becos they know they are damn pretty and industrious, but they only want to sleep with them or marry them to show their fellow yoruba brothers that they can get an Ibo lady, and once they are done proven that, they offload you like hausa yam. this is not about being tribalistic, its about your life. whoever said Nigeria must intermarry, should use himself and sisters for test-running, and not to come here to deceive some gullible folks into believing that tribe and religion doesn't play a role in Nigerian marriage and in fact everything. unfortunately, its only want Ibo girls and guys that listens to these cock-and-bull stories. but we claim we are from the jewish lineage how come we Ibos don't emulate or act like the jews? Can a jew in Israel ever marry a palestinian? can u see jewish people marrying anyhow from any tribe they stumble upon? What stops you guys and ladies determined to marry from finding true partners in your own tribes?

you will find true love with patience

REALITY101:

Sure why not.

Just wondering why a sis from east got hooked up with a estupid arss yoruba dude. Just wondering

It is ignorant arss tribalist like you that still plague Nigeria with this curse of obtrusiveness of progress. This is the 21st century baby, and you're still embroiled with this filthy game of card. A man responsibleness does not lie with what colour or tribe he comes from, but lie with the level of degree to which he has educated himself.

A man's aggressiveness has nothing to do with his tribe, however, it is still a biopsychosocial problem. When self-control breaks down, aggression find its way in. There are five factors that causes aggression, 1. Neurosis, 2. desperation, 3.Envy, 4. Greed, and 5. Collectivism. Self-actualize (fulfilled) people are less likely to be aggressive or abusive.


So, to be abusive means to be intolerant and unreasonable. Every man regardless of where they come from have one or all traits of an aggressive man.

afam4eva: All the Igbo sisters i know that married Yoruba men are divorced. Does this say anything?

i disagree, am married to an igbo lady, am a lagosian, and we are still together. yes we had our trying snd tempting periods like evry other marriages, but we survive.

PrettyCindy, I am going to be pretty brutal about this post , else you will probably be back here in another 3 years (you sound 18 years old) to ask the same question.

PrettyCindy: I was married to a Yoruba man 2yrs ago (am from d East). The man is from a polygamous family and deeply believed in divorce; infact 3weeks into the marriage he suddenly decared that divorce is an option when anyone of us gets tired. Bottom line, the marriage lasted for just 7 months.

I don't see that any LOVE was involved as a factor before and after you both got in the marriage. What attracted you to him ? Good at sex ? Got a good job and some money ? Had a sweet tongue ?

PrettyCindy:
I did all I could to make our marriage work but I was totally frustrated. My pregnancy was 2 months old when he physically assaulted me repeatedly kicking my stomach. My child survived and he is 4 months old now, a healthy baby.

Really !! You were just sitting there all by yourself and minding your business and not even talking to anyone and he just came and started kicking your stomach like football ? Was he a frustrated Arsenal fan ?

PrettyCindy:
Now the thing is this, am a single mum now as we are finally seperated. What chances are there for single mum‘s to find love, are they discriminated against? Am not saying i want to start dating again now, i just want to know what its like for us out there.

Take a rest. You want to finally start doing things that you ought to have done before you got married and regretted it. Go get yourself a good job instead , and then present yourself as a good woman (do community service at church, children homes etc) then a good man will most likely come along.

strangerf: @OP:

The ship has sailed. You can never find true love again, and I hope you never find it. May you be heart broken for the rest of your life.

c dis useless mentally depraved product of a leaking cond.om! U must be on of dose guys dt thrives hapily in oda pplz unhappiness. May u b d one dt wld neva find happiness! Motherfuccckkker!

Sisters, please always listen to your parents! I need not say more, a word is enough for the wise.

