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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. (46900 Views)
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Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by ariyike23(f): 4:09pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
scantee: lol,yes.. ur heart is feeling beta naw? . |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by MarieSucre(f): 4:16pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
jomoh: OP scantee pls I beg you. Ignore this jomoh fellow's advice infact throw it into a trash can till Jesus comes. You can see that he is also a "white people" worshipper and a bitter man. And I bet he is not even married or in a committed relationship. Now to your issue. This is one of the problems of long distance relationships. The physical side. Now I am not talking about sex, but the bonds that are formed with being in close proximity with each other. Its now even made harder with the fact that she is in a youth environment (university). Where all he needs to do is show her some attention and she starts having doubts, meanwhile all she is able to get most of the time from is your voice on the phone. Women like attention. Humans in general like attention. I will liken your situation to a child born into a family where the father is always on transfer or works on an offshore rig. He will bond more with uncles around his compound and in school than the father who is hardly ever around. Now it is not your fault that you can't be with her as she would like, you guys are in different stages of your life. Marriage MIGHT harmonize that, but that is by the way. I am neither excusing her actions because she is in a committed relationship and if she had any misgivings about the relationship, she should have communicated with you. I am just trying to see her position. Communication, that is what I advice you to do now. Have a heart to heart with her now. Iron these issues. And if you have or can create breaks from works, spend it with her. Let her have your attention and not feel like she can get it from elsewhere. Finally keep in mind that a lot of the guys on this forum(from their comments) are still in "sampling punanii" and "girls are bitchess" stage. You on the other hand are a responsible man who wants to get married. You can't run away from every problem or treat it like you're a teenager. Because that is what all that "make her jealous crap" is all about. Abi are you in secondary school? So communicate with her and try to make it work, if it doesn't then seek for closure. For both your sake, I hope it works. Goodluck scantee |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by Magnificent2(f): 4:21pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Life continues.People change at any time because change is constant. |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by terrylew(m): 4:29pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Dude all u gat to do is just give her some space let her clear her head, if she really feels ur absence she will try to call and come back to u, sometimes in relationship u need space to think about what's best for u |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by terrylew(m): 4:29pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Dude all u gat to do is just give her some space let her clear her head, if she really feels ur absence she will try to call and come back to u, sometimes in relationship u need space to think about what's best for u |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by ifeomaekol(f): 4:41pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Op y dnt u give her time? I kw everybody is saying she's nt into u n all dt bt I dnt think so, give her some few days and then call her, ask her if she's still interested, tell her u wnt to come to her sch n see her, listen nt jux to her wrds bt d tone, try ur final best n if it doesn't work out, then jux let go n neva beat urself on y it didn't work out, its her lose nt urs. Pls relax N try sleeping. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by hammary(f): 4:43pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
I kind of understand her, she may not know what's wrong with her but somebody needs to talk to her so she'll know who will b better for her. not that cos she's crushing she'll go for a guy that's not too good and will b regretting later, d guy may not truly b in love with her and she may not know. bro if time isn't on your side pray and move on, youll c someone better. she may learn and come back but u have to move on, keep your mind open... don't put your life on hold for somebody, there will b hundreds of good girls that will want to b with u. sorry 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by efemena22(m): 4:45pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
donholy28:bro, I tire oh. Any small ish, dem don create topic for Nairaland... 2 Likes |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by scantee(m): 4:57pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Amhappy: |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by BiafranAvatar(m): 5:00pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Bro... Don't break up with her... She has her final year exams coming, its a great burden to her and plus maybe, some guys out there who knows that she's about to leave the camp are hell bent, maybe to date or to taste her honey pot (sorry for that)... Their pressure on her can make her call it a quit not cuz she wants it that way but she can't help it... She really needs you now more than she ever did (she admitted that yes, she crushed/crushing on someone and she kinda laughed when you asked if she's tired of you)... She just wanted to get into you heard with that part —but, she's never tired of you but rather into you like never before... You said after her final year is straight to marriage, even that thought of getting married alone could get her confused so I will advice you like someone earlier said, pay her a surprising visit... Take her out to a place with less activities and noise/movements...Talk sense into her... She might be thinking of you every nano second but can't call you due to her confusion but that doesn't mean she's no longer your Heartbeat!!!... Finally, leaving her might break you both!!! And you might end up being the biggest loser, give the chance, we all deserve a second to endless chances... She said and I quote based on your comments "Onat, you know that I can't stand you leaving me, please don't break my heart by breaking up with me!!!" She probably ended with saying "Onat, you know that I love you"... P.$ Sorry for using Onat but that is what my girl calls me... It got a deep and confused meaning... #LastShot...Scantee... MAKE UP WITH YOUR FINANCE!!! Cc: Scantee |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by scantee(m): 5:04pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
