₦airaland Forum

[b]― If you didn't kill earthworm
with salt.
― If you didn't play rubber band.
― If you never bathed in the rain.
― If nobody told you about India
vs Nigeria 99-1.
― If you didn't sleep on the
couch and wake
up on the bed.
― If you didn't go 2 steal cashew
and guava in d next
street
and the owner's dog comes
through the
backyard waiting for you to come
down from the
tree.
― if u didn't throw your milk
tooth on the
roof for the lizards to take it and
give you new ones.
― If you didn't just wash your
hands and legs
instead of
bathing when going to school.
― If you didn't act film in
uncompleted building or
under bed
with friends.
― If you never flew a kite.
- If you didn't use ur two legs to
build houses with
sand.
- If u didn't write ur name on
paper and insert it into
ur pen
so that no one will steal it.
- If u didn't close d fridge door
really slowly to see
when d
lights went off.
- If u neva waved @ white birds
expectin ur nails to b
whiter
- If u neva heard of a ghost dat
stays under
mango trees @nights
- If u didn't drive a single car Tyre
with a stick and
called it
ur car!
- If u didnt mix garri n sugar in ur
pocket and eat
while
walking in the street.
- If u never did mama and papa
play i.e. cookin grass
nd
sand witout fire.
- If you didn't play table soccer.
with bottle
cover.....
.....then I guess ur Childhood
wasn't fun!
Oya choose which one u do[/b]

MzNelly:
LOL, see this boy.

u na gal

i be naija o
REAL NAME: lawal Ibrahim Abayomi
NICK NAME: Mastermovic ,
TWITTER HANDLE: @mastermovic
HOBBIES: Collecting teeth from live lion,
catching bullets with bare hands, jogging up
and down mount Everest every morning.
MY RECORD: Fought with a tyrannosaurus rex
and broke its neck, skinned a crocodile alive,
held my breathe under water for 2months,
3weeks, 6hrs, 51mins, 45seconds, drank
1000Liters of Crude Oil in one minute at
Nigerian Idol, inhale 500Cylinders of Gas at
African Idol....and with I never stop, I moved
on by performing one of my deadly tweaks
at Oshodi Idol by eating 100 Crabs, 200
Scorpions and 300 Crocodiles alive in the
year 1300 B.C ...the list is much.
GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS: Went to heaven to
charge my phone. Fluent in 10,598
languages, 1st man to land on the sun.
SILLIEST THING I'VE DONE: Ate a bowl of
plastic fruit on thanksgiving day.
EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Couldn't kill 100
bears with a single punch only 99 died
instantly and the last one is now animbecile.
PROUDEST MOMENTS: Firstly, When a cobra
broke its teeth and died after biting me and
secondly, I roasted a dragon at my backyard
with a lighter.
SOMETHING ABOUT ME: I'm the GODs greatest
and I really don't like to show off my talent
::if am not d greatest then prove me wrong

defendedvictim:
Think of Jesus Christ on d cross..look for a worship song and sing. Thank me later












...Nt Frm experience o. I read am

i 4 fear o.

[b]1. When a guy and a lady are seen discussing, they are
dating.(crazy pple)
2. If a guy tells a Lady to come, he wants to woo
her.
3. All old women are witches.
4. Anybody that is too Rich has done Money Ritual.
5. A lady that is a Nurse had better wear her uniform when walking out of the Clinic before Nigerians will
think she went for an abortion.
6. Every Politician is Embezzling Money.
7. All wealthy men have joined occultic group.
8. All Lawyers are liars.
9. Philosophers are not Godly.
10. If a Pastor has plenty members in his church, he is
using Jass.
11. If somebody is in the University, he or she is
better than those in Polytechnic and Colleges of Education.
12. Every Musician has joined Illuminati.
13. All Traders do cheat.
14. All Men are wicked.
15. If u don't come to church one sunday, u have started
backsliding.
16. If u walk with confidence, u are proud.
17. If u decide to always be alone, u have evil spirit.
18. If u always answer question in class, u are the
Teacher or Lecturer's boy/girl.
19. Every rich Muslim is an Alhaji.
20. Every brother in the church is a Pastor....
Naija ehn.[/b]

dechandel:
See them

wetin do us no be una dey cause am

churchboy004:
U can see. But dnt convert d seeing to looking. As for me I will just pretend and put one of my hands in my pocket. #datsmyownstyle#

Lol secondary school package..whn we still dey womanize thn

very appy i finally made front page,shout 2 u all.