S̤̥̈̊o speak 4 my own sef,I can get τ̅☺ be frd wit dem perhaps hv a relationshp bt I cant marry a single mom,due τ̅☺ many reason, most men don't really hv hrt 4 their step child And if the step child is heady, Dat might cause a lot of family problem

It is only 2 in every 1000 Ibo vs Yoruba marriage that survives it out of God's mercy to prove sth. 10 in every 100 Ibo vs Niger Delta marriage survives cos they share close to similar culture and values. no figure for Ibo vs Hausa cos it rarely occurs. So brother, yours might be amongst the few that thrived...but be open, your brothers marry Ibos just to show ego! not becos they love Ibos, cos u yorubas hate Ibos to the core, just like the fact that their ladies are so cute, neat and industrious!

Instead of my sister to marry a yoruba to come later crying wolf, I will assassinate her before she does that. I cannot stand a sister to spoil my family name for what? are Ibo guys drained up for her to go for a yoruba guy? anyway, none can ever dare that, except she is ready to elope with him to an unknown island. sighs...why do u think princess diana died? or do u think she died a natural death? she was assassinated by the Brits for wanting to remarry an Egyptian prince or whatsoever...imagine! if Brits can do that, why should you be brainwashed into marrying infidels who don't love your tribe, who once betrayed your tribe and will always do whenever things go wrong in Nigeria anytime?

@poster,u dnt hav any prob getting a man dt will luv u 4 real,d prob u hav is havin d right atitude 2 choosing,courting a man.identifying luv frm lust.some women look out for handsome and well dressed men,its ok bt nt all dt glitters is gold.and note, go for some1 dt likes u more than u lyk him.

Madam, you are not alone, ur child needs ur attention now so pls concentrate on breast feeding and nurturing the baby for now, if you are employed good but if not then find a way to nurture the baby until its aged enough. marriage isnt the last bus-stop of life, there are more to life and happiness than just marriage. when ur child is grown, then get urself a job and continue ur life, true love will come of course.
NB. there is no need to mention tribes in ur post, 'different things happen to different people differently'.

strangerf: @OP:

The ship has sailed. You can never find true love again, and I hope you never find it. May you be heart broken for the rest of your life.

@NLanders, I believe this is the man that broke this lady's heart. You're a heartless piece of poo. Your curses are yours and would never be the potion of the lady involved.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

paris10:

It is ignorant arss tribalist like you that still plague Nigeria with this curse of obtrusiveness of progress. This is the 21st century baby, and you're still embroiled with this filthy game of card. A man responsibleness does not lie with what colour or tribe he comes from, but lie with the level of degree to which he has educated himself.

A man's aggressiveness has nothing to do with his tribe, however, it is still a biopsychosocial problem. When self-control breaks down, aggression find its way in. There are five factors that causes aggression, 1. Neurosis, 2. desperation, 3.Envy, 4. Greed, and 5. Collectivism. Self-actualize (fulfilled) people are less likely to be aggressive or abusive.


So, to be abusive means to be intolerant and unreasonable. Every man regardless of where they come from have one or all traits of an aggressive man.

You are just chattering . . bunkum!! . . This has nothing to do with living in 21st century. It is only unsophisticated guys or girls that would assimilate the kind of nonsense you just spewed above. Here you are telling someone about 21st century, my question for you is: How many white men do you see marrying black women? Despite the fact that 70% of black women in America are single and also that many white men date black women, but when it comes to marriage, they would run to their white women. . . . Dont tell me that these white men who over look black women when it comes to marriage are racist or that they are yet to come to terms with your disney world 21st century. Or that they are still living in 1800s . . Correct me if I am wrong,you are one of those divorcees hoping to tie down a fresh single guy, why not try a guy from one of those Arab/moslem countries that practice honor killings; afterall, you are a 21st century woman who doesn't care about tribe or religion
The fact remains that there are many things one has to consider before plunging into marriage. And factors like race, tribe, religion are some of them. Peace !!

Yes you could! However, what I think is more important is finding a man that would genuinely accept you and your son. A lot of Nigerians (men n women) are quite selfish. They would love you but deny your child from someone else the needed affection. Finding a man that is not so inclined is what I perceive as being problematic. Therefore, your priority should be your child now.

acidtalk:


I rhink there's more to this story than what we are made to understand.

