₦airaland Forum

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The Catholic Church I know do not lay emphasis on Tithing. But almost all the pentecostal churches lay strong emphasis on tithe.
I will not judge, cos it is written, DO NOT JUDGE SO THAT YOU WILL NOT BE JUDGED.

Asari should know that kidnapping defenceless expartriates is not the same thing as prosecuting a War. Let him keep making noise. Like I have said before, NOTHING will happen if JEG is impeached or any other happens to him.

omosexy1: So what is this suppose to mean? Then why did she flee the scene of incident if her vehicle was stationary and not moving? If she was driving recklessly and they were trying to catch up with her and in the process, the LASTMA officer was hit by a bus, she is then responsible for the death of the LASTMA officer. Actually, that is what driving against traffic (one way) leads to. Because you must be insane to be driving against traffic. It is a suicide mission and also endangers the lives of other drivers. While I still feel sorry for her and her family, I consider that she must be literate enough to know that she had committed an offense/crime, stay cool and get the booking. Rather than flee the crime scene. Running away from a crime scene would only get you to commit another crime. Her actions led to the death of the LASTMA officers whether is was her vehicle or some other person's vehicle.

We all need to be careful, respect traffic rules and learn from this.

Oga, if she did not hit the man down with her car, I believe she should be punished for the traffic violation and not murder/manslaughter. She is not the first person driving against traffic and I believe she will not be the last person.
LET S/HE WHO HAVE NO SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE

ferhyntorlah: Abali1, can I throw this back to you? If you have a habit you keep repeating and your wife doesn't like it, will you make an effort
to nip it in the bud or tell her to tolerate it?

I know habits die hard... but I will an effort to nip it in the bud. One thing about relationship is that, it is all about compromises. When my partner keep "nagging" about something she doesn't like, I will do my best to stop or at least minimize the occurrence of such. For instance, I have a "girl" friend who is not conscious of time. I have talked and talked, but only for her to say sorry each time. I have threatened that one day I will leave her behind...
If I should marry her tomorrow, I will actually carry out my threat if only to give her a "wake up call".

Thus, my point is that partners should learn each other and be able to listen to what the other person is saying... instead of tuning off, with the hope of saying SORRY later on.

Op, I don't know you or your husband, but please disregard those who ask you to ignore. They said ignoring him will make him come back to you or notice it. Please, I advice you not to ignore him.
Why? If it were someone like me and I have a genuine reason for keeping to myself and you decide that by ignoring me you will get my attention... my dear you will only end up pushing away the more. What I mean by genuine reason.... maybe I have told you about a particular habit of yours that I don't like and you turn deaf ears and keep repeating it... I will just withdraw into my shell cos talking to you does not work...
And No, I don't mean you don't have a right to be happy. Most times, those that withdraw into their shell.... do so, only when they find it hard to keep talking over a particular issue... if he is like that, I will advice you give him time, he will eventually come back to himself. Believe me he must have communicated to you about the things that make him angry, but you chose to hear what you want to hear. Pay close attention to the man you dated for TWO YEARS when he is talking.

You can equally choose to do what the "feminist" group tell you... but if your hubby is someone like me... do so will only break up your union. That man married you because he Love you.

Abali1: op, I wish I hav your kind of brother In Law. My sis' husband has about four cars and it took a lot of pleadings and forming vex(cos I stopped helping out with house chores) before I was eventually given access to a car. [/b]And for the duration of my stay with them, [b]I dare not go to him or my sis for money to fuel or mentain the car. I have to squeeze out my own little funds to keep the car runn[b]ing. Did I hear you say scratch.... bros it is high time you put your feet down and take charge of your home.
Today it is car, I wonder what it will be tomor[/b]row.
I still wish my brother In Law was free with me like this when I was staying in his house.

ferhyntorlah: Hey bros, I'm not even interested in doing such. From your initial post, you came across as someone who felt his BIL shouldn't have any problem letting him use one of his cars since he has enough cars to use and letting you drive one and also incurring the cost of the damages on the car in your care shouldn't be a big deal.
v
As you replied the poster based on what he posted, I also in likewise manner did same to your post; I guess we're even .

