Jennyclay:
Good afternoon nairalanders and Happy new year to everyone. I promise to be brief.

My fiance and I hv been dating for 2 years. He's doing well for himself, he's humble, he's quick to apologize even when you're at fault. He calls his mom and siblings regularly, but he don't talk to his Dad. If I ask, he would say forget about him

My fiance has been keeping malice with his father for 3 years now. I don't know what transpired between them because he would never tell me. He act like his father doesn't exist.

His mom and I do talk on phone once in a while. Yesterday I called her to wish her happy new year, we spoke well and she prayed for me. Abt 10 mins later she called back, but this time she was crying, She explained how his son has not been talking to his Father, she said this year 2022 would make it 3 years, she said they have called elders and pastors to talk to him but all to no avail. She said It would be her greatest joy if I also help her talk to him since he loves me so much. We were on the phone for over 45min.

Nairalanders, he's coming to seek my hand in marriage by March but I'm scared and here are my reasons. 1) His he pretending to be nice to me 2) what if we have little misunderstanding when we get married will he forgive me or keep malice with me for years

I was so angry at him, I told him that I'm giving him now till month end to reconcile every conflict or dispute he has with his father else I'm calling our relationship a quit, because this character seems to be a redflag to me. He started begging me, he said I don't understand yet he's not telling me anything.

I'm really confused. Please help a sister.

You said, "he's humble,"

My sister, a humble man will swallow his pride and go and reconcile with his earthly father. If he loves you, he would.
If he can keep malice with his Dad for years, then expect him to keep malice with you at some point. Because it will happen.

leobergy:
People that grew up in good homes will never understand why it is hard to forgive a parent who hurts their children.
My dad is a rich business man who abuses his own family even till this very day,Just last year,a week after my elder brother’s burial(he chased my brother away from home after his nysc to go fend for himself but he died at his friend’s place due to an illness), he accused my mum of adultery before our kinsmen and wanted to divorce her.
Mind you my younger brothers were there,I was filled with rage that we exchanged words. All the kinsmen can say was that I should kneel down and beg him which I didn’t do,I just left the next day and I have been struggling on my own since then.
My dad have been beating my mum even in our presence since we were kids and did many other terrible things but no one has even tried to stop him since he is rich.
I have forgiven many things but accusing my gentle mum of such nonsense before other people not even up to a week after my bro was buried is where he crossed the line.
All this have affected me negatively but am quite doing my best and hoping on God but when some people keep telling me that he is my father and I should forgive him no matter what,I just look at them as people that are lucky not to be in my shoes because some might have killed their dad if they were treated so.
To the op
Life is complicated,he might be trying to protect you though it’s important he tells you the truth. I just want you to know that it’s not in every case that a son must have to apologize to his father,some people have condemned themselves no matter how you try can never change them
It’s better to avoid evil people and move on than trying to please the public and invite a demon into your life.

Don't mind Africans with their backward mentality. Imagine if it was a child who committed all those crime. Would they tell the father same thing that he's his son he has no choice than to forgive him? Africans forget that a foolish toddler/adult will definitely grow and become aged. Does his gray hair change him from who he is? In African, as a parents, you are at liberty to wrong your child/ren as you wish. They would definitely be the one to come begging later again

What a world

Only 3 years?
Im on 18yrs

Really

Shokoloko:


1. He has to tell you why. Anything less than sexual molestation or attempt to murder for rituals is not enough to keep malice for 3 years.

2. The malice will reach your side as well. He has perfected the art. Get ready

3. The malice will reach your kids too

4. Thank you

There could be more issues that may warrant keeping malice outside the ones you listed

DSoj:
Only 3 years?
Im on 18yrs

Woww

Jennyclay:
1. Nairalanders, he's coming to seek my hand in marriage by March but I'm scared and here are my reasons. 1) His he pretending to be nice to me 2) what if we have little misunderstanding when we get married will he forgive me or keep malice with me for years

I was so angry at him, I told him that I'm giving him now till month end to reconcile every conflict or dispute he has with his father else I'm calling our relationship a quit, because this character seems to be a redflag to me. He started begging me, he said I don't understand yet he's not telling me anything.

I'm really confused. Please help a sister.

Look, if you don't want to marry the guy, then tell him you are not interested and let him move on to finding himself a woman who will accept him abeg.

Trying to make his personal relationship with his father about your person is ridiculous thing to do. You don't know the reason behind the breakdown but you decided to make yourself judge over his private affairs before this? Abeg, stop stringing him along if you are not interested.

