I have been dating this guy for 2yrs and 9months and there has been this inner battle within me since we began dating. My bf is not usually the type of guy i would normally go for(not the best looking and skinny too but funny enough he thinks he is hot ) and i am simply not attracted to him. What makes it worse is that he is such a bad kisser . The reason i even went out with him was because he was very persistent and is such a nice guy, Christian etc and i thought let me give this guy a chance and not be vain because of his looks as i did not want to miss out on a good guy. To be honest, things have not changed and i really feel bad because i really wanted this relationship to work but unfortunately he just does not do it for me. How does one even begin to break up with a person because of that? Am i being vain if am not attracted to him? Is that enough reason to break up with a nice guy . I really don't know what to do because i can't go on like this anymore.

I guess the saying is true. Nice guys finish last . if you are not happy then leave him

It's never a good thing to date out of pity. You better go and find the kind of man that is right for you. LOL there are attractive and nice guys out there, not all nyc guys are ugly

Normally at first, I would have said you are vain and superficial but after reading what you wrote, I think you've tried, at least you gave him a chance and stuck it out for two years so kudos.

But obviously the love isn't there and neither is the attraction. Normally when you stay with someone for some time, you begin to fall in love with that person because you really get to see the person's personality so if at this point you have doubts, them it's high time you break up and move on, you deserve to be happy and so does he.

But be warned, you may latter find a good looking guy that you are attracted to but remember looks always fade but character hardly does.

Subomi, is that u in ur profile? U don kukuma borrow 50calibre shoot this ur boyfriend oooh!

Deed is done. Find a subtle way of breaking it to him. Now, to ur needs: u want the total package, a good kisser, a bit bad as/s and exciting, it wouldn't hurt if he's nice and a christian, shey?

Make una dey see naija chick oooh! You want an ice block fresh from the oven!

All those exciting dudes full town. You go come back hia come nack us story at the end of the day!


All da best!

Subomi-luv:
I have been dating this guy for 2yrs and 9months and there has been this inner battle within me since we began dating. My bf is not usually the type of guy i would normally go for(not the best looking and skinny too but funny enough he thinks he is hot ) and i am simply not attracted to him. What makes it worse is that he is such a bad kisser . The reason i even went out with him was because he was very persistent and is such a nice guy, Christian etc and i thought let me give this guy a chance and not be vain because of his looks as i did not want to miss out on a good guy. To be honest, things have not changed and i really feel bad because i really wanted this relationship to work but unfortunately he just does not do it for me. How does one even begin to break up with a person because of that? Am i being vain if am not attracted to him? Is that enough reason to break up with a nice guy . I really don't know what to do because i can't go on like this anymore.

Let me remind you that husband is very scarce especially good ones, there is no way you can have 100% perfection in a man, good, you have told us some of his qualities, love grows over time u know, with time u will love this guy because of some of his qualities, remember husband is very scarce but guys are many, the guy may have seen some of your deficiencies but may decide to accommodate them, because love tend to forget about most of these things, think very well before you decide, by the way, i think you have a new chiker that is that is making you to think that someone u have been dating for over two years is no longer good for you, may be because his broke or what? Baby girl think deeply before taking a step.

2years 9months? and you are still fighting an inner battle.......I will suggest you work on the things that has kept you with him this far

you calling him a bad kisser makes you a "badder" kisser cos it takes two to tangle on this.....BTW no harm in teaching him how you wanted to be kissed

hmmm dis ur pic na wa ooo...
but dere is notin wrong if u decide to teach him or talk to him abt it.. u can mode ur man to who u want him to b..
dat if u do it d ryt way...
i wish u luck

Thanks, i did not want to go on about all the other things that is wrong in our relationship but i wanted to focus on the attraction part because i dont even enjoy a simple act as kissing. I dread it

50calibre: Normally at first, I would have said you are vain and superficial but after reading what you wrote, I think you've tried, at least you gave him a chance and stuck it out for two years so kudos.

But obviously the love isn't there and neither is the attraction. Normally when you stay with someone for some time, you begin to fall in love with that person because you really get to see the person's personality so if at this point you have doubts, them it's high time you break up and move on, you deserve to be happy and so does he.

But be warned, you may latter find a good looking guy that you are attracted to but remember looks always fade but character hardly does.

hmmm is there sometthing wrong with my pic

temi4fash: hmmm dis ur pic na wa ooo...
but dere is notin wrong if u decide to teach him or talk to him abt it.. u can mode ur man to who u want him to b..
dat if u do it d ryt way...
i wish u luck

Yes because am a good girl. It has been really hard for me because have been trying to make myself feel different and when we are apart everything is great but when we are together...

starlight®®:
2years 9months? and you are still fighting an inner battle.......I will suggest you work on the things that has kept you with him this far

you calling him a bad kisser makes you a "badder" kisser cos it takes two to tangle on this.....BTW no harm in teaching him how you wanted to be kissed

I know a husband is very scarce but does that mean i must just settle for any tom, dick and harry. Marriage to me is forever so if you are not attracted to your partner then what?

acume: Let me remind you that husband is very scarce especially good ones, there is no way you can have 100% perfection in a man, good, you have told us some of his qualities, love grows over time u know, with time u will love this guy because of some of his qualities, remember husband is very scarce but guys are many, the guy may have seen some of your deficiencies but may decide to accommodate them, because love tend to forget about most of these things, think very well before you decide, by the way, i think you have a new chiker that is that is making you to think that someone u have been dating for over two years is no longer good for you, may be because his broke or what? Baby girl think deeply before taking a step.