It's good to know you're doing well yourself and being privileged to extend your benevolence to others.

ferhyntorlah, that was my initial post, and the bolded shows that I ddnt feel my BIL owes me. I have to plead and form vex, cos I was also helping with washing of those cars and other chores and it was affecting my primary purpose which at that time was STUDY/SCHOOL.

Anyway, am not offended. Am only trying to contrast and compare, as was shown in the last paragraph.

ferhyntorlah: Thank you very much; I was also thinking in your direction.



If your sister's husband didn't want you to drive the car, what is the big deal about it? Did you contribute anything to the purchase of those cars? Where were you when he was striving to gather money to get the cars?

After he allowed you drive the car, you were still expecting him to bear the cost of maintaining the car; this got me SMH. In my own world, if I let you use something I bought with my resources, you will bear the cost of maintaining it so long you have a source of income/allowance. That for me is the first lession of what is called RESPONSIBILITY.

I just don't know why people can't use another person's property as if it's theirs.

My dear, You are the least person to preach to me about RESPONSIBILITY.

I was responding to the OP's story of having ONLY ONE CAR & was able to allow his BIL use it. And he equally went the extra mile of still bearing the cost of maintaning the car...

I can't even remember the last time I went to someone for financial assistance. Rather people do come to me now for Help.
Life is a Journey sis...

[quote author=A-town]Shame on you. Even if he has 20 billion cars nko. Why not go work hard for yours and get yours.. Slave mentality.[/quote]vb

No need for the insult.
By His Grace I drive my own car in my own name... I was without a Job then, and No I wasn't mad at him. Cos I believe he worked for his money... And Thank God, that I did not have to depend on anyone to help me buy a ride.
Life is a Journey bro.

Mind you my driving skill was already good before then as I was already driving my dad's car in the east before then.

op, I wish I hav your kind of brother In Law. My sis' husband has about four cars and it took a lot of pleadings and forming vex(cos I stopped helping out with house chores) before I was eventually given access to a car. And for the duration of my stay with them, I dare not go to him or my sis for money to fuel or mentain the car. I have to squeeze out my own little funds to keep the car running. Did I hear you say scratch.... bros it is high time you put your feet down and take charge of your home.
Today it is car, I wonder what it will be tomorrow.
I still wish my brother In Law was free with me like this when I was staying in his house.

La parissene, Suxxes, simpleD, etc . I thank you guys for the info being supplied on this thread. A family friend wants to help me come over to Germany and has assured me that I will be able to get a job over there with my qualifications(I have an MBA, here in Nigeria and am working). But he said that I have to first learn the German language to ease off the stress of communication with prospective employers.

Guys please I will like to know where I can get a good German Language school or instructor and the likely amount their fees maybe. If possible one in the eastern part of Nigeria.

BBDelta: Asari Knows nothing about War!!!!!!!!!. If Jonathan is incompentent, he will be removed and nothing will happen.
We have heared this kind of talks before. The same Yoruba people who said, if they arrest Abiola heaven will fall, they arrested Abiola nothing happened, They went further to say if Abiola dies in prison there will be WAR, he died in prison, nothing happened. Their sons and daugthers were made Ministers and Ambassadors and we are moving..... One thing is sure Nigeria is bigger than any individual Geopolitical zone or Ethnic group, even the Igbos who had real motive of seperation couldn't. Na this selfish criminals of Edwin Clark and Asari Dokunbo na em want tell people to go WAR....Abeg, if Jonathan dies or is impeach NOTHING will happen.. Next

GBAM. DOUBLE GBAM. TRIPPLE GBAM.
i don talk am before, I go still talk am again... Nothing will happen if GEJ dies in power or (this poster said) is impeached. Apari Tokunbo (sorry Asari Dokubo) and all the other noise makers can continue making noise, make GEJ dey feel like village champion(Niger Delta President)

Vikin: I will give you a brief answer.....

