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3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me - Romance (15) - Nairaland

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Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Obynolee(f): 5:22pm On May 26, 2020
Donbabaj:


For the one year we have dated she never for once. I mean for once embarrased me. She respects me in public. My only problem is the way she switches her mood. She just go into her shell and avoid any communication. I've talked to her mildly but this keeps repeating itself.


"Trying to pacify/apologize when you know you did nothing wrong",.....
Do not start what you can't finish, I repeat, do not start what you can't finish, because once you started it,any day you didn't do it,it becomes a problem, that is the general mentality of most women.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by mapet: 5:22pm On May 26, 2020
dingbang:
You sef.. But you were touching her and you didn't tell yourself it wasnt biblical too abi.

grin grin grin
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by annyz: 5:23pm On May 26, 2020
Donbabaj:
I could be happy now but the next minute, she changes mood all of a sudden. We dated for over year after someone match make us but this mood swing things continued overtime so sometimes I get confused even as i really tried managing the pressure. She's a nice girl, takes good care of me, buys clothes, cooks, always wants me to look good but the problem is the rate which she switches mood easily.

Financially, we are both average earner but I think she earns better pay than me.

For instance, recently we got a new apartment - 2bedroom flat but whenever I say something she doesn't like or she doesn't want to hear, she just reacts like why would I say such a thing. All the while we were dating, we never stayed with each other as we stayed in our parents house. Fast forward* most times, as the man, after switching mood, I try to pacify her by petting and apologising but she doesn't just want to listen.

Just today, we were playing with each other on the bed, touching each other (not sensitive part) and she wanted me to kiss her. So I told her jokingly that "but you know this is not biblical" as an advocate of no sex until after marriage. I have never had sex with her either. The next thing she said, "why are you talking like this" she stood up, went straight to the sitting room and slept there. I went to meet her there to pacify her again but she wouldn't listen.

Please note that I have not and can never beat or abuse her cos I'm a Christian.

I'm just tired. She's really getting on my nerves. Our wedding is 3 weeks time but I dont just know what to do. People, friends and family are already aware of the impending marriage but I'm afraid that if a lady can switch mood like this, who knows what will happen tommorrow. I cant sleep in peace...

Please advice. This is happening right now.

Why touching her romantically if I may ask you
Somebody like you will flog a child & still come here to complain that you don't know why the child cries whenever flogged.
One day she will carry her luggage and leave the house and your eyes will open.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by MrHighSea: 5:25pm On May 26, 2020
You can't beat a woman because you're a Christian.

So,

If you're convinced to convert to another religion, you'll beat a woman.

Guys Guys Guys,
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Adek15(m): 5:27pm On May 26, 2020
Oluromantic:
Youre abt to marry a mel-chlor or san-mel. Apart from mood swings, they want admiration badly and they get easily angry if not admired. I once dated a girl like that before, I was the one who by myself told her we're not compatible, cus I couldn't cope. She ranted when I told her, abused me and my parents blabla but I felt free like I was caged before. That's me though, you may be able to cope. We're different.

By nature, they lack moderate feelings, emotional independence and stability...that's their weakness. It's usually from one extreme of emotions to the other extreme skipping moderation and balance in-between. At one time, they'll love you like babies, like all their life depends on you. Another time, they'll show serious temper over little things. Either you date for marriage or there's nothing between both of you. No ordinary friendly plays or so at all except birthed by emotions. If you beat her often in a ludo or whot game na wahala. If you decide to be passive abt her swings, she may leave for her parents or friend house for being ignored and that'll be embarrassing. But their strength is being supportive, they can give u their all or even indebt themselves for you in loves name.

If you know u can't cope, you still have time to decide. Forget about family.. only 2 of you'll live together as man n wife. Forget the general conclusion that women are emotional..little things upset them blabla. It's when they want to be selfish they say all that. Not all women are emotional dilly-dallys. Though emotional, some are sensible with their emotions. I'm not wishing you separation at d edge of ur wedding but the truth need be told. You need to be very emotionally balanced and independent on your own to keep her going. If you are, then you can cope, but if you're not, hmmmm...
you just described my girlfriend. Over caring and not caring at all. I'm tired already. On a ph scale, she's either too acidic or too basic, no neutrality at all.

