others can join 

Anyway R, I remember reading some old thead when I used to be a lurker about cheating spouses and whether you would leave if your husband was a multiple cheater and you said that's not a good enough reason.

We need to discuss this as I totally disagree with you. 

Why should a woman stay in a relationship where the husband is constantly cheating? That shows that he does not love her or at least does not respect the woman.

If my husband cheated once, I would forgive that because he is my husband. A second time would be pushing it, but if he is a multiple cheater, haha, well than that's it. If there were children involved, than that would make it difficult, but I can tell you that I might try and work it out at first, but if he continues. Than it's time that I move on and live my life and find happiness elsewhere. I don't see why the children and myself should suffer. And if wants to play the children card, then he should have thought about that before he continued with all of this. Because children do suffer when the man cheats as well because the man is at home less.

PTBNaija:

Why should a woman stay in a relationship where the husband is constantly cheating? That shows that he does not love her or at least does not respect the woman.

word!

Wow! NL Talk Show.

I personally will not leave a man immediately I find out that he cheats on me. It all depends on how he goes about it. If he cheats on me and sees it as no big deal, then that's a problem.
It's very possible to still love a man that cheats on me but the tendency for me to remain loyal to him is very very low. If I find out he's cheating on me, he'll have to give me his reasons and if his reasons aren't due to my frailties, then he's in for a cat and dog affair 'cause it's either the marriage packs up or our relationship is an open one and no hard feelings!

The point is that I won't even trust my husband. Majority of men are cheats!!! As long as I don't find out, goodluck to him 'cause this is an act almost inevitable by men.When I find out, the relationship will change tho' but I won't leave him instantly.

You next!

Radiant:


I personally will not leave a man immediately I find out that he cheats on me. It all depends on how he goes about it. If he cheats on me and sees it as no big deal, then that's a problem.

That is true!

But if he repeatedly cheats on me and understands it's a big deal, that's still a problem.

If it's repeated, he has two options. Either the marriage packs up or we have an open relationship. He'll definitely choose the first option than see his wife mingling with other men .If he still wants the marriage but can't help cheating, when I'm completely fed up, I'll sure walk out either he wants it or not. There's a limit to which one can push a matter

This is the answer I provided for a "would you divorce a cheating husband" thread on some forum a while back, it correlates with this one so I'll just copy & paste

_____________________________________________________________________

I was talking to a girl (a fellow Nigerian) and randomly she asked mewhat I would do if I were to find out that my husband has been cheating and I looked at her and replied that I would get a divorce. To which she replied that such a reply makes me like the typical American majority that divorces over everything.

The sad thing about Nigeria/nigerian mentaly is that women feel like they HAVE to be in a marriage no matter what garbage they might go through. Be it the man beats them up, cheats on them with various different women, brings in another wife, etc they don't seem to care just as long as they have the "Mrs" title.

Frankly I don't care. lol even if I wanted to get over it, my parents especially my mom would break my face with the thought and drag me out of the house. My parents are very against people with no repesct for themselves and staying with someone who would do that to you is the biggest sign of disrespect for your own self. Then you think of forgiveness and it's like he/she never even gave you the chance to forgve. Maybe I would if it happened once and out of extreme guilt he came to me and to confessed then maybe, but the fact that he doesnt tell you and you end up being the one to find out on your owe, that just shows the person never cared fpr you nor has any respect for the marriage whatosever so why bother staying?

Then of course there's the issue with STDs, taht's one of the main reasons why black females are high on the list of the race with the diease. Their husbands/bfs go out sleep with whomeever, another woman or MAN, never tells them anything and they pass on the diease unknowingly. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone that malicious. Somone who values your life so low.

So my answer is Yes, I would divorce such a person.

I completely agree. In the Nigerian society, the male is the bread-winner and he alone makes the money. So if the woman is in this marriage and the man begins to cheat, if she leaves, it's like what will she do? Everything belongs to the husband and she would have to fend for herself. And the whole family living with this mentality for a long time is likely to just tell the woman to go back into the marriage.