Let her get pregnant for the one she loves! Every other thing will fall into place.

Trust me it works!

Op, I agree with this post. Parents can be unnecessarrily stuborn. Yes they may have given birth to us and also wiser than us, but issues of Love (especially True Love) is something most people don't understand. Because when it comes to Love there is actually no rationale why we choose to be with one person instead of another.
Now, will you want a situation where both of them succumbs to pressure and break up, after having married other people their parts may cross again and they will start indulging in adultery. No matter what happens now, it doesn't erase the fact that both of them are in love, and there parts may likely cross in future.

I have never been to Bakare's Church, neither am I a fan of his preachings. But I am shocked that some people are saying that because he lost an election that is why he is bitter towards JEG's govt. Haba. Jonathan and his wife are taking the country to the cleaners. The greed this couple examplifies makes one to shudder. Like everything Nigeria we tend to copy only the bad examples; imagine what the next president and his family will do to this country if they were to mimic JEG and his wife.

From history of the Nigerian politics, each successive govt has proven to be worst than its predecessor, because they were imposed on the people and never choosen by the people.

GOD did not put Jonathan on that sit, the election was rigged both by the CPC and the PDP. But the better rigger won.

GOD will not come down from heaven and solve our problems, our collective destiny is in our hands wether we like it or not. You can pray for Nigeria all you want, but the thruth remains that nothing will happen unless we hold our leaders to account.

We need more people in postion (Pastors, writers, distinguished gentle men and ladies) to speak up against evils in government.

I have an aunt who was married and the husband was well to do. This particular aunt, did not really think it wise to help some of her people, the way she aught to when things were rosy for her.... Later on, she seperated from her husband and decided to come back home... what do you think will happen.... Yes her people welcomed her back(she is staying with us) but that is were it ends. She stays at home doing nothing and nobody(apart from us) cares if she eats or not.
Let me tell you, some of her younger cousins are doing well now, some are outside the country, some are Politicians who pulls their weight around.
Moral of this tale is simple, When you are up there, try and help those you can to join you at the top... You never know what tomorrow will bring, GOOD OR EVIL

@Ajanlekoko, people are just criticizing your opinion cos it sounds absurd that you have the means to help a sibling, a nephew, or niece but you will simply refuse because you feel that they may not repay you kind gesture. My dear this is Africa and extended family relationship is still in vogue.
Imagine that something happens to you, that incapacitates you and the company you are working for have to let you go or your business packs up because of an illness. You spent all your money trying to cure yourself, and you have a wife and kids who are solely dependent on you and your finances.... pray tell, who will you naturally run to. Friends or Relatives?
From most experiences, it is still your relative who will gather round to see how they can help you.

NL, I want to know your views on the topic.

Some people have used the statistical imbalance (whether this is true or not is a topic for another day) that there are more women than men in the world, as a valid justification for polygamy and keeping your options open.
Sometimes you see a situation where a guy is in a relationship with a girl(committed or Not) and another girl will be positioning herself for the guy to notice and maybe date her. Sometimes Friends & reltions of the guy may be match making him with another girl knowing that he has a girlfriend.
OR, a guy who is fully aware that a girl is in a relationship, but still goes ahead to woo her and possibly take her away from her man. The reasoning is always AFTERALL HE/SHE IS NOT MARRIED TO THE GIRL/ GUY.
Esteemed NL, do you agree that "True Love does not care if you are in a relationship" and is everyone Fair game until they take their Marital Vows?

in addition to what I wrote up there... At 33 you still stand a good chance of getting the girl of dream, just let her know that you are SINGLE & SERIOUS about getting married... a Virtous Woman will overlook this "temporary sset back" if she sees that you have abright future ahead and you are equally working towards your FINANCIAL goal.