1 Like

Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by stchinedu: 5:34pm On May 26, 2020
dingbang:
You sef.. But you were touching her and you didn't tell yourself it wasnt biblical too abi.

Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Obynolee(f): 5:36pm On May 26, 2020
Donbabaj:


Correct. I tried to avoid this but you know ladies always inquisitive. In fact, truth be told, we had a romance, but not sex. I had to tell her why cant we just wait for few weeks but that apart, the major thing is the way she switches whenever I tell her the hard truth. At times she listens and adjust. I even gat to tell her that if shes using a reverse psychology for me. Although, sometimes I stand my ground but more often than not I apologise.

You turned her "ON" and leaves her with flimsy excuse, is that not wickednes?.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by ntebong: 5:39pm On May 26, 2020
Marriage is a serious issue if you have the grace to always apologize to her whether she offend you or not go ahead and finalize the marriage but if not back out, her attitude will not get better after the marriage, broken courtship is better than a broken marriage. Take a closer and objective look at her family, then decide if you can endure all that you observed. You will not be able to change that character in her.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Judybash93(m): 5:40pm On May 26, 2020
Y'all should seek professional help. She may be suffering from bipolar disorder. You should check her out before things fall out of place
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Angelacruz: 5:42pm On May 26, 2020
Marriage go scatter be dat
DanseMacabre:
I hope she won't find out in the next three weeks that you're a one minute man.


Anyway to be honest with you the way things are going there is every likelihood of it ending in tears.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Amicablemee: 5:44pm On May 26, 2020
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Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by AnthonyVal: 5:46pm On May 26, 2020
You were the one that caused the problem. Women are highly emotional. You touched her, ignited the fire and started telling us biblical & Christianity. Nonsense.! The girl is patient indeed. Better advise yourself. What is wrong in showing your wife to be that you love her by just a mild kiss? You must be a saddist.

1 Like

Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by oluspicy: 5:49pm On May 26, 2020
Bro you must be emotionally balance with her. It's possible your wife to be is a might be a Choleric in nature.

Try to get this books; Model Marriage and The Rational Male.

I can mail the PDF format to you if you don't mind.

Stay blessed.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Bonnywest: 5:49pm On May 26, 2020
Donbabaj:
I could be happy now but the next minute, she changes mood all of a sudden. We dated for over year after someone match make us but this mood swing things continued overtime so sometimes I get confused even as i really tried managing the pressure. She's a nice girl, takes good care of me, buys clothes, cooks, always wants me to look good but the problem is the rate which she switches mood easily.

Financially, we are both average earner but I think she earns better pay than me.

For instance, recently we got a new apartment - 2bedroom flat but whenever I say something she doesn't like or she doesn't want to hear, she just reacts like why would I say such a thing. All the while we were dating, we never stayed with each other as we stayed in our parents house. Fast forward* most times, as the man, after switching mood, I try to pacify her by petting and apologising but she doesn't just want to listen.

Just today, we were playing with each other on the bed, touching each other (not sensitive part) and she wanted me to kiss her. So I told her jokingly that "but you know this is not biblical" as an advocate of no sex until after marriage. I have never had sex with her either. The next thing she said, "why are you talking like this" she stood up, went straight to the sitting room and slept there. I went to meet her there to pacify her again but she wouldn't listen.

Please note that I have not and can never beat or abuse her cos I'm a Christian.

I'm just tired. She's really getting on my nerves. Our wedding is 3 weeks time but I dont just know what to do. People, friends and family are already aware of the impending marriage but I'm afraid that if a lady can switch mood like this, who knows what will happen tommorrow. I cant sleep in peace...

