₦airaland Forum

Banilla:
But she's right.

Typical marriage:

Finances: men 100%
Home management: women 100%

How can a woman be the breadwinner and housewife? The other guy was complaining that his working girlfriend complains that she's too busy to clean the home and cook and so on. And he's jobless!!!!

How does that work?

I find this quite interesting as well because there was another post recently saying women should only date financially comfortable guys and the guys were asking why those women could not make their own money and referencing that it’s now an age of feminism.

However, many guys still want a submissive wife and want her to take majority of the housework/cooking/childcare duties, which seems inconsistent. If someone wants a traditional relationship, it used to come with men being main providers and if a guy wants the modern one, he shouldn’t be claiming headship which is certainly very traditional.

ibkayee:
Usually an ulterior motive

Or maybe they’re just attracted to female energy and it puts them in a ‘giving’ mood

I know oh. When OP talks about men helping ladies, how many of those ladies being helped would be considered conventionally unattractive? It's pretty privilege, plain and simple.

Because to such a guy, a lady considered unattractive would be just as invisible as other men

Well, different reasons. I'd like to think some men are wired to provide for their ladies, some give to increase their chances with the girl, and some probably just do it to flex to everyone especially if the girl is attractive.

For guys, money is our own makeup

PerfectStranger:
Story…

You think there’s any man that will dash you money without drilling your kpekus with reckless abandon.

The millions of dollars some women earn on OnlyFans is proof that many men are willing to do so.

G00DHardDick:
The moment they realized they're now turning into an evening newspaper, they'll suddenly need a man to pin down with marriage.

We have said it countless times here that men gains absolutely nothing from marriage. A woman gains so much from marriage hence they cannot do without it. They see it as their greatest life achievement.

CC: Biglittlelois I was told you've been arguing blindly with intelligent men on this forum as regards marriage, come and advice your gender to avoid us, tell her we don't want her liability

An article by Robert H Coombs some years ago ('Marital Status and Personal Wellbeing') used 100+ empirical studies to show that married men and women are generally happier than unmarried ones, and that in general, it benefits men more than it does women

If you are unable to find stronger empirical research to support your notion that men gain nothing from marriage, please stop peddling this lie.

adefitim:
There’s this Deeper Life Girl I like and have been trying to woo her but anytime and I go A she will go B, she portrays herself to be holier than me...... My friends advices me to let her go that there’s no way both of us can date if I am not a Deeper Life member.

Help comrade

You say she portrays herself to be holier than you; is she holier than you though? If she is, it's fair she doesn't want to be with you and you should care enough about her to let her go

When has love alone ever been enough for a relationship?

Even for the guy, if you are gaining nothing from the relationship, why are you there? Are you her father?

I wish Nairaland sef dey record the comments of all the guys here to provide us updates after 10 years.

All the people wey don abuse Nigerian girls, how many of them no marry one of those Nigerian girls?

It’s interesting to me when guys try to preach to other guys what to do with their own money.

You no just want make dem guys spoil market for una

I don't understand why so many Nigerian men seem to be concerned with how other men spend their money. If they are not spending yours, why are you so bothered?

Bankalert:
My ex has a loose pus*y... Thats due to massive pounding for almost two years and also her cheating with other guys.

By this rationale, everyone's anuses should be incredibly loose after being stretched multiple times a week for years and years.

Jennyclay:
The behavioral profile of a white woman in marriage is a complex one.

Nigerian men are full of hatred, evil, wicked, cheat, rapist and rape apologist. Now am still wondering which white lady would accept these sick attitude of Nigerian men....

Mess up with them and they would keep suing your ass to court until you split your boxers into two, Infact you will be left with absolutely nothing.

Cheat on her and she won't hesitate to gun you down Immediately

Lol, Funny Nigerian men!!

Haha this is very harsh and I think the truth is somewhere less radical.

The ladies are mostly more empowered because there's laws in place to minimize the gender inequality you'd see in Nigeria.

