₦airaland Forum

@poster

this looks like a conversion. pls be specific. thanks.

@poster

its very difficult dont let trust issue bother you at all because if you do then you might end up breaking what would have been a long lastin which might lead to marriage. as i said earlier is all about the other person not about you in this case. you know if you guys were together then you will be able to talk more and sort out any issues at hand but because of the distance you have to endure most things. eg from friday till today i have spent £40 on calling credit alone mostly to my fiancee. and yes i am a man and since i have been with her i havent looked at any other woman. simply i wake up in the morning go to my school, work and home and that has been my routine for the last 15months, this only changes when i either want to go and buy foodstuffs which i do once a month or send money which is also once a month. sometimes i call her and she doesnt answer and when she eventually does i ask her why she didnt pick up if she says she is busy then i cant doubt her. since you are not there to see things yourself you just have to take their word for it.

just keep communicating and put your feelings aside because as you said if he is being pressurred at work and you are also complaining he might get too disturbed and end it all.

sorry for the long posting, just wanted to share a few things with you guys thats all.

@poster

i understand exactly ow u feel but all i will say is keep hanging in there and sometimes you just have to keep your feelings to urself. in respect to tough times. i am in one right now. her parents are giving her too much stress and pressures at home plainly because we are from different tribes igbo and yoruba.  so that is putting stress on the relationship for the past few weeks,  i have been the one always doing the calling and communication even if i feel i am not getting much attention i should be getting, but all i can do is take things the way they are and continue supporting her and just overlook it. as it is only for a short time.

out of sight doesnt necessarily or does not always equals to out of mind.

@190

its very difficult and hard work and also it depends on the individuals involved. it didnt work for you doesnt mean it wont work for others.

@poster

i can understand what you going through and how you feel. thats what happens you both tend to disagree and argue on most things and it makes matters worse becuse there is nothing you can do about it. thats why i said somethings would happen that if you were in naija you both would have trashed it out but cos u r here you just have to put up with most things. and in regards to the insecurity you just have to believe and trust ur guy although its not that easy becos right now anytime i cal my babe and she doesnt answer, different thoughts start going through my mind. even thou i trust her soo much but few things happening at the minute is not making all well.

you definately need more than love.

@poster

its very difficult as it requires a lot of patience and understanding. i am in one for more than 15months now this year alone i have made 3trips to naija already just to spend time with her.  and already getting packed again for january. constant communication, emails, phone calls really help and sometimes you take things easy as fighting wull only makes matters worse.

Educative.

personally to me uk is a convinient place to live in in repect to light, no fear of armed robber or police wahala. and also all the benefits that comes with it, but notwithstanding i have decided to go back to naija on completion of my studies next year, armed with my qualifications, work experience, and hoping wil get a good and well paid job.

@poster no offence intended, u failed to mention this is a conversion, look at he passenger side down and u will notice so pls correct ur post nd ur price .

we have known each other for over 12yrs bwwn dating for 15months 13days today. i want to get married to her her parents are not ready to accept me yet so still hanging in there.

@poster

ol boy na wao ooo. u try sha but all i might sound stupid but is it possible for a virgin to get pregnant ? and also poster

in lady2 condition it isnt adviceasble to tell her anything for now ooo. so as not to cause her stress which might lead to the loss of her baby. and also is it not possible to know the dna or paternity of a baby before he/she is born ?

i knw that you are planning to get married to lady2 before she delivers so really u r at a cross road here. because when u get married and find out lady number1 baby is yours ur wife will be very upset and only God knows what might happen after then, so i dont have any advice to give you than to watch and pray.

@poster

the most you will get is chaffeur driven cars and also if its withing lagos the price may vary depending on the type of car you want and also if you travel outside lagos it attracts an additional charge.

its going cost aroung 10k  naira upwards per day. so my advice is when you land in naija you can look for one of these unpainted taxis and arrange with one of them to pick and drop you off anytime you need him, its always cheaper that way. thats the way i do when i go to naija.