I know I come here regularly to bash young single ladies who don't set their priorities right, but there are a whole lot of Bunch Crack heads male folks there that even if they put an Elephants brain in their skull they will Never still think straight.

What kind of a man will abandon his own child and woman he married legally? The bottom line is he his either partially insane or a bloody coward who is scared of responsibilities. Some men enjoy rodding day and night every single second but can stand the after effect (catering for their child).

I am glad you have moved on. If going by your story is the whole truth of what happened, Don't worry God is always with the truthful and cheated. He will surely see you true.

But please note; Don't look at all men as being the same thereby turning your back and heart against other prospective suitors so that you don't end up missing a caring and loving man in your life.

@acidtalk.
I really rate you for keeping your cool. Guess, its wot should be done.
But, cmon now! Even you could tell there's definitely more to this story. Its amazzing how the guy is the only bad person here.
Op, what are you guilty of? Nothing yh? You all innocent in this. There's so much of with your story, I'm sorry to say. Especially if this sounds rude. But cmon!
You stating again, how he has to ask his brother for permission. So wot, u didn't notice all this when u lot were dating? Or when he was going on about the divorce, still you didn't see the need to straighten this out.
List goes on and on... And lastly, how you saw the need to state he was yoruba and u are igbo. Of what use was that detail here? Guess its to state how polygamous in nature "they" are..?etc.
Now, with regards to if you could still get a man. Yes you can. But if you're with a bad attitude/behaviour. The guy would leave just as this guy you talking about left. You have to be of good behaviour and not waaaay too picky. And be yourself before and after marriage. Not like you'd change when the ring is on ur fingerr. Treat ur new man as the King of the house he his (heck, the holy book says this too). You are an adult, sure u know what to do. Just be good, kind, respectful to ur new man amongst others. You'd be fine. And a man who obviously acknowledges ur kid.

afam4eva: All the Igbo sisters i know that married Yoruba men are divorced. Does this say anything?

...and what does it say, you bigoted Doughnut?...that most Ibo Girls are "Unwifeable"...that they are uncultured, disrespectful, "ashawoish" and bereft of the necessary qualities to be good Wives...By the way, My present Bitc.h is Ibo!...She's definitely not a Wife Material...The best I could do to her is to have her as My Baby's Mama!...She's beautiful though...and utterly Sex-desirable!

There are always 2 sides to a story but we can all learn a thing or 2 from this narration. Kudos to such posters as daintytara, felifeli and 2 others - nice contribution.

Scash:

c dis useless mentally depraved product of a leaking cond.om! U must be on of dose guys dt thrives hapily in oda pplz unhappiness. May u b d one dt wld neva find happiness! Motherfuccckkker!

amen..., maybe hes d guy d OP is talking about. wicked soul

cugresources: It is only 2 in every 1000 Ibo vs Yoruba marriage that survives it out of God's mercy to prove sth. 10 in every 100 Ibo vs Niger Delta marriage survives cos they share close to similar culture and values. no figure for Ibo vs Hausa cos it rarely occurs. So brother, yours might be amongst the few that thrived...but be open, your brothers marry Ibos just to show ego! not becos they love Ibos, cos u yorubas hate Ibos to the core, just like the fact that their ladies are so cute, neat and industrious!

Instead of my sister to marry a yoruba to come later crying wolf, I will assassinate her before she does that. I cannot stand a sister to spoil my family name for what? are Ibo guys drained up for her to go for a yoruba guy? anyway, none can ever dare that, except she is ready to elope with him to an unknown island. sighs...why do u think princess diana died? or do u think she died a natural death? she was assassinated by the Brits for wanting to remarry an Egyptian prince or whatsoever...imagine! if Brits can do that, why should you be brainwashed into marrying infidels who don't love your tribe, who once betrayed your tribe and will always do whenever things go wrong in Nigeria anytime?

Are Boko Haram's then doing justice to what you just said?. You should be ashamed of yourself for coming out here and excreting your filthy garbage. I now see why we as Nigerians lack cohesion, peace, progress and above all tolerance.

