₦airaland Forum

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pansophist:
Locate a place where lots of men gather. Like Onitsha market, law firm, harbor, basically anywhere where thousands of men gather for their daily bread.

Then try to either look for a job there (an employee), or sell something there (self-employed). I bet, you will get lots of advances, that all you have to do is pick one.

But be discerning enough to pick a man that truly loves you (not want to fork and run), then stick with him, because if you cast, your matter go spread for market and everyone will see you as a loose girl, which is fatal to your market value. You must maintain decency.

If you stay in such an environment for six months, its impossible to not find a good man there, unless you have ridiculous high taste which girls usually call high standard.

Goodluck.

This is very true. Wow. Beautiful advice.

My friend's mother have a restaurant in a market place in Idumota. Almost every year, she is bringing new sales girls from the village because previous girls got married.

If the man is not giving her money, this wouldn't be an issue she will bother herself with. Either you stop all communications, or give in, to retain the inflow of his cash. You can't eat your cake and have it back.

Girlee, all will be fine. Take it easy. We all pass through difficult times.

If your waec is good, and you passed maths and English, pm me. I will see if I can help you get a scholarship.

JustANairlander:
Try getting married to an AA that loves you


I JUST LOVE MY GENOTYPE WE NO GET WAHALA AT ALL!

And which genotype do you have?

I am married for about a decade now, and I am enjoying my marriage. Honestly, if the worse happens and I became a widow, I will not marry any other man, I will train my kids alone. That is how much I love my husband and cherish my marriage. Since childhood, I have always been close to my grandmother, I grew up with her since my mum died when I was a child. I learned a lot from her. I can still remember the advice she gave to me when I wanted to marry my husband, and I will tell you exactly that.

1. Look at the qualities and characters of the man you want to marry. Most ''shine shine'' men, as my grandma will put it are not the real men. `Just as sugar is sweet but unhealthy, lots of men are like that. That bricklayer that sends his mum money in the village every month, that doesn't go to a club, doesn't smoke and buy expensive designers, he might not even give you butterflies, those are the real men. Ten years from now when you are pregnant with your third child, his masculinity will be like an umbrella to protect, provide and be the best father for your kids.

But you see those ones that are doing fine boys only, care more about the phone they use and the girl they sleep with this weekend than their future, those you must avoid. They may be attractive now, but when the difficulties of marriage come especially financially, then you realize that truly, internal beauty (characters and virtues) is what keeps marriage. So do not sacrifice the future due to your youthful exuberance.

2. Look at his patterns, those are the secrets to his future and of course, your future. Does he wakes up and go to work every day? What is the relationship he has with his family? How does he handle stress? is he hardworking? Do people around him respect him? Where does he go after work? What is your assessment of his friends? `What are his goals? etc. You might be clouded with feelings with this assessment especially when you are in love, so you might ask people you trust for advice. I saw this thread some few years ago by pansophist, where he wrote about qualities you should look for in a man for marriage, I implore you to check it out. The guy is on point. As I read through it, I kept nodding my head in affirmation because my husband easily covered all these qualities.

https://www.nairaland.com/6257463/part-two-traits-woman-should

Also when I first met my husband, I wasn't that interested. He appears so ordinary (if you know what I mean), but as I scratch further, the depth of his manliness opens up. I was not attracted at first, but everything fell into place, and I was glad I didn't just brush him away. But I couldn't see his qualities quickly, it was my grandma that pointed it all out. So you should really have someone older, that have walked the talk of marriage, to advise and guide you.

3. Support him. Men are at their best when their wive are supportive. For example, my husband never asks me about my income, but every of my penny goes to my household. The idea that a man has to carry all the financial responsibilities is a self-defeating adventure. Such a woman punishes herself due to her short-sightedness and selfishness by reducing her worth in his eyes, making her easily replaceable.

How can both of them fall asleep at the same time? I can understand if one fell asleep then the other one will wake him up to concentrate on their mission, but at the same time?

Village people have reasoned their matter.

Jeon:
DUH.

Wicked person

Dorwadora:
But why is it always the first year at uni. At least it's still good that you did not eat. I did not go to the exam hall ... I was mourning...