running a home traditionally its a mans responsibility to provide financially for the household needs while the wife/woman takes care of the household, eg, cleaning, dishes, laundry. but this is 2009 and nowadays sole income in the house is not enough to cover the bills of the house except you are one of the lucky men that earn 6figure income and prefer your wives to be full time housewives. which isnt adviceable beause to those women it means anytime they need something. eg, sanitary towel, roll on, perfume, bra and pant they will be asking the husband for money. and this was the case amongst some of our parents, which means when it comes to decision making in the house the woman doesnt have a say because she has no right to as its the husband that does everything. this i know because i know some families like that.  


its always best to an extent for a couple to share the bills and expenses together. even if there is need or no need. sometimes its best for a woman to just tell the husband not to give her money for food for that month as she wants to use her own money for that for that month to stock up the home with foodstuffs. thats what a Home shoud be like. A woman shouldnt wait until when there is trouble or need for her to contribute or help out her husband in the home before she does.

truly the woman is a helper and when the man is taking care of the important bills, such as rent, school fees, dstv, petrol, at least the woman should be able to buy the remaining little lttle things needed in the house and when the man is broke assist for that period because there is always a point in a mans life that he will be broke financially due to salary not paid yet or people oweing him for work done or business deals which paymnt has not been paid yet.


also when the man is at home on weekends or less busy and at home he should also help the woman out in the house cleaning and washing.personally when am in naija and my fiancee is still sleeping on a saturday morning i wake up and get the mop and mop the whole place and when she offers to help i tell her not to worry and go and do other things.

women shouldnt leave the whole financial responsibility of the household to the husband alone even if he request sometimes insists on contributing or helping out , and also men shouldnt leave the whole household chores to the wife alone also they should help when available and shouldnt have to wait for the wife to ask them.


sorry for the esay guys.

@bandore

406prestige, full optioned, factory fitted all and alloys leather. clean no scrather, how much will land it in naija customed cleared and duty paid. how much will it cost ? and also is it possible for you to get left LHD if not whats the conversion like and what sort of problems might or will arise after conversion ? thanks

And they say police is your friend. where is madam rebrander, is this part of rebranding. thats what happens in a country like nigeria where they just hand out guns to policemen anyhow giving them licence to intimidate people and misbehave.

Nigeria needs to retrain its policemen and also collect guns from them and give them taser guns and only allow specially trained and mentally balanced ones to carry guns.

imagine becos of kpekere one mentally imbalanced nearly snuff the life out of that young boy who am sure is already dreaming about newyear and preparing to buy xmas cloth. thanks God say he will leave to see his dreams come through.

@poster

in as much as i wouldnt advice you not to get married now due to lack of funds. but if you are willing to go ahead with it. then place and make it lowkey. you dont spend what you dont have and dont go borrowing because he who goes aborowwing goes a sorrowing.

just go to the registry with you parents, siblings and 1 or 2friends and seal the deal there and go back home chop rice and chicken or food you can make infact you can do it the way oyinbos do it here. just make sandwich, sausage, crips, biscuits with coke. and ribena mixed with water inside 50litres of party filter. every one present, eat and go to their house chikena.

and in future when you guys are financially buoyant enough you can renew your marriage vows again in grand style.

@poster

when we were kids am sure some of us have accepted lifts from our neighbours going to work or their children going to the same school with us.

in regards to your wife getting lifts. i dont see anything bad in it after all the said man in question is her collegue. if you are not comfortable what you can do is strike up a relationship with the man in question i mean try and be friends with him. so at least yhat can ease your mind a bit and if you cant do it then you have to get your wife a small car to be pushing around thats if you cant afford a toks or new one. at least there are good clean naija used car that wont cost you much.

i used to accept lift from a female collegues at work when she used to work in my office but i am a very disciplined man and those evil thoughts will not cross my mind. and i know the same goes for my woman.sometimes i offer to contribute to the petrol money when she stops at the filling station to buy fuel.

  dont stress urself over nothing bearing in mind travelling on public transport in naija in the morning is always stressful and people always rush for bus.

would you prefer you wife queing at 7up busstop on a rainy day, hot weather waiting for bus while a collegue who might have an honest intention gives her a free lift to work every morning ?

but whichever way the devils is always lurking round the corner looking for who to devour. so dont let your wife always make it a habit of doing it everyday. if you have a car take her to work yourself or morestill arrange a taxi to drop her off and pick her back up after worl.

abomination. lai lai. it will and can never happen. he/she should go somewhere else. chikena!!!!