Please advice. This is happening right now.
She'll not be happy with you till you kiss her! No disrespect ladies act like babies, when a child need biscuit/gala & u don't buy he/she cries that's how girls are. That's a strong emotional desire she wants to express to show how she feels towards you (love) but you are denying her. Though u are doing the right thing as a Christian but at this stage she isn't reasoning the Christian thing.
Not allowing kissing in your relationship is commendable but strange when compared to the modern day relationships that kissing takes place from the start. This shows your high level of commitment to God! The important question is: Is she born again like you? Did you both sit & define boundaries in your r/ship?
Her feelings are normal, u only need to remind her of the set boundaries if u both agreed though she wants it broken as she now sees u as her husband (Wedding around the corner).
Just sweet talk her & let her know how much u can't wait to kiss her & enjoy sex from your wedding night while also letting her know her emotional imbalance is a turn off for you. She need to start acting more maturely. Can't talk further here, wish we could chat on WhatsApp
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Abimbola29(m): 5:52pm On May 26, 2020
stop apologizing when ever shes angry just grab her bend her down and tear the as* out and remember it is your duty to please that boot*
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by chigoizie7(m): 6:06pm On May 26, 2020
Do all you have to do while dating to know your partner well before marriage. If it entails fucccking yourselves 40 times a day, do it. If it takes living together for six months, do it.

Long distance relationships is different from living together. Until you live with human beings, that is when you will know peoples reactions.


A girl that can’t cope with a very untidy guy naturally. How will she know when anytime she wants to visit, he will clean his house, wash everything, new boxers.etc
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by QANNE(f): 6:08pm On May 26, 2020
Please marry who you will joke with. If you say "you dey craze, she says your mad".
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Oluromantic: 6:15pm On May 26, 2020
Adek15:
you just described my girlfriend. Over caring and not caring at all. I'm tired already. On a ph scale, she's either too acidic or too basic, no neutrality at all.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by nobone(f): 6:20pm On May 26, 2020
Communication plays a vital role in every relationship. Please talk with her heart to heart. Her response/reactions will determine your next line of action.
I'm happy I didn't hear you mention that she's violent or verbally abusive.
It is well. Please update us after every every....
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by drololaaof: 6:24pm On May 26, 2020
Her mood changes portend danger 1 she could be the domineering type 2she want sex bad and you not giving it to her . Either way re examine your relationship
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by omoadeleye(m): 6:27pm On May 26, 2020
Donbabaj:
I could be happy now but the next minute, she changes mood all of a sudden. We dated for over year after someone match make us but this mood swing things continued overtime so sometimes I get confused even as i really tried managing the pressure. She's a nice girl, takes good care of me, buys clothes, cooks, always wants me to look good but the problem is the rate which she switches mood easily.

Financially, we are both average earner but I think she earns better pay than me.

For instance, recently we got a new apartment - 2bedroom flat but whenever I say something she doesn't like or she doesn't want to hear, she just reacts like why would I say such a thing. All the while we were dating, we never stayed with each other as we stayed in our parents house. Fast forward* most times, as the man, after switching mood, I try to pacify her by petting and apologising but she doesn't just want to listen.

Just today, we were playing with each other on the bed, touching each other (not sensitive part) and she wanted me to kiss her. So I told her jokingly that "but you know this is not biblical" as an advocate of no sex until after marriage. I have never had sex with her either. The next thing she said, "why are you talking like this" she stood up, went straight to the sitting room and slept there. I went to meet her there to pacify her again but she wouldn't listen.

Please note that I have not and can never beat or abuse her cos I'm a Christian.

I'm just tired. She's really getting on my nerves. Our wedding is 3 weeks time but I dont just know what to do. People, friends and family are already aware of the impending marriage but I'm afraid that if a lady can switch mood like this, who knows what will happen tommorrow. I cant sleep in peace...

Please advice. This is happening right now.




Look at you ... Can't you see that she is just being naughty?


