DICKtator:


Good advice bro

But you lost me when you advised him to date a banker. Hahahahahahaha
Not to sound biased, but dating a banker is even worse. Either marketer,bank operations or management.
Most of them are "pass around", if you know what I mean!!

I understand what you mean. Except for the marketers, trust me most of them are dying to meet a good man. Why? they don't have time to socialise. At least my guy's mind will be at rest that the girl will value the relationship.

His present girlfriend has too much time for guys giving her attention. Not that bankers don't have enough suitors but they don't really have the luxury of time to size them up and know if the guy is for real.

Most of them you see being tossed around are actually looking for the good guy but they get cheated cos they are mostly desperate to have someone to call their own.

In short they(bankers) usually appreciate what they have cos they don't have the luxury of time to choose from the "numerous" suitors.

scantee:
just that the more she calls & text the more i feel for her and melt, and all these our outing/tripz pics on my phone & laptops is not helping matter @all, & i don't even have the mind to Del them..just can't believe this happning to me, but i have to face the reality.

OP FROM EXPERIENCE PLS FORGET THAT BABE CUS THE TRUTH IS THIS, THEY WANT TO HAVE IT ALL BOTH THE ONE THAT WILL GET MARRIED TO THEM AND THE ONE THAT IS DECEIVING THEM AND GIVING IT TO THEM...IS REALLY HARD TO FORGET SUCH KINDS OF GIRLS AFTER SPENDING SO MUC YEARS WITH THEM AND THEY TROW IT OUT FOR NOTHING ALL CUS A GUY CAME OUT FROM THE BLUE AND START DECEIVING THEM...WON'T B SAYING THIS TO YOU IF HAVE NOT HAD SUCH EXPERIENCE, YOU MIGHT PROBABLY BE WONDERING HOW MANY YRS AND IS 7, YEAH YOU HEARD ME RYT 7 SO JUST DO THE NEED FULL AND SAVE YOURSELF HEART TRAUMA...CUS BELIEVE YOU ME, YOU WILL NEVER TRUST HER AGAIN EVEN IF YOU TRY HARD TO AND YOU BOTH WE KEEP QUARRELING OVEER IT,

jomoh:



Trust me bro. There's nothing that makes a woman jealous like seeing that her guy doesn't give a hoot about her. You're giving her too much time and that has put her in the drivers seat.


Ever heard the saying-

"The person who cares most in a relationship suffers most while the person that cares less controls the relationship"

Its time to mingle. Go out, meet girls, flirt around. She's too comfortable. Give the ones crushing on you chance. Make her feel insecure.

...... ....Believe me you! Even the Presidency knows that you are RIGHT ! REALITY TALK. !!! Simple!

@ Op,

When i read your replies to comments, am a little annoyed and then i realise how deep you have falling into this love-hole.

Love is a beautiful thing buh then it blinds us from seeing clearly. For a steady guy, u seem quite naive or will i say u got some complex issues that makes me feel like u think you cant get another girl who will like you for whatever shortcomings you not telling us here....

Do u think you are too ugly, are u short etc, (cos clearly, you are financially buoyant) to warrant the way you feel.

I tell you something mate, in your next relationship, man up and get into it with your eyes wide open and with enough confidence as you can muster. Never let any lady ride you and be on your way out after a month if she aint behaving properly. Ladies will sit up with u...Infact, you will be the one asking us here on Nairaland, " pls i have 8 girls on my neck, who should i marry? "

Your present ex (if love will unshackle you) understands the above principle and thats why she is acting confused because she is got too many choices...You are just a fallback plan for when her fantasies are not fulfilled....And bro you will make the worst mistake in your life being a fallback hubby.