This is a very bad practice first of all the EFCC has no business recovering loans from debtors on behalf of banks. and also for them to be collecting 10% is morally and ethically wrong because it simply means these banks wont be able to account for the whole funds recovered back. in western world thats why they have credit ratings as well as debt collecting agencies to recover bad loans from debtors they dont start calling so19 or scotland yard to start chasing debtors.

But also i would understand why the efcc has been involved which to my own understanding i will say it is due to the culture of Nigerians in repaying back loans taken from banks. most nigerians will prefer to take the case to court and start stalling which we all know cases in nigeria take long time to be decided. nigeirans prefer to do that rather than repay back loans taken.

The day we nigerians decide to change our mentality and manner of approach towards things and life that day nigeria will get better.

agreed money and success is a demon that can make the most humble person start misbehaving. it all depends on the mindset of the individuals involved. as men and women born and raised in naija, we have a different mentality and approach to matters of success, that mostly a high percentage of men see successful women as proud and arrogant and pompous and that scares alot of men away from women like that because they feel they cant measure up to the women.

personally if my fiancee gets more successful than i am i will support her 100% because if she is successful it is my joy and at least she will be assisting me when necessary and also it also keep me also as a man on my toes to strive hard and also work very hard. infact sometimes when she is telling me about how busy she is at work i always ask her to keep pressuring them at work to give her a promotion and increase her pay.

what am trying to say is a successful woman shouldnt make a man get intimidated at all. but i can understand if the woman start allowing her success to get to her head then she should be called to order but intimidation is NOT ACCEPTED.

thanks guys and girls for your comments and suggestions. will relate my findings back to my friend.

@chinenyen.

yes i understand your point of view very well, to be honest my guy has also thought about that as well, but he is trying to put things in place get his apartment in naija sorted out first which should be done by january when he arrives naija and then take things from there. as per bearing in mind that the guy is currently in uk and has been. he doesnt want to selfish by telling the girl as she might see it like that. but its something he is definately thinking of if thats the last resort but taking it easy till when next he is is naija. there are more serious than serious sef.

in regards to the marrying a family, i understand, what i meant in that aspect is that it is both of them that will be living in the house together and not with the parents. yes i know once a guys marries an igbo girl he marries the family as well. my guy has no issues with family as his own family are ok and not lacking so no inteferance from his side at all.

@kech

thats the thing there most parents dont understand. at first the guys mother said no that she wont allow but the guy being a very strict guy that will go to an extent to get whats he wants fought with the mother and told her that wether she likes it or not he will marry her and told the mother that if she doesnt come for the wedding, someone else will take her place. that was when my guy was in naija in may this year but suprisingly the mother is now the one asking after the girl and telling my guy that na wao the girl cant even call her to greet her and see how she is doing, basically meaning the guys mother has noe come to accept the girl as the guy has stood his ground.

Parents fail to understand that marriage is all about the 2 people involved. we have marriages to same tribe as well as to different tribe that has broken down and also marriages that have stayed strong and still going to same tribe and different tribes.

yes so igbo men can be a bit hard but you know when the man start saying, i will disown you, over my deadbody will you marry a yoruba man, this is bound to make the girl scared. well it all lies with the girl but my friend is scared of loosing her because he loves her so much. to the extent that when the girl told the guy what her father said, my guy collapsed immediately.

@chinenyen

haba getting the girl pregnant might be good but to be honest the girl doesnt want to get pregnant because no girl wants to get pregnant before she is married and also dont want to bring shame to her family if you understand my point. and also my friend doesnt want to suggest that to the girl either as she might think he is being selfish you know the way you women think sometimes.

@tpia

is it not by force to marry outside your tribe but this is 2009 and tribe should be an hinderance to happiness of two people in love with one another. love can carry anyone to any country and to any tribe.

