cowgurl: Now u'v js raised deir 'ego' a notch. For moi, 'l worship a guy hu deserves 2 b worshipped not an arsehole. It's y am into talkin wit d guy first so WE both can mak compromises b4 we begin. Let's bring our principles (cos 'v gat myn) 2 d table n talk abot it lik matured minds n blif me wen dis is done, d relationship is heavenly 4 both. It's been workin 4 moi thus far.

I see your point and there are millions of relationships such as yours that are productive. I think some people need to be honest and realistic about their expectations in relationships.

Some males believe that they are not obligated to fulfill their duties as a man in their relationship and compromises are only prevalent to women. As you beautifully stated that BOTH compromises and thus your relationship is healthy and thriving.

You are not supposed to worship ANYONE but your Creator and if you aren't a believer in the most High then disregard the worship part, but I REFUSE to worship my peers.

Now since people like quoting the bible and throwing verses in without actually understanding the core of its meaning, one of the tenth commandments, THOU SHALL NOT WORSHIP any other gods, gods is a symbolic of things [b]AND PEOPLE [/b]you hold dear. For example, some people are addicted to drugs and will go above to "worship" their drugs even disregard God. That's is a sin against God.

As much as I can accept the fact that people will throw in scriptures and verses in written debates, however we need to be careful how we insert our "beliefs" on others or to others. Just because we believe a certain way doesn't make it right. It seems though many people are set to prove their way is the right way and because they have thrown in a few verses it validates their beliefs.

I am sure we can all debate without adding our belief machineries.

samyng:


wow hope most girls would take note of this abeg.. Most women are the cause of failed marriage but if they just follow this then 80% of failed marriage would never had happened.. They need know that we don't want to marry and keep fighting for strength at home

There is a difference between girls and women. It takes TWO to fail a team. There is no I in team and if YOU ARE A MAN then YOU FAILED AT LEADING your unit/family. Men should accept responsibilities for lack of leadership qualities and if your wife has to step in and assume the position. It reflects on you. Respect goes both ways, if you do not respect your wife, then how can you expect respect in return? It doesn't work like that in ANY form of relationships.

The woman isn't the head of the household, but the neck. If the head crumbles, the neck has nothing to support.

fresh_dude: From the above you have proven that 'A' person(and I mean male or female) will need to be assertive when dealing with/in a relationship with a disrepectful partner not one in which mutual respect reigns supreme[b]. And my question is why would anyone be/want to be in a disrespectful liaison?[/b] Perhaps I see things from my point of view-I am usually very gentle and I can just as passionate, I definitely will not like to be with someone who elicits the wrong destructive passions in/from me.

That's a good question.

Adaeze003: Hmm did i just see 'worship your husband'? I'm not married but i know I'm not gonna 'worship' any human. I believe in mutual respect and love.. ..

I guess in their world, respect means worship.

What's sad though, many of those statements come from supposedly Christians.

No wonder atheism is on the rise.

ypzilanti: a simple rule that will serve all women: never [size=55pt]date or marry[/size] a man you do not respect and doesn't respect you.

Gbam!

cowgurl: [size=44pt]Now u'v js raised deir 'ego' a notch.[/size] For moi, 'l worship a guy hu deserves 2 b worshipped not an arsehole. It's y am into talkin wit d guy first so WE both can mak compromises b4 we begin. Let's bring our principles (cos 'v gat myn) 2 d table n talk abot it lik matured minds n blif me wen dis is done, d relationship is heavenly 4 both. It's been workin 4 moi thus far.

That's exactly what she did and thus they are falling all over the computer hoping to get her email.

lurkee:

Every man is different.