justmenoni: look the waiting thing was agreed by both families. |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by bapullow: 5:06pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Dude go get monie plenty gurl will come theirs notin Lyk real lurv in 9ja don't deceived urself 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by scantee(m): 5:09pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
iamosamede55: this is not about beauty bro, is about making heart commitment already, the beautiful ones are not yet born, if you know me very well you will understand i can get any girl if i am into her, i don't look at girls base on beauty because i have seen it all. |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by xtervaganza(m): 5:11pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
scantee:seriously I hate weaklings like you with all my heart and soul. You're the reason girls misbehave. If not you wouldn't be treated like a rag. If you go ahead and marry this lady she will chest on you in marriage How about you call her this evening and break the whole thing up? She's making a fool of you 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by xtervaganza(m): 5:18pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Niw that I have read your 1st topic about this same lady I believe you're a fool. You're lucky we are not related, I would smack you so hard you'll faint. Are you mad? How did it become so sad for you to the point you're giving a 2nd thought about dumping a cheat? A girl who has been banged endlessly by small boys and you still want to continue with her? You're a fool. I'm really angry. Where do they make fools like you? This girl is pissing on you man. Fxck you if you still continue with that wh0re 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by MrOptimistic: 5:34pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Be a man and stop calling her for a while. Even if she calls or text, don't respond for now. If u'v got the time, pay her a surprise visit. Tell her hw u feel and also hear her out. Let her tell you her true position regarding the relationship so you know where you stand. I hope she is the sincere type. Many of them will continue playing on your emotion while on the search for "the best man". Whenn she finally gets one then she let go off you not minding pain she caused you. Pls be wise and act fast. 2 Likes |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by valencia25(m): 6:01pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
pinkycute: I was going to hit like on your comment but i didn't because the bolded was incomplete without the guy is also having hot s.exual intercourse with her too. OP: It's a sad truth but take it from someone that has been in your shoe, she's having steady sexual intercourse with a guy. Hence, the main reason why she's confused. Heal yourself by enjoying what life have to offer you and don't limit yourself to pleas her. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by 9japrof(m): 6:14pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
ariyike23: Really, wow that's youthful exuberance right ? I don't think it all boils down to that. The babe knows that her position is safe, that she can waste all the time in the world playing the waiting game knowing fully that ma nigga would still be there with little or no options. she knows she has nothing to lose since she has the back bone of the in laws who would definitely come to her rescue. Besides she knows that she is dealing with an emotionally unstable and insecure dude (no offenses scantee) and every babe in the house know that ladies can use this to manhandle dudes at will. My thoughts are very clear, scantee's happiness should be his priority, I don't fuc.king care if the babe loves him or not, his happiness shouldn't be sacrificed cos he wants to get married to her. This babe dey deal with am now they ain't married, it would be quadruple in marriage(take it or leave it). he should sit and make an honest appraisal of himself. Is it the kind of life he wants to be living for the rest of his life? 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by 9japrof(m): 6:29pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
xtervaganza: Dude as much as I share your sentiments to a certain extent. This was plain rude and harsh. Love issue no easy, we are talking about someone who is so into this girl that his emotions is tied into a bottle locked in her locker |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by HIGHESTPOPORI(m): 6:47pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
ariyike23:You can make him feel better by replacing his Gf 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by 9japrof(m): 6:54pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Scantee if there is anyway you can get your mail across to me, my email is doggedbb@yahoo.com I want to send honest analysis with references of what I think would help you. it looks like a long epistle that's why I dont wanna bore this thread with it plus blunt and harsh statements I think I would direct towards you. It would be my last contribution on this love matter. All our other discussions more especially on business section still remains intact. . 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by jomoh: 7:17pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by jomoh: 7:19pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
