Ladies, let's gist.

If you ask the average 16-20-year-old to tell you what she wants in a man, it's not uncommon to hear her launch into a list of Messiah-like qualities.

It's funny to us now, but we all had similar lists at some point (some still do, and please enjoy it while it lasts).

My list scared me so much that sometimes, I felt I was going to remain single forever. Even when I prayed at night, I'd take so long reciting everything on my list so that God would know who he was sending my way. My friends and I spent a lot of time back then reading romance novels and the way the authors described the heroes fvcked up our imaginations .

I wanted:

-Tall
-Italian half-caste with very yellow skin
-Gorgeous shoulder-length jet-black hair
- Eight packs
-Catholic like me
-Tech savvy like me
- Extremely intelligent
-Smiling and cheerful
- stinkingly rich
-God-fearing (ever lady's list features this, even the atheists )
- Cool-tempered
- light brown eyes
- full red lips (lol, I was literally dreaming for a man doll)
-Amazing in za oza room

And all the other regular stuff like loving, romantic, funny, caring, gentle, kind, and so on.

Yimnu, no be like that ooo... By the time I hit 21 - 22, me was not doing again . I just wanted someone with whom I shared a strong attraction. A decent man who had a good head on his shoulders, a steady source of income and ambition.

When my list became reasonable and meaningful, I guess I found one who checked out . Guess what? I married that "big head".

He had some of the qualities on my first list shaa, like he's Catholic and tech savvy, tall and intelligent. But uncle is not Italian, he has brown skin and he does not like smiling .

**********************

It's different when a woman decides that she does not want to get married. Marriage is not for everyone and society needs to evolve to a time when it stops shaming single ladies.

However, some who may really want to be married are getting held up by the unrealistic qualities they seek in a life partner. It's your life, sure, but only Jesus is perfect Nne. Chase attraction and compatibility and quit looking for perfection. This doesn't mean you should settle for the first shit-head that comes your way or over-lowering your standards, but let's try not to chase a reflection of our 8-year-old imaginations.

So ladies, what changed about your own list? Even if you're not married yet, give us your evolved status .
...
Pocohantas, Ishilove and Bukatyne - The three musketeers . Come and get the party started here. My babes from the Diary section, Pateffy, Tiffany07, MelaninQueen, Henriettttta, Luckygurl, Hermionegranger, Bloomingbud, Peacefulhome, y'all get in here!

Lol, I never had those high expectations. I was just okay with love. I always loved them sensible, I have a very soft spot for engineers and a softer one for people in IT, good-looking, respectful...etc, nothing extraordinary.

I wasn't into romantic books, neither did I watch such movies or even listen to love songs. Found them predictable.

Now that I am older, my physical and character expectations in a man is very much the same- but the financial part is a whole lot strategic. Don't tell me you love me or have potentials, Jesus loves me too. So, I need to see how he is going to compliment me. I also need him to have some money. We would meet halfway.

Every man requires a level of submission/respect from his wife. If I am going to be doing that, it has to be worth it.

The days of "what are you wearing?" and "shey you will not come and know my place" is long gone.

I had this weird obsession with him having natural bags under his eyes like this lool, like this was the standard and there was absolutely no settling for less

Males stay off !

Lalasticlala , how's your day ?

Nothing changed.
All what I asked for, God gave me.

I'm so blessed.

pocohantas:
Lol, I never had those high expectations. I was just okay with love. I always loved them sensible, I have a very soft spot for engineers and a softer one for people in IT, good-looking, respectful...etc, nothing extraordinary.

I wasn't into romantic books, neither did I watch such movies or even listen to love songs. Found them predictable.

Now that I am older, my physical and character expectations in a man is very much the same- but the financial part is a whole lot strategic. Don't tell me you love me or have potentials, Jesus loves me too. So, I need to see how he is going to compliment me. I also need him to have some money. We would meet halfway.

Every man requires a level of submission/respect from his wife. If I am going to be doing that, it has to be worth it.

The days of "what are you wearing?" and "shey you will not come and know my place" is long gone.

I'm laughing so hard at this. Days of "what are you wearing" indeed my dear ;

The one wey dey vex me pass that time na "Have you eaten?" And if you say no, they won't buy you food.


Bia Poco, this burnt plantain meal on your D.p is signifying what exactly? zero yards wife material lol...

ibkayee:
I had this weird obsession with him having natural bags under his eyes like this lool, like this was the standard and there was absolutely no settling for less

Guys like this seem uninterested in life and just willing to go ahead with whatever comes along

computergeek:
Guys like this seem uninterested in life and just willing to go ahead with whatever comes along

Lol I think that’s the aesthetic I was after, so looks like he doesn’t give a sh*t but is actually very intelligent and does very well for himself

This thread will be interesting. Let me park here.