Gbam!

bukatyne: @onegai: pls read your Bible well before saying some things! king xeres never told Esther to display her beauty; she was contesting to be the queen. read down n u ll see that when she needed to go to the king, she damned the consequences of been showing up without been summoned: that is not I-ll-do-anything-you-ask attitude1! it is if-i-perish-i-perish attitude! God blessed everyone wit common sense and i-m-pleasing-my-husband will not save u in God's sight if He finds you doing something wromg! if Sapphira could turn back the hands og time, she would have preferred to be 'kicked' out of ananias house than be the i-ll-please-my-king type of wife and end up in hell fire. if a woman would have problems, she would if she is assertive , aggressive or nice easygoing. don't get me wrong, if u read my previous post, u ll see that i don't support having an attitude or been rude. a woman should be submissive to her husband as long as what he decides is reasonable or not a sin. in an ideal home, the husband and wife would table the issues, make decisions and they pick the best one. afteral, it is for the both of them. everyone would be judged individually on the judgement day so the most important thing is pleasing God. for example: if God tells you as a lady not to wear trousers, u tell ur guy and he agrees. then years later, he says 'baby, i want you to wear trousers when we go out for occasions', what will you do? run and put them on because you want to save your home or be a submissive wife? there is a limit to everything. God bless you!

Sadly some women will put man before GOD. We also have to take in account that not everyone is a believer. Even the devil can quote scriptures. So we have to consider the source of whom we are talking to.

You made an excellent point about if God commands you to do something and your husband may disagree, who are you going to serve then? Common sense is definitely lacking on this thread.

bukatyne: @onegai: a man cannot love like Jesus Christ but he is expecting total submission from the wife? lol! what a double standard! get this: Christ loved the Church perfectly even when we didn't know Him and now we did, how many people can boast of total sudmission to Jesus Christ? No single body! show me a man that says he has no sin and i ll show u a pathetic liar! read Eph 5:21 - end to know the biblical roles of husband and wives. read 1cor13:1 - 8 to know what God expects from husbands and prov 31:10 - 31 to know what He expects from wives. However, we are al work in progress so nobody is perfect. God Bless you!

Oh my goodness!

It is funny how people can say that women should TOTALLY submit to man but NOT ONE CAN TOTAL COMMIT TO God?

Keep it coming!

bukatyne: @onegai: it seems u didn't read my first post well. i said if one is a christian with the fruits of the Holy Spirit(developing them), the person ll have some characteristics that i mentioned above. as someone said, find the man that suits u. that is wat courtship is for. the problem with we christians is that we don't read our Bibles or those that read select the part they read and don't even practice it. as a christian, what again should i use to pass across my points if not the Bible? i know i am not perfect and i am telling God to work in me daily. i am not the type of christian that mixes the way of God with culture. i always thrive to do wat is right irrespective of wat the culture says. i m not desperate to get married or ready to disobey God for my marriage to work, however, i m praying that God makes me the wife of prov 31: 10 - 31, my hubby 1cor 13: 1 - 8 and help us both to develop daily the fruit of the Holy Spirit. If God knew that a man cannot love his wife selflessly, He wouldn't have wasted His precious time saying so. P.S.: my hubby to be doesn't drink and IF he tells me such, i ll look for 100 things for us to do than him going out to drink. if i can't stop him from falling, what is the my use as a wife? have u read Ecc where solomon was talking about marriage/companionship? if the husband/wife is falling (doing something wrong/sinful), it is the duty of the wife/husband to bring the other back in line with love. as to jezebel been in everything her husband is doing, that is the right thing because they are one. the only wrong thing is that they were doing the wrong things. what of acquilla and priscilla? were they not always together? waht is the use of marriage if a woman is to be on the sidelines? however, each man to his/her own. have a splendid day!

Damn! Keep it coming!

Many people are part time Christians.

SAFO: Yes I like an assertive woman and some trivial matters i will defer to my wife if her judgement is better. But at the end of the day, I'm the bread winner in my house and it's going to be my call.

If she doesn't like it, She can leave.

When you make that call and it doesn't work, then accept responsibility for it not working.