I'm not looking for a bad guy or playboy. Am not even looking for a Lynxx lookalike(lol it'll be a bonus). I just want a decent guy and average looking with average build. I'm not fat but i am way bigger than him and am not usually attracted to skinny guys. Secondly there are many other things that is going on but now unfortunately i just am not attracted to him

causewahala: Subomi, is that u in ur profile? U don kukuma borrow 50calibre shoot this ur boyfriend oooh!

Deed is done. Find a subtle way of breaking it to him. Now, to ur needs: u want the total package, a good kisser, a bit bad as/s and exciting, it wouldn't hurt if he's nice and a christian, shey?

Make una dey see naija chick oooh! You want an ice block fresh from the oven!

All those exciting dudes full town. You go come back hia come nack us story at the end of the day!


All da best!

Just like some men leave women they are not attracted to or have "yam legs" . Attraction is also very important in a relationship especially a serious one because that could be the person you will marry. Do you want to feel that way for the rest of your life? I know it's not easy but you need to do the right thing for yourself and your bf

ABA, is it by force to be with him if you are not attracted to him

Having gone through your well stated mind here, I would at this point say that your inner mind has shown you that you cannot hang in here too long because the taste of friendship is not the taste of marriage. You stated that he is too self centered in the sense that he believes he knows everything.

Listen, you don't have to kill yourself to please someone because you don't date or marry out of sympathy.

Also note, that the angel out there you prefer his looks and his emotional display, could be a devil you would live to regret.
I at this point would have advised you to try to work on his weakness to see if you can change him and bring him closer to what you want and can live with. Further, note that there are no two perfect people on the face of this earth.The most important thing in relationship is the fear of God and every other thing can follow.
Try see and let your inner mind see if you can still work out things and do not take looks in considering the kind of man you want because same guy you prefer out there, might be the one every other girl would love to be with and you might end up having a broken heart that you might find very hard to repair.
I pray to God to help you work out this situation because I know that you are going through psychological trauma but people might look at it as if what you are stating here is just a mare issue that has no weight.

This is very true that is why am finding it so difficult. I guess i should try harder and see if things can change

andyanders: Having gone through your well stated mind here, I would at this point say that your inner mind has shown you that you cannot hang in here too long because the taste of friendship is not the taste of marriage. You stated that he is too self centered in the sense that he believes he knows everything.

Listen, you don't have to kill yourself to please someone because you don't date or marry out of sympathy.

Also note, that the angel out there you prefer his looks and his emotional display, could be a devil you would live to regret.
I at this point would have advised you to try to work on his weakness to see if you can change him and bring him closer to what you want and can live with. Further, note that there are no two perfect people on the face of this earth.The most important thing in relationship is the fear of God and every other thing can follow.
Try see and let your inner mind see if you can still work out things and do not take looks in considering the kind of man you want because same guy you prefer out there, might be the one every other girl would love to be with and you might end up having a broken heart that you might find very hard to repair

Subomi-luv:
This is very true that is why am finding it so difficult. I guess i should try harder and see if things can change

I pray to God to help you work out this situation because I know that you are going through psychological trauma but people might look at it as if what you are stating here is just a mare issue that has no weight.Just try to see reasons and make use of the best advise and allow those who don't think with their brain to say the rubbish here.

I think physical attraction is very important as well as emotion attraction. If you don’t have both initially in the early stage I don’t think you will ever have a good long term relationship. I would break up now before you cause each other lots of grief. Asking someone to change may be too much depending on what changes you want to make. An attraction can last for years with the right people. I know when I have felt repulsion for a man that has never turned to attraction no matter what they do, if it’s not there it’s not going to be ever.

temi4fash: hmmm dis ur pic na wa ooo...
but dere is notin wrong if u decide to teach him or talk to him abt it.. u can mode ur man to who u want him to b..
dat if u do it d ryt way...
i wish u luck

Gosh!

causewahala: Subomi, is that u in ur profile? U don kukuma borrow 50calibre shoot this ur boyfriend oooh!

simpletons in this forum never cease to amaze me. What engendered going to her profile ab initio is still obscurantist and diffuse to me.
Wait, you wanted to confirm if she is good enough to be complaining. That's why you had to check her out first. This kind of juvenile attitude should no longer be brooked.

