chaircover: Debo and where did I say that how much my husband spends on me equates my love and respect? If you dont understand what I am saying then you ask rather than reaching conclusions.

This thread has been very enlightening to say the least and regardless of any surgery that you want to perform on my posts deep down in us we all know the truth.

You think I will respect him that much if my own bride price came from my own pocket? or he was dancing "oruka ti do wo na" on our wedding day in a suit that I paid for with my own sweat?

chinwe11: Nairalanders, i have some questions oh. I am getting married in August..............my fiance and i are both working, but the house where he is staying now is having some problems, and might fall soon, so the landlord told them all to evacuate so he can renovate. (The rent was expiring in September anyway) My fiance then decided to use part of the money for the wedding to rent a new house for us. The problem now is, after renting the house, he had to do renovations etc, and now the wedding for the money is almost finished to about 20% left. he is now saying shebi i also have money that i should make up the remaining 80%. Please nairalanders what do you think? Is a woman supposed to pay the bulk money for the wedding?



Afterall what plans did he have for rent after the wedding? I told him to borrow money he said no.

chaircover:

And where did this woman say that she was not prepared to contribute to her wedding? It was the percentage that she was concerned about.
Maybe if we put it into monetary value then it wil make a lot more sense to you.
Lets say that the Total wedding cost 2 million Naira and she puts down N1.6 million of the total 2 million.

chaircover: Jenny I totally give up.

Either they are deliberately arguing blindly or they just dont understand.

I'm off to pick up my daughter jare

jennykadry: A lot of men here do all sorts of odd jobs to take care of their family, if this man is looking up to a woman for finance to marry her then what happens if they become financially weak later, he is going to be looking up to his wife to feed him?

chinwe11: Nairalanders, i have some questions oh. I am getting married in August..............my fiance and i are both working, but the house where he is staying now is having some problems, and might fall soon, so the landlord told them all to evacuate so he can renovate. (The rent was expiring in September anyway) My fiance then decided to use part of the money for the wedding to rent a new house for us. The problem now is, after renting the house, he had to do renovations etc, and now the wedding for the money is almost finished to about 20% left. he is now saying shebi i also have money that i should make up the remaining 80%. Please nairalanders what do you think? Is a woman supposed to pay the bulk money for the wedding?

I stand to be corrected,i think it is the duties of both parent to incur wedding expenses except for few things the guy needs to do. But in a case where there are no sponsor,the fiancee should render help financially to execute the wedding plans.
If u really want to get married in August,u need to assist him. Delay is dangerous.

Afterall what plans did he have for rent after the wedding? I told him to borrow money he said no.

Afterall what plans did he have for rent after the wedding? I told him to borrow money he said no.

jennykadry: I did not contribute a dime. Some of you's need to understand that tribes play a vital role in issues like this. I am a solid Igbo girl and I guess the OP is, judging from her username. Where I come from the groom pays for everything, no shaking, if you can't afford it then you are not ready for marriage.

debosky: Some women are giving terrible advice here - if it was a woman in need of some cash and her husband to be asked her to go and BORROW (when he had the money) wouldn't you all here be shouting from the rooftops that she shouldn't marry such a stingy man?

The OP is an extremely selfish person who wants the husband to bear all the burden while she just coasts along without contributing.

The man clearly realised this selfish trait in the woman, which is why he said 'shebi you have money' to test her response, knowing she would rather tell him to go and borrow than contribute to HER OWN wedding.

God bless you slimyem for telling the truth - I absolutely abhor leeches who think they are entitled because they are women.

I completely disagree with you chaircover - the man should ask for a LOAN from his OWN wife-to-be for their OWN wedding? Absolutely ridiculous - so you think she is doing him a favour by contributing to her own wedding? Especially when the money was spent on getting a home for both of them?

With this type of attitude I'm no longer surprised when I see such women (mal)treated as mere possessions by their husbands. After all they 'paid' for everything, so they can (mis)use you as they deem fit.

If I was the groom I'd be thanking God for exposing the absolute selfishness of this leech and cancel the entire wedding immediately. Such a woman will ask you to sacrifice your life rather than her lifting a single finger.

@ OP

Don't contribute anything - just leave this good man alone for a good woman to find. Go and look for a rich mugu who is willing to marry a leech instead.

debosky:

Is he looking for her to feed him in THIS CASE?? He is asking for a contribution because he had to spend money on THEIR accommodation - he is not being lazy or imprudent. How is that equivalent to looking to her to FEED HIM?

Besides, what if a situation arises that the woman earns more? Does that mean she cannot take on more financial responsibility? This type of thinking is what breaks up homes - things may be rosy today, but if things change tomorrow, let both parties have an understanding that ANY earning is jointly owned.

chinwe11: Nairalanders, i have some questions oh. I am getting married in August..............my fiance and i are both working, but the house where he is staying now is having some problems, and might fall soon, so the landlord told them all to evacuate so he can renovate. (The rent was expiring in September anyway) My fiance then decided to use part of the money for the wedding to rent a new house for us. The problem now is, after renting the house, he had to do renovations etc, and now the wedding for the money is almost finished to about 20% left. he is now saying shebi i also have money that i should make up the remaining 80%. Please nairalanders what do you think? Is a woman supposed to pay the bulk money for the wedding?



Afterall what plans did he have for rent after the wedding? I told him to borrow money he said no.

Akpunwa: OP, u should ignore anyone who advises u finance 80% of urn wedding. That's crap! Moreover with the way the guy said it, I'm smelling issues already. I'm all for contributing but then 80% is a no no!
You have two options:
A - review the budget so it comes down to u splitting the expenses from 7:3 to 6:4 with him paying the larger chunk.
B - Free yourselves from pressure and postpone the wedding.
Like CC & others said, when married it becomes our money, not before!!!

jennykadry: I did not contribute a dime. Some of you's need to understand that tribes play a vital role in issues like this. I am a solid Igbo girl and I guess the OP is, judging from her username. Where I come from the groom pays for everything, no shaking, if you can't afford it then you are not ready for marriage.

jennykadry:

He will be looking for. A man that opens his mouth to say "shebi you have your own money" who says that? BTW my post had a question at the end?

Why should a woman spend more cos she earns more? Debo ki lo de? So because I earn more I should contribute more than half? I am having trouble contributing 10% and you are talking more than half? Until he puts the ring in that finger my money is my money. You earn trust, he has to earn my trust financially first before anything

When they are married, the money is jointly owned but since they are still getting there, her money is hers and his money should step up the game in the wedding preparation

slimyem: ....at least you know what he used his own part of the money for...
Its towards both your comfort after the wedding!
If you can afford it and he's worth it,then do and stop wondering about what's okay of not!don't be SELFISH!
Or betterstill postpone the wedding until he saves up enough money for the wedding and hope he hasnt changed his mind about marrying you by that time!

dayokanu: The guy should simply cancel the wedding.

OP, I know a guy who is willing to pay 1000% for your wedding, Just leave that guy. In the next 5 yrs you would be back with another username crying why are you not married

jennykadry: I did not contribute a dime. Some of you's need to understand that tribes play a vital role in issues like this. I am a solid Igbo girl and I guess the OP is, judging from her username. Where I come from the groom pays for everything, no shaking,
if you can't afford it then you are not ready for marriage