You all profess that you love God (most Igbos are Christians) but still allowing this tribal cankerworm to be eating you up. If you could do this here, what happened if you get profiled in the United States? Hope you're not going to be shouting the race card, I bet you wouldn't.

Every dipappointment is a blessing.dont worry God is ever willing and ready to deliver whosoever trust in HIM. If prophet Hosea married Goma.just be upright.

PrettyCindy: I was married to a Yoruba man 2yrs ago (am from d East). The man is from a polygamous family and deeply believed in divorce; infact 3weeks into the marriage he suddenly decared that divorce is an option when anyone of us gets tired. Bottom line, the marriage lasted for just 7 months.

I did all I could to make our marriage work but I was totally frustrated. My pregnancy was 2 months old when he physically assaulted me repeatedly kicking my stomach. My child survived and he is 4 months old now, a healthy baby.

Now the thing is this, am a single mum now as we are finally seperated. What chances are there for single mum‘s to find love, are they discriminated against? Am not saying i want to start dating again now, i just want to know what its like for us out there.

At first,why shud u get married to a south-western man? ,did ur parents endorse the marriage? Did they giv u their blessings? How supportive ar ur parents? I knw luv is blind but it shudnt av led u to a yoruba man,did u knw where u cum 4rm or u were u told(my mama say abi igbo.) afta answerin dis questns,then i will av a word wif u..... N.b..am not jst bin rash bt we av to face d fact,okay.,.

yoruba men cant keep o one woman at a time. i stand to be corrected though it is a known fact. if u want to marry them,then i pity u.

[size=14pt]yoruba men cant keep to one woman at a time. i stand to be corrected though it is a known fact. if u want to marry them,then i pity u.

seriously,what made u marry a yoruba man. they are hardly caring and most of them are polygamous in nature.they are usually ugly and weak in bed so what made u marry a yoruba man. sis,u made a very bad choice marry from that tribe. who in nigeria marry from that tribe? Nobody.[/size]

@metal...you just said it all...the problem with africans is that they threw away their pride and culture in light of western civilization, while the westerns apply their own culture even with wisdom. ask them, Obama should have married a white lady. Bush ought to have married a black. Goodluck jonathan for marry hausa. its always gold-diggers that go for other tribes or race during marriage. most people that marry other tribes or race always does that out of frustration anyway. The Bible even encouraged Christians marrying from their tribes, true or false? but we read it with our own mind-set interpretation to suit our want. Abraham told his servant to promise him he will never get Isaac his son a wife from the place they were residing, instead he instructed his servant to go back to his hometown to get his son a wife from his lineage, what does that tells you? God when forming eve, didn't just threw a woman from heaven or molded one like He molded Adam, instead He took Adam's ribs to make a wife for him, which clearly shows that your wife should be from your blood! take it or leave it, tribe & religion matters a lot in choosing a wife or husband!

Metalgoong:

You are just chattering . . bunkum!! . . This has nothing to do with living in 21st century. It is only unsophisticated guys or girls that would assimilate the kind of nonsense you just spewed above. Here you are telling someone about 21st century, my question for you is: How many white men do you see marrying black women? Despite the fact that 70% of black women in America are single and also that many white men date black women, but when it comes to marriage, they would run to their white women. . . . Dont tell me that these white men who over look black women when it comes to marriage are racist or that they are yet to come to terms with your disney world 21st century. Or that they are still living in 1800s . . Correct me if I am wrong,you are one of those divorcees hoping to tie down a fresh single guy, why not try a guy from one of those Arab/moslem countries that practice honor killings; afterall, you are a 21st century woman who doesn't care about tribe or religion
The fact remains that there are many things one has to consider before plunging into marriage. And factors like race, tribe, religion are some of them. Peace !!

Well said, though i dislike the offensive-names-calling, truly, when it comes to marriage, we should use our brain and not our heart. hearts can be broken but brains? NEVER. obviously, the man used his brain while the lady used her heart, now who is hurt?