God no let me dense again for this my life

First year is when everyone just left their fathers house and still excited about uni as everything seems new and adventurous. Blood is boiling, and that bad girl vibes buried deep inside us resurrect.

My first year in uni was when I got a delicious breakfast from a 'community waiter'. There is this cute guy that looks like Ramsey noah, fair and fine, always on sport wears that the mere sight of him strolling by makes my heart go jigi jigi.

The guy toasted me one hot afternoon, and we started dating shortly after. Like play, I turn to his housemaid. I mean, he didn't turned me, I turned myself into it as an expression of my love. I washed, cleaned, scrubbed, cooked, baked, grilled, roast, soaked, and vacuum. I treated him like my child.

Will I say he served me or I served myself, but I caught him with different girls and I forgave him, but the one that broke me completely was when I caught him with my close friend. I don't think I've felt like that before in my life, I didn't eat for days. I broke it off myself since I can't stomach that sight. Thank God now eh, I look well well before I enter, fine boys only doesn't do it for me again.

Harrykn:
Are you talking about this one ?
Try it with black nail polish, you'll like it.

Are you gay?

Thank God I'm married.

I married when men head for this country still correct. For those looking for husband, my prayers are with you.

DEMZEE:
TRASH!!!!!!!!

A WOMAN CAN NEVER BE A SUCCESSFUL MOTHER AND BE A SUCCESSFUL CAREER MINDED OR BUSINESS MINDED WOMAN AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!

MEN DONT HAVE IT ALL SO WHY WOULD ONE THINK WOMEN CAN HAVE IT ALL


THIS MINDSET OF URS IS FUCKING EGALITARIAN MINDSET

A KING CAN MARRY A PEASANT GIRL AND TURN HER INTO A QUEEN BUT A QUEEN WON'T EVEN LOOK AT A BROKE DUDE'S WAY PERIOD!

WOMEN ARE WOMEN, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN EDUCATED WOMAN AND A NON-EDUCATED WOMAN

ANYWAYS ONLY AVERAGE MINDED BETA MALES CARE ABOUT THEIR WIVES CAREER AND MONEY, AVERAGE BETA MALES SEEK FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM THEIR WIVES

Chances are, you're a boy in his 20's, or a man child who has never had a healthy relationship with a woman before. Because how you confidently spew this rubbish deserves pity. I know you've made up your mind, and I'm not here to correct or prove your wrong, you're probably a lost cause, but I'll tell you that the poster is correct. A career woman can also be a good wife and a mother. I'm one.

Yes men and woman can have it all, but not at the same time. I got married right after university, had kids then enter the workforce after that. I own my business and work from home, so I could be a full time mom, and still contribute financially to our home. It's either you're blind, or you refuse to see couples like this that everywhere.

Be careful with this belief you have, it will deny you of joy and true relationship with a good woman. Life is not black and white, there are thousands of shades in between. There are bad women out there, and I mean a lot of its and I'm telling you this as a woman. But there are good one as well, and that's what the posters are talking about. If your mum is a good woman why do you think there is none like her out there? Someone around the world ?

Fiscus105:
Thank God for your choice and happy u didn't have reason to regret it, but I pity multitude of ladies that would follow ur advise, I can bet it with 80% of such ladies will leave to regret it, infact, 75% would end up being single (evening paper) and few that opportune would regret that choice.

Now come back to main issue, in as much I'm not condemning lady to go for physical appearance, she should be careful enough not to let it overshadowed of reasons on fair judgement on marriage. Cos u re craving for most finest bobo, I pray you would not end up with our husband instead of my In which it would result to HBP.

The opposite is actually true, which is that it's easier for a handsome man to be loyal. To be good-looking after 30 years old takes effort, and the hardwork required to stay fit is what you'll generally find in hardworking people, people who choose what happens to them in their life. The goal getters, and leaders.

A man that is faithful to one woman due to lack of female admiration is not virtuous, and will cheat or pay to cheat. True faithfulness is when you have lots of female options but choose to stay with one woman, that is class, and virtuous, and a man that women respects.

The safest way of not being miserable in life is not to expect to be very happy.