@computergeek:

Hahahahaha @ the three musketeers.

First, I knew myself which led me to knowing what I did not want in a man (in summary, the textbook Nigerian man)

I was also not interested in a guy's pockets (I value experience over possessions) and was (am still) big on love, ethical values, sound mind, thoughtfulness, teachability, presentation, self respect (nothing disgusts me like a guy who is friends with all the girls to the point of hitting his head, insulting him etc.), healthy self esteem, mental stability and grounded.

I was never (still not) a fan of religious men. I could not stand the spirikoko boys in school. (There is a difference between religious and born again). Same with rigid guys.

I wanted an expressive man, one who is passionate about me enough to express his feelings. Maybe that's why I like football.

Interestingly, I read a lot of romance novels yo help me balance my rigid or stiff side and not for the godlike men who were looking for women to subdue and tame.

I met my husband at 17 so I got the above.

If I was just searching today in addition to the above:

1. Financial intelligence
2. Family background and mental state of mind
3. Ethical values, respect and sincerity
4. Unity of purpose etc.

For me, it has always been Attraction over every other things. Even when I was young I only flowed with feelings, right or wrong I cared less. I see, love and explore and trying to win my love or attention has never worked for me.
I never had neither do I have standards up till now .My eyes do the feasting for me. Just have sense like Poco would say and be available (I like my men close )we are good to go.
Due to the economic situation and the fact that children may be coming in , I give little consideration to financial aspect, even at that the ready made man does not freak me rather I find it difficult to come in terms with them.

However of recent, events in my life has changed a lot and life is throwing at me something entirely different. Not the regular way of meeting, not the regular form of attraction, he's made, in another country and very ready to settle down. Honestly, I'm scared! And not sure if to go for it or not. He is a Nice guy no doubt but not sure if I'm ready to change the norm. I'm traditional, I believe in building things from friendship and all but this is just so different. Advise me Sisters.

bukatyne:
@computergeek:

Hahahahaha @ the three musketeers.

First, I knew myself which led me to knowing what I did not want in a man (in summary, the textbook Nigerian man)

I was also not interested in a guy's pockets (I value experience over possessions) and was (am still) big on love, ethical values, sound mind, thoughtfulness, teachability, presentation, self respect (nothing disgusts me like a guy who is friends with all the girls to the point of hitting his head, insulting him etc.), healthy self esteem, mental stability and grounded.

I was never (still not) a fan of religious men. I could not stand the spirikoko boys in school. (There is a difference between religious and born again). Same with rigid guys.

I wanted an expressive man, one who is passionate about me enough to express his feelings. Maybe that's why I like football.

Interestingly, I read a lot of romance novels yo help me balance my rigid or stiff side and not for the godlike men who were looking for women to subdue and tame.

I met my husband at 17 so I got the above.

If I was just searching today in addition to the above:

1. Financial intelligence
2. Family background and mental state of mind
3. Ethical values, respect and sincerity
4. Unity of purpose etc.

Wow. You had quite a complex-simple list . The spirikoko boys part got me. I don't believe one should let religion rob them of the essence of life.

ibkayee:
I had this weird obsession with him having natural bags under his eyes like this lool, like this was the standard and there was absolutely no settling for less

I they find how I want take shave mine out sef

Ariza:
For me, it has always been Attraction over every other things. Even when I was young I only flowed with feelings, right or wrong I cared less. I see, love and explore and trying to win my love or attention has never worked for me.
I never had neither do I have standards up till now .My eyes do the feasting for me. Just have sense like Poco would say and be available (I like my men close )we are good to go.
Due to the economic situation and the fact that children may be coming in , I give little consideration to financial aspect, even at that the ready made man does not freak me.

However of recent, events in my life has changed a lot and life is throwing at me something entirely different. Not the regular way of meeting, not the regular form of attraction, he's made, in another country and very ready to settle down. Honestly, I'm scared! And not sure if to go for it or not. He is a Nice guy no doubt but not sure if I'm ready to change the norm. I'm traditional, I believe in building things from friendship and all but this is just so different. Advise me Sisters.

I guess what you mean is that someone connected you to him and you guys haven't time to be friends and grow fond of each other??

Ariza:
For me, it has always been Attraction over every other things. Even when I was young I only flowed with feelings, right or wrong I cared less. I see, love and explore and trying to win my love or attention has never worked for me.
I never had neither do I have standards up till now .My eyes do the feasting for me. Just have sense like Poco would say and be available (I like my men close )we are good to go.
Due to the economic situation and the fact that children may be coming in , I give little consideration to financial aspect, even at that the ready made man does not freak me rather I find it difficult to come in terms with them.