vire: oniovo meh...i am into bizness but damn i look around and i see tins are not so easy.....i work my ass out ...sleep only 4hrs since 2008 every night but weekends i sleep well cos of nature of one of ma bizness......but gals are not smiling nowadays ...wat dey ask for apart from wat u will pay to marry her dey make me fear..... i should have married when i had so much cash....then i was busy playing around....even a gal in the UK was ready and begging i said no....i wish i did maybe i would have been more serious with life back then

Vire, I believe you been on NL for a while. At the bolded, I ve learnt both from the men & women on NL that I don't owe a dime to any gal am not married to... cos am not her Father... Guy, the little you have should go into making your life better.
If tell them by word of mouth that YOU LOVE THEM, and extend it a bit to occasional Lunch and Dinner and she is still not happy... Just remind her in a subtle way that your are not her ATM. Wise Up my friend.

R I P, Mrs Okoye

[quote author=tpia@]as related to the op's question, are girls doing those things in a bid to get the boyfriend to marry them, or are they doing it because they simply feel a need to (not necessarily because they think this will help the guy view them favourably for marriage).


I know you're not religiously inclined, but I have to give the example of rebecca in the bible- when she watered all those camels without realizing the men were actually looking for a wife for Isaac.

and see my previous post which gives my opinion.[/quote]tpia@, Thanks a bunch.
@Sisi_Kill, I am not saying that because you do these thing that are tagged "Wifely duties" I will rush and marry you. After all, I have equally done things for those Ladies I dated. Common on, why is it hard for you to understand that relationships is all about give and take.
Dressing up for me, speaking nicely to me, calling me HONEY, SWT HEART, SUGAR etc, does not cut it for me. Action speaks louder than any words. Like I said before, s,ex does not come into play in this situation.
My take is simple, Be yourself... whether you cook , clean or not lift a finger at all. I believe everyman knows what he is looking for. Some ladies said they did not do any form of house chore for their present hubby when they were dating... and I said GOOD FOR THEM...

isod: Been following this thread and just wanted to add my 2 cents!!!
Before I got married, I was a young independent lady, had a fairly Ok job and living on her own. My Husband (then Boyfriend)never really complained about my not cooking but I knew he really wanted to eat something homecooked - sometimes. My routine then was close from work, branch at Shoprite, buy already made food, go home. Note: I would buy enough for both of us and anyone who cared to visit.
I remember a time when a lady in his office took it upon herself to start preparing breakfast for him. Hmmnnn.... I knew my hubby loved me but...I was a little bit jealous/ intimidated/scared. I think at some point if you see someone you feel has those xteristics you want in a husband, the rules can be slightly bent. One day, I also prepared breakfast for the guy and he laughed. I didnt care, [b]I wanted him to know that ...me too I can do th[/b]is. (funny).
Now Im married, I cook, clean, etc.
So in summary, no two relationships flow in the same way. It depends on both parties.

My dear your hubby(boyfriend) didn't just decide to marry you because of cooking. But do you know that just that singular act would have had a big effect on him. You were making a statement, I CARE ENOUGH TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I CAN ALSO COOK. As simple as it sounds, it can go a long way to tell a guy how much you cared.

meyri: [/b]
How you judge your girlfriend on whether or not they make good wives is ur cup of tea. Frankly speaking this is how I am. I am not one to show up at my bf house and start preparing a meal, clean, and then do his laundry in order to impress him.There's plenty of thing that I can do to impress him( i mentioned it in previous post). I can count on one hand, two fingers how many times I have prepared a meal for him not out of obligation, but b/c I want to and there's no shame in my game. Just because I choose not to cook for him does not mean I dont care. [b]I really dont understand why you feel that cooking is top prio[/b]rity to wether a man decide to make commitment. Men dont commit b/c their gf dont cook. You dont marry girl simply b/c she cant cook or wont cook for you, you marry her because of personality and her desirable qualities. You not going to choose a girl who can cook but yet is dull or lack certain qualities that you want to see in a wife. [b]That why this cooking thing that you so stuck on doesnt make sense. [/b]Im in a steady relationship not because of what I do in the kitchen but because of my personality, qualities, and what i bring to the relationship. That what moves my relationship to the next level.

