₦airaland Forum

laudate:
For those who got a bad deal marrying outside their tribe, there are several others who got great deals (or an even better deal) by also marrying outside their own tribes.

Everyone's case is different. So free your mind, bro'. Challenges such as race, language, ethnicity etc., can always be navigated and solutions can also be found if such situations are tackled with wisdom, understanding and empathy.

Marriages that occur within the same ethnic group can also be very tricky, especially for women as there is often an assumption that the newly-wedded spouse already knows all the do's and don'ts of their ethnic group, when in fact that person may not be aware of what they are.

Culture is dynamic and it changes, within each ethnic group. Acculturation and exposure also have a part to play in what we know and how we behave. Any errors of omission or commission by a member of the same ethnic group could be viewed in a hostile manner and treated as if it were done on purpose, instead of being blamed on ignorance if the said offender had hailed from a different ethnic group.

I have seen people from a particular ethnic group who claimed they cannot marry outside their group, but ended up getting married to foreigners when they went abroad, and such marriages were needed to regularise their stay. There is nothing new under the sun. Some worked out, others did not. There is no law cast in stone that says once you marry within your ethnic group, you are guaranteed a happy and successful marriage.

I agree with almost all you wrote.

But despite increasing inter tribal and inter ethnic marriages, the vast majority still marry within. I can only talk of the experiences of those I know. Not of those I do not know. My submission never claimed to be a scientific position.

Centuries ago, when most people still lived and died within one village or a small geographical location, my ancestors already married from faraway tribes.
Aunts married outside in the 1950s already.

My observation of unsuccessful inter tribal marriages mostly fall within the past 15 to 20 years. And strictly only females marrying men of other tribes.
As for women we married from other tribes, it has been phenomenal success. Especially Igbo women.

Alariwo2:
As for GEJ, your days as a freeman are numbered.

If ex-presidents is other countries like Isreal, Egypt etc. can go to jail for lesser crimes, I see absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be jailed.
I call on the ICC and other world bodies to step into Nigeria's problem. The useless minority bastard mistake from otueke has destroyed the love and hope some of us once had

Have they jailed IBB that siphoned 12 billion gulf war oil windfall? OB & $16 billion road/electricity & $180 million Halliburton money nko? What of Tinubu, Amaechi, Atiku & former governors now gallivanting?

Tribal & partisan sentiments aside, If Jonathan should ever face Justice, it would be because he did not personally steal enough to have money to buy those that matter. na 9ja we dey.

Not new in Nigeria for a president to steal moderately but his team members steal outrageously. It happened to President Shagari then.

Hygizee:
Only 4 comments made front page? Wow

Because it is a very important topic.

Your gf, wife or sister might be silently going through it. Especially your wife might be too unnerved to mention it to hubby. Fearful of hubby making her leave the job she loves or worst still suspecting that she led him (the one harassing her) on in the first place. Or the the hubby might lose it and go make a scene at her workplace or wherever it is.

Men silently suffer too. Sometimes those bold ladies are not so subtle. When you keep resisting they might insinuating the man is gay or impotent.

Critically:
biased

Your opinion.

Even twins born & bred in same house can experience life differently.

If indeed he was the robber, he has paid the ultimate price.

After death comes judgement.

Only God will decide now.

RIP. And RIP to the victims of his crime too.

laudate:
Are you trying to say that if they had married within their own ethnic group, they would not have met people with such dubious traits? Guy, free your mind. The good, bad & ugly exist in every single tribe, in every district and on every single street. Wake up and smell the coffee.

I know a couple who had an inter-ethnic marriage, and are still going strong after 37 years! They are already grand-parents, and their home has always been an example of harmony, peace and well-being. And there are many others, like them. I also know a couple who hailed from the same local govt area, but different villages. Their marriage lasted only 8 months, despite the fact that both families speak the same language and were all in support of the union right from the start! If you look hard enough, you would also notice couples from the same ethnic background whose marriages did not work out, too. So free your mind.

