...also,permit me to say i disagree dt u didnt push him into it,hw can u deny dt when u urself was under pressure?my headache nw is,why he didnt accept d baby.a misery is still there.likely he ran for responsibility or wasnt sure of d source of d pregnancy.and obviously his family is bhind him,why?

...my advice,4get about him,learn neva to rush into anoda cos ur son shldnt xperience anoda brk in marriage which i forbid for u in jesus name.if he ever complained anything about u,think over it,working dt out may help ur 2nd marriage.lastly,theres always someone there to love even d wildest beast.

afam4eva: All the Igbo sisters i know that married Yoruba men are divorced. Does this say anything?

what an irony all the yoruba ladies i know that marry igbo men are divorced does this also says anything?

Hello sis,my heart seriously goes out to you pls take heart and God willing you will find true love.I know of a fella who married a single mum with 2 kids from a different tribe and background from his and after ten years of marrige they are still deeply in love you need to see them,they are presently blessed with 3 kids apart from the previous 2kids,they are all living together happily as one family.
The funniest part of it is that the guy is yoruba and he is the bread winner of his home,so i dont believe it has 2 do with tribe it has more to do with individuals, different tales for different folks you may say.

PrettyCindy: To the person (whoever u r) wishing me badluck,i reject it&d same is ur portion in Jesus name. ThankGod u are not my GOD &my destiny is nt in ur hands.
To all of u who have prayed for me and wished me well, i claim ur prayers & good wishes and wish y‘all d same.
Now like i said in my last post, d story is too long. Infact its been since last month i wanted to say this but when i start writing, before i get to the middle of the story, i will discover that its already too long and it will be difficult for people to read that is why i decided to put up the short part and ask the most important question because as far as am concern, i deserve to be loved, i have lots to give to my spouse and same should be my portion. Being loved by my spouse is my right. Love is beautiful and i have seen true pure love from my son.
Terminating the pregnancy like someone said wasnt an option. Even though being free may seem better than being single and saddled with a child but look at the other side of it; it was after 6months of living together that i got pregnant. Initially i thot the reason he maltreated me was because i hadnt gotten pregnant that is why i became surprised that he got worse when i got pregnant.
We dated for just 3months and i will be real honest i wasnt really desperate but the pressure from my mum was too much.
My parents knew about the marriage, it wasnt a Lagos marriage as some have said. He met my people and the proper thing was done in my family home in the village. My parents did not agree to the seperation but, mum made efforts to bring us back together but my mind was totally made up. I agree with those who said that if we were both of the same tribe, we wouldnt have seperated as both families would have made considerable efforts and distance would have also played a major role since both families may probably live in the same state.
Yes like i said earlier, i earned more than him but pls believe me when i say i respected him 2d core.

No offence. But question is, why did u see d need to say where you are from? Why didn't you just ask plainly the main question: can a single mum find love?
You obv have a lil hatred for these inter-tribal marriages. Maybe not then but now, cos when I read your initial post. I knew its gonna be a tribal flame war, I'm sure you knew yourself.

And as erniewhez said, he prob saw something after the marriagee he didn't expect. Especially, as you won't ever say ur "wrongs", except his.

Just learn from this, especially from those things you aren't saying (or couldn't mention). Learn from it and apply them.
Try your eastern guys and if that doesn't work for you (hope it does by d way), then you know its you!
Be good!

[size=15pt]THREAD CLOSED[/size]

strangerf: @OP:

The ship has sailed. You can never find true love again, and I hope you never find it. May you be heart broken for the rest of your life.

