₦airaland Forum

AllKnowing:
It’s going to be really unhealthy for you both. Get out and go find new partners. End this charade.

Though I take it that it has ended!

I'm tempted to ask if this is real... But Gen Z..!!
He earns 400k.. so all his salary should go to u, not just u but a phone that will be dumped after a year or 2

sisisioge:
Them no fit work....because of mental health
Them no fit wear cloth.....na mental health
Them no fit pay their Bills....na the same mental health.
Them no fit conduct themselves in public....na mental health.

They have redefined mental health for the rest of us

As in.. and it stems from the feeling of high entitlement and the belief that the world revolves around them alone forgetting we need to consider the other person and make sacrifices for one another for us all to have more fulfilling lives.
Look at that one above talking about how you feel--when you are destroying yourself! Imagine leaving a child to enter fire because he feels happy with the fire

Pls drop this mental health jargon!!
Any small thing, Gen Z will be shouting mental health...

PlayerMeji:
Mental Health is a serious issue we need to begin to take seriously.

I am not holding briefs for madam nude but I think she has struck a chord a lot of people are not talking about in this country. Mental Health...

Lots of people are dealing with mental issues and there are not a lot of people to talk to about it...I read early about a lady who slaughtered a kid in the South East... there are lots of people who are having mental issues and we wonder why they do what they are doing...

peekspot:
https://punchng.com/subsidy-petrol-price-will-come-down-says-nnpc/

.
Will d price come down below the cost price? Is 488 not the landing cost?

calmandwild101:
PAnd what made you think,after counseling she won’t put up this same attitude anytime she’s having issues with her husband.lemme tell you,she’s an adult she know what’s right and what’s wrong.i believe if any of her friend comes to her for marital advise she wouldn’t go this way.So,sometimes the advise we give others,we also need it as well

You would be surprised she doesn't.. A lot of people don't think through long term effect of their actions.... Having an elder or someone she looks up to, break it down can actually do a lot of pleasant change. Or even if she knows, that elderly talk can JOLT OUT a change.

calmandwild101:
For how long would he continue to wait for her to grow up and know that sometime you need to break your rules for your loved one especially your partner

That is why the first step is to get her counselled.. She cares for him when she isn't upset with him. According to OP, she puts on her dismissive attitude when she is unhappy with him which shows she is just without wisdom... Counselling would hopefully help her with that wisdom. Rather than OP exercising himself in those her bad habits and charging the atmosphere of the home.

Where are you seeing the frustrations ?
So don't ever use the clause 'even rich pple ... are not married' like d society thinks marriage depends only on money

Angelfrost:
Your life frustrations are not my headache...!

I never said Marriage is solely dependent on money, that was your pitiably flawed deduction stemming from your diminished objectivity.

Marriage is simply not for everyone! Whether rich or poor! Thank you.

Kindly keep quiet!!! There are several rich people in different areas of endeavours who are married and that for a long time!!

Angelfrost:
Stay single, una no go hear!... I don't pity any of you!


If big and balling made men like Wizzy, Flavour, and Burna are still single with all their endless wealth, broke ass Negroes will be falling into unions all in the name of Love!

What a Pity!!!

You didn't answer no 2 question.

CuriousMind2022:
Her resentment actually died. At least we have gone past having physical fights in our marriage. The only thing is that she lacks enthusiasm in making the marriage work.

Before we settled after that incident, she was asked both by our Pastors and by my elder brother and his wife, if she wanted to continue with the marriage, and she affirmed yes. I just don't know why she is not ready to put in the work to make it work.

Personally, I wouldn't feel bad if my marriage collapses now, because I have done my best. And unlike last year, when I took full responsibility for our marital problems, because I knew I was largely the cause, that is not the case today, because God knows I have done my best.

What Penking said is quite embarrassing!! He can you say migrating to UK is THE hope of Nigerians...
Nigeria can surely be a better place with good goverance.

CuriousMind2022:
Pocohantas, you're a very popular moniker here, so I know you very well. And I will take my time to respond to you. This is also my alternate moniker, which I created last year while my marriage was on the verge of collapsing.

You read my thread and I don't blame you for making the assumptions that you made.

March 22, 2022, is a day I will never forget in my life. On that fateful day, my wife and I had a fight and she pulled five kitchen knives on me, that she will kill me, kill herself and then call our parents to come take our baby. Unknowingly, to me, my wife whom I married had become filled with so much resentment for me.

For clarity
1. So after this, did her resentment reduce or go?
2. B4 this incident, did she use to careless about /ignore you when she is angry with you?

Klass99:
Lol 🤣. You think so? But I've heard from some married men that, that recipe actually got them results and it has gotten me results too in my personal relationships with family, friends and the opposite sex.