Cheers.

and also from your responses and comments on your threads I can see that the girl has succeeded to wrap you round her fingers. As they say experience is the best teacher, probably thats when your eyes will open. I have been there bro. the end is not palatable at all.

chidiswt:
Op I'm sorry to say, I could only pick 1 or 2 reasonable comments from the 1st page of your post. Leave her, go for another girl that's what I kept reading there. Now the question is this: do you think the new girl would be better of? Or maybe I should ask, do you truly love this girl? For God's sake, she's a young lady and men are supposed to be asking her out if she's normal(not ogbanje) and mix feelings will definitly come up coupled with the fact that you've been putting up some attitudes that might be annoying sometimes cos I believe you are no saint. Come on don't let your sweet relationship crash just cos she's having a crush on another. Help your about to fail relationship rise up again. Quiting isn't the best option. This is a time you need to prove your love for her. Abondoning her now in her confused state means you never truly loved her. She would wouldn't abandon you if you were in her shoes. She would cry, plead and even go as far as fighting the girl in question. Please go and prove your love for her by winning her back to your heart.
May God continue to bless your relationship

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^WHAT IS THIS ONE SAYING SEF

DICKtator:


Good advice bro

But you lost me when you advised him to date a banker. Hahahahahahaha
Not to sound biased, but dating a banker is even worse. Either marketer,bank operations or management.
Most of them are "pass around", if you know what I mean!!

...so, the stigma has extended to those in operations and management Y'all need to chill .
Not supporting the fellow suggesting he dates a Banker as that's so lame of him

Guy drop her like is hot. i can not marry a lady that does not have crush or love for me.simple.

The best for u to do now is to give her some space and time too..did u pay her school bills cos i dont want to believe she used u to see herself through school cos of how much u said u loved each other.

Why did she refuse to marry u the time u wanted to saying when she is done with school and she is done its another story?

Lets say she was joking when she said she is crushing on another guy cos a woman with a good heart will not admit to a man she has been with for years.

For now just look for what will make u happy and be doing it so u wldnt have to go disturbing her with ur calls which will not even make ber change her mind rather it will make her stay away from u the more..and if at the end she doesnt call u herself just move on,dont worry about what friends will say or think,get a new girl who is also ready to settle down and at the end u will be glad u did.when my ex did samething to me,i felt the world was coming to an end cos it was only him but now i have been abke to forget him.
All the best. uote author=scantee post=42112134]Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..[/quote]

#scantee I read your previous thread. The signs shows that she is cheating on you. But I could be wrong, after all u haven't caught her in the act. However, she is trying to eat her cake and have it. Trust me she will come and beg when u reduce u attention, and if you at the point she comes back and u chose to accept, give her rules. Don't rush into marrying her just yet, otherwise I feel u will regret it. If you eventually come back as a couple, show some hardness. If she can't bear your hardness, end the relationship. Cos all this love u are forming now, in marriage dat is for s lifetime , @ some point you will also change.

just cool down bro..kneel down and pray to God, hand this over to him..pray that he may show you the way forward..pray that if she is yours that He may guide her and bring her back to you ( you never can tell if the distraction was based on distance)..if not, that you may forget about her and move on..afterall both of you are there to help each other in good and bad( she might need you now tho she's forming big )whatever that happens at last.. appreciate God, you have something to learn from it and again you met for a purpose..maybe nah all this guys wey come back for Xmas dey deceive her lol..yousef try and talk with her eye ball to eye ball( it can change lots of things)..graces!!

Lol..

For you whose just takes him around including outside the country just like me i will advise you to marry a girl who really really loves you. As in ehh, a girl who is mad for you if not you will end up with children that have no biological relationship with you. It takes a lady who is mad in love with you not to cheat when you are always off town. forget this one that looks like you are begging for her love.

[i][/i]Broo she cannot eat Her cake and have it... Always remember that 'A stubborn chicken becomes humble in a pot of soup'. And also know that 'Life is like a game of Chess, the next move is for the crown'. If U know U don't know her anymore, abandone ship... U are not God that can change People. 'Leave change for God'.

[quote aubthor=scantee post=42112428] i think i will bro, though she hardly admits having any suitor, she always make believe she don't give room for such knowing well that she with me already. I have to now just that it may not be easy, but i think is right time, though the two families is gonna be @ crosshead but i don't care anymore. All i needed now is someting to take away mind off her, unfortunately this is happning @ the wrong time because i am on leave now, & i always spent such my leave time with her. I think i just have to travel out for now.[/quote] Give another girl chnce to use it console ur heart and to prove her love to u . Either u travel to her sch. And ask abt her 4rm her frnds or any of her caurse mate that insist he/she know her. And if she live in hostel or off campus hw she live her life how she and her frnds do in d sch. Dnt border to ask only her frnds but pple dat no her in d lodge an in campus . To knw her better either she has been seated on u or she just confuse after that wrk to her face and tell what they said abt her to u. And tell her to gud bye incase that her confusion wil clear 4rm her and she wil beg u so that u can get excuse abt her. I no u can do these cos these z d person u gona spend d rest of ur life with....