@strangerf you are one sick fellow! Ur remark smacks of immaturity. Retards lyk U̶̲̥̅̊ should keep off NL.*mtchewww*

@OP dont get me wrong. im not like anyone else on this planet. im simply...er...meristem. that said, i want to let u know dat women lying against their husbands in situations like this is commonplace. in fact i have seen worse. they know how to engineer attention n sympathy. "kicks in the womb" lies are commonplace. hey, theres no way i can believe dat until i have spoken to the dude. i am wiser than believing thrash just cos Pretty Cindy said so. I wouldnt hav been this slow to conclude things if i hav not seen women lying against their husbands to demonize em. afterall d world is full of braindead pple who believe dt the man is ALWAYS d aggressor in such matters...the guilty party by default.

meristem - lets say the poster is lying (which I doubt) how do u explain the lack of care the man is showing his own child. You know when people try to defend abusive men they should look at the whole picture. A bad person is a bad person. I believe the poster cos I went thru the same thing (such as paying for my own ante natal care etc) and can assure you that some men are so irresponsible that they can abandon their own child - for all the tribal warfare going on here my ex is Ibo so please explain this theory that ibo men don't do this and that...........

Poster - the answer to you question is yes you will find love again, if that is what God has for you then so shall it be

poster don't worry about the father of you son - one will eventually reap what they have sowed

Marriage is more than two ppl in love,have children & raising the children.because u love some1 doesn't mean gettin married to him will make ur love more radiant.I do not believe in tribal judgement, it is d individual, evryman for himself ur xter narrates d story of who u are to d family of ur spouse. U will definitely find someone to love you but dnt b in a hurry to get married to some1 u perceive is inlove with u.love fades &love grows .be calm, trust ursef, take care of ursef & ur baby &learn frm ur mistakes,I wish u well.

To all those ppl fightin tribal war, most times is not a general tin is just a household or individual tin. It is a choice of ppl to do watever they think will keep dem safe. So don't make it a general belief.
U can find true love again.

Why not, if not?

Meristem: @OP dont get me wrong. im not like anyone else on this planet. im simply...er...meristem. that said, i want to let u know dat women lying against their husbands in situations like this is commonplace. in fact i have seen worse. they know how to engineer attention n sympathy. "kicks in the womb" lies are commonplace. hey, theres no way i can believe dat until i have spoken to the dude. i am wiser than believing thrash just cos Pretty Cindy said so. I wouldnt hav been this slow to conclude things if i hav not seen women lying against their husbands to demonize em. afterall d world is full of braindead pple who believe dt the man is ALWAYS d aggressor in such matters...the guilty party by default.

you have a POINT.

Nne i thank God u've moved on. I have a similar problem,but with two kids(a boy and a girl). I'm a graduate,but without a job. And anoda problem i have is dat i wedded in d cath. I'm very scared if i'll eva find luv again cos i don't plan going bk to my husband cos d next tym,i might not be lucky to cme out alive.

@uchegoziem, so happy for you, you even have two, wish I had two like , for have been the happiest person, my is one, u will get a job since you r a graduate that's all I know, you can still look for any little and start with, it will help! We are human and we prone to make mistakes, some ladies b/c they still wanna ans Mrs. End up dying in marriage, or not been happy for life which is not good. bad Marriage is the easiest thing that can lead one to Hell Fire. God must bring someone that will give you connection to a great Job. Is not how far but how well.

of course you can still find true love,but dont go into full pursuit of that and neglect your child.if you find ,lucky you,but if you dnt,just take care of your child ,because you are lucky to have him!a mans love is cnditional,but your child s love for you i is unconditional.