However of recent, events in my life has changed a lot and life is throwing at me something entirely different. Not the regular way of meeting, not the regular form of attraction, he's made, in another country and very ready to settle down. Honestly, I'm scared! And not sure if to go for it or not. He is a Nice guy no doubt but not sure if I'm ready to change the norm. I'm traditional, I believe in building things from friendship and all but this is just so different. Advise me Sisters.

Don't marry the guy please . Who are you deceiving ?

computergeek:
I guess what you mean is that someone connected you to him and you guys haven't time to be friends and grow fond of each other??

Exactly! I've been praying/wishing for a Man /husband for sometimes now, but wasn't expecting the answer to come that way.Even the reality on me now makes me doubt if im ever ready for my prayer points .

It's scary !

Sirvingeo:

Don't marry the guy please . Who are you deceiving ?

Don't give that kind of advice. You don't know anything about this guy or the lady in question. They may actually fare better than people who have known each other for millions of years. Marriage no get formula.

computergeek:
Don't give that kind of advice. You don't know anything about this guy or the lady in question. They may actually fare better than people who have known each other for millions of years. Marriage no get formula.

You don't understand me . The babe is just deceiving herself . She is asking if she should marry a financial stable man . Who is she deceiving. She has already made up her mind. Nigeria women will turn down money for love . Rubbish!!!

Ariza:
Exactly! I've been praying/wishing for a Man /husband for sometimes now, but wasn't expecting the answer to come that way.Even the reality on me now makes me doubt if im ever ready for my prayer points .

It's scary !

Babe. I feel you big time. Your situation is a tricky one because you guys are millions of miles apart. However, while it's important to not rush yourself if you feel you're not ready or comfortable with the setup, it's also nice to break out of your mental shell and take a look at things from another perspective. It may not be so bad after all. We can't really advise you to do this or do that because we don't know you or the guy that well. You alone can make that decision.

The most important thing is to make sure you feel completely ready. Going into marriage with uncertainty is like walking voluntarily into a prison. You count days until your sentence is over.

Good luck Dear. I hope you find happiness and bliss in the end

Sirvingeo:

You don't understand me . The babe is just deceiving herself . She is asking if she should marry a financial stable man . Who is she deceiving. She has already made up her mind. Nigeria women will turn down money for love . Rubbish!!!

That's not what she's asking. She says she's not used to trying to strike up relationships with people she was "introduced to". It's easier to move to the next level from friendship. The financial stability part is just a fact in a case.

computergeek:
Wow. You had quite a complex-simple list . The spirikoko boys part got me. I don't believe one should let religion rob them of the essence of life.

Hahahaha @ complex-simple list.

Lalasticlala, help us ask your wifey if you checked off everything on her dream list FP dey very dry today ooo

Ggh

bukatyne:
@computergeek:

Hahahahaha @ the three musketeers.

First, I knew myself which led me to knowing what I did not want in a man (in summary, the textbook Nigerian man)

I was also not interested in a guy's pockets (I value experience over possessions) and was (am still) big on love, ethical values, sound mind, thoughtfulness, teachability, presentation, self respect (nothing disgusts me like a guy who is friends with all the girls to the point of hitting his head, insulting him etc.), healthy self esteem, mental stability and grounded.

I was never (still not) a fan of religious men. I could not stand the spirikoko boys in school. (There is a difference between religious and born again). Same with rigid guys.

I wanted an expressive man, one who is passionate about me enough to express his feelings. Maybe that's why I like football.

Interestingly, I read a lot of romance novels yo help me balance my rigid or stiff side and not for the godlike men who were looking for women to subdue and tame.

I met my husband at 17 so I got the above.

If I was just searching today in addition to the above:

1. Financial intelligence
2. Family background and mental state of mind
3. Ethical values, respect and sincerity
4. Unity of purpose etc.

I am very happy this is coming from you, because you ‘ve been voted the model female moniker on NL.

You would want all that plus an extra four if you were single today. If you were not married and you’re not bukatyne you would be told you’re picky and unrealistic and that you would drop most when you hit 30. Would you have done that?

You hit the nail on its head with the bolded, most Nigerians always say it’s women that have unrealistic standards and then drop them when they hit their 30s. However, those qualities are unrealistic because the way most Nigerian men are made, they don’t have those qualities to give. Most Nigerian women end up settling and when the marriage starts they realize they need those abandoned qualities to navigate day to day living in a marriage that is supposed to be the length of your natural life.

Sister computergeek, to be sincerely honest...the below was my list when I was younger and still had stars in my eyes.

Tall
Dark
Handsome
Stinkingly rich
Muscular
Dick_ must be the size of orobo Pepsi bottle (make me walk like a duck, honey)
More intelligent than I am.
A lover of arts
A man on fire for God.

