₦airaland Forum

chillin:
broo!! wait no longer!!! flog her n' letz see watz gonn happen!! mehn your ass is straight 2 jail!! uhmmm beat her in public uhmm this is gettin serious!! "even when she has children"??   uhhhhh boiii!! u funny!! ohh yeahh we'v got juss 2 choices?? african or european?? what happened 2 asian and american

Hey Chilling, you alright?

what is American culture? does such a thing exist? And Asian culture is the same as African, very derogatory to women. Does anyone remember the woman who got gang raped because her brother was talking to a girl? And this was the traditional law in some part of Asia (pakistan if I remember correctly)
don't get me wrong here mate, I definitely have no intentions of flogging a woman, neither will I be with anyone who thinks so lowly of herself that she would allow me to flog her. That's just wrong. The last Nigeria babe I dated was earning about 1/4 of what I earned, so it made sense that I would do most of the spending. I needed an amount of struture in my finances, so I opened a joint account for our trips. Things went awry when I told her that she also had to contribute something to the relationship. She absolutely didn't want to drop N1. Can you imagine, here I was blasting like 40K a month on a relationship, and she refused to even consider dropping 1K. Dammit.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for Nigeria ladies, but I have to tell you, if you don't get up and do your bit, you will definitely lose a measure of respect from your mate.

Oh, it's not about misery dearest PrettyH, it's just that african tradition is a very male oriented tradition, and women's roles were simply to stay at home, cook and reproduce. i.e. Nothing like headache, nothing like sexual satisfaction for the woman. It was completely male oriented.

Ok. Vinna, in african culture, when a woman serves me my food, she had better kneel down. In african culture, if a woman is rude to me, I have a right as a MAN to flog her publicly, even when she has children. That is african culture. However, you probably don't want me to do that. The way I see it, many african women want to be lazy and enjoy the good parts of african culture that benefits them, while doing away with the parts that are painful. I say this, choose one, be african, or be european.

Meet me halfway!!!

Well, I have absolutely no issues with color. I am more interested in what's inside. If I meet someone who connects with me on many different levels, I can marry that person, regardless of what color she is. Kenya, the way I see your argument, it only applies to people who already have a chip on their shoulder regarding their race and color. If you're okay with the way you look, then why will you go out of your way to promote the black look by dating someone who's black? Now don't get me wrong, I beleive black is beautiful, but that doesn't mean I think white is ugly. They are equally beautiful to me.

And by the way, the europeans who colonised africa are long dead. Do you know that the first Egyptians were probably black? And that they probably had white slaves? What goes around comes around, that's what I say.

ocho:
@Snazzy: long time no talk/fight over 2-face All the best with your new sweetie. Treat your selves well ok twinny?
So back to the topic,My answer, being the real Nigerian girl that i am, would be that the guy pays. Then again I guess it's only fair if whoever asks to go out pays. I observed though that most people in Canada believe that each person should pay for their meals, irrespective of who asked to go out. *i don't exactly like that idea*

I'm not surprised. Everyone wd like a free meal, and the fact is that the average Naija woman is selfish and wd never ask you out on a date.

Soulful:
To reply the person that suggested that I'm perhaps not as emancipated as many others I would actually agree with him.

I think men and women are different. Women do not open doors for men but we d o for them. It's nothing to do with thinking that women are lesser than men or anything like that which would be totally abhorrent but with the fact that at least our women look up to us (whether they admit it or not) and expect us to look after and care for them. Taking a woman out and paying is part of the process afterall it is the man that is doing the wooing!!

In our culture, men pay a bride price etc etc. As an african man I see it as my responsibility to care for my woman and to try and provide for her. Yes, in case you were wondering, a woman these days can earn more than a man and thats ok but the man must still do his bit...he should still take her out and do whatever he can. She can deal with whatever she can deal with.....