A big thanks to all nairalanders......u guys rock.U ve put a smile on my face &made me realise that all hope is nt lost.
Am lucky 2 ve an understanding mum & siblings who r helping out with my child one way or another. Presently am still enjoying my ‘omugwu‘ & when the time is right i will get back to work (job).
Just to clear come issues about y he refused to pay antental bill. Ex husband has always loved to care for himself alone. when we were dating he said it himself that he knows he is extremely selfish but said he would change once he is married and well i believed him just like he said he will stop smoking marijuana but didnt. Yes, am to blame for what happened to me infact i deserve to be flogged 6 lashes of cain because i saw these traits in him but i foolishly played the ‘he will change once we are married card‘.
He once asked me to bake space cakes/harsh brownies (marijuana cake) for him and said if i start baking them, he will quit smoking it. Y‘all wont believe i almost did it,got recipes and procedures from the net but i had a serious thought along the line. I asked myself what if he blabs about it to his friends (cos he does that alot) and somehow somehow NDLEA gets wind of it and they come,search the house and finds the baked goods! I will not only be arrested, i will loose my practising license!Education wasted! Som1 wil say lots of people do it &de havent been caught.......hmmnn every bodi no get the same luck o.
Did i cheat on him? We were based in Lagos before he was transferred to Abuja. We lived apart for 3months and we both agreed for me to join him on a particular month after i resign from work. Just 2days to the day i was to travel down with the few properties i had,he suddenly called and said i shouldnt come over to Abuja again! I thot he was joking but warned me more seriously and cut off the phone. He said we should live apart & c once in a while.On the d day, since he already sent me the address of the house in abuja before, i moved to Abuja and he really wasnt happy to see me....

A big thanks to all nairalanders......u guys rock.U ve put a smile on my face &made me realise that all hope is nt lost.
Am lucky 2 ve an understanding mum & siblings who r helping out with my child one way or another. Presently am still enjoying my ‘omugwu‘ & when the time is right i will get back to work (job).
Just to clear come issues about y he refused to pay antental bill. Ex husband has always loved to care for himself alone. when we were dating he said it himself that he knows he is extremely selfish but said he would change once he is married and well i believed him just like he said he will stop smoking marijuana but didnt. Yes, am to blame for what happened to me infact i deserve to be flogged 6 lashes of cain because i saw these traits in him but i foolishly played the ‘he will change once we are married card‘.
He once asked me to bake space cakes/harsh brownies (marijuana cake) for him and said if i start baking them, he will quit smoking it. Y‘all wont believe i almost did it,got recipes and procedures from the net but i had a serious thought along the line. I asked myself what if he blabs about it to his friends (cos he does that alot) and somehow somehow NDLEA gets wind of it and they come,search the house and finds the baked goods! I will not only be arrested, i will loose my practising license!Education wasted! Som1 wil say lots of people do it &de havent been caught.......hmmnn every bodi no get the same luck o.
Did i cheat on him? We were based in Lagos before he was transferred to Abuja. We lived apart for 3months and we both agreed for me to join him on a particular month after i resign from work. Just 2days to the day i was to travel down with the few properties i had,he suddenly called and said i shouldnt come over to Abuja again! I thot he was joking but warned me more seriously and cut off the phone. He said we should live apart & c once in a while.On the d day, since he already sent me the address of the house in abuja before, i moved to Abuja and he really wasnt happy to see me....

@Prettycindy, God in His infinite mercy will resurrect your marital life again, whether with your ex or a new better one, but then, obey God, read the bible and apply wisdom. This story should help other single ladies out there to learn. Seriously in Nigeria, we have a big issue of tribe that we all must not ignore especially in marriage. whether u are a man or a woman, try and focus more on marrying your tribe, the bible counseled that too, and it was for a reason- culture, belief, tradition, norms, etc matters a lot in determining the success of every marriage be it african or western marriage, so don't foolishly ignore those facts when making your choice. Have it in mind that it may not be as easy as we may tell u, talking of finding another deserving true love for marriage, but it is very possible. Again, your ex-hubby not taking care of his own rightful son, I believe he earns a meager income plus other things u mentioned. so next time, consider one who can take care of your needs even though I don't encourage ladies to go for rich guys, but rich guys must also marry someone, but its better and safer he marries his old friend he knew when he was not so rich or better his rich-class. I hope u are not a bossy-type lady cos men disgust them even though they won't tell u. Goodluck and be strong and wise next time, u will find love, just join a good church and make yourself committed and visible.

REALITY101:

Sure why not.