If the marriage crashes it will be because the wife is from a broken/faulty background and she truly doesn't care for the OP. It won't necessarily be because he gave her a dose of her medicine. I mean think about it.........he is already treating her well and not getting the same energy or even a tiny bit of good energy.

I dey change narrative for people and it does wonders for our relationship. It's always amazing how they quickly adjust and start acting right like they should have all along.

Those are relationships. In marriage, it can be very different. To be sure, constant retaliations like that is a leading cause of marriage breakdowns... OP get her(&u) counselling fast!!!

Klass99:
Aww......you genuinely sound like a good man. It's sad you are not getting the love and attention you want and deserve.

Actions speak louder than words perhaps you need to change the narrative for her to get better results in your marriage.

Notice I didn't say talk to her or communicate your concerns. Show her what you can do by your actions, show her that two can play this game she's playing. Don't buy into the narrative that two wrongs don't make a right.

From personal experience two wrongs do make a right - it is called giving people a dose of their own medicine, which usually pains them and sensible people know not to mess with you again or they adjust their conduct. But it's your call.

klass99, this is a recipe for disaster esp in marriage!! @ OP Take note two wrongs will crash the marriage in no time.. that's d direction 2 wrongs will take you.. esp with someone like her who did not grow up seeing a marriage work.

Well..love is not just emotions but a commitment which includes a commitment to respect and treat the other person well. She is not showing that commitment which won't even cost her much based on how committed you seem... To me she is just not being wise. I don't believe she has lost feelings for u. (Just that feelings isn't enough, commitment is much more important). I think you should seek out counselling for her (&yourself) either from religious leaders or family elders.

CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

Is this just in Nigeria or Africa as a whole?

Kobojunkie:
The general lack of discipline In society for one. Isn't that majorly why even law enforcement still resorts to flogging residents in order to get them to act appropriately?

Kobojunkie:
It is everywhere you look.

Pls point it out

Pls tell, what is this cost to Africa and also Asia?

Also, do u have kids yet?

You are talking about will-- have you seen how an uncontrolled will leads to ridiculous juvi delinquencies in d West?

Kobojunkie:
1. I didn't ask you of your private suggestion regarding what you call herbs or vegetables. I asked you whether the end result would not have been similar..

2. You were flogged primarily because your mother and your father believed flogging was the only capable option there was. Generations before them were fed that tale as well that flogging was the best option. But here I asked you of another option that could have aided and you seem unable to process it.

3. Flogging may not have been needed at all. That reset that flogging gives a child comes at a cost. Look around Nigeria, and all of Africa, to see that cost.

4. If your mother had not only studied you but also studied other ways to get to you, she wouldn't have needed to flog at all as she would have realized that even for the most stubborn, there are alternative ways to reach the child without needing to damage his or her will.

I sure agree @mrvitalis that not all infrastructural projects lead to proportional returns for the economy.. Some are just for better standard of life. BUT some infrastructure like electricity are very important for the economy as not every small scale manufacturer in all parts of the country can afford a gas plant or running diesel gens.
Meanwhile d investment you are talking about can even come by FDIs but then security situation, bad policies & lack of rule of law have chased away investors

If I may ask,
Pls what is your product?
And what is your power source? Gas or diesel?

mrvitalis:
You don't need electricity it's not a a factor businesses consider

Generating electricity in Nigeria is already cheap or every business ...I personally run a factory that has never been contacted to NEPA n never will yet power accounts for less than 5% of my cost of production

Power is not important for now we are too broke for that

AutoConsult:
Some children need beating at a certain age. It works very well. I recall I used to be a very stubborn child. One day, my mum beat me and almost broke my hand. That was the last time she beat me, cos I changed completely after that. They even noticed in school.

@bepositive11
A lot of stubborn children do change cos of beating.
In any case if they don't, take their case to their Creator!

NO. The flogging would have already given them the ability for SELF-CONTROL. They would be used to not doing the habit already. And they wouldn't need to esp if you have told them why it is not good. Also, when they become adults, they have come into some understanding on why some habits like laziness or stealing are bad.. at that point they don't need to start fighting those habits-- they are already dealt with.
PS: Widespread corruption in Nigeria is majorly because the system provides the opportunity and it seems highly rewarding. But if u don't beat or somehow get stealing out of a child, as an adult even in the face of the gun/prison, he doesn't have a self-control against it.

bepositive11:
If you want your child to believe that flogging is the consequence for their bad actions, what happens when you are not there? They will do those bad actions because you are not their to flog them so the consequences you made them believe don't exist.

If you child or woman flogged you for making mistakes, would you like it? Why flog them if you know that you won't like to be flogged?