Go and see this nollywood movie "once a friend"
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by sogamica(m): 6:33pm On May 26, 2020
Bros be a man and take control stop been affected with woman mood swing it’s their nature.As far as shes ready to make the marriage work and u too are ready things will be fine. With age and children involved she will adjust.Atimes you should start the mood swing things and see her reaction
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by floroni: 6:37pm On May 26, 2020
Donbabaj:
I could be happy now but the next minute, she changes mood all of a sudden. We dated for over year after someone match make us but this mood swing things continued overtime so sometimes I get confused even as i really tried managing the pressure. She's a nice girl, takes good care of me, buys clothes, cooks, always wants me to look good but the problem is the rate which she switches mood easily.

Financially, we are both average earner but I think she earns better pay than me.

For instance, recently we got a new apartment - 2bedroom flat but whenever I say something she doesn't like or she doesn't want to hear, she just reacts like why would I say such a thing. All the while we were dating, we never stayed with each other as we stayed in our parents house. Fast forward* most times, as the man, after switching mood, I try to pacify her by petting and apologising but she doesn't just want to listen.

Just today, we were playing with each other on the bed, touching each other (not sensitive part) and she wanted me to kiss her. So I told her jokingly that "but you know this is not biblical" as an advocate of no sex until after marriage. I have never had sex with her either. The next thing she said, "why are you talking like this" she stood up, went straight to the sitting room and slept there. I went to meet her there to pacify her again but she wouldn't listen.

Please note that I have not and can never beat or abuse her cos I'm a Christian.

I'm just tired. She's really getting on my nerves. Our wedding is 3 weeks time but I dont just know what to do. People, friends and family are already aware of the impending marriage but I'm afraid that if a lady can switch mood like this, who knows what will happen tommorrow. I cant sleep in peace...

Please advice. This is happening right now.

You are a Christian.
Did you pray and did God confirm she is your wife. The blessing of God maketh rich and he adds no sorrow. Go back to God urgently not to make mistake on this life journey.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by SirBunky85(m): 6:45pm On May 26, 2020
chatinent:
You both are on the 'bed' and are 'touching' but no sensitive parts as an advocate of bla bla. So you mean you were touching toes right? And who told you it's Christian to live together with sb you are yet to be married with?
.
The problem is you don't know what rules and principles you keep.
una bad mouth no be here o

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Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Mentcee(m): 6:48pm On May 26, 2020
dingbang:
You sef.. But you were touching her and you didn't tell yourself it wasnt biblical too abi.

I have you the 1000th like

Be happy
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Emanodimo(m): 6:51pm On May 26, 2020
tyup:


Nothing annoys me more than weaklings like you who always go pacify a lady after every disagreement either ur at fault or she is

That's an outrageous mumuish attitude from you...shit u should have ur pride

From my predictions she would one day disgrace and embarrass you Publicly n you'll still be the one to beg n this would continue for a very Loooong time till u get frustrated n shattered and she wouldn't care

I realised some of the ladies swings mood easily... It takes me time to accept it after reading online how to manage it...

The day I almost got embarrassed in a Park, that's the day I reawaken myself...No to that stupidity..

The guy needs to emotional independent, stable, not overwhelm by her mood.... If she gets upset... Free her, She doesn't wants to talk....Don't say a word to her, take interest in something else...If she is avoid you.... Be more calm Cuz at that moment she might be unstable minded.... to avoid been blame... Days ahead, She will appreciate you and caution what makes her swing moody...

At these moments or afterward, saying *Sorry doesn't make sense to her* either u are at fault or not...
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Newbielearner(m): 6:52pm On May 26, 2020
Naija246:
Women are economically better to rent than buy.
Don't marry that lady.
Don't say I didn't warn you undecided

Succinct
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Expresswriter: 6:56pm On May 26, 2020
Can two work together except they agree?

You playfully told her no sex before marriage and then she gets angry and leaves you.
Why do you think she did this? If she's a genuine Christian she's not supposed to get angry over this. Sex before marriage is obviously a violation of biblical tenets.

She should be happy having a man like you. It is she that is even supposed to be reminding you about no sex before marriage BUT imagine her getting angry because you did that! Is she not supposed to be happy that she has someone like you, a faithful man? In these times when it's very hard finding faithful spouses?