MarieSucre: And you expect him to put up with someone that said at some point that she's sleeping in the same room with her friends brother for good two weeks and later she said was in her room with a neighbour at an odd hour. And that is someone who is already in a committed relationship. So when and if they get married the guy won't be able to travel with a rest of mind because he has a wife that need a lot of attention and if he can't be there to give her, she might go with another person. Suddenly am tempted to say the person behind this moniker will do the same if in that position. Madam the world doesn't revolve around ladies alone. We men too need attention, a lot of it. I bet you never read the part where he said he is on leave but his so called girlfriend is nowhere to be found. Or you expect him to leave his job so that he can give her the full attention she needs. Sometimes if you don't have better argument to present it is best you ignore rather than come up with trash that portrays you like a LovePeddler. FYI I've gone through his numerous threads on this same girl from the beginning that is where I formed my opinion but you on the other hand in a bid to impress and look different jumped another persons comment to not only to write trash but also to insult. What guarantees do we have that you're not an abandoned single mother or someone elses baby mama who has not been able to tie down a real man. We also have a lot of your type on this forum. I might want to ignore you but for the personal insult and the fact that you made excuse for a cheating lady makes you no better than a call girl. Your type are the reason for the moral decadence in the society. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by JaneJoanJohn(f): 7:52pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
scantee:ehm,I'm new here and I just want to give my honest opinion.Now,I'm really going to be frank and honest with you like you were my own brother.Honey,going by your written english,I can bet my last kobo that she has moved on to someone more "polished" and refined.Leave her alone for the time being and mark my words,she'll come running back to you,she's probably exploring and savouring this new experience with her crush but when it wears out,she'll realise what she lost and come back.So what's it going to be?.... would you take her back? 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by adeyemik: 7:54pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Op, it is time for you to move forward. Pick up yourself, fine-up and your woman/wife will come your way. I had similar experience some years ago, we met at the library while preparing for our professional exams, then she was in ND 2, while I was gainfully employed. I told my folks that she was the girl I'm going to marry and ready to wait. I made it a self assigned duty to see her Atleast once in a week either in school or at her parent's. Waited 3 good years, then it happened. 2nd semester HND 2, I discovered that her attitude towards me wasn't welcoming and it became a fast food type of discussion. Anytime I asked her what the problem was for the cold receptions am getting from her, she would replied by saying, she's going through some stress and having some issues with some of her courses. When I asked her to share the course challenges with me, she would tell me not to mind that she was capable of handling them. It got to a time that I couldn't bear it again and coupled with the pressure coming from some concerned quarters, especially my colleagues in the office and their marriage dey come, dey come yabis. After close of work on that very Thursdays evening, I drove to her school, she said, she had something she wants to tell me, I said, am listening, then she told me, she does not see anything coming out of this relationship, that she has to tell me so that I won't continue to waste my time. That day I felt like dying, this na one chance. I told her she was joking, so it means I have wasted 3 solid years waiting. I asked her what have I done? I no fine reach? She said nothing. I told her, I will give her time to reconsider her decision, maybe truly, na the stress dey send wrong signal. I left her school, managed to drive back home safely. The following day when I got to the office, my colleagues discovered that wasn't myself, I was absent minded, mistakes here and there. I was forced to tell them what transpired between my girl and I. I was advised to give her some space that she would come back, truly she might be going through some challenges she does not want me to know. I yielded to their advice, stated away from her for about 4 weeks. I went back to her after the 5th weeks with the hope that she would have reconsidered her stance, but she maintained the same position. Right there, I thanked her for giving the opportunity to know her, her lovely family, friends, and I wish her all the best in life. Entered my car and drove off. I fell sick, recovered and picked up my life again and moved forward with the help of my parents and friends. Fast forward to 8 years later, I met her elder sister, brought back old memories, at the tail end of our chatting, I asked about her sister, her family, how many kids she has now, where is she and so on. Of a sudden, she said, she is still single and still lives in their parents house. She said, at a particular time the family was looking for me, because when her issue was taken to their pastor, the pastor said, she had hurt someone seriously in the past, she need to go find the person, apologize and beg the person seriously. That the family zeroed me to be the person because after me she hasn't brought any other man to present to them as her fiance. I told her there that I have forgiven and forgotten everything she did, and peradventure, I'm holding her in my mind, heart or anywhere I release her. And I prayed for her. Fast forward to last year 2015 which was 14 years of our parting ways, I met her, she is still single, her beauty has diminished. During out discussion, she was trying to justify reason(s) for telling me it was over. I told her it is all in the past, I'm happily married with kids. I encourage her, to be open minded, she should not be married to her work, she should find time to relax, not be choosy, and most importantly pray that God should send her husband to her. OP, that's my experience, if she says, she is not interested again, pick up your life and move forward. 10 Likes |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by jomoh: 8:12pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