The guy is patient and supportive of the girl but you know women in situations like this seeing the person also helps to reduce the pressure from her parents. but this cant be the case as the guy cant afford to travel home again till january 2010. currently the girl has been keeping to herself at home and doesnt even eat at home according to her, she eats before getting home and goes straight to bed at night.

the girl in question is from Anambra in a place called niise and the guy is from ondo state.

yesterday night i ate chips, ketchup and mayyonaise.

today breakfast/lunch is chips, ketcup and mayyonaise and twining strawberry tea.

even if the mama puts and markets are dirty and infected with flies, a fast food join should at least make sure that food, hygiene are paramount.

thats why niaja should have health and safety department under ministry of healt or something to always go round and inpect all these fast food joints.

they are charging you 1000k for a plate of rice and chicken, you are paying them so therefore the least you will expect is that the food you are eating is well stored and made under good healthy conditions. if you eat in mamput you dont expect less or much from them afterall all athe same food in ss will cost you 1k and in mamput it will only cost you 300nira.

@mmcloud

i understnad where you are coming from but what i am saying is do not generalize the issue at hand.

when it comes to criticising people believe me i am megarly good at it. but desite the situation we should generalize because there are people who are willing to make changes and all they need is an opportunity.

instead of banning the okada riders they would have simply converted to tricycles otherwise known as keke napep, and fut infastructures in place so that they will be good roads for them to ply. by banning okada is not the solution example is like them banning okada in lagos, it wont work simply because of the traffic situation, bad roads, congestions on third mainland bridge. in other countries abroad, they have alternative methods of transport system eg, trams, trains, underground. these things helps to reduce trafffic jams on the busy road and motorways.

by banning the okada riders, then all there are doing is making the economic situation worse beause some of them the okada is their only source of lively hood and when they take it away from them, they turn to armed robbers, kidnappers.

it never cease to amaze me about the current nigerian leaders. how can they be asking such daft and stupid questions ? have they taken trips to many secondary schools in nigeria to see the unquipped labs, bad lecture rooms, no textbooks, no well quiped libraries, no proper buildings to teach students. how can these students pass when they have to go an pay teachers for private lessons and for parents that cant afford the extra lessons, they fail. also is there proper check and balances put in place to check the accuracy of the markings of the so called teachers that mark the answer booklet of these students ?

i also at a time wrote waec and i only had 1 or 2credits the rest were passes and when i did neco i passed well, only to find out the waec script wasnt market well when someone checked my answer booklet for me as a favor with waec.

whoever advices the governemnt to make such speeaches should bury his/her head in shame because i belive they read the newspapaer on a daily basis. the other day in next234 a publication was made and the picture showed students sitting down on the floor. in exams how can they pass? well i dont blame them because majority of them their children are all abroad studying in good schools so they dont care about the rest that cant afford to travel abroad.

chire:
true talk my brother.

it is easy to say black people dont like to do things right. are oyu not black are you not afircan if the economy was better wont you do things right even right now as the economy is dont you always like to do what is right ?

when you mean mindset of people its best you elaborate more on it and dont just make it vague. because when you say mindset i will look at it from a point of greediness amongst the people in power who see every areas nigeira is lacking in as an opportunity to cash in on their investments via dubious means and inflated contracts, loans without collateral, increase in petrol prices, high cost of generators, importation of substandard generators and adultrated petrol. this is the mindset i will assume you are saying. because i as a nigerian and a patriotic one, even as much as i despise the way nigeria is, i will not point accusing fingers or quick to castigate those nigerians who have stood up and made positive changes to make nigeria a better country. an example is fashola of lagos state. he is black he is nigerian and he is making changes in nigeria.

people in power wrestle against not flesh and blood but against principilities and unseen forces. these that said mindset of people to an extent are wrong, because there are people in Nigeria who want to do the right thing and have the strength to do it but because of the way the economy is they do the wrong thing.

look at the case of the teacher who rejected 2million naira offer because it was an error, she did the right thing, lets be honest amongst ourselves some of us here on nairaland who have considered taking the money and keeping quiet, if i was in the woman shoes, and in nigeria and suffering, no electric,no hope for the future , i will take the money not because i like to but because the economy has put me in the spot and by taking that money i can make do better with it.

in nigeira we have people with skills and talent, web designers, people with skills and abilities ot own their own businesses but because of lack of power supply they cant afford to do so because they cant afford a generator and even the big companies that employ people cocacola and co are moving away from nigeria because it is costing them a fortune to run their business 24/7 on diesel and petrol.  which should be the case as these generators are meant for backup electricity supply and not main source of electric. so i say power is the most important followed by everything else. which will make corruption number 2.