Nairaland should provide emoj for hate. Your comment is horrible. You are already living under a curse, unknown to you and by Bible and traditions, long life has been forfeited by your actions against your biological father


quote author=DSoj post=110119969]Only 3 years?
Im on 18yrs [/quote]

Spherical77:
who told you feminist doesn't encourage marriage? Ofcourse They do. They marry men of likes mind not men who doesn't believe in mutual love and respect. Not men who sees women as a second fiddle or an option. Not men who feels entitled believing they are doing women favour in marrying them. Not men who demand for respect forgetting respect are earned

Ogbeni calm down. I know you must be one of the SIMP guys on nairaland

Feminist doesn't believe in marriage that's because they hardly submit to the authority of a man. They think they are above men and subsequently demand for every right a man has. No be foolishness be that? And they want to marry? what a huge joke!

no ooo. let her remain single and be forming hard core feminist up and down until she gets to 30-45. Na then her mind go dey!

Girl dont just dump ur man like dat.. U might not know wat happened. I wont lie to u.. I hardly speak with my Dad.. Not becos im heartless.. But i grew up with my dad with nothing like affection. I saw hell with most of his act. Cos while i was still very young.. He got married to another woman and i got the maltreatment of my life. Is it from beating like a thief..smaching my head on d wall like slave or giving me garri nd threatening me she would kill me if i should tell dad that i took garri. Is it when my Dad will maltreat and beat me like a thief to impress his wife. I spent my whole life in isolation nd nothing like feel being loved. He re-married again and exposed me to another devil nd all he did back then was to maltreat his son to impress his wife. I suffered maltreatment from age 6 to 20 wen i could resist it. D whole stuff still dey affect me till now cos im use to staying alone and i miss nothing about him .i always feel pains whenever i see him. Im nt fighting him but still not loving him

99% of Nairalanders don't talk to their fathers. But they come here to cry when feminists bash them and their stupidity.

Dear OP< you better thread with caution.
When a man refuses to talk to a fellow man for longer duration, there is a big situation. If he loves his mom then how is it that she does not know what transpired btw the both grown up niggas.

Thread with caution lest you lose that which is so dear to you.

Jennyclay:
Good afternoon nairalanders and Happy new year to everyone. I promise to be brief.

My fiance and I hv been dating for 2 years. He's doing well for himself, he's humble, he's quick to apologize even when you're at fault. He calls his mom and siblings regularly, but he don't talk to his Dad. If I ask, he would say forget about him

My fiance has been keeping malice with his father for 3 years now. I don't know what transpired between them because he would never tell me. He act like his father doesn't exist.

His mom and I do talk on phone once in a while. Yesterday I called her to wish her happy new year, we spoke well and she prayed for me. Abt 10 mins later she called back, but this time she was crying, She explained how his son has not been talking to his Father, she said this year 2022 would make it 3 years, she said they have called elders and pastors to talk to him but all to no avail. She said It would be her greatest joy if I also help her talk to him since he loves me so much. We were on the phone for over 45min.

Nairalanders, he's coming to seek my hand in marriage by March but I'm scared and here are my reasons. 1) His he pretending to be nice to me 2) what if we have little misunderstanding when we get married will he forgive me or keep malice with me for years

I was so angry at him, I told him that I'm giving him now till month end to reconcile every conflict or dispute he has with his father else I'm calling our relationship a quit, because this character seems to be a redflag to me. He started begging me, he said I don't understand yet he's not telling me anything.

I'm really confused. Please help a sister.

Hedonini:


This is very reckless and downright silly point of view. Someone who can't forgive his father will be bad in life generally because? Have you asked what the dad did, or it just doesn't matter? Forgiveness is a must because??

Nothing disgusts me more than hypocrites who demand forgiveness in spite of anything else... Without paying attention to the nature of the initial affront. Just like i hate people who criticise vengeance whilst downplaying the initial offence.

Leave forgiveness for God. He who misbehaves without proper atonement must 'collect'.

As in eh, some people will be busy doing evil, committing crime and atrocities but alwalways have it at the back of their mind say na forgiveness go end am. They will start preaching to eer is human and forgive is divine. I wonder if these people think others too don't know how to do evil or comit crime and ask for forgiveness. Seriously we Africans still have a long way to go

I think u are approaching the issue wrongly. Why on earth will u give him ultimatum just because his mom told you to help reconcile them. The best approach is to go by way of appealing. If u guys are as close as u paint the issue, then u must know of a sure way to get his attention and let him confidential in you. Go by way of appeal and pleading.... Am sure if he do loves you that much, he shd be a able to tell you what went wrong. U can't get result by giving ultimatum and stuffs. Let him see how much you love and ready to stay on his side whatever he decides.... Leave the rest to God.

dannex4adx:


Sister! Pls don't marry him. You need to first know the real reason why he is keeping malice with his father. His father needs to be there on your wedding day if you eventually him. He is placing a curse on his head and this can transfer to your children if you later marry him. Please let him reconcile with his father before you marry him or else you are playing with a bomb waiting to explode in future.