I am not babalawo to know.
But most of them said they wanted to avoid those things by marrying outside of tribe.

But they got even worse marrying outside.

But perhaps they turned down guys that might have been better within tribe by deliberately choosing to go outside. At least, the siblings who married within tribe remain married, and from what is known, those ladies appear to have got a better deal.

Therefore maybe your question should have been directed at the ladies who were biased against their own tribe. They used the experiences of some relatives from a previous generation to negatively judge their own tribe. Maybe they should have realised that whether within or outside tribe, things can go awry. My unscientific observation is that for those who married around same time within tribe, divorce rate is much lower than those who went outside. Maybe just a coincidence, but it is as it is.

Marriage is not that easy. You need every support structure you can get. Friends, family, etc.
While love is great, it can be fickle and can also fade. Mills & Boon love exist only in Mills & Boon.

Let's not fool ourselves: race, tribe, religion are still very important factors people consider when marrying. I have seen it across many countries. What would be ideal in 21st century and what happens in reality do not always sync.

OkoYiboz:
Ifeanyi Aja-ero

See his head like a morsel of eba moulded in anger.

Or moulded in serious hunger.

But the names and head shape are just confusing.

He must also be a very confused entity.

People they chain their woman inside bedroom, na outside to generator he come chain his own.

Very desirable but not easy.


You will have to work harder to make it work. Especially if one or both party's parents are against it.

Should things go awry, you will have to bear a lot of poo in silence. Just to avoid "I told you so" from the anti/suspicious side.

I have noticed the poo the majority of female relatives who married into other tribes have had to put up with. They went into these marriages with much naivety and enthusiasm, brushing aside concerns raised by some people. Their usual position was "people within our tribe do these things too".

They have put up with worse things they initially said they wanted to avoid within tribe. Such as the hubby impregnating other women, hubby secretly using joint property deeds to secure loans without wife knowing, reckless behaviour of covering corruption of a female colleague at work and getting fired from a very lucrative job without benefits/pay off, making wife sole provider for family, secretly taking unsecured loans that wife has to be paying back all over the place later, etc.

Those guys did just about every stupid thing possible and even surpassed the fears of some family members.

About half got divorced but the rest soldiered on, albeit not happily most times. Very unfortunate.

Going into inter-ethnic marriage, please go in with a VERY thick skin. The odds may already be against you ab initio.

I suppose if it works, it can be very sweet. Like the lovely ladies from other tribes married into our family.

Of course they might have worked hard to endear themselves in the beginning. Once they proved their loyalty, it has been all love.

Most have blended in so well that they are not distinguishable from natural born daughters of the family.

Maybe the Sultan came across as generalising but he's certainly correct in many ways. After there are elderly people and some youths farming and producing our food.

Laziness prevented our leaders from investing in diversifying the economy and mechanizing agriculture to produce food and ensure food security.
People like World1 on NL agric section show what youths can do with modern agric if determined.

Petroleum spoilt everything, instead of being a blessing as in places with sensible leaders.

Before you know it, many of the youths now find agriculture to hard and dirty. Which bleaching slay queen would go to farm these days? Which city boy wearing Chelsea, Barcelona & ManU shirt up and down will go clear forest to grow yam? Meanwhile they are jobless, penniless and like to eat food from the farm.

We now want easy money. And office jobs that are not forthcoming. Many jobless people in the cities have no business there. There are arable land in their ancestral villages. In the end we have many social issue: area boys, yahoo yahoo, thieves, robbers, ritual killers, etc. Trying to survive in the city jungles.

Maybe the Sultan came across as generalising but he's certainly correct in many ways.

Laziness prevented our leaders from investing in diversifying the economy and mechanizing agriculture to produce food and ensure food security.

Petroleum spoilt everything, instead of being a blessing as in places with sensible leaders.