Just wondering why a sis from east got hooked up with a estupid arss yoruba dude. Just wondering

Will it be any better If the man was from the East. Just asking. People like you makes me laugh.

cugresources: @Prettycindy, God in His infinite mercy will resurrect your marital life again, whether with your ex or a new better one, but then, obey God, read the bible and apply wisdom. This story should help other single ladies out there to learn. Seriously in Nigeria, we have a big issue of tribe that we all must not ignore especially in marriage. whether u are a man or a woman, try and focus more on marrying your tribe, the bible counseled that too, and it was for a reason- culture, belief, tradition, norms, etc matters a lot in determining the success of every marriage be it african or western marriage, so don't foolishly ignore those facts when making your choice. Have it in mind that it may not be as easy as we may tell u, talking of finding another deserving true love for marriage, but it is very possible. Again, your ex-hubby not taking care of his own rightful son, I believe he earns a meager income plus other things u mentioned. so next time, consider one who can take care of your needs even though I don't encourage ladies to go for rich guys, but rich guys must also marry someone, but its better and safer he marries his old friend he knew when he was not so rich or better his rich-class. I hope u are not a bossy-type lady cos men disgust them even though they won't tell u. Goodluck and be strong and wise next time, u will find love, just join a good church and make yourself committed and visible.

Life has no guarantees,just because you marry someone from your tribe doesn't mean happiness,it makes it easier because your cultures and tribes are identical but it doesn't necessarily mean you will always be happy.
Personally I don't know what's better,marrying someone whose's culture encourages polygamy or getting married to a man who is married to one woman but this man has several girlfriends & mistresses outside!!! In my eyes the women married to these men are sharing their husbands with other women,some willingly and others are not even aware there are other women outside.
Everybody's outlook towards marriage is different,the bottom line is we're are all praying and hoping to find the right person for us,a devoted lifetime Husband/wife.

Sorry House, this post i'm about to write below is not really related to the topic, but some how we can learn from it.

The Words From My Heart.

If you are poor then someone else is heavily in debt. If you don't have a car then someone else doesn't have two legs. If you are ill, then someone else has been bedridden for years. If you have lost a parent then someone else has lost both parents in a single accident.

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak, Think of someone who have to use a sign language to tell his family he love them. Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat. When you're frustrated because you can not decide what food you should cook, remember that there is a mother in Somalia who can not decide which of her children she should give the little food she has while the other left to die.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion. Today before you complain about life - Think about someone who died too early on this earth, someone, somewhere really wish to be in your position (Your present condition is someone else prayer point, think!) Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dity house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wished they had your job.

Before you think of pointing that finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin. And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: You're alive and still around.

Our God Is Alive, Forever.

ajanaku2:

...so you stand to be corrected? Who wan correct "Amukunmeko, A dagba je Raufu" like you? You are a big MUMU!...You aptly define the word "Bozo"...Why stereotype all Yoruba Men? Is it that you have no Brain...or your Brain's Capacity is limited to some defined Protocols?...You must be a Starfish!...For your information, I'm Proudly Yoruba! My Father married One Woman, and all My Uncles are Monogamists!

Guy na true! Why u wan write a dictionary now?

felifeli: PrettyCindy, I am going to be pretty brutal about this post , else you will probably be back here in another 3 years (you sound 18 years old) to ask the same question.



I don't see that any LOVE was involved as a factor before and after you both got in the marriage. What attracted you to him ? Good at sex ? Got a good job and some money ? Had a sweet tongue ?



Really !! You were just sitting there all by yourself and minding your business and not even talking to anyone and he just came and started kicking your stomach like football ? Was he a frustrated Arsenal fan ?



Take a rest. You want to finally start doing things that you ought to have done before you got married and regretted it. Go get yourself a good job instead , and then present yourself as a good woman (do community service at church, children homes etc) then a good man will most likely come along.

O boy Arsenal fans dey cool! You know ladies;she has run back to her Igbo people. Trying to prove a point b4, she has done that. A man divorced his wife, u did not find out why? Na him no marry you well now! All na now u dey see and search for them.So u guys never see well-spent marriages collapsing? U think having a baby for him will make him stay when u r horrible? No woman gets deceived, it is only when her plans did not come off, she cries!It is now u know his tribe and effects of polygamy? The thing is to remain ok with ur child. U cld go mad over not getting a mate for marriage. However fck partners abound!