SAFO:

Not gonna happen but if it did, I'm still the head of the household so the final decision rests with me. Now if you have a man freeloading off his woman and not working at all, he should have no say. Matter of fact, he should be castrated and stoned for being a lazy s.o.b

I don't know any man that can idly stand by and let his woman be the bread winner of the family. It's a disgrace.

Even if you are the head of household, your decisions doesn't just affect you. Just saying.

Onegai: My love, I'm gonna hazard a guess at your age. About 25 or a little above or below. You sound like me at that age.
I see from your signature you're a christian. Now let me refer you to the bible. Go point out all the assertive ladies in there, let me know how it worked out for them. I'll wait (pours myself a drink of OJ).

See the difference btw Jezebel, Esther, Bathsheba, Mary and Deborah? Both strong,but one was calm, and the other didn't take shit and was equal to her man in screwing up. Guess who suffered? The bible says "Men, love your wives as Christ loves the church". So your man is meant to cover and protect you. So what does the church do? It worships Christ. Ergo, you're meant to worship your man. The church does not say "'xcuse Jesus, I don't like what you just said or did so I'm not gonna follow" and sit down glaring at him. So what's the shi.t about "I won't take crap, get to stepping if you piss me off, I am Woman hear me roarrrrr!!"?
A strong woman, does not need to be like what you described to be strong. I know a lot of strong, i-dont-take-crap girls. They declare their strength, then go to the kitchen, dish their man's food, serve him and prefix every sentence to him with "darling". They're submissive. If they couldn't be, they'd be single. To quote a white, aethist relationship coach (so you know that ALL men are alike) "men have to be strong in front of their friends and the world and it gets exhausting. They don't want to marry and keep fighting for strength at home. So it's great that you have a Ph.d, speak 4 languages and climbed Mt. Everest, if you don't make him feel like a man, he won't care about that and marry you."
What men want is for you to be emotionally stable and strong, in case they're not home, to hold down the fort, but when they show up, baby, get on your knees.

Its so funny the way people interprete the bible to suit the situation at hand. In those days you were referin to, do u realize that the husband were not like most men nowadays? The bible did not say you should turn your wife to a corporate slave. The bible only say she should respect the husband and not fear him. Men of then will provide everytin the woman needs and all d woman do is attend house chores but nowadays, the woman brings home income just like the husband and does virtually wot the husband does yet the husband still abuses her, maltreat her and make her life miserable and unhappy. The question now is, is it right as a woman to stay in an unhealthy relationship where you do all ur responsibilities diligently yet your husband cheats on you, he beats you and makes you unhappy for the rest of your life.

We guys say we want this and that but the truth is respect is reciprocal and for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If u treat your wife badly, she should be able to tell you that and if you persist she faces the brutal facts and frees herself frm the shackles of oppression and captivity. DO TO OTHERS AS YOU WANT OTHERS TO DO UNTO YOU.

dbabahimse:



Its so funny the way people interprete the bible to suit the situation at hand. In those days you were referin to, do u realize that the husband were not like most men nowadays? The bible did not say you should turn your wife to a corporate slave. The bible only say she should respect the husband and not fear him. Men of then will provide everytin the woman needs and all d woman do is attend house chores but nowadays, the woman brings home income just like the husband and does virtually wot the husband does yet the husband still abuses her, maltreat her and make her life miserable and unhappy. The question now is, is it right as a woman to stay in an unhealthy relationship where you do all ur responsibilities diligently yet your husband cheats on you, he beats you and makes you unhappy for the rest of your life.

We guys say we want this and that but the truth is respect is reciprocal and for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If u treat your wife badly, she should be able to tell you that and if you persist she faces the brutal facts and frees herself frm the shackles of oppression and captivity. DO TO OTHERS AS YOU WANT OTHERS TO DO UNTO YOU.

(opens your legs) Yeah! You are a man!

Thank you!