Guys, have you ever being embarrassed by your manliness in a public place?

For instance you are walking on a road or within a school campus, then u see this sexy babe with overload ukwu like what Flavour called 'Ukwu Sarasa', or you see a girl with a big bosom that is not well covered,and then immediately your stubborn dick rises, but unfortunately for you, people notice the rising of your manliness. How do you feel?

Or how do you make your manliness to go down so that people won't notice?

For the girls, when ever you see a guy's anaconda rising when walking on the road what comes into your mind?

Please friends, search through your experiences and let me know how you control it, so that people will not notice your turgid jabulani whilst walking on the road.

Sorry about d thread spacin issue..nepa no gve us light.but this can never make front page again

AceOfDiamonds:
I dnt think this will make fp
Until u space ur texts and make it easier for our eyes

Qaisar1:
Though have not read it... Space ur text na

The female 13 Categories Of People You Meet In A Hair-Dressing Salon - Fashion - inspired me to write about the male own also.
1.) The sport analysist,this categories of pple will come to d salon everyday to ask for completesport to read.

2.) The one dat in search of a gal in ur area.This pple expect d barber to ve every babe 4 area number

3.) The bald head pple dat want a gallars hairstyle.so frustatin.

4.)small pikin about 5 with garri 4 head nd u r d nxt person chaii..

5.)dis r d pple i hate most.they cut skin and still want to shape it

6,}the richman i encounter this set of people durin d ebola period.they come with all d sanitizer on earth and nepa glove for me to use even with a chair and mirror personer use

7,} The i go buy my own clipper pple..they can form .

8,> the banker nd police officer dat comes to shave nd he will still complain he never smoth.na me sey make dem no allow bie bie 4 ur work.

9,THE PHOne flasher.he keeps receivin all sort of useless call with e lastest phone brox na reminder u set.we jar 4 naija jawe

10>DAMATOL AND SIPrit user.he go jez put everytin 4 head as if he's met 4 him only.mtchew poverty whn u c such na dat day he go use am nxt till nxt hair cut
The glass checker.dis set of people stays around nd comes to check glass every 1hr.they even rub powder may be na fashion aux

Oluwatosean:
@op check out ma signature

i dont ve work does nt mean am joblex but u r joblex dats y u r readin dis

Spicylate:
no 3 is really serious!!!

u 2 like free tin c ya teeth

The female 13 Categories Of People You Meet In A Hair-Dressing Salon - Fashion - inspired me to write about the male own also.
1.) The sport analysist,this categories of pple will come to d salon everyday to ask for completesport to read.

2.) The one dat in search of a gal in ur area.This pple expect d barber to ve every babe 4 area number

3.) The bald head pple dat want a gallars hairstyle.so frustatin.

4.)small pikin about 5 with garri 4 head nd u r d nxt person chaii..

5.)dis r d pple i hate most.they cut skin and still want to shape it

6,}the richman i encounter this set of people durin d ebola period.they come with all d sanitizer on earth and nepa glove for me to use even with a chair and mirror personer use

7,} The i go buy my own clipper pple..they can form .

8,> the banker nd police officer dat comes to shave nd he will still complain he never smoth.na me sey make dem no allow bie bie 4 ur work.

9,THE PHOne flasher.he keeps receivin all sort of useless call with e lastest phone brox na reminder u set.we jar 4 naija jawe

10>DAMATOL AND SIPrit user.he go jez put everytin 4 head as if he's met 4 him only.mtchew poverty whn u c such na dat day he go use am nxt till nxt hair cut

#1. Ugly girls will tag 95 people in a pic and
still get 2 likes, Probably from her family members.
#2. When a group of girls wanna take a pic,
they hand over the camera to her..if you're
that girl, then you're
ugly.
#3. If no guy has ever paid your transport
fare in a public bus, then you have to do
something about your looks..
#4. Whenever there is drama rehearsals in
your church, they always select you to play
the role of a witch, vampire or demon.
#5. Most girls with sweet names on fb like "mo cute","pink Berry","Sexy Diva Queen","Nicky" are usually very ugly
#6. Ugly girls won't even like this post cause they
are angry with me right now for exposing them.
No be so?
lollllllllsssssssss......girlsshaaaaa..
Add urs nd let vibes kip flowin

holatin:
I wount talk yet until dem start giving cat grand burial

echobee:
Wonders shall never end

• He was my first child, friend, business partner, says owner,
Naija don dey upgrade