Some time ago, my own sister ran from my huz and was a kept woman. Had two children for her fellow Igbo guy and nothing was done to legitimatize the union. The man has taken the children and abandons her...na we dey pay her university fees and upkeep. Women think they know it all. Little time, come running back to family.

Uchegoziem: Nne i thank God u've moved on. I have a similar problem,but with two kids(a boy and a girl). I'm a graduate,but without a job. And anoda problem i have is dat i wedded in d cath. I'm very scared if i'll eva find luv again cos i don't plan going bk to my husband cos d next tym,i might not be lucky to cme out alive.

It is very hard. I have see once a young dude leaving his single lady for a widow with 2 children.I learnt the dead man had stuff.Money cld hav played a role. I've seen her and she speaks okay of the dude. It is very rare among Igbos. They prefer ladies with multiple abortions to a single mum, divorcee or widow.

charles316: [size=14pt]yoruba men cant keep to one woman at a time. i stand to be corrected though it is a known fact. if u want to marry them,then i pity u.

seriously,what made u marry a yoruba man. they are hardly caring and most of them are polygamous in nature.they are usually ugly and weak in bed so what made u marry a yoruba man. sis,u made a very bad choice marry from that tribe. who in nigeria marry from that tribe? Nobody.[/size]

You are so dumb and thick like a plank
Also probably sick in the head too
The lady is in pains all you can yak about is tribalistic rubbish and generalisation
Cut the crap you man of little mind
FYI most if my igbo friends play away while Mrs is kept indoors to slave after them and treat her like shit.
Address the real issue here.
Pot calling the kettle black.
STFUP.

cugresources: Tribe, Religion and Culture are important factors to consider before choosing a life partner, but probably you ignored it, and mostly its Ibo people that always do that big mistake of jumping to marry any tribe they come by just because they have liberal minds, which is not same with other tribes. next time, be watchful of tribe, religion, culture and family background, they are very vital, because such things are what shapes a man or woman in life. there are chances you may find husband again, but I must be honest with you that it is very thin in Nigeria, so be very careful of fakers. discrimination of been-tos, yes of course it exist here in Nigeria, we are Africans, thats why as a girl u have to look very well before u leap in Nigerian scenario. like a poster rightly said: if you must stand a chance of finding love again, if at all possible, then you must lower your expectations and desires in a man. The guy is scary though, what a man, abandoned his own son too, Ibos cannot do that I bet you. Ibos love their children more than any other tribe in Nigeria. So make wise choice next time, but trust more in God and do tell Him all your troubles with faith and don't take all men as same, cos there are more good men in Nigeria, if you stay wise! Goodluck!

God bless u , its mostly female delta igbos and igbos that where brought up outside the east that do that, they never listen , when shit hits the fans they come and start crying thats when their eye open .i wonder why their parents even allow them to go on such suicide mission.

afam4eva: All the Igbo sisters i know that married Yoruba men are divorced. Does this say anything?

my brother the rate these igbo girls that marry yorubas end up as divorcees is alarming. i will prefer and ijaw man or other eastern tribes than these yporubas who just see igbo women as some form of trophy or rize that must be achieved , anway na their headache be dat we still have enough igbo women to go round.

OilSubsidy: @OP, You can. But you will have to lower your expectation like someone rightly said. The guy will probably be divorced himself or from another non-ibo tribe as it is very rare to find single ibo men marrying single mothers. Even if they want to their family will always kick against. Except you live abroad though where everything and anything goes as per marriage. Here you can find single guys married to woman with seven kids from different fathers . Of course most likely na for the papers.

definitely its hard for young single igbo men to marry divorcees even more impossible if she was married to a non igbo when they are million of young fresh beautiful and well brought up igbo women in the east. igo women stop making mockery of yourselves.

fresh_dude: Erm I think this justifies my opinion on your 'liberal'and barbaric family. @Afam, too far? I think not, there's no difference(in principle) between disowning and blasting off an intermarrier. Liberal my arse. Gerrout all of you, please quickly mop up your ibo sisters from the market abeg make we see front.

why are you panting , have yoruba women finished, after messing up yoruba women up you want to extend it to the few gullible igbo women especially those brought up in lagos , abeg face your ethnic group, you people have made marriage a joke in nigeria thats why nobody wants to near yorubas when it comes to marriage.

alj harem: I don't understand why my Igbo brothers are just insulting the yorubas like this just because of 1 fail marriage out of millions ?