Soulful, I assume you are Nigerian. Now my question is this: Did your grandfather and great-grandfather open the door for their wives? I sincerely doubt it. That is culture. According to our culture, a woman WAS your property, and you bought her off her parents. When you married her, you could do ANYTHING you wanted with her. That is culture. Opening the door for women on the other hand is NOT Nigerian culture. You have a choice here, if you choose to follow Nigerian culture, follow it to the end. If you choose European culture, follow it through as well. But remember that the idea of a man being responsible for his woman comes from the days when it was an abomination for women to even answer back to a man. In those days, you had to take care of your woman, the same way you took care of your children, your farm, and your animal. I suggest that by encouraging women to pay for themselves, we are actually giving them an equal opportunity. But the fact is that most women would rather take the easy part of european culture and leave out the responsibility thereof. And apparently some guys will let them.

Hello Soulful, your post smacks of a slight amount of prejudice. I tend to be more liberated, to the extent that I'm almost a feminist, even though I'm male. Apart from some physical attributes and abilities, I don't think women are different from men. I have met intelligent women that absolutely humbled me, yet I am known as quite an intelligent person. It has nothing to do with being a man my brother. I always encourage women to be all they can do, and play larger roles in the society. I have no problems with a woman paying for dinner, in the same way that I have no problems paying the bills when I eat out with a woman. I simply don't see why it is my responsibility "as a man". What am I, a walking wallet? A talking credit card??

If I invite a babe out for a date, I make sure I hold enuff money to pay. The first time I invited a babe out for a date (oceanview) I held 50K. If the girl now decides to pay half, then it's a different question.

Even here in the UK where everyone goes dutch, I tend to make sure we all know I can't afford to pay for everyone. I must confess that back in Naija, it became a slight turnoff to me that women were always expecting me to pay their bills. Even when they initiated the date. I once was in a position where a babe asked me to go with her on a dinner date, chose the restaurant (Imperial chinese, I told her I preferred Biggs) and then when I asked who was paying the bill, she said I was cheap. I had to tell her that if I was cheap, then she was a freeloader. The dinner never held.

mckaycee:
nothing like being sexually open-minded. Does it not bother you that she must hsve done it to some other guyz. Men! what happens to sanity. HIV/AIDS is real.
Anyway, I'm not talking about wife here.

Quick question: Have you ever had sex? If so, are you planning to marry everyone you sleep/slept with? I find myself easily able to maintain a single sex partner at one time. HIV has ways of prevention, so that is not an issue. I like mind blowing sex. I am able to give my partner mind blowing sex because I have experimented with sex over the years. I don't expect to marry a girl who can give mind blowing sex and still be a virgin, that would be rather..... bizzare don't you think?

That said, I probably would shy away from a party with my girlfriend if I was serious with her. What if she asked me for a party on her own birthday (me, another guy and her). Naah, I'm not that liberated.

Assuming the pregnancy is mine (rather strange since I always use protection), I would claim responsibility. But I won't neccessarily marry her, unless I was already planning to do so.

I'm not a girl so I can't be sure, but In my opinion though, it has to do with the excitement, the excess energy and imagination, as well as the love for adventure that are vital components of the average bad boy. Let's be frank, most of us crave some form of adventure, whether at work or elsewhere.

Why is she not your girl? The fact that she is relatively open minded sexually doesn't mean she won't make a good wife.

Hmm. I would definitely call, unless I felt that my call wouldn't be welcome.

Oh yess! I need a lover as well (any takers?)

We need more information, can you tell me the reason why she wants to "dump" you? I bet she didn't say "I know you're crazy about me, so I'm going to dump you now". Or did she?

I think that may be a matter of opinion. Everyone is attracted to power, but because it is more of a man's world, very often women have to go through a man to get these things. Men being attracted to sexuality is also relative. In today's world, most men will go after a combination of sexuality and intellect, sexuality on it's own is plain boring.