Before you know it, many of the youths now find agriculture to hard and dirty. Which bleaching slay queen would go to farm these days? Which city boy wearing Chelsea, Barcelona & ManU shirt up and down will go clear forest to grow yam? Meanwhile they are jobless, penniless and like to eat food from the farm.

We now want easy money. And office jobs that are not forthcoming. Many jobless people in the cities have no business there. There are arable land in their ancestral villages. In the end we have many social issue: area boys, yahoo yahoo, thieves, robbers, ritual killers, etc. Trying to survive in the city jungles.

A very respected pastor I must say. Positive and preaches peace.

But I heard same sermons growing up. And things were much better then than now.

Obviously those reassurances of then never translated into reality.

Hmmmm.
Horrible as some of them might be, violence is not the solution.

The world is seeing terrible, unimaginable things.

Thet might even go nuclear one day selling canned human parts.

God come our rescue o.

tintingz:
Your source?

What about the census that was carried out in 2006?

Again where are your source to all this? Stop making up assumptions.


Lol, I've debunk this and you still on this X-linked inheritance thing.

Again I post,

According to Wikipedia the report said:

X-linked dominant traits do not necessarily affect males more than females (unlike X-linked recessive traits). The exact pattern of inheritance varies, depending on whether the father or the mother has the trait of interest. All daughters of an affected father will also be affected but none of his sons will be affected (unless the mother is also affected).
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-linked_dominant_inheritance

affected males having a uniform severity of disorder, while females are affected to different degrees
https://gpnotebook.co.uk/simplepage.cfm?ID=-1382416350

The X-linke inheritance does not affect the depopulating of male or gender, stop desperately making up assumptions and speculations.

You should provide references and source.

Hahahaha! Are you talking of Wikipedia scientific circle or real life scientific circle? The real deal are the prize winning ones that I know. So stop talking of it as if you know. Because basing expertise on wiki is funny. Who peer-reviewed those articles? I hope you have full access to scientific and medical journals. Better still I will invite you to an international medical genetics conference. To update your knowledge. Back and forth here makes no sense. Thank you.

Tajbol4splend:
Atheism

Boko Haram equivalent of Christian zealots call anyone who debates and offer a differing opinion an atheist.

Normal tolerant people welcome debate and contribute meaningfully instead of name calling.

neocortex:
This point is irrelevant as more live males are born than females in every country in the world,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio


Another point which adds nothing to the discussion, one would expect that a self-acclaimed
scientifically sound individual will know how to state his fact without muddling up the water.



Another blatant misrepresentation, all birth-ratio statistics points to the fact that more male are born than female,
yet you try to confound birth ratio with survival rates of the sexes. That we have a lower number of male to female at age range
15-64 in some countries does not mean their are more female births.
Even at the age range of 15 to 64 , 60% of countries in the world have an equal or higher male to female ratio
dealing another blow to your point.


While you may be conversant with scientific research, you should realise that inferences made from data
is as important as the data itself and educating less-informed folks with the right information should
carry more weight than scoring a point.

I guess you jumped on the thread without knowing the context of the the submission.

It is about whether there are excess women ready for marriage or not. And the answer is that clearly, there are.
Now you said there are more males in 60% of countries, but do you put together the population of that 60% and compare to the 40%? Have you considered if 60% of Algerian population is more than 40% of Russian population for example? Interprete data carefully because it can justify anything yiu want to justify if yiu are not objective.

Allegedly Nigeria has 3 million more men than women. Has Nigeria ever conducted an acceptable census since 1950s? Was Kano population is said to be higher than Lagos even after Jigawa State was cut out of Kano. Do not forget that in many countries, census collators do not even see women harems to count, so figures from many religiously conservative developing countries are very unreliable.

Now to X-linked genetics. Of old the talk was of recessive & dominant. The "near-consensus" now if the remove that distinction because the phenotypic expression is not quite so simple. Various mechanisms have been observed such as clonal expansion, somatic mosaicism, skewing of X-linked, autonomous cell expression, etc that can even express phenotype in a female.