Her husband was wrong to have done that it has nothing to do with east or yoruba, It has to do with individuals and the human nature.

Please my eastern brothers, take it easy o !!

ok sorry for the insult but every body should face their front, the number of heart broken igbo single women is increasing and its not funny , there are more yoruba women than igbo women so theres is no reason why a yoruba man should marry an igbo woman except for decoration.

Metalgoong: On a second thought, I think this yoruba man you described is not a DEVIL as you painted him in your post- no grown ass man would go through all the wedding process, and stress involved, and suddenly starts demanding for divorce after three weeks of marriage.I think your Ex husband's sudden change in behavior must have been influenced by some of your BAD behaviors which he didn't notice when you guys were courting. In as much as I love my Igbo sisters, there are still many arrogant, brash, stubborn, and uncultured ones amongst you all.

I'm sure,you being a stubborn Eko bred Igbo girl, you went against you parents advice and went ahead to marry a polygamous yoruba man who you might have considered more ROMANTIC that igbo dudes . . lol.

In conclusion, I think you can still find TRUE LOVE only if you turn a NEW LEAF, but it is unlikely to be with Igbo dudes you overlooked during your prime years. Peace!

i agree with you , some of our igbo girls especially the lagos brought up ones can be something else, the most disturbing thing about failed intertribal marriages is what becomes of the baby boy , will he be an igbo man or a yoruba man .if his father is igbo he can always go back to his roots but in this scenerio whats going to happen to him, i just tire for these girls they need to start using their head and listen to their parents cus i know igbo parents will always kick against intertribal marriage cus they know better than us.

....but i went because a fragile marriage like ours was already shaky, iving apart fulltime wil cause more problem&most importantly i really wanted 2 do my best 2make d marriage work.Durin d months i stayed alone in Lagos,i added a tiny bit of weight.A month later after Abuja i discovered i was pregnant & this was around the time i lost my granddad. So oneday i jokingly told ex husband that my baby when born may look like my granddad because i took in when he died.......and so he screamed “NO WONDER U ARE FAT! I SUSPECTED YOU ARE PREGNANT WHEN YOU CAME FROM LAGOS BECAUSE YOU ADDED WEIGHT! THAT CHILD IN YOUR WOMB IS A BASTARD! BLA BLA BLA. He even went ahead to invite his eldest sister from Lagos so that she would examine my body well and tell him if i was far gone. She told him my pregnancy was just in its early stages and even advised him to take proper care of me. But ex husband had other plans. Infact this period was the toughest for me as i was really alone. It was too early to go for scan then and there was no 3D/4D yet in Abuja. He knew in his heart that the pregnancy was his but ........well he was just being his natural self......didnt want to be responsible. Like i said earlier he has totally neglected his first son from his ex fiancee.
It was because i insisted he must give me money to register for antenatal that he physically abused me. I would have used my money but i hadnt started working then. Hope you now understand?
- This same man once told me in Lagos that i was tryin too hard 2make our marriage work, he told me 2 free myself &live a “FREESTYLE“ life.
- i saved his no with My husband in my phone, one day he told me 2change d name from my husband 2his name.I asked y, he said nothing.
-he didnt ask for divorce 3weeks after marriage.He said its an option if either of us gets tired. Lets face facts pls, if u are starting a marriage with your spouse whom you supposedly luv at the very begining u tell yourselves that you can both divorce at will; there is no way d both of u
will put in ur best.