I'm not gonna say to you that I know how you feel. Even if I do, the fact remains I might be mentally stronger than you are to overcome issues as regards to this. I won't sugar-coat my words, cos I wanna hit it on the spot to either help you or another fellow who must stumble on my comment.

What you are going through is painful considering the fact you've spent your whole time, energy etc. on the relationship. Let's say, " she is no more interested in you." you must move on. Love is whimsical, why? Cos one cannot predict the outcome of his/her partner. Relationship should bother you when you are the one who is at fault , but you are not, menh, you should be old enough to know what to do. My opinion!

Know this bitter truth, " if you die thinking of a partner who doesn't give a shit about you, the world is gonna keep moving and your partner is gonna find him/herself a better fit than you were."

donholy28:
It seems most people can't think for themselves these days.

soon....
should I still remain in this marriage?
soon....
I caught her in the act, should I forgive?
soon....
I'm not sure if I am the true father of my children.
soon.... .....soon......

Bro, I quite understand your plight but you need to face reality by inviting her over and ask about her sincere opinion about the relationship. Incase she seem fedup of you, look elsewhere, you should go for someone who truly love and wants you. Don't try to force someone to love you because you might regret later on. Have seen and heard similar cases. In all I wish you the best.

scantee:
bro is almost impossible to know if she is cheating, because all always negative, i have access to all her social media account, she uses my pix as her Dp on fb,bbm,whatsap etc and was tagg it my Ever, in her school everbdy says no she is not, 90% of her frnds knws me, she use our pix (picmix) on her display wall of her phone and desktop background in her laptop, even her boss sometime called me where she did her IT and told me bro ur a lucky man, u see why i said is almost imposible to figure it out.

I'm really confused now.. I have no further advice.

modified
I just read your first thread about her. It's really glaring, Bro please ignore her for now no matter how hard it will be. Focus on your job.

Her friends might not know what she's doing, cause they will not approve while some will know and not tell you. You need a counselor for professional advice.

Bro I feel ur pain. I won't advice u to break up with her, u shld know wat to do at dis stage of urs. A babe can only be confuse if she's trying to compare which guy is better for her. In my opinion, I guess she's tired of d relationship. Give her some space for now. Pick her calls whenever she calls buh don't call back. She doesn't want to lose u because of wat she gets from u. Moreover bro try another babe bro den her eyes go clear. My first time commenting on nairaland, any like 4 me

/
Xmas/New year period. Check.
SE. Check
Love lost. Check

One of the returnees had used foreign accent and "car show" to snatch the girl from you. It happens a lot.

/

R Kelly sang in one of his songs,"when a woman is fed up,there's nothing you can do about it"!My guy,If you're a real man,appreciate the fact that she told you the naked truth.Some very bad girls would've loved to play with your emotion and keep you in suspense for as long as you desire to keep on been a dreamer.

I also admire your smartness for asking her those questions when you realized things have taken a different turn.It's now time to move on because you no longer have a fiance and If you think you can beg or make her change her mind,you'll be deceiving yourself because she's already seeing someone else.

Be a man and start a new life with someone better than her and If you're not making enough more,concentrate on being more creative so as to enlarge your coast.
Make more and more and more and more money,no girl can ever give you bull shit.I believe in God first and the power of money.Just stop whinning!

I read your old post about the same girl,you must really be a weakling. I am so so annoyed with the crap you're putting up with that i had to comment for the very first time,grow up and stop been sissy. leave her alone and look for someone Worthy of your love. Please don't come back here again with another story about her because so many people advised you to dump her the last time you obviously refused.

From your previous thread,I dnt tink she ever loved u.I guess she stuck wit u cos ur generous. Even if she said she has changed ,do not take her back cos a cheat is always a cheat and will do worse in marriage. I have been there ,I have seen and have conquered.