That's why u should cane and sort out things that need to be sorted out b4 then.
Though I concede that for Christians, apart from flogging, they need to pray for their kids, set good examples and also teach them(Bible)regularly

Spanki:
Flogging is between 3.6years-10 years old. After then nothing sinks. Sorry...

That's why u should sort out things that needs to be sorted out b4 then

Spanki:
Flogging is between 3.6years-10 years old. After then nothing sinks. Sorry...

See this guy o.. They instilled very sterling qualities in you and u don't value it enough to see that your children should also have it?
Is it not an awesome thing u look very responsible despite ur environment? Is it not great that by 7pm, u would be thinking about how to get home to your wife and children?

seanwilliam:
Beating na him make me no Dey social till now .

When I was young , I would go out to play from morning till night , na torch light my mama go Dey use to find me for neigborhood , my papa was working with a construction company then , if my mama don report me to him, chai I don finish that day . Dem go beat me like a criminal.
Till now, if I go out wether to visit person or to buy something or social gathering, I will always feel the urge to go back home as soon as possible. 7pm, my mind go don Dey my house, even if I no get anything to do. ( now I’m old enough small to be father too o and the fear still Dey affect me till now). And no matter
The situation , it’s extremely unlikely for me to sleep over for person house , as in I must reach my house o, even if I travel and lodge, e go still Dey do me like mske I don Dey house,
My parents frowned at omota lifestyles , now ehn, if you jam me for street, I look so responsible and mature sotey , u go think say na deeper life dem brought me up, but na lie, I be confirm pako.


Yes, beating works on some kids ( like me)

But I won’t raise my kids with beating . It affected my social life,

Let me take u up here again.
Take some time? U think kids have all the time in d world.. b4 u know it they are adults.
Flogging gives them that sense of urgency to change. A small child cannot cope with d pain of flogging so once he smells the cane, he IMMEDIATELY finds a way to control himself against the bad habit you are trying to correct and that SELF CONTROL stays with him.

Kobojunkie:
I was reading newspapers at age 6. I wasn't daft or dumb and yes, I was able to reason as early as 6 years of age. Kids are not imbe_ciles that you think they cannot be talked to. It may take them some time to get it but you continue until they do. It is how they learn. No one comes into this world prewired with knowledge of any or everything. They learn by picking these things up as they go. Flogging it into them does not help them in learning anything aside from the fact that if you are around you are a hindrance to their freedom. That is why the same kids you flog go on to become arseholes and crooks as adults. They never got to in fact learn anything real.

Imagine d magic positive change, caning would do to her. Beating helps a small child with self control. When a small child remembers d possibility of being beaten, the child quickly does away with unwanted habits.

Samantha124:
Well, most village and some township schools still practice it here regardless of it being banished, they do it low key.. ... But if you know your rights as a student, then you can stand up for yourself and the law will support you..

In as much as I don't support corporal punishment, some kids can be demons..😂😂😂.. They will test your level of patience in a way that it has never been tested before.. Last week I was just watching this other video of a high school girl in the US fighting her school teacher for taking her phone from her, she even dislocated the teacher's leg.

You can tell that the girl is from a damaged home.

You cannot beat an 18 yr old, that's why u should beat them when they were small children. Btw, training is not just about caning, it also involves love, giving talks, explaining why something is wrong

Proof is compare rate of juvenile delinquencies in d West versus Africa/Nigeria.

Kobojunkie:
1. My caning ended at age 14, and I turned out much more sane that a good number of those whose torture continued until even their twenties, and you are wanting me to believe that despite the fact that a handful of them still ended up on the wrong side of the law and life anyway, the caning is to praise for all of them not ending up there?

2. What proof do you have for this by the way?

That number u saw go to prison would have been much higher if there was no caning at all. From ages 1--5 especially, the strongest discipline is spanking not grounding and all sort... And it is better a lot of things are sorted at that age range.

Kobojunkie:
I know kids who were wire canned into their adulthood and have the scars to prove it, but yet ended up in prison in the end. So how does that factor in as far as your conclusion?

I was not wire canned. I instead saw the scars left on others as a result of wire-caning. My parent stopped flogging me after an incident at about age 14 by the way.

She apparently feels moving back to d east is a suffering. She feels she is better off in Lagos with more opportunities esp her mother's school. She also feels you can do better in Lagos than East.
You should try to move to Lagos to restart your business.

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

Wire caning might be extreme but thank God for u for that. Otherwise u would prolly have been a terrible nuisance to ur society

Kobojunkie:
Both of them are fking inhumane!

You can tell I am still traumatized from having seen the effects of wire-caning from my childhood...