Tiffy, I understand what you saying exactly.The Nigerian society is upside down!

The issue is that marriage doesn't trip me. Me staying married isn't because I want to maintain the "Mrs" title. It all depends tho'. If we don't have any issue at the time I discover he cheats on me, then there's a high chance of me leaving him. If we've got a kid and this springs up, for the sake of the kid, I 'll hesitate before leaving him. If it continues and I still find out, I'll surely walk out and remain single. I'll sure have flings with other men but won't remarry. It's pointless 'cause almost evey guy out there is bound to cheat so instead of marry another pig, I'll have flings.

About disease, it's only God that can save us. A friend of mine said as long as her husband uses condom, she's fine

This thread need the opinions of men, preferably married men, or men that were married. Since i have never had
such distinguished excursions, i shall remain here as reader.

we need a feminist revolution in Africa then. lol

phoenixman:

This thread need the opinions of men, preferably married men, or men that were married. Since i have never had
such distinguished excursions, i shall remain here as reader.

Meaning this thread needs people like us

PTBNaija:

I completely agree. In the Nigerian society, the male is the bread-winner and he alone makes the money. So if the woman is in this marriage and the man begins to cheat, if she leaves, it's like what will she do? Everything belongs to the husband and she would have to fend for herself. And the whole family living with this mentality for a long time is likely to just tell the woman to go back into the marriage.

That's why women should stand up for their right to work and not end up raising kids and cooking for the man and his friends. Gosh!

Women, stand up and be strong! Make your own money and be who you want to be! I know a lady who's a law degree holder but has never practiced. What nonsense! Bread-winner my awesome career!

Goodnight y'all. Tomorrow is another day

TOF,

Do I smell feminism in the air?. . .

If a man is cheating on you, he doesn't want you around anyway, get a grip and leave. Refurbish and repackage yourself for the next buyer! 

Marriage is a fraud as defined in the current society we live in, there's no longer respect for the institution by both sexes. Why anyone married after '90 will see their union as something special is beyond Donzman. This issue of cheating is why your ancestors practiced polygamy. Don't kid yourself, a man can love more than 1 woman at a time. It is not genetic to love only one woman (it's all in your head), get rid of that thought A.S.A.P. I know polygamists who are just as happy as monogamists. There's no genetic code that automatically makes life better for you if you have one partner. Infact, we as human beings are programmed to multiply with as much partners as people so I propose that a polygamous human being is a fulfilled one.

Yeah ofcourse I won't be happy if my wife cheated on me but I won't blame her, it's human to err. I'll just kick her to the curb because as they say, to forgive is divine and I'm just human.

Word of advice, if you were cheated on, do not remind your next man about how much you were cheated on. He isn't there to pay for your ex's misdeeds.

yeah i like this T.O.H and Rad .
will be back when you two get on . And guys no this is not about fenminism , it is about MUTUAL RESPECT for a fellow human being

Donzman:

Do I smell feminism in the air?. . .

If a man is cheating on you, he doesn't want you around anyway, get a grip and leave. Refurbish and repackage yourself for the next buyer!

And how sure are we women that the next freaky "buyer" won't cheat on us? Or are you saying we keep moving from one pig to another. For how long

The moment I can't take it anymore from one man and make up my mind to leave, that's a stamp on my mind to remain single! Another "buyer? lmao. . . Impossible!

Donzman:

Do I smell feminism in the air?. . .

If Marriage is a fraud as defined in the current society we live in, there's no longer respect for the institution by both sexes. Why anyone married after '90 will see their union as something special is beyond Donzman. This issue of cheating is why your ancestors practiced polygamy. Don't kid yourself, a man can love more than 1 woman at a time. It is not genetic to love only one woman (it's all in your head), get rid of that thought A.S.A.P. I know polygamists who are just as happy as monogamists. There's no genetic code that automatically makes life better for you if you have one partner. Infact, we as human beings are programmed to multiply with as much partners as people so I propose that a polygamous human being is a fulfilled one.