Oga stop sugarcoating your words by trying to console yourself. Truth is this babe is gone and the worst and regrettable thing you would try is trying to win her back. I bet you, her mind is completely lost in another dude. Not that u aren't the right guy o but she has tasted another all in the name of cheating. Pls and pls, don't force it. I de beg ni o, yours is 3 years, mine was over 5.

She will definitely come back to her senses but let her know the ship has sailed. She is confused and her feelings for you is dead, I MEAN DEAD.

Move on, though it isn't easy. Also, make sure you don't go into a rebound relationship just cos you are hurt. Take your time.

NO GIRLFRIEND, LESS BULLSHIT. That's how we live now

We don't own them anymore, we just f.uck them.

scantee:
i think i will bro, though she hardly admits having any suitor, she always make believe she don't give room for such knowing well that she with me already. I have to now just that it may not be easy, but i think is right time, though the two families is gonna be @ crosshead but i don't care anymore. All i needed now is someting to take away mind off her, unfortunately this is happning @ the wrong time because i am on leave now, & i always spent such my leave time with her. I think i just have to travel out for now.

U can't force woman to love u else untimely death await ur head.So bro move onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

pinkycute:
She's confused for real and she don't want to loose you as wel.

But have it in mind, there's this guy out there disturbing her, talking sweet nonsense to her, making her to lost interest in everything and it might affect her final.

@Op, you just have to be the man here, don't call her again, if you've the time, go and see her as a surprise, talk to her and make her understand that she'll be save in your hands this's the time she needs you most

Don't listen to all this NL guys concluding what they don't know. She might still love you, but confused due to pressure concerning some sitting things, of which she has already confirmed to you. You know her very well more than we here. And i believe you're not a kid, and you can tell if someone is breaking up with you. So my dear, do the needful and save your relationship

for whose benefit?

scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

vanity upon vanity, is vanity.
love is d greatest vanity in this world!

I didn't have time to read your past posts but from what people have said about it I can see that you are just being played on. Another advice I would like to give you is that you should open your eyes and go for your level. Most of the uni babes still needs to enjoy life and date around. If you force yourself on her now she will still cheat later to know how it feels, forget about using your picture for dp, that's crap and it shows that you are still learning....lol

My humble submission are as follows
1.She is not cheating yet
2. She is more likely to cheat if the long distance relationship continue or even during nysc
3. She may cheat after marriage if you are gone for long(she is not matured and emotionally ready) unless she changes.
4. She is still young and wants to explore
My advice;Inform her that you are going to give her the space she asked for. Reduce communication and see if she will initiate it. Socialize with others but don't date or get intimately involved with anyone. Make out time to see her face to face(after her project)and let her know your marriage timeline(eg 3-6months) to make up her mind. Once the grace is over,find ur way. Lead her to Christ,so if you ve not given your life to Christ,pls do. God is the third person in marriage. Tell her to watch Tyler Perry's Confessions of a marriage counsellor, Not easily broken.
If all these fail,I ve a young,beautiful,responsible, single 042 babe in my office with a heart of gold,contact me if only you are still the same guy after this experience and have not changed for the worse.

Trunaijian: 5:09am
You are putting too much pressure on her. If you really love her, there are some measures you must take. Though not easy, they are necessary
1. Call her less
2.Don ever call her friends and ask them to talk to her or narrate your ordeal.
3. If she asks you for anything, if you are disposed, give it to her and still maintain your infrequent communication.
4. Date another girl
As hard as the above measures may seem, they are to open your eyes to the reality of marriage. If she is gonna be yours, she will get back her senses and make up. Sometimes people get bored and tired of relationship. Not that they don't care, they just get bored. When you space yourselves, you will taste something different and realize what you have been missing or realize and value what you have. If she is yours, she will come back. You have fought for her already. Its left for her to choose.
18 Likes

That is all the advice i have for you.

Boss it's her loss. Do urself a favour, delete everything abt her. Don't call her or contact her in any form. Go out and socialize, have fun and meet other girls. If she calls u, ignore her. Do all these and I promise you, you will be fine. Don't think u can talk to and she will change Cos she wont