Regarding the housegirl matter, it doesn't always have to be sexuality, sometimes some men simply go for peace, quiet and a lack of competetion and agression. And of course there's always the "new cow syndrome"

I don't think you're heartless. Sometimes people play these "games". It's entirely up to you however, and my suggestion is to let herknow that you're not ready to start meeting her family yet. Just make sure you both talk about it and don't do anything drastic.

Are you guys intimate? If so, it just may be excessive sexual expression that leads her to this obsession whereby she feels that she is in love with you. I agree with you, don't meet her relatives yet, things like that can put unneccessary strain on a fledgling relationship

babagana:
Oh come on now banderas what d'yu think of guys in Nigeria here. I think you're not in touch with this country. this has nothing to do with emotional immaturity. Its more of sexes and tradition. Its simply not a ladies job its believed to ask guys out. Its more to do with tradition and societal expectation of poeple here. I cannot speak for the ladies but I do think they do not see it as there role to play the "spinner". Give us a break please and not unders-etimate our maturity level. May be you guys there go to the moon to date and we date in our rotunda mud houses but we cannot be denied having a more stable emotional maturity.

Hahaha. Well, considering the fact that I only moved here in May this year, I think I am in a really good position to rate Naija boys. But you do have a point there, it is more of a cultural thing than a maturity thing.

Unfortunate, but the average Naija boy is quite immature emotionally, as well as being old fashioned (goes for Naija babes as well). So most naija guys can't handle being asked out, and most naija babes still beleive it's the man's responsibility.

Well, it depends. What are you meeting her parents as? As a friend or as a bf? It all depends on the way the girl is, I have come a cross a number of girls whose moms are more like their elder sisters. But most of the time, it's simply a caseof a babe who is so in love with the idea of falling in love, and feels that she's practically married.

The answer is simple. Exposure and ability. And cost. Nigeria has no scarcity of good minds, but we sure do have a massive scarcity of experienced minds. One of the first questions I was asked as a programmer in this country was how many lines of code I used on average. The answer? Quite a number. But the fact was that my code was buggy and patchy, with the patches being patched. There seems to be a distinct lack of professionalism in Nigeria. I used to work in an ISP in Naija, and the uptime was waaay below 85% (I know, I wrote a code to measure it).

I think we are simply used to mediocre solutions.

Diddly squat. Women don't do romantic things, they just expect romantic things to be done to and for them.

I have no idea whether she liked it or not. But I know for sure that I enjoyed it immensely. And throughout that summer, me and Terri used to steal kisses at odd hours. And then we got caught.

Now this is really odd... you guys don't know what groping means? Groping is the process whereby the hands of one person moves randomly over the sensitive parts of the other person't body. If you want anything more graphic, it may have to be via IM

I was 12, she was 14 and she was DAMN HOT. We used to do holiday lessons together. She came and asked me whether I had ever kissed a girl. I lied and told her of course I had, then she told me to show her how. I was like "what!!?" And then she told me again to kiss her like I kissed the girl. It was like nothing I'd ever done before. Naturally, having been well jisted by my older cousins, my hands soon started to grope.....

I think there is no way out of this one.

If women didn't go for men who posed, no guy would pose (prolly the reason why most men over 28 stop posing)
We all have things that we can't live without, both guys and girls. Some women can't bear a guy who's shorter than she is. Some men can't handle a woman who's not attractive. It's all about expectations, and meeting these expectations.

A friend of mine once told me that before he goes into any relationship, he asks himself what is expected of him in the relationship, and draws a parallel between that and what he has to offer. Anything else would be absolute folly.

Sexist? What a terrible understatement. The entire Naija is forward looking, ambitious, and constantly trying to break out of it's social and economic boundaries. So as a matter of the fact is most of the world. There is nothing wrong in Naija babes trying to be funky, u see that sort of thing everywhere in this world, otherwise the fashion industry wd not be so successful

Nothing wrong with it, in my point of view.

Naijajams, if every nigerian outside were to come back, where wd they work? Where wd they live? On which roads wd the drive? What power supply wd they use?

I beg to differ, they wd prolly strain the existing resources, and not make things any better