You see,u made a valid point I have also be in a position of the op before in fact, I just ignore him though mine was not up to a month self before we reconcile,even till now I am just talking to him on the basis is my father nothing more

OfficialAwol:


Don't be stupid by leaving a good guy because he doesn't talk to his dad.

Do you talk to everyone around you?

So how do you expect them to have a traditional or church wedding without the involvement of the father?

Simran94:
Let him tell his wife-to-be what his father’s offense is, then she can decide from there if she still wants to proceed with the marriage or not.

If they get married now without sorting this issue out, will he allow his wife to visit his father? What if the wife wants to regularly visit her father-in-law? This will surely cause a problem in their marriage

She can have that discussion with him and if he insists on not telling her, she is free to walk away away the relationship if she chooses. But condemning the man's personality simply because of possible bad blood between his father and his person is uncalled for.

Hedonini:


This is very reckless and downright silly point of view. Someone who can't forgive his father will be bad in life generally because? Have you asked what the dad did, or it just doesn't matter? Forgiveness is a must because??

Nothing disgusts me more than hypocrites who demand forgiveness in spite of anything else... Without paying attention to the nature of the initial affront. Just like i hate people who criticise vengeance whilst downplaying the initial offence.

Leave forgiveness for God. He who misbehaves without proper atonement must 'collect'.

U are just childish n very stupid and dt is putting it politely.

Forgiveness is a divine injunction for healthy living. No matter what the father did he must be forgiven. I am not here to argue with a toddler like u.

If God can forgive u who are you not to forgive ur own father?

Jennyclay:
Good afternoon nairalanders and Happy new year to everyone. I promise to be brief.

My fiance and I hv been dating for 2 years. He's doing well for himself, he's humble, he's quick to apologize even when you're at fault. He calls his mom and siblings regularly, but he don't talk to his Dad. If I ask, he would say forget about him

My fiance has been keeping malice with his father for 3 years now. I don't know what transpired between them because he would never tell me. He act like his father doesn't exist.

His mom and I do talk on phone once in a while. Yesterday I called her to wish her happy new year, we spoke well and she prayed for me. Abt 10 mins later she called back, but this time she was crying, She explained how his son has not been talking to his Father, she said this year 2022 would make it 3 years, she said they have called elders and pastors to talk to him but all to no avail. She said It would be her greatest joy if I also help her talk to him since he loves me so much. We were on the phone for over 45min.

Nairalanders, he's coming to seek my hand in marriage by March but I'm scared and here are my reasons. 1) His he pretending to be nice to me 2) what if we have little misunderstanding when we get married will he forgive me or keep malice with me for years

I was so angry at him, I told him that I'm giving him now till month end to reconcile every conflict or dispute he has with his father else I'm calling our relationship a quit, because this character seems to be a redflag to me. He started begging me, he said I don't understand yet he's not telling me anything.

I'm really confused. Please help a sister.

You are going to risk the continuity of your 2 year old relationship with a man you are satisfied with because of another man that you don't know, have never met or interacted with??

This level of wisdom needs to studied by social scientists

GoodHardDick:


Ogbeni calm down. I know you must be one of the SIMP guys on nairaland

Feminist doesn't believe in marriage that's because they hardly submit to the authority of a man. They think they are above men and subsequently demand for every right a man has. No be foolishness be that? And they want to marry? what a huge joke!

no ooo. let her remain single and be forming hard core feminist up and down until she gets to 30-45. Na then her mind go dey!

no one is above anyone Mr alpha. Feminist are getting married every Saturday if you care to know. Like i said earlier, they marry men of likes mind who believe in mutual love and respect. Iron sharpen iron you know. You'd always meet and attract girls of your type and calibre. Same applies to feminist.

dannex4adx:
Sister! Pls don't marry him. You need to first know the real reason why he is keeping malice with his father. His father needs to be there on your wedding day if you eventually him. He is placing a curse on his head and this can transfer to your children if you later marry him. Please let him reconcile with his father before you marry him or else you are playing with a bomb waiting to explode in future.