@mrs. chima: ow re u n ur family? na wa o! u just picked my posts n dissected it! if i didn't know better, i would say that u re a surgeon of ideas! lol! i wonder y people really don't read their Bibles! i have read wat love is n ma, it is woaw! if any man practices dat, his marriage would be heaven on earth b'cos when u please ur wife, she would be outdoin herself to please u! wat is even been assertive? was deborah in the Bible not an assertive woman? the most important thing is havin d Spirit of God! have a splendid day! regards to ur family!

I've got a female friend who isn't only assertive but also a control freek and funny enough she knows but can't help it. She wouldn't mind telling you to shut up at any instance or command you to come here or go there like her doll. I guess she would have to get a toy for a husband.

@hamsky, everyone is a work in progress. if we re not control freaks, we re rude, selfish, liars, greedy, cuttin corners etc etc. if her hubby to be knows she's a control freak, he can help her if he really loves her. afteral, loving someone esp in a relationship/marriage is an investment! d dividends re numerous. since d gal knows, then d prob is half solved. showing her wit love that she can't control al situations or that when she orders him around, it hurts him would also go a long way. the man can also commit her to God in prayers n see d wonders He ll do. so she doesn't need a toy, just a man ready to love her unconditionally. ow re u? be blessed!

bennyraz: why do u say so?

cos you keep churning out essays after essays

@ mrs. Chima: thanks for your comment about why guys are agreeing with me, because they want my email. Sadly your method of attracting a man or husband are not mine.

To all: worship means something different to everyone. As I have said earlier, I meant worship in the form of submission. Yes, I know we're all christians (sigh) and some of you love Jesus waaayyyy more than I do (sigh) and are convinced Jesus loves them morrreee than He loves anyone else (sigh). The fact remains: a soft answer will always turn away wrath. I never said worship your man more than God and if you think from all I've said that's what I meant, then pls don't use the internet. Love him as the church loves and obeys Christ and he will be as Christ in your life: protect, love, and be willing to do anything to keep you safe.

And for anyone saying "oh the men in the past were different from men now", no actually. Talk to your mums and dads, the stunts they pulled are the same you have to live through. God is not asking you to live your life based on how others are living it, so that's no excuse to misbehave, because guys nowadays aren't "worth it". Wives, submit to your husbands...it don't get clearer than that.

So, let's sit down and use our minds: in fact, I will give us all JAMB question to answer. My assertive mum complains about things I do, good or bad, from "you stay in your room too much" to "you come home too late". Now, me having spent years demanding my respect and trying to gain it by all means necessary, was given a strange piece of advice by another woman. That advice?

"You better calm down, as if you can't live with your mum, don't bother getting married."

So I tried a different tactic. When she nagged, I was silent. Eventually something strange happened: I listened to her, and she stopped complaining so much.
Ques: what changed? My words or my actions?

If I'm chatty and people are complaining, that means I talk a lot. If men say they don't like assertive women, they mean your behaviour has gone past speaking up for yourself to being downright unpleasant. If you notice people love your fiery bold nature, but can't confide in you, ask yourself why. I have 2 assertive older sisters, one is the matriach of our family, the other everyone watches what they say to her and keep off. One can be strong (she's our rock), submissive and controlled, the other sounds like a lot of girls on this thread, and she's in her 40s and single. She wants her way, she's independent and doesn't take poo.

You will always have problems in your marriage, some will be fixable, others avoidable. I am yet to hear any guy who cheated on his wife because she was submissive or looked hot or cooked well or bleeped excitedly. My bro's gf is Ishan (pls understand what that means) and he's marrying her because he can handle her. Not because she's assertive and smart. If that was the case, he had a million choices.

As for guys agreeing with me, ask yourself this: if you're complaining that everytime you go to see your yoruba in-laws and he/she demands you kneel and greet, and your non-yoruba friends go "don't mind them" and your yoruba friends go "that's just the way we are, obey", whom would you listen to? Do you want to get married and STAY married to a man, or do you want to hang out with your friends, who will ditch you once they get settled?

shilling:
Haha. . . sounds like me. I believe that's a good balance.