What does this tell you? Perhaps, she's not the faithful type. Is this the kind of woman you want to marry?


SECONDLY, red flags are real. Whatever ingrained habit you see during courtship is what you'll see in marriage. In worse cases, even double of it. If you can't live with her mood swing, what's the point going on with the marriage? Think about the psychological effect this will cause you over a long period of time! Why must you be the only one begging or pleading for peace all the time?

She's manipulating you with her mood swing. It's her own way of handling conflict. And it's wrong. Highly childish. Adults handle conflict by having healthy conversations not emotional tantrums or mood swing all the time. She now knows that anytime she gets angry you'll come begging her so she keeps using it as a weapon of control & manipulation.

I'm sorry to tell you but the lady in question isn't emotionally ready for the challenges of marriage.
She still has a lot of growing up to do. And don't think you can be the one to help her. It must be a personal decision. Change that lasts always proceeds intentionally from within a person. Not because the person was cajoled, forced or begged as you've been doing.

To summarize, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. It is not how long you've dated a person. Even if you've dated the person for up to ten years and you find out new, strange behaviour in them that you can't live with or tolerate, never hesitate in pulling out of such relationship.

Don't get married out of pity.

Don't marry someone when you're not having peace of mind over the relationship. Don't think-- what will the person say. It's not your fault.

What you can't tolerate in courtship mustn't be accepted with the hope that the person will change in marriage. My brother, na lie o! Nobody changes like that overnight. They even get worse.

Look for books by Praise George on relationships and marriage and read. It will help you.

Do the right thing. I wish you well.

God bless you.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Newbielearner(m): 7:04pm On May 26, 2020
Donbabaj:
I could be happy now but the next minute, she changes mood all of a sudden. We dated for over year after someone match make us but this mood swing things continued overtime so sometimes I get confused even as i really tried managing the pressure. She's a nice girl, takes good care of me, buys clothes, cooks, always wants me to look good but the problem is the rate which she switches mood easily.

Financially, we are both average earner but I think she earns better pay than me.

For instance, recently we got a new apartment - 2bedroom flat but whenever I say something she doesn't like or she doesn't want to hear, she just reacts like why would I say such a thing. All the while we were dating, we never stayed with each other as we stayed in our parents house. Fast forward* most times, as the man, after switching mood, I try to pacify her by petting and apologising but she doesn't just want to listen.

Just today, we were playing with each other on the bed, touching each other (not sensitive part) and she wanted me to kiss her. So I told her jokingly that "but you know this is not biblical" as an advocate of no sex until after marriage. I have never had sex with her either. The next thing she said, "why are you talking like this" she stood up, went straight to the sitting room and slept there. I went to meet her there to pacify her again but she wouldn't listen.

Please note that I have not and can never beat or abuse her cos I'm a Christian.

I'm just tired. She's really getting on my nerves. Our wedding is 3 weeks time but I dont just know what to do. People, friends and family are already aware of the impending marriage but I'm afraid that if a lady can switch mood like this, who knows what will happen tommorrow. I cant sleep in peace...

Please advice. This is happening right now.

I recommend that you postpone the wedding. And make her aware that you need her to handle her mood swing. Then the marriage can hold by December.

Although, I sense you're the needy one. She might not care. You might be scared of losing her.
You can tell families you extended it because of the current situation in the country.
Don't be scared of losing her (even though it's a proof of love). Another proof of love is her improving for your sake. She can't bare to lose you because she would be tagged in the society as well. Either that pressure or her love for you would persuade her.

Your home should be a peaceful abode. Not the one you'd be calling to know her mood to decide whether you would intentionally go through a busy traffic route when going home from work.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by jeff2010(m): 7:16pm On May 26, 2020
You dey craze.
Re: 3 Weeks To Wedding & I'm Confused! Please Advise Me by Missyajoke(f): 7:28pm On May 26, 2020
She needs to go for psychotherapy to know whats wrong with her. She needs help, its a sign of partial insanity. Happy one moment sad the next. She needs treatment to recover. She has a mental illness. You can still sao her whats wrong l

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