Where do you get these bullsheet ideas from abeg?

100s of thousands, world over, wed each year without even a family member present at the occasion and they go on to enjoy marital bliss after it all. Why is it that it is when you Nigerians are involved that disorder becomes the order of the day?

Dannyyoung26:


Hmmm, this level of crime you went to got me speechless ooo.

Or his father don straff the guy ex

Maybe, God should just intervene abi, we cannot say this lady is safe nah
If the father is the problem, that could be tough but the na the bf, he should go apologize

Or perhaps the father has abused one of his sisters in the past which the family might have kept only to themselves.

Something like this happened in my neighborhood. Some of the children refused to have anything to do with the father.

Family secrets no be here o, and digging out some are almost impossible.

ogawisdom:



U are just childish n very stupid and dt is putting it politely.

Forgiveness is a divine injunction for healthy living. No matter what the father did he must be forgiven. I am not here to agree with a toddler like u

It depends on what the father actually did. Some sins are simply unforgivable.

My grouse with the guy is not trusting his intended wife enough to tell her why he is so angry at his father. It could be an issue that will affect their marriage.

Well... something must have gone wrong. A guy who's keeping malice with his father cannot have a good heart.
Btw... Somebody mom called u to settle fight between ur fiance and his father you're making it all about yourself. That's selfish

ogawisdom:

U are just childish n very stupid and dt is putting it politely.

Forgiveness is a divine injunction for healthy living. No matter what the father did he must be forgiven. I am not here to agree with a toddler like u.

If God can forgive u who are you not to forgive ur own father?

He actually made more sense than you in this.

For all you and I know, the man may have in fact forgiven his dad but chosen to ignore him completely for his sanities sake. Why you all are quick to condemn him without hearing the particulars of what in fact transpired is what doesn't make sense here.

Op ought instead to find out exactly what the issue is between her partner and keep it at that, not make a bloody issue of it.

Kobojunkie:
Where do you get these bullsheet ideas from abeg?

100s of thousands, world over[color=#990000][/color], wed each year without even a family member present at the occasion and they go on to enjoy marital bliss after it all. Why is it that it is when you Nigerians are involved that disorder becomes the order of the day?

You said the world over and not Nigeria. In traditional setting. Except your father is late or infirmed, it's a taboo in many cultures for your father not to give his blessings during his children's weddings.

Africans like clinging on to family bond needlessly. Jeff Bezos did not talk with his biological father for most of his life till the man died. Nothing like placing of curse, the man is still doing well. Nigerian women especially are fond of this nonsense with our messiah complex. Your husband will tell you to stay away from certain family members and you will go and be doing peacemaker that they did not send you.

iamL:


Or perhaps the father has abused one of his sisters in the past which the family might have kept only to themselves.

Something like this happened in my neighborhood. Some of the children refused to have anything to do with the father.

Family secrets no be here o, and digging out some are almost impossible.

I doubt it has to do with sexual abuse of his children, else his mother would not be begging for a reconciliation. It's probably something personal between the both of them.

wirinet:
You said the world over and not Nigeria. In traditional setting. Except your father is late or infirmed, it's a taboo in many cultures for your father not to give his blessings during his children's weddings.

What particular cultures since I happen to know of many Nigerian couples, my parents included, who didn't have parents present at their wedding? My folks had theirs over 40 years ago, and the marriage went pretty much OK... we aren't cursed and all the other assumed bullsheet.

OvaSabi1:
Africans like clinging on to family bond needlessly. Jeff Bezos did not talk with his biological father for most of his life till the man died. Nothing like placing of curse, the man is still doing well. Nigerian women especially are fond of this nonsense with our messiah complex. Your husband will tell you to stay away from certain family members and you will go and be doing peacemaker that they did not send you.

Different cultures. African families are more closely knit that western societies. American see their adult children probably only on special occasions. We on the other hand are never too far away from our parents.

OvaSabi1:
Africans like clinging on to family bond needlessly. Jeff Bezos did not talk with his biological father for most of his life till the man died. Nothing like placing of curse, the man is still doing well. Nigerian women especially are fond of this nonsense with our messiah complex. Your husband will tell you to stay away from certain family members and you will go and be doing peacemaker that they did not send you.

Na wa ooo! Way too many of dem walk around believing parents occupy a sort of godlike status in their lives, explaining why the rot of the past never seems to disappear from the present.

wirinet:

Different cultures. African families are more closely knit that western societies. American see their adult children probably only on special occasions. We on the other hand are never too far away from our parents.

Stop lying!