Subomi-luv:
This is very true that is why am finding it so difficult. I guess i should try harder and see if things can change

notin is wrong wit ur pic...
u look gorgeous..

just before u bteak up wit him

Av u guys talked abt it....
R u sure u can cope wit him if u eventually marry him cos a boren bedroom life can cause infidelity n culd bring d best of marriages down...
d oda issues u talked abt are dai stuffs u can over look, r u sure it wont cause strife in d marriage...

let m borrow u a sentence frim ma mama..
Anytin u cannot cope wit before marriage domt tink u can eva cope wit after marraige cos u cant change anybody..Except d person decides to change.

if she was ugly you would have seen insults

Serendipity:
Gosh!

simpletons in this forum never cease to amaze me. What engendered going to her profile ab initio is still obscurantist and diffuse to me.
Wait, you wanted to confirm if she is good enough to be complaining. That's why you had to check her out first. This kind of juvenile attitude should no longer be brooked.

This is great your mom is very wise

temi4fash:

notin is wrong wit ur pic...
u look gorgeous..

just before u bteak up wit him

Av u guys talked abt it....
R u sure u can cope wit him if u eventually marry him cos a boren bedroom life can cause infidelity n culd bring d best of marriages down...
d oda issues u talked abt are dai stuffs u can over look, r u sure it wont cause strife in d marriage...

let m borrow u a sentence frim ma mama..
Anytin u cannot cope wit before marriage domt tink u can eva cope wit after marraige cos u cant change anybody..Except d person decides to change.

Subomi-luv:
Yes because am a good girl. It has been really hard for me because have been trying to make myself feel different and when we are apart everything is great but when we are together...

if you are managing the r/ship, i wonder how the marriage will be.why don't you ask the guy for a break from the r/ship. Relationship and marriage shouldn't be forced.listen to your instincts but don't leave the guy hanging . Cut the r/ship once.

I believe the personality comes down to the most important thing looks eventually fade away people dont look the same forever.I think women have to be careful about being starstruck by a guy. Been there done that and have come to realize that is a huge warning sign that I’m not seeing things objectively. I fell head-over-heels in “lust” for a very attractive man a couple of years ago and I completely ignored his lack of character. It didn’t take long to find it out, either. I’m not saying that all beautiful people have no character but I’m saying that one must be careful not to be so caught up in that so that one’s objectivity is clouded.

*smh for the Op and sipping my alomo bitters mixed with fresh breas*t milk*

who said he was dark

190-the-clown:
this is what happens when dark skinny boys try to date girls hotter than them

pure case of ojokororo

Society mistakenly assumes that because women often end up with men that appear less physically attractive, that women don’t put so much value on looks, that men are the more visual sex. However, this I feel is totally untrue, because just because a woman ends up with a particular man does not mean she actually desires him. Usually pressures from society, family and her biological clock force her to settle.
Of course looks alone won’t make a good relationship, but I personally feel that good sex is an important part of a relationship, and I just could not imagine having to ever sleep with a man just to make him happy.
People are always telling me I’ll end up alone with cats, because I’m too picky and I wont ‘settle down with some nice guy’ whom I have no attraction to whatsoever. That somehow as a woman this makes me superficial, whereas men are allowed to be superficial because of their ‘biological needs’. Well, as a woman I feel my biological needs are to mate with an attractive man, surely this is natural? Women in fact are constantly being told to reject who they really are. It is a sad thing that women are usually the ones who get the worse end of the deal with their partner, sexually speaking anyway.
Anyway, I would rather end up alone with cats then have to suffer through sex with a man I did not want. Perhaps it is this thinking that worries society the most, because if more women stayed true to themselves, there would be a lot less men who could get the women that they wanted.

So to whom or what are you attracted?

I think lack of physical attraction sometimes be an indicator of lack of attraction to personality traits. Once I start liking a person, I usually stop seeing the physical imperfections. They even start looking good to me. If after getting close to the person, she is still unable to find beauty in him, there is a possibility that she is uncomfortable with something in his personality or behaviour to her that she is not able to pinpoint. Perhaps there is a lack of chemistry between them. We may see many examples of successful marriages where one partner is not as good looking as the other in the conventional sense. But the good looking partner may have been immensely attracted to the other, either due to personality traits or some physical attributes.

Volumptuos_bebe: Society mistakenly assumes that because women often end up with men that appear less physically attractive, that women don’t put so much value on looks, that men are the more visual sex. However, this I feel is totally untrue, because just because a woman ends up with a particular man does not mean she actually desires him. Usually pressures from society, family and her biological clock force her to settle.
Of course looks alone won’t make a good relationship, but I personally feel that good sex is an important part of a relationship, and I just could not imagine having to ever sleep with a man just to make him happy.
People are always telling me I’ll end up alone with cats, because I’m too picky and I wont ‘settle down with some nice guy’ whom I have no attraction to whatsoever. That somehow as a woman this makes me superficial, whereas men are allowed to be superficial because of their ‘biological needs’. Well, as a woman I feel my biological needs are to mate with an attractive man, surely this is natural? Women in fact are constantly being told to reject who they really are. It is a sad thing that women are usually the ones who get the worse end of the deal with their partner, sexually speaking anyway.
Anyway, I would rather end up alone with cats then have to suffer through sex with a man I did not want. Perhaps it is this thinking that worries society the most, because if more women stayed true to themselves, there would be a lot less men who could get the women that they wanted.

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