From the obituary notice, it was obvious that something atypical was about to happen. Posted in many places around Ikeja, it left many with mouths agape in utter bewilderment.
The obituary read:Transition: With gratitude to God for a life well spent, we the family of Tracy, Lion. Quincy and Adriano wish to announce the sorrowful departure of our father, Dr. Papilo Cannan that died on November 17, 2014, after a brief illness. Aged 15, may his gentle soul rest in peace.”
Well, nothing really strange in the obituary. Except that the deceased was – wait for it – a dog!
Last Saturday, November 29, Oshifila Street, Computer Village, Ikeja, Lagos State, was agog, as a dead dog, a male Alsatian, popularly known as Dr. Papilo in its lifetime, was given a befitting burial by its owner.
A day before the burial, a service of songs was held for the dog at Cannan Hotel, Ikeja.
At the burial, there was plenty to eat and drink, just as guests were thoroughly entertained by the Nigerian Army Band. A detachment of mobile policemen at the event also gave the deceased dog a seven-gun salute.

THANKING GOD!!!..........A dead Professor of
English &
Literary study cannot read this.
A dead Professor of Mathematics cannot answer
1+1
A dead Scientist & Professor of genetic molecules
cannot state the differences btwn Plant & Animal
cell.....
You're in 300L at age 27,thank God coz u're better
than a 21 year old Oxford graduate in the
GRAVE.....
You are still looking for Admission after 5years of
leaving secondary school,thank God bcoz u're
better
than someone who died on his way to receive
admission letter...
That you're poor and healthy widow is better than
a
rich Woman who died of breast cancer...
That you have ordinary Bathroom slippers to put
on,think that your leg is better than an amputated
leg....
That you're alive today,you need to THANK
GOD..Mind yiou,a living dog is better than a dead
Lion...I bless his holy name for his infinite mercy
upon my life...HALLOW BE THY NAME......As for
you
reading this,what will you say to appreciate him
for
all ds?

The whitest man on earth
still have a
black shadow.
2. No mechanic can repair breaking
news.
3. No matter how tall you are, you can never see
tomorrow.
4. Even if you have millions of
cars, you still have to walk to your
bedroom.
5. You, being the best swimmer doesn't make you a fish.
6. The strongest man on earth can never
carry a
mountain.
7. The smartest Assassin on
earth can never kill Water. 8. No matter how smart a
police is, he can
never catch the air.
9. No matter how mighty and powerful
your
enemies are
they will never succeed over you! type Amen to claim it
with
faith ...‪ good‬morning

Outgoing Vice Chancellor of the University of Benin, Prof. Osayuki Oshodin, on Sunday said that he had adversaries who opposed his style of administration as head of the institution.
Oshodin, who spoke shortly after a thanksgiving service held in his honour in Benin, said that his resolve to do things differently, which he said contributed to the success of his administration, did not go down well with his rivals, who he said were interested in their personal interest.
He said there were an assassination attempt on his life as well as an attempt to poison him but that his vision and determination to improve the university had been a source of motivation.
Oshodin said, “It has been really interesting; I believe I have done my best, I had a mission and a vision and I had a strategic plan only known to me and I am happy that I implemented all these strategic plans.
“I met resistance from the devils and I stood my ground and they tried to eliminate me several times but they didn’t succeed. If you have God on your side, they will not succeed.
“People did not know why people were fighting me; they were fighting me because I blocked their ways of embezzling allocations sent to the University of Benin.”
The professor of health education, who assumed office on November 30, 2009, also attributed his success to the proper utilisation of intervention funds like the Tertiary Education Trust Fund and the establishment of a mutually-transparent relationship with the unions in the university.
“I have established over 27 programmes; there was no veterinary medicine in the whole of the South-South, I have established one there, which is good omen for those of us here and so many others; they are all in my terminal report,” he said.