Now remember one thing. FEMALES carry the gene. MALES express the phenotype/disease. But unusually for reasons just mentioned before, female can in rare cases express phenotype.

The matter with journal articles is that most are done by basic scientists, They do not actually sit in clinic and see the real deal and having to deal with it.
Also you forget the pace of research. It is so fast that even articles published just a year ago may not be up to date anymore.
As an undergrad, our Western professors told us to ignore textbooks after year 1 at university except as reference books, and in Anatomy, parts of physiology/pharmocology. All essays, assignments, presentations,etc had to rely on the very latest research papers. Even though some of our profs wrote some of the books used worldwide.

This was to get used to cutting edge stuff from the earliest possible time. I would not rely on some articles you just google up. That wasn't my training.

ANECDOTE: Read about Queen Victoria of England who was a carrier of haemphilia X-linked gene, lived to age of 81 years. But through her daughters who married into virtually most European Royal families, passed haemophilia to those royal families, with devastating consequences in many cases. It is the classical case of X-linked inheritance.

You compare publications with real life experience and local surveys/research. For example, in Nigeria where there are supposed to be 3 million excess men, many in the North marry multiple wives, not rare in SW either. Why are there still so many women at Shiloh looking for men? Why are so many women still willing to marry a polygamous man? Why are some women complaining of no man? It is not enough to say they are looking for rich men or are fussy. Many cannot even find any man to tie down.

abike12:
she traveled to Pakistan?! Chei naija has suffered, so Pakistan is now greener pastures?

Nor be small thing o.

Those days we had Indians & Pakistanis as neighbors, teachers at school, even as tenants in aunt's house, students at the nearby university and as doctors/nurses at the nearby teaching hospital. To them back then, living in 9ja was like what Europe/America are to Africans now.

How times have changed.

Thecassanova:
Nice response.
And at bolded, that's why color blindness strikes males frequently than females. The localization of the genes encoding the color sensing proteins of the retina on the X chromosome can't be corrected in males, but females have another X so having high chances of correcting the particular gene from the other X.

It's a shame they attacked u even after putting down this much educative insight to explain fragility of man.

Well, the attack is welcome. As long as it makes people debate the topic, and hopefully inform themselves better through it. Science has been rather inaccessible to general population in the past.

It is mostly about which population is more, male or female. I thought everyone understood that we're talking about marriageable age population. But alas many took it as the general population.

Also most people are not interested in scientific nitty-gritty but rather simple (sometimes erroneous/subjective) information google & Wiki throw up within 0.00001 seconds from search engine.

Scientific details can be sometimes boring and counter-intuitive to many. When it goes against widely held views, people respond rather hostile sometimes. But it's all fun.

Early scientists already caused outrage thousands & hundreds of years ago.

myking95:
From census data, the ratio of men to women is about 1.05:1.00. That means there are more men than women...with men exceeding women by 5% (source wikipedia and world census data) .More males are being born in western societies than in Africa (don't know why)...but more still die due to male responsibilies and war. But in the end, the average population of males exceed that of females by 5%.

Thanks everyone for quoting raw data from certain sources.

But to understand data, you need to break it down and analyse. Therein lies the usefulness or uselessness of any data. Not just taken at face value.

Maybe I should have included the caveat. The same arguments were raised at a recent seminar.
The conclusion was that there are more women of marriageable age than men. People easily ignore the fact that in many conservative cultures, girls from age 13 or 14 are considered of marriageable age already. While men may not be pressured into marriage until around 20 to 21 in same cultures. Then add the many widows still willing to remarry.

When you consider the wider age range of marriageable women to men that typically marry when older (because culturally, they have to provide for the wife/kids), then women in need of marriage far outstrip men.

The major exception is China, where men outnumber women by around 33 million. And culturally no pressure to marry in teenage years. Same has happened in some other countries where culturally males are preferred. Selective gender foeticide/infanticide is largely responsible for that.