I read romance novels briefly in my teens but I abandoned them because I could not connect with them. Why does the hero always have to be handsome? Is love meant for only handsome people? I would read M&B, and then after reading look round and still see the same strong, sun hardened faces of my Nigerian brothers who didn't have the faintest idea about chivalry. Chivalry is dead. [

Bleh. Romance novels fill your head with nonsense.


And then I grew up! With maturity comes a more realistic worldview. Many times God doesn't give us want we want but what we need. He works in mysterious ways and he knows what will benefit us, even when we are crying and tearing our hair and demanding...nay, begging for the perfect man. He doesn't give us the perfect man; he gives us the man who is perfect for us.

Nature strives for balance, which is why opposites attract. That's why introverts attract extroverts. Garrulous people attract taciturn people, hot tempered folks cope best with cool as ice people. That's why you must always factor the Maker of All Creation itself when choosing a partner, and ultimately, allow Him to select for you. TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE GIVING HIM PERMISSION TO LET HIS PERFECT WILL BE DONE.


With maturity my list evolved to-

God fearing. A man on fire for God.

Comfortable (who stinking rich epp? ) I have a well paying job, Mr Right must have one too.

Intelligent. No compromise on that one. God help you your kids take after your less than intelligent partner. You will spend all your money on private tutors.

Must be a tiger in za oza room. The size of his jabulani didn't seem so important anymore, as long as it worked well and could make me purrrrr like a satisfied pussy...cat

One who complemented me in every way amd would take me as his lover, companion and best friend.

That definitely made more sense than big dicked, muscular fellows who would probably end up losing all those toned muscles, replacing them with Uber flabs, and then become unattractive to me in middle age. Come with all your flabs and warts so we know what we are having from the outset.

Nice dream hope you all find it.
But what do you have to offer, bitches all about standards.

Ishilove:
Sister computergeek, to be sincerely honest...the below was my list when I was younger and still had stars in my eyes.

Someborry please call an ambulance, laughter want to hyperventilate me here

Ishi fear God nii . Romance novels ehn, e no go better for those things.

Shaa, I'll say your list went through a slight metamorphosis. Didn't crash drastically like mine did. And intelligence is something I would never have compromised. Sapiosexuality is really not a myth as most people think. I don't think I can imagine living with someone whom I can't pick brains with.

Ariza:
For me, it has always been Attraction over every other things. Even when I was young I only flowed with feelings, right or wrong I cared less. I see, love and explore and trying to win my love or attention has never worked for me.
I never had neither do I have standards up till now .My eyes do the feasting for me. Just have sense like Poco would say and be available (I like my men close )we are good to go.
Due to the economic situation and the fact that children may be coming in , I give little consideration to financial aspect, even at that the ready made man does not freak me rather I find it difficult to come in terms with them.

However of recent, events in my life has changed a lot and life is throwing at me something entirely different. Not the regular way of meeting, not the regular form of attraction, he's made, in another country and very ready to settle down. Honestly, I'm scared! And not sure if to go for it or not. He is a Nice guy no doubt but not sure if I'm ready to change the norm. I'm traditional, I believe in building things from friendship and all but this is just so different. Advise me Sisters.

Coming to Ibadan to drink wine soon

computergeek:

Someborry please call an ambulance, laughter want to hyperventilate me here

Ishi fear God nii . Romance novels ehn, e no go better for those things.

Shaa, I'll say your list went through a slight metamorphosis. Didn't crash drastically like mine did. And intelligence is something I would never have compromised. Sapiosexuality is really not a myth as most people think. I don't think I can imagine living with someone whom I can't pick brains with.

I edited my post

Ishilove:

I edited my post

Crazier than the first

Ariza:

However of recent, events in my life has changed a lot and life is throwing at me something entirely different. Not the regular way of meeting, not the regular form of attraction, he's made, in another country and very ready to settle down. Honestly, I'm scared! And not sure if to go for it or not. He is a Nice guy no doubt but not sure if I'm ready to change the norm. I'm traditional, I believe in building things from friendship and all but this is just so different. Advise me Sisters.

Don't let anyone rush you. Take your time to be friends first and study this person, taking note of his vices and virtues, so you don't wake up one day and realise the person you're sharing your home with is a total stranger. If he can't wait then he can come kiss your 'made in Nigeria' ass.

computergeek:
Crazier than the first

Sapiosexuality is not a myth. There's something very sexy about a man who can hold his own in a conversation without boring you to tears. I once dated one very unintelligent fellow some years back before fleeing. When I talked about international affairs he would stare at me blankly, forcing me to stutter to a stop. I can almost swear a couple of brain cells atrophied during my brief dalliance with the young man.

That was when I knew I couldn't compromise on the quality of grey matter. Very handsome fellow but dumb as fvck. What was i thinking??!