So, violence is punished, men are held financially responsible for children and can't deny pregnancies, and in general, the women are more independent and can leave, which I think is a good thing. I want someone who wants and chooses to be with me because she wants to do so, and not because she feels she has no other options.

fman:
Female biological clock ticks faster than male

Yeah, but not everyone wants kids, or wants biological kids

Olachase:
Wait I am 27 you mean I can get married to girl of 20 years isn't that a child abuse

Omgoodness, I can so relate to this! I'm 27 as well, and don't think I have any friend below the age of 23. Below that, it seems more like younger brother/ sister situation because there's likely a difference in current life stage.

I don't have a max age though because beyond the college/ unserious post grad stage, we are probably a lot more similar, especially before having kids.

However, I do have to admit there's nothing legally wrong with it. It just seems a bit icky to me

There different things that are exalted in different cultures. In Nigeria as kids, it’s having the best grades. As adults, it’s being financially wealthy probably because quite a number of people are below the poverty line.

If most people are comfortable and can afford at least the basics, think of how it will spoil market for sugar daddies and sugar mummies. Rich people would actually need to have personality as well

IbrahimSkiba:
Easy on him

I didn't mean that as an attack on his person. I just thought the post was flawed, considering his stated intent.

I'm sorry if it came off as a personal attack.

Ikillbrokehoes:
Lol I'm also thinking the same thing, no reasonable nigga will marry someone like her that have a messed up mindset.

I do really pity her though, just look at her face, she's getting older and time isn't on her side anymore, instead of her to behave so that she can get married and have kids before menopause sets in, she's there fumbling.

Getting married and having kids is not an achievement. On average, Nigerian men tend to get married later than women as well. So, you see men in their late 30s looking for women in mid to late 20s. Yet, only women seem to be judged here using age before marriage.

It's 2022; adoption and sperm donation or even casual sex are options for women who want children.

Why did you create a new profile for this post? You know your real profile history is probably a better way for people to know you, your beliefs, and views, which could indicate compatibility.

From your post, we know your age, that you're divorced, and you have Australian citizenship. Nothing else about who you are, hobbies, beliefs. Lol you spend more time talking about Australia, but don't want people to message you for that reason. Why else should they message you: just because you are a human single guy?

Give money you can spare based on your promise and expect nothing in return.

Many guys on here end up complaining because when they give gifts, they actually hope for something else in return and get angry if they don't get it.

Two sides to the problem because the Nigerian culture considers men as financial providers

Female side: Some women expect a men to take care of all financial obligations, and get quite a bit selfish. So, they judge the man just by that yardstick.

Male side: Some men don't have much to contribute to a lady's life other than money. Some men also can't deal with a lady who makes more and either won't ask her out or would try to frustrate her life.

Just choose the person with beliefs similar to yours

ednut1:
What is this obsession with women in this Nigeria. What about men

I know! Considering men tend to marry later than women, there's probably more single men approaching 40.

Why do they not need children? Sure, they can get it at any time but same with a lady in this day of sperm donors and adoption. More ladies can take care of themselves financially, and female friends tend to be more supportive to their friends emotionally (in my opinion compared to men who are hardly talking about feelings), so they probably need spousal comfort a bit less.

MrBrownJay1:
arrant gibberish nonsense... more than often , child support is given to single unemployed parents and certainly not couples who dont want to have a child together. child support wouldnt solve the issue here because you are so hellbent on forcing that baby unto someone that you failed to understand the main issue here....this man DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS BABE. this is the main issue here, nothing else. now, your duty is to answer this very important question: why should a man who does not want to have achild, be forced to have one?!

I saw this late but I'm really interested in this conversation. First, to respond to your question, I believe guys should understand biology and should know the risks of pregnancy even with condoms. Except he claims to be raped, the only stage where he's involved is at conception and the pregnancy/delivery doesn't require his "approval".

More importantly, I am really interested in learning about the developed countries where child support is mostly given to single unemployed parents. For all the states I'm aware in the US, the only way a man can avoid child support is if the child was adopted by someone else. Even if the man wants abortion, as long as the child is born, it is seen as the child's right to have access to resources from both parents. Many women end up having physical custody of the children, so, men end up with child support.

I'm really interested in learning about these developed places you are referencing where a man can force a lady into abortion or decline child support on that basis

Maynman:
But when a lady doesn’t want a baby, she’s free to do abortion, why can’t the man also have a say?

My brother, it's the way nature is set up oh. The man has a say at the point of conception and beyond that, the baby is growing inside the woman and not the man.