Female infanticide occurs more frequently in some countries like India (to avoid future dowry payment to husband, male seen as more valuable, males likely to be parents "pension", males likely to be richer/earn more to boost extended family, etc) and China due to one-child policy introduced in 1979, where a single male child is preferable to many parents. More than male infanticide.

Considering that both countries make up about 2.7 to 2.8 billion people, gender imbalance there would affect world average male:female ratio. It does not mean that it is natural.

But still in China, girls not married by the age of 27 are colloquially called "left over women", meaning they'd find getting a husband difficult. Even though for youths under the age of 30, there are 20 million excess men. It appears that when it comes to finding a marriage partner, other factors make the odds to be stacked against women. Like age, physique, culture, etc. These seem to easily negate whatever advantages higher male to female ratio would have conferred.

Also various sources quote different figures for gender population.

For example, for the age that really matters, in terms of marriage (age 15 to 64), one source puts the male/female ratio at 0.99/1.0. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio

Also same source puts male/female ratio for over 65s at 0.80/1.0.

It is therefore not surprising that biologically, there needs to be more males conceived. Since many will end in miscarriage, even when born still face more struggle to survive into adulthood, due to genetic, environmental/work & other hazards.

Nature aims to balance things out at the end. But it is not able to take selective gender foeticide/infanticide and wars into account.

When you put genetic (congenital illness killing men at younger age), cultural aspects and daily experience together, women in need of marriage are more than men.

Daboomb:
This excuse of "if you dont catch all the thieves in Nigeria, you cant catch the thief from my area or my party or my group".... is STALE NEWS!

Beheading a thief is not intended to be fair or serial........... as long as it is a THIEF that was beheaded.

gerrit?

GEJ is a Thief, period.

Not if............we know the pioneer thieves, they are not ghosts, go after them.

So you are now admitting that people of your tribe or your tribe's masters & collaborators can steal, flaunt the wealth and remain unpunished.

OBJ, IBB, Abacha are bigger thieves, period.

But that is Nigeria. A teenager can steal bread to eat and get burnt alive. An already wealthy man can steal govt wealth and get chieftaincy titles and be told tuale & rankadede.

The change GEJ might have taken compare to those before him, if the heads of IBB & OBJ had rolled earlier, he wouldn't touch a dime.

At the end, selective justice that will get you & descendants no where but continued poverty in a sea of govt money. Because people from selected tribes will steal even bigger and go free.

Continue with your double-standard and tribalism. At this rate, Nigeria is sleepwalking into disaster anyway, only matter of time.

After the massive crisis, if it is only 60 million people left, all will go their separate ways finally.

People like me who foresee it have prepared a place of safety for family far far away from Nigeria already.

Enjoy it. Peace.

We just overdo things in 9ja. Sew your coat according to your cloth. Copy nobody.

Well, good that you think of your future kids.
I'm sure you're with your guy for a reason more important than nose shape/size.

First consider the relationship thriving before kids.

Now consider an alternative: a guy with a pointed nose without the good qualities you guy has. Still important?

When it comes to bullying, pretty & handsome kids still get bullied. However your kids look like, just promote their self-esteem.

Like you already stated, you cannot really predict how kids would look like based on parents. We have many traits in our DNA and any random combination can emerge in a child's phenotype. Like two normally black parents can produce an albino child (not saying anything is wrong with albino).

I'd pray that the kids are healthy.

In most countries, such news does not generate into ethno-religious bashing and politics.

But in a forced and thoroughly dysfunctional marriage like Nigeria, not surprising.

LaExpert:
Delayed twin birth? 13years? Kehinde came 13years earlier than Taye?

That one na another level oo.

Just read his story and get your facts right.


By the way, I agree with the bold.
You should also try not to help spread false news, it doesn't help us.

Which one be false news again? The twin story?

You mean there are some supersonic level dimwits out there that won't see the joke in it?
Has biology education got so bad these days? Or you mean something else?