Yeah ofcourse I won't be happy if my wife cheated on me but I won't blame her, it's human to err. I'll just kick her to the curb because as they say, to forgive is divine and I'm just human.

Um this thread isnt just for women as the same question goes out to males as well so there's no feminism. So many people on this board dont even know what the hell the word means yet they throw it around anyway. Losers.

and Donzman, what in HELL are you talking about. You say that it's "genetic" for a man to cheat yet at the same time you say such a woman should leave the marriage and find another so in other words these women should go from man to man for the rest of their lives cos men are "born like that", how does that make any sense whatsoever? Seriously, Im beginning to worry about you.

Can someone please tell Donzman not to speak of himself in the third person.!!!!
It infuriates me, and smacks of gross egotism
If his postings were as intellectually colossal as his ego, then i would'nt have a problem.
Speaking of Smacking--- now that is a temptation

phoenixman:

Can someone please tell Donzman not to speak of himself in the third person.!!!!
It infuriates me, and smacks of gross egotism
If his postings were as intellectually colossal as his ego, then i would'nt have a problem.
Speaking of Smacking--- now that is a temptation

lol. I've told him several times but he's hopeless.

TOH,Radiant,

I think that there diffrent levels of cheating,If your partner cheats on you with a stranger or someone you don't know you probably forgive and move on with your marriage but when the cheating is closer to home i'e a relation or a friend then I don't see how you can possibly continue with that marriage.The sense of betrayal would be too much to forgive and am actually speaking from experience.

I see what you're saying and I guess that would work for others but I'd leave no matter who the person is.

As I could leave and if I wanted to go straight back to the dating game but that cant exactly happen if I end up with a STD cos he felt like frolicking with some person (stranger or not), now can I?

Tiffy, so the minute you hear or find out he cheated/is cheating, you leave?

i will leave

Eurpho, if you leave, will you remain single?

Radiant:

Tiffy, so the minute you hear or find out he cheated/is cheating, you leave?

I believe I would cos I have issues with trust and I know myself. What's the point of forgiving and staying with someone if you're gonna end up using that thing you supposedly forgave against the person for the rest of your life?
I do kind of admire those who are able to forgive and go straight back to complete trust mode but that's not me, after knowing about the incident, trust would decrease, i'll continue to habor feelings about it wondering where he is every minute, etc, it's like what's the point in staying miserable when I know I'll probably never truly get over it, you know?

So I might as well leave.

Radiant:

Eurpho, if you leave, will you remain single?

Hell noooooooooo. Plenty plenty men out there . Why babes>? would you?

Tiffy, I feel you tho' but I won't leave instantly. I might not trust him like before but I'll still give a chance to live with the little I have.

If I can't take it anymore and I'm tempted to go into a new relationship with another man, then I might as well get a freaky divorce.

Eurpho, once I divorce one man, that's it! Ain't gon' remarry again!

ah! never say never

I know but I doubt if I'll remarry after a divorce.

ThiefOfHearts:

and Donzman, what in HELL are you talking about. You say that it's "genetic" for a man to cheat yet at the same time you say such a woman should leave the marriage and find another so in other words these women should go from man to man for the rest of their lives because men are "born like that", how does that make any sense whatsoever? Seriously, I'm beginning to worry about you.

Well if you will leave because you were cheated on, you might just end up jumping from man to man because from observation, men cheat and so do women, partners only stick around because they never find out. People place too much trust in others and in turn get dissapointed and hearbroken.

Be realistic, chances are that your man is going to cheat on you so your best bet is to work it out if it happens.

@phoenixman

Donzman doesn't exactly care about you. Maybe I refer to Donzman is 3rd person because it's an online persona or maybe I'm just egotistic like that !

Donzman:

Be realistic, chances are that your man is going to cheat on you so your best bet is to work it out if it happens.

Donzy, why did you then talk about getting prepared for a next buyer?