In general, I think many people will agree bodily autonomy makes is wrong for us to force adults (male or female) to go through surgeries of any kind since they are the ones bearing the risk. I just don't think abortion is any different.

MrBrownJay1:
tell her the truth about how you feel...tell her you dont want this baby, tell her you have no plan to be with her nor in this baby life, let her understand from the get go that you aint got what she wants from you (aka step up to be that baby's father ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE WEARING CD)....dont go about being all gentle about it, go straight to the point! this is a mistake that you both did, and that needs to be fixed. at best, she will be a single mother with a baby daddy!

This is why many developed countries have a child support system in place to ensure that people cannot choose to leave their financial responsibilities. No one can force him to be there physically/emotionally for the child, but if the child is his, it is still his financial obligation to support.

When people copulate, everyone should know there is a risk of pregnancy since even condoms aren't 100% effective and for guys, we are unable to determine what happens afterwards. I think it is morally reprehensible to force or emotionally blackmail someone into abortion where there is a risk of permanent damage or death. No one thinks the unmarried lady's life will ever remain the same after the pregnancy and childbirth either. She is the one with more on the line.

For both genders, part of being an adult is responsibility and fulfilling your obligations.

SmileDance:
It's not easy to be someone's stepmother/stepfather but what do I know

I agree totally, especially for someone who has no experience with raising children. Even new marriages without children already have enough issues.

While I have no problems with the idea of it, I would need to get along with the child to some extent, and I would need to feel like I am not in competition with the child for my wife's attention. So, we should still feel like one even in raising the child (as much as possible)

It's 2022; you can get paternity tests while a baby is in the womb. That should be your first step.

If the baby is yours, then congratulations �. You need to be a responsible adult, inform your wife, and work with your girlfriend on a plan to take care of your kid. But you are not responsible for sponsoring her trip abroad.

Why does love have to be independent of reason and attraction?

How many guys will get married to someone they don't find physically attractive? And even now, there's been many threads of guys saying they don't want ladies without good jobs to contribute to the family as well.

Each person has a right to what they want. You only have to find the one person who wants the same qualities you offer.

Kobojunkie:
Ofcourse not! There is adoption for those cases. Why give up on what could turn out the best kind of relationship ever if you don't have to?

I know oh! Despite how difficult it is to find the one person who aligns with your views, values, and spec for a relationship.

For people who have a problem with adoption, the test is to ask what if they themselves were unable to have children. Would they still want a partner to stay with them? Many people are unable to have children due to no fault of their own.

Ladiesdoctor:
Will Smith no even slap am well well sef.

You don't crack jokes on people without seeking permission.

Rubbish oscar award

Hahaha since when? What public figure doesn't go through criticism or jokes? Being an adult includes having self control.

Will needs to apologize for this because it is unacceptable

Eriokanmi:
Let him lose it. Bkack man and misbehaviour everywhere. It's in the DNA. They migrated to the USA over 300 years ago yet, that black man's character has never eluded them...DNA is so strong my people. If you go to the USA, in spite of their exposure and the fact that many of them have never been to Africa in their entire life since their great-great grannies migrated as a result of slavery to the USA, they still behave like Africans.

No white man wouid behave like will Smith had done. He'd just walk away to avoid embarrassment. Their name means a lot to them so, they guide it jealously. I wish Smith could lose the Oscar to serve as a deterrent to others.

What sort of racist nonsense is this? How ignorant to believe that "misbehavior" is in the DNA of an entire race.

Black people in many countries have been trying to eradicate the effects of such prejudice from other races, and here you are setting us back.

1Sharon:
Don't gaslight me abeg. On this very forum, men have repeatedly stated women who are highly educated and thus very successful are a turn off because they won't submit and allow them to dominate.

Nigerian men have an issue with a woman that even owns a car for Christ sake!

I think the idea of going to the village to pick a less educated lady is like men here also saying they would rather marry foreign women than Nigerians. It's one of those things they say because of perceived concerns (that those girls are more respectful or not in the relationship for money), but doesn't really translate to reality since most of them will end up married to educated Nigerians.

The issue with a woman who owns her car is probably related to inferiority complex or the perception that the lady would want a guy who makes more and would be able to financially support her.