Elxandre:
They're fit through painstaking hardwork o.
But to achieve top shape as a young man in Nigeria requires quite a stable life to some extent.
There's a reason many attain sweet physiques after moving up the financial ladder.

Not saying it's impossible tho.

Very true.

Most of the men that I rejected their proposal before getting married were not just physically attractive, but didn't understood the fact that self love requires being fit. They complimented my beauty, shape, height, but it doesn't occur to them that I want to fall for their looks too.

Most women will not tell you, but we judge a guy heavily by his appearance. Infact, I think women are far more judgemental on appearance than a man will ever be. Think about it, the only time you see an ugly man with a stunning woman is if he is rich, but lots of handsome guys are with regular women.

Now I'm married to a man that exercise is just like brushing his teeth, it's just part of his daily routine. Everyday when he wakes up, he does push-ups, jump rope, and measure his weight. Our fridge is filled with vegetables and he never drinks (except water of course), even cola. He looks so young for his age, and no matter our little quarrel, the mere sight of him just melt off whatever anger I have. He is hot and manly. Men, please work on your appearance, and that single act can cure your problems with women rejecting you.

Kriss216:
Russia should quickly turn Ukraine to dump site make everybody rest.

Armchair General

Women do not demand excessively from a man that they love. And if she does demands beyond your capability, that is a proof that she doesn't love you.

But wait o, if men and women earn equally, then why should the financial responsibilities of the household be on the man alone? Infact lots of women are richer and favoured in the job market, leaving men behind, following your logic, won't it prized them out of the romance market?

If the man dies or looses his job, should she divorce him and start looking for another rich man ? Moreover, isn't it a disservice to the wife to depend solely on the husband income? How can she feel useful, dignified and self assured when she knows she doesn't contribute anything and can't be a good supporter ?

Is the realities of the economy not your concern? Lots of men are struggling not because they are lazy, but because the economy is just not smiling on them, naira devaluation and this getting expensive everyday. Should marriage and family, the bedrock of society stop existing?

Okay let's assume he accepted vasectomy, and you die, the child died, divorced happened and his new bride wants a child, or you even changed your mind and want more kids, why would you want him to bear the consequences of being incapable to bear a child?

Since you suggested the one child policy, then the onus is on you to do that on your body, not him. How did your brain rationalise that he is at fault here? Na you carry fire for head, not him. Go and cut your womb after your first child, and leave the son of man alone.

MufasaLion:
You married early. Just don't have too many kids.

I wanted to have just three, and I have them already. Praise God.

After I was married, at the age of 22.

ivolt:
Can you list the unique challenges faced by your son?

When my kids were in school, more attention were giving to the girls and of course, severe punishment compared to the girls.

Assumed to be the aggressor if they are were the only boys in the vicinity. Even if they are innocent, the burden of proving themselves innocence lies on them, while the girls were assumed to be innocent by default.

They (boys) were mostly treated like defective girls, and physical games boys engage in like rough and tumble, or any kind of boys games that are competitive in nature is frowned upon, and the more docile and agreeable the boys are, the more normal and well-behaved they were assumes to be.

Also, its tough on them when it's only female that are mostly their teacher right from kindergarten to high school. The lack of constant presence of men to look up to is missing. There are many more, but this I can remember.

Pataricatering:
men are the cause of majority of problems women face- when women are denied rights to education jobs , property , inheritance , sexual agency ,etc who do you think is behind all those laws ?
Which men does society ignore ? Every political body that makes laws is filled with men - and they make laws that favour themselves .
How many women do banks give loans to ? How many women do investors give loans to ?

I wish I could see you and really explain to you how these things work to you.

No, women in Nigeria are not denied rights to jobs, education, sexual agency property etc. I live in the real world, and here, women have access to those things you mentioned. I'm a woman and never being denied access to any of those things you mentioned.

True, men occupy most political post, but again, men occupy most shitty jobs as well. It is unreasonable to point the juicy positions without pointing the non juicy ones.

So I've discussed alot with my husband the qualities he saw in me, before choosing to get married. And he always says that I give him peace of mind.