Way to go, Sister.

Most men learn how women think from a young age. It's a survival tactic we adopt in order to get laid.

Men that are most successful with women have mastered their needs, insecurities and desires.

Most women on the other hand, have no clue whatsoever about the mind process of a man. This is because at their peak, they really dont need to impress men with any substance to get suitors.

It's all well and good to be 'assertive' and combative when you are a young sexy gal. Men will do anything to get into your pants.

When most men are seeking a serious relationship, however, they don't want all that drama. At that point, most men start looking out for substance over beauty and sexiness.

With her attitude, the poster of the topic should brace herself for singleness...Men will sample the produce and run after the first altercation.

Its not about pretending to respect a guy in order to 'con' him into marrying you. Its about finding a guy you actually love and RESPECT. There are a lot of accomplished and well behaved men out there that you can defer to. If you can't find one...remain single and save yourself the stress. As an accomplished woman you are not under all men, but you are under the man we choose to be in a relationship with...thats the difference these so called feminists do not get.

Let me be go methaphorical here: You've already set pride aside to give him 'your most prized possession' ...which other right are you dragging with him?

ypzilanti:

Way to go, Sister.

Most men learn how women think from a young age. It's a survival tactic we adopt in order to get laid.

Men that are most successful with women have mastered their needs, insecurities and desires.

Most women on the other hand, have no clue whatsoever about the mind process of a man. This is because at their peak, they really dont need to impress men with any substance to get suitors.

It's all well and good to be 'assertive' and combative when you are a young sexy gal. Men will do anything to get into your pants.

When most men are seeking a serious relationship, however, they don't want all that drama. At that point, most men start looking out for substance over beauty and sexiness.

With her attitude, the poster of the topic should brace herself for singleness...Men will sample the produce and run after the first altercation.

Its not about pretending to respect a guy in order to 'con' him into marrying you. Its about finding a guy you actually love and RESPECT. There are a lot of accomplished and well behaved men out there that you can defer to. If you can't find one...remain single and save yourself the stress. As an accomplished woman you are not under all men, but you are under the man we choose to be in a relationship with...thats the difference these so called feminists do not get.

Let me be go methaphorical here: You've already set pride aside to give him 'your most prized possession' ...which other right are you dragging with him?

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Find a good man and respect him.

sauer:
cos you keep churning out essays after essays

i don't think i'm a good writer though

Mrs.Chima:


Damn! Keep it coming!

Many people are part time Christians.

I agreed
They can BS but we know

Mrs.Chima:

That's exactly what she did and thus they are falling all over the computer hoping to get her email.

Lmao, damn!

xage: I ran away from each and every assertive lady i have ever met

I can't cope...softness is one of the best quality any lady should have

who ever said anything about not being feminine? me and the millions of other assertive heterosexual women are as sweet as apple pie. when did standing up for yourself make you masculine?


also, its not fair that a woman is considered a feminist when she focuses on more things other than just her looks. for crying out loud, no one will even read my story! and it just occurred to me that i am the only female who has posted one. is it not getting any views and responses because i am a woman?

TisaBone:


who ever said anything about not being feminine? me and the millions of other assertive heterosexual women are as sweet as apple pie. when did standing up for yourself make you masculine?


also, its not fair that a woman is considered a feminist when she focuses on more things other than just her looks. for crying out loud, no one will even read my story! and it just occurred to me that i am the only female who has posted one. is it not getting any views and responses because i am a woman?

Babe I don tell you. Find a guy that is lovable, responsible and accomplished. Love and respect him. Take his wahala...don't drag power with him. Be persuasive and not 'assertive'.

You can be assertive with all your potential mates and single...thats an option too. Assertive and single.

Even where there are two captains, there is always a head captain. You want to be the head captain? That is also an option...find a small boy that will be grateful for your 'assistance'.