RIP

TosineGuy:
i remember dat the day when Taye Taiwo celebrated his 27th birthday, his twin Kehinde Taiwo celebrated 40th birthday. I was scared. Nigerian footballers lie alot

Na. Na just a case of "delayed" twin birth. Kehinde just came first and Taiye followed 13 years later. Kehinde should have been called Taiye jor. Na just simple human error.
But still, a national coach should not be heard saying that. Because we have a crop of young players who passed bone scan test starting out. Some will rise through the local league.

Buhari going around the world to say Nigeria is corrupt has not helped us in anyway.

Further stigmatization is the last we need now. Once established, it tarnishes the honest ones too. For decades.

Daboomb:
Look, dont input GEJ into this matter!

GEJ deserves whatever "abuse" he is getting.

Shell Petroleum just "CONFESSED" that they made Kickbacks to GEJ and others in the Malabu Oil deal.......... so, he deserves his abuse, based on that alone.

Having said that, l dont even think "abuse" is what Nigeria and Nigerians need......... We need the Culprits (and their Collaborators) to be PROVEN GUILTY in Court and then JAILED for Life. (Or Beheaded/shot at Bar Beach as the case may be).

And please while we are at shooting & beheading, we should start from IBB's $12billion gulf war oil intake, OBJ's tens of billions of dollars of road/electricity, OBJ's regime Halliburton $180 million bribery, Abacha family loot and so on.

Only then will the beheading be complete and fair.

We cannot use bigotry & tribalism to pick and chose who to shoot/behead for corruption.

Because with people's reaction to anything GEJ, you can tell people's tribe.

Charly68:
. A plane load of dollars! My God !

Yes!

He actually returned to PH with Rivers State jet to go bring it just before the primary.

I wonder how you could have missed the news direct from the action then.

He doubled Atiku's bribe money to delegates.

Many of the delegates delegates are rather irrelevant (in higher politics) most times. But primaries are their opportunity to cash in. Until next four years.

No wonder we are where we are.

Charly68:
This is how politicians will be passing the buck from one person to the other until the matter dies down without any trace..not withstanding who gets the place,the most important thing is that Federal Govt has retrieved the money .

It matters because once the news broke, people were raining abuse on GEJ.

But we knew that it will be swept under the carpet.

Which covert operation worth nearly 50 million dollars in a country where 70% have less than $2 daily, that Buhari himself should not know upon taking power?

I guess the money was probably the left over of the plane load of dollars from Port Harcourt that Amaechi used to outbuy delegates at the APC
presidential primary. It was widely reported by sources present then.

geekay4real:
@ Gov. Amosun I pray one day u come to your senses and realise the need for united Yoruba. If Tinubu can be sidelined despite his efforts for emergence of Buhari, thinking you are best confidant baba will need now in his administration by running up and down with him is a great mistake

Amosun is not a fool. He knows SW history well. Southern or even SW Unity is likely to be elusive for a long time. He knows that aligning and pandering to Hausa-Fulani yields far quicker returns. Akintola, Abiola, Akinloye and OBJ did so before him. It benefited all to a large extent.

He already has Kemi in Buhari cabinet.

Dude, self- interest is the real deal in politics. We the masses are just shouting in the wilderness. Since we have guts to act on a purposeful and concerted way.

rosebowl01:
Stop all these SS & SE forced attaché. It exposes your insecurities.
By the way, you SE currently produces very negligible amount of resources for the Country compared to the SW and NC.

Hahahaha! Just as you are wrong with the zone you assume I come from, so you must be wrong with many assumptions.

Resource or no resources, Igbo once tried to break away totally. They are also naturally more autonomous people. Surely, the Igbos have been more vocal about regionalism for a long time.

As for SW, if one of theirs supports regionalism openly, his kinsmen come to shade him as " omale". Especially if he's not in their main political home. It is all politics of maintaining second position to Northerners. So one can never take their word to the bank.