That I accepted him, submit to his leadership, and that he can just be himself. That I do not expect anything that is above his affordability, and no matter how little he has, I appreciate it. I think it's natural for a woman to act like this if she truly loves a man, and I love him, and actually the only man that I truly loved.

Having said that, it is important to say that my husband is the kind of man that embodies everything a man should be. Nothing scares him, he doesn't complain, he respect himself alot, and very organised. There was a time we heard gunshots, everyone was running, but he stood there, observing what was happening, to know the next thing to do, not just flee to any direction. I feel so safe with him.

He doesn't smoke, drink or womanise, and take good care of himself. He hardly gets angry at me, and if he does, I'll just be crying. We are more like siblings to strangers. Just that he is not religious and I am, and that saddens me. He just don't believe in God. He doesn't worry about me being religious, but I've told him that I will convert him one day.

So yes, women, make sure you find a man you love and give him peace, because it's difficult to be at peace with a man your heart does not accept. Men value peace so much. Also, have something going for yourself, it will make you be settled, and won't go with a man for his money mainly, but his personality.

Not until I gave birth to my son and started raising them, before I understood the kinds of challenges the male child faces. Society is built on the false premise that women have challenges only, and men are the cause if it. So therefore, male child are ignored. Before I use to tout anything female, but now, I can see that it's not a good approach because both gender suffer.

But I ask myself, after developing and elevating women, will they date and marry themselves? Isn't the same men that society ignored and don't want to invest upon will be their future husband, Co workers, pastors and much more? You can't tell me you love women and want to help them, why refusing to help men, same men that the majority of female happiness comes from. The earlier we open our eyes to the bigger picture, the better for all of us.

pansophist:
From my experience, the older a woman become, the more likely she "decide" to fall in love. And of course, she will only decide to fall in love with a well-to-do guy. Younger ladies just fall in love naturally, and that is the truest, stronger love you'll ever feel that doesn't come with any expectations.

Then, her parents are probably responsible for her and societal pressure of self responsibility and getting married is not there. If you ever find such love, you should sustain it and marry her. The opposite is true, which is, if a woman have begin to feel the societal pressure, the likelihood that she loves you genuinely is not high, and more likely a functional love. All the Brazilian hair, iPhone 13, holidays and surgery she wanted, you'll be the one to carry that burden for her.

Are you a woman in your previous life? Why spilling our little secrets? Be calming down sometimes bro.

My ability to listen. Me I'll just be staring at you. Nodding my head like an agama lizard, and responding with ehen, oh, really, wow, I see, na wa o. Works everytime.

chatinent:
I am good looking. Dem go just see me say that one na player.

What nonsense!

You're broke that why. I'm not saying you committed a sin being broke, but the ladies of nowadays will cancel a good man just because they think he is broke (even if you're not).

Blame social media. Their loss. I do enjoy reading your writeup though.

It is not true that men are scared of beautiful lady, what is true is that men assume these ladies might be full of themselves, will look down on them and think they (the men) are not good enough, which often times, is true.

I've never seen a beautiful, highly intelligent, independent lady that is well-mannered, respectful and humble who is lacking quality men. Men rush these kinds of women. And they are usually not on the spotlight, so it makes people think all beautiful women are spoilt. No, the good beautiful women are taken, they are not on the market for long.

I have a master degree, and my husband has only a high school certificate, but he is what a real man should be. He takes good care of the family, has successful businesses, and respectable by everyone who knows him. Lots of women will think that I settled for less because of his educational level, but to me, settling for less is not about materialism/certification, but about immaterial attributes such as his true personality.

Being with a man who disrespect you, cheats on you, has no "real man" attributes such as courage, ambition, purpose, and masculinity, but materially rich only, in my book, is settling for less. Such men are like giving an imb.ecile access codes to nuclear bombs, the damage and agony they will make a woman go through is better left imagined. To me, being with such men is settling for less.

But well, I'm old fashioned. Hence, I can't connect with these mentality of seeing riches as the only qualifier of being a quality man.

If I like a guy and he recite any resemblance of these comments, my feelings will die off magically and will be impossible to resurrect. You don't degrade yourself to compliment, because it sends a message that you do not respect yourself, making it impossible for me to do so.