Onegai: @ mrs. Chima: thanks for your comment about why guys are agreeing with me, because they want my email. Sadly your method of attracting a man or husband are not mine.
?

You are exactly right, we have different methods regarding to men, because I don't need to sell wolf tickets to get or attract a man. I have a delicious and cream of the crop man.

You are entitled to worship YOUR man however you see fit, it has NOTHING to do with me and mine. My husband and I are MATURE adults and we aren't into childish games. I respects my husband as the head of the house and he respects me as the neck of the house and WITHOUT collaboration between us, the family is divided. We both put our Creator before each other for either one of us can save each other during judgement day. We got this.

My last comment regarding worship still remains.

bukatyne: @mrs. chima: ow re u n ur family? na wa o! u just picked my posts n dissected it! if i didn't know better, i would say that u re a surgeon of ideas! lol! i wonder y people really don't read their Bibles! i have read wat love is n ma, it is woaw! if any man practices dat, his marriage would be heaven on earth b'cos when u please ur wife, she would be outdoin herself to please u! wat is even been assertive? was deborah in the Bible not an assertive woman? the most important thing is havin d Spirit of God! have a splendid day! regards to ur family!

That's me, the dissector!

We are doing great and blessed. Thanks for asking Ms. Buka! Congratulations on your engagement and may you and your hubby to be have HOLY SPIRITED FILLED marriage and prosperity.

When you have a man that is filled with the holy spirit, you can't go wrong! I agree with you that when a man loves his wife according to the holy spirit, the wife will do anything to please her husband. Why would a woman please a man that doesn't respect, love, cherish, understand, and value her?

Would you expect your husband to be to respect, value, love, cherish, and understand you if you aren't willing to do the same for him? I am sure your answer will be no.

Relationship is a two way street and it is about PLEASING EACH OTHER in every sense of the way and not just sexually. Marriage takes loads of work, but when two people are on the same page spiritually, it is BEAUTIFULLY ORGASMIC!

Good men are definitely harder to find or come by these days.

bukatyne: @hamsky, everyone is a work in progress. if we re not control freaks, we re rude, selfish, liars, greedy, cuttin corners etc etc. if her hubby to be knows she's a control freak, he can help her if he really loves her. afteral, loving someone esp in a relationship/marriage is an investment! d dividends re numerous. since d gal knows, then d prob is half solved. showing her wit love that she can't control al situations or that when she orders him around, it hurts him would also go a long way. the man can also commit her to God in prayers n see d wonders He ll do. so she doesn't need a toy, just a man ready to love her unconditionally. ow re u? be blessed!

Be easy now, Ms Buka! You checked his arse.

The emboldened was beautifully executed.

WOMEN!!!

Steve Harvey says "Think like a man and act like a women" get the book.

@mrs. chima: thanks! we re not yet officially engaged but our parents know each other n we have both decided to spend d rest of our lives with each other so we don't need to play games around or be keepin someone else at d side. i believe everyone chooses wat he or she wants so good for them. we women re quick to accept that men re not perfect but we al don't want to face d fact that women re human too. every man even d ill mannered ones re lookin for 'good' wives to marry! men re not ready to invest into their relationships n partners for them to be perfect! they want to reap where they have not sown! each one to his/her own! marriage is not a ticket to heaven o! take care n God Bless U and your family!

@mrs chima: i m sure that if it were to be hamsky's male friend that were to be a control freak, he won't have made such a statement! men re not ready to work in their partners! no investment, saving etc but they want to reap MASSIVE dividends in terms of 'perfect' wife! have they checked/worked on themselves? do they know the flaws they have n re willin to improve? re they willing to help their women be better people? bring out the best in her? refine her in love? they just jam money n next thing, they re thinking of acquirin a beautiful washin/sex/baby making/cookin machine! let them sit down n learn wat it means to be a husband jor!