₦airaland Forum

I'll dump her asap cos i can stand cheats,

Learning how to deal with heartbreak is not a skill we are born with. Getting the news that your ex bleeped up with you brings on intense feelings of confusion and sadness. But there are things you can do to triumph over heartbreak, it is just a matter of setting goals and redirecting your focus from the pain. Here are some quick tips to help you get started.

Get Out of the House
The worst thing you can do at this point is to stay inside and reminisce over your old relationship. You need to interact with your friends and family no matter how hard it might be to visualize talking with other people. Don’t avoid situations because you think your ex will come up in the conversation. If this happens, just tell them that you appreciate their support and quickly change the subject. The more socializing you can do, the more you will occupy your mind with other things.

Treat Yourself
Dealing with heartbreak can zap your energy and dampen your spirits, so a little self-pity is allowed. Treat yourself to a new pair of jeans or something else you have been holding back on. This will give you a small taste of the empowerment and control that you are lacking in your life. Of course you should be careful not to go overboard. Rewarding yourself outside of your means can bring on feelings of guilt. Don’t go on a rabid shopping spree; just find that special item that will bring a smile to your face.

Don’t Punish Yourself
Too many people torture themselves after a break up by listening to sad songs or browsing through old pictures. You should give yourself only one day for pain and suffering. Use this time to get all of the tears and moping out of your system. After this you need to promise yourself that each day you will take another step towards moving on. Everyone deserves one day to wallow in depression, but after this point you simply need to try harder.

Set New Goals
This is the most important step in getting over your heartbreak. You need to visualize the future and where you want to be one year from now. It is best to stay away from relationship goals and instead focus on your personal aspirations. Career ambitions, fitness goals, and financial aspirations are all great places to start. Set incremental goals that will allow you to see progress as work towards the finish line. Each achievement will instill a new level of confidence in you.

Understanding how to deal with heartbreak is the first step in overcoming it. It is true that time heals all wounds, but only for those who want to be healed. Give yourself a short time to be sad, but then motivate yourself to control your destiny. You are the same wonderful person that you were before the break up, and your life will flourish again once you perceiver through this trying time.

it wont be d last, what a pity,

Steps: Decide if this is indeed the relationship for you.
Learn to communicate. You will need to feel comfortable talking about your feelings, and those that you perceive your partner to have. Once you have decided to talk openly about your feelings, you may want to have the talk in an environment in which you feel safe.
Keep in mind that if you are feeling something, your feelings are valid. Do not allow this person to minimize your feelings.
Write down a few things that you want to talk over, and if possible, you should have some examples of the behaviors that you are not comfortable with. Make sure that you have a clear understanding of the issues you would like to address.
Start the conversation with something positive about the person, or about your relationship. People are often defensive when they perceive negativity, so make sure you go in with an open heart. If you can't think of anything good to say, you may want to think over the choice to stay with your partner.
Ask your partner to hear you out, before he or she speaks. If you sense that your partner is not receptive, you may want to have the conversation at a later time.

Tips: Counseling is a great way to talk about your feelings. Couples counseling is even better.
Always talk one on one. Don't bring others into your relationship.
Do not have the conversation over email or over the phone. Body language can tell you a great deal.
Trust your instincts. If it does not feel right, it probably is not.
Take Colonel Sherman Potter's (from M*A*S*H) advice: "Whenever you have trouble with someone you love, you can either stop loving them, or you can love them a whole lot more." One of the best ways to be treated well is to take the initiative. Treat them even better than you have been! The better you treat them, the better they will treat you.

too short

wat if it's insoluble?

:-x

yaaaaaaaaaaaa

after all no be all em go school!

this post should be moved 2 d jokes section, na so d bridemaid sweet reach

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair and every year Stumpy said, "Ya know, Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." And every year, Martha would say "I know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs , and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So one year Stumpy says, "By Jeebers, Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, and if I don't go this time I may nevah go." Martha replies, "Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs , and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So the pilot overhears then and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE WORD, then I won't charge you. But just ONE WORD and it's ten dollars."
They agree and up they go, the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more time, and there is still no word, so he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't."
And Stumpy replies "Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out , but ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

JustGood:
just a question. . .

if you married a British man who acted exactly like that, would you ask if it was a British thing?

good quetion!

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day/seven days a week?

There's a lot to be said about marital bliss,
A while back there was an opening in the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are extremely difficult to fill, requiring an extensive background check, training, and testing before candidates are even considered for the position. After reviewing several applicants and completing all the checks and training, the field was narrowed to the three most promising candidates. The day came for the final test, which would determine which of equally qualified candidates, would get the job.

The final candidates consisted of two men and one woman. The men administering the test took the first candidate, a man, down a corridor to a closed door and handed him a gun saying, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man, looking completely shocked said, "You can't be serious! I could never kill my wife." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home." They brought the next candidate in, the other man, and repeated the instructions. This man took the gun, walked into the room and closed the door. However, after five minutes of silence, the door opened and the man handed the CIA tester the gun, saying, "I just couldn't do it. I couldn't kill my wife. I tried to pull the trigger but I just couldn't do it." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home."
Then they brought the woman down the corridor to the closed door, handed her a gun, and said, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your husband, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun, walked into the room, and before the door closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another, for thirteen shots, the noise continued. Then all hell broke loose. For the next several minutes, the men heard screaming, cursing, furniture crashing and banging on the walls; then suddenly, silence. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

Subject: Computer Hard and Software:
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system>activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks." A British doctor says: "That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks." A Canadian doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks." A Nigerian doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way behind, We just took a man with NO brain, made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work.

some posters sha, may u never av a victim

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to UnCloth.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

not yet,

Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now

"Sure, go ahead" = I don't want you to

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you slowpoke!

"We need to talk" = I need to complain

"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper,

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like

"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me

"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me

"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]

"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

walata44:
And what happen for having voodoo? You have being brainwashed with foreign religion. To eradicate corruption we can start from swearing in the governors with voodoo and see which one of them will want god of thunder to strike him.

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.

She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then you sat under an ad that read 'Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read 'William's Stick Did the Trick.' And I just couldn't hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.'"

A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice.

Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know you are adult enough to make the right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to abstain from sex until you're married. If you must have sex, then please use protection."

Feeling proud of herself for being so pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms.

The daughter laughs and hugs her mother. "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a girl!"

:p