blessedfavoured: Too much emotional laxity got him here. You're a lady and I expect you to think same way you just did. I was once in such situation before with an ex. I accidentally did the same thing to her (may not be up to all I said but to some extent). I went for service and she started her shakara because she was this very attractive type. Both in appearance, voice and intonation. I just left her and let her be. Midway through my service year, valentine came up I showed up in town with another ex of mine. I just saw her greeted her and left with my ex. BTW I was not getting back with my ex it was just a coincidence that we saw each other that day. We got back after almost 3years but she reminded me what I did. I simply told her it was because she was feeling like a rockstar back then that made me do it. Of which it wasn't intentional back then. So from there I learnt a great lesson. After my service year when I started working in Lagos my closest friend had the same issue with the girl he was planning to get married to. When he called me I busted into laughter and told him to give her space and have fun. My guy went back and started begging the girl. He was so down to the point that he was already loosing weight. That was when the girl dropped another bombshell that her mom's pastor already told her not to marry him. That they're not compatible. Bla bla bla. At this point my friend took my advise and jumped back into the street. Had a FWB relationship with a girl for almost a year. They latter came back together with the girl complaining he abandoned her. When my guy reminded her all she said back then, she started apologising that it was an ex that reconnected with her on facebook. Long story short they're now married with a 2years old (Jan 1) beautiful baby girl and expecting another. So you see am not wicked but in life you have to be strong willed. If the guy has enough guts to pull it off he will be the one to enjoy the glory. Remember no gut no glory. But if he continues like this, it may eventually affect his job performance which may lead to job loss. 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by potbelly(m): 8:24pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
Like i always say relationships should be symbiotic for it to work but from your statements it seems you are more into the relationship than the girl. scantee, I know it can be painful based on the time, emotional and financial investments made. But truth be told, you need to gradually wean yourself off her. Now the things you need to do:If you call her everyday before, stop doing that. try one a week, then once in two or three weeks. don't be quick to return her calls or msgs and don't be the first to initiate all the I love you talk. also don't give her too much attention as before (u can hang out with friends and have fun to keep your mind off her).If she notices these changes and she really cares about you and loves you she will behave herself and retrace her footsteps if she doesn't my brother its best you walk away. Always remember a woman who doesn't give you peace of mind is not worth been on your mind. P.s say hi to paul and kate (those twin dolphins you dey see everytime) when next you go to the coasts. Cheers mate! |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by Nobody: 8:53pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
scantee:am the guy she dey crush on 2 Likes |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by MarieSucre(f): 9:56pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
jomoh: I only advised him based on this post. In this POST I did not see anything about the woman sleeping in a strange man's house or the like, so apologise if I gave him incorrect advise without seeing the whole. As you can see I did tell him at the end of my post that if it does not work out he should seek closure or do you wear glasses. Me advocating for op to give this particular woman attention who is also his woman does not equal me advocating for MEN not to get attention. Pls stay on the issue. I can't help it if you have comprehension issues. The rest of what you wrote is trash that I can barely deign with a response. From a white ass licking man slut like you. I laugh in Swahili. Na your kind dey bring shame on Nigeria like that stupid Ideye Brown. What are you still doing replying me on this thread. why don't you go and prostitute yourself for your green card. If you go hard enough you might become white soon. mtchewww scantee I thought she was not cheating on you but just having a crush. I didn't see it as something to throw away something you have invested in in. But if she is cheating in you, dan Allah don't look back, just walk away. The world is such a big place and no human is worth such continuous heartache . Run! edit never ever EVER listen to olodo jomoh. |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by boxer022(m): 10:07pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
mysticgal:What I meant was that he should not have dated a girl who is a student. My reason being that apart from the long distance between them, she may not have the time for him as she will be very busy. Also another reason is that most relationships involving girls entering the university and those in the university end the same way after the boy must have spent a lot her of money training in school. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by MarieSucre(f): 10:12pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
boxer022: True talk. I agree with most of your points. |
Re: My Fiancee Is Having A Crush On Another Guy. by Nobody: 10:25pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
scantee: just go out and hit a couple of bitches bruh...stop being the bitch here 1 Like |
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