Copyright PUNCH

Former President Olusegun Obasanjo has told youths to take up the responsibility and effect the needed change in Nigeria instead of blaming the previous generations for the nation’s decay.
The former President said this at the 100th-year anniversary of Ijero Baptist Church in Lagos on Sunday.
Obasanjo said the generation before him fought for Nigeria’s independence while his generation fought for Nigeria’s unity during the civil war.
He said the subsequent generation also fought for democracy.
Obasanjo, therefore, said it was time for the next generation to make its own contribution to national development instead of complaining.
He said, “Recently, a son of my friend looked at everything around him and got angry and went to meet his dad who is my age mate. He told his father that our generation is a lost one. The father did not pay him any attention so he came to meet me.
“He told me what he told his father and justified it by telling me that he went to the university and graduated but got no job. So, our generation has failed him. So I told him that it is normal because that was how we used to blame the generation before us
“But I told him that the generation before mine was the one that fought for our independence. Whichever way we want to criticise them, they gave us independence. Then my generation which you say is not good, fought the civil war. We fought for the unity of Nigeria and if we did not do so, you probably would need a visa to travel to Kano or Port Harcourt. Not only that but that generation also established the foundation of democracy.
“So what do you claim your generation has achieved? It is part of it. We have seen what successive leaders of each generation have done, what can we say about you? What can we say about your generation?”
Obasanjo, who noted that he attended the Ijero Baptist Church for the first time in 1946, said that the fact that the church was still standing after 100 years was worth celebrating.
The minister in charge, Rev. Olayemi Aderibigbe, who also inaugurated the Ijero Baptist Church History Book, urged youths to continue to build on the good which the church had done over the years so as to be able to give a lasting legacy to the next generation.
Copyright PUNCH

This year january my friend told me he want 2 travel abroad,i laffed @him cox he gat no money with him but he's determined nd he later travelled around july..

I know when its jan we love to sey am gettin a house,car,gettin married this yr but we never plan cox of so many excuse we gve.

What ve u achieve so far?

Biography
Abdul Azeez Halidu (Zee World), a native of Kano state in the Northern part of Nigeria, was born in Lagos on 24th January 1980, but was groomed in Kano Nigeria with a stint.
Abdul Azeez, the third born in his family graduated from Secondary School with flying colors as the most brilliant and intelligent student and got awarded by the government of Nigeria a scholarship to study abroad where he bagged a degree in Business Administration,however, in the year 1998 he returned to his home country Nigeria and dropped his papers to play his trade in music.
Abdul Azeez, started his music trade as a solo artiste got parties rocking, picking up the Mic at a very tender age, doing music underground and as well organizing street shows and concert for both big and up and coming artistes. Zee world, the Zaga King discovered that, Nigeria music production is yet to meet up with the international standard, so he left the musiuc scene and traveled to South Africa where he learnt music production and engineering. Couple of years later, he stepped into scene in 2000 and hooked up with big time producers in different studios to assist in engineering. Since he was not given the chance to exhibit his skills in the area of production, he decided to establish his own studio called ‘HALIYA RECORDS’, and since then, Zee world has produced top Nigerian stars and up coming artistes.
Zee World, the prince of dance hall, is managed by the most reliable and genuine Artiste Management outfit; DJ WALEX ENTERTAINMENT ( www.djwalexent. com) and under his new management, he has collaborated with top artistes and as well performed in big events such as Guinness Smooth Jamz, MITV/STAR FM New Year Jamz, Kenny`s Music Easter Fiesta, Sound Sultan Album Launch, Star Mega Jamz, Monster Ball Beach Party 2 and in a few months fro now, he will travel abroad to attend foreign shows, concerts and tour.
Zee world, a prolific producer and engineer, is one artiste you cannot but notice when he steps into a place. His ability to draw attention and admiration through his music and personality is one gift that stands him out. His latest singles ‘GBE SU MOBI’, ‘ZAGA DANCE’ and ‘TEN TE BO’ are currently enjoying lavish airplay. Zee world is also popular for his catch phrase with his music on high demand is now swimming with big fish. The dance hall musician his fraternizing with top entrepreneur fully backed. Zee world his infusing hip-hop into dance hall music and his forth coming album will be released under his own label ‘HALIYA RECORDS’. WATCH OUT

This is the news buzzing everywhere right now.
The super singer/producer is known for his hit
‘Tentebo’ and ‘Kalamoko’.
Though Full Details of his death are
still
vague for now.
But few industry people are
currently
spreading the news on social media.
We bring more details later as things unfold

.

God/ALLAH ANY WHERE BAD Tin like dis wey go happen within d lst 31days left make me my family nd una own no dey dre...GOD take our life whn we r asleep na beg we dey beg hot death like dis no gud..dem no kari our deadi body 4 nlyon Amen..
Chaii,chaii chaii in patience voice

Proudly mapaite..

Brb

titigold:
CONFESSION!!!

lolz