Meyri, to each his own... I know I don't have a right to judge you. On my part, I can't imagine marrying someone who cannot lift a finger to do anything in the house. My house is always neat and truthfully I had a mum who brought us up to believe that cleanliness is next to Godliness. I also mentioned on this thread that I would hate to marry a girl and later send her back to her mother to learn how to keep and run a home.
I know that guys can overlook all these things and go ahead and marry a girl. But I have seen so many situations(one involving a cousin) where guys will be so eager to go visiting friends and relations just to have a well prepared meal.
I am not saying that everytime you go to a guys house that you must cook and clean his place, rather what am saying is that in the course of the relationship, you have to let a guy know that in addition to your other qualities you can also perform domestic chores.

whether what I said above makes sense or not, I know that it has led to serious marital problems in some homes. Again, to each his own.

meyri: cook a meal(I do this as rare as possibly or it would not be special)

I remember that you said I WILL NEVER COOK OR CLEAN FOR MY BOYFRIEND.. My dear, I am yet to get married but since I started living on my own(my university days, My NYSC days and now that am working) I have dated Ladies who all did one or all of the things tagged as Wifely duties in this thread.
Even though NL is a faceless forum, lets not all come on here an start putting on airs as if we no dey shyte... haba. How many Naija Ladies fit put on this I don't care attitude, and expect guys to take them really serious. It's either you are a drop dead beauty or the daughter of one big wig or one kain gbogbo big gurl... if you don't fall in this category abeg no dey come here come form.

Which one be... I WILL NEVER COOK OR CLEAN FOR MY BOYFRIEND... and then you wonder why boys are dragging there feet when it comes to making commitment in a relationship.

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meyri: The same he does for me I do for him. Except I dont chase him thats not my job....I support him every milestone for him is a milestone for me. Make him look good........in reality as far as expectations for each gender in a relationship goes there no set rules. Bottomline [b]I will show that I care and love hi[/b]m, whatever that requires if it within my power I do.

Please Meyri, pardon my inquisitveness. But what are those practical things that you do, to show that You Care and Love him. I was meant to understand that the word LOVE is a Verb and a Verb is an action word.

@ Azubreezy, are you trying to say that it is a thing of Honour for the Navy to Burn/destroy a 100M worth of petroleum product in a country where porverty reigns Supreme.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]^^ You absolutely sure about that?

I find it hard to believe that a guy would seriously consider taking a girl to the alter if she's awful / lifeless in bed. Most men (amongst other things) would want a lady in bed that'll give them mind blowing, earth shattering s/e/x.

The only exception would be if she's a virgin. But hey, what do I know? Would be interesting to hear from the guys on this point...[/quote]You do have a point. But a ssexually matured guy can teach his girl what to do in bed, he needs to be patient and creative. I for one I have done it before, and the lady later confessed that she never thought she was capable of doing certain position.
@Meyri, am still waitng for your reply.
@tpiah, sex is one of the least qualities to base a marital decision on... as guys will say... hole na hole

meyri: I'm very observant.I watch how he interacts with strangers and his family. I observe how he dresses and how he keeps his surrounding and the company he keeps. How he goes out his way to do something for me even though he doesn't particularly like but because I like it. I listening to the thing he talks about. Whenever he talks about the future and his goal he always reference we (him and I) are going to do this...we are going to be here together. He claims me.. my women, girlfriend, not just his friend. I expect for him to woo me, be faith[b]ful, to provide (not always materially, but when all else fail he can meet me halfway).[/b] I expect him to know me and understand who I am and accept it all w/o changes.

Did this answer ur question?

Thank you for being yourself... if you expect him to provide and you expect him to GO OUT OF HIS WAY to do something for you, even though he may not want to but does it because he likes you... It then brings me to my next "troubling" question... What exactly do you as a Girlfriend bring to the relationship, that will motivate him to consider taking it to the next Level?
(Please sex is not it... cos not all relationships are sexual).

meyri: Have mercy! Give me min.

Take your time.... but I hope you will respond to the question.