₦airaland Forum

noblegrex:
if you're not rich,they'll cheat.now you're rich and you satisfied them,they'll still cheat.forgiven her is not the problem. The problem is;can she change? Can the man ever trust her again.after 15yrs of marriage,all she could resort to is infidelity. As for the men that cheats,well,its a chemical reaction that occur in them. I'm not saying they should cheat but as long as they're responsible in all other things then no long thing. Why should women cheats.

Mr Man, when men cheat, who do you think they cheat with, dogs or goat's? or you think it is only single ladies men cheat with? the consequence of not following Godly principles is what humanity is facing now. If I stay responsible and you do and singles get off pre-marital nonsense, won't we sane society. I have some H. I. V patients I m praying for, believing God for healing and people Still carry the issue of sex as if there are no other important things.

HateU2:
That's what is causing problem in this marriage.
Discussing what you encounter everyday with your spouse does not mean you are letting out secrets.
Try to read 'Taiwo Iredele's' books.
I'm not married but believe when I say I'm equipped with knowledge of marriage.

I will like to read that Taiwo iredele's book. Communication in marriage is very important. I do counseling for married people and single and I try to carry my wife along.

tortmistress:
I am really very respectful toward him, and do not do things to aggravate him on purpose but now anything I say he takes it the wrong way. It is difficult to have a simple discussion.

Take it easy with him first, your husband is acting under influence, he has been told something like you conniving with people to tarnish him. There may some secrets he told you and at this point he is feeling unsafe. Now my advice is first for you to relax your discussion or whatever it is handle in church for now, you need to settle your home first. He needs every assurances now in deeds not just talking so as to put whatever prophecy he has been told to nought.

Shegebanti007:
My brother let me tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. i know this my self because am working in National Assemble Abuja, almost all the women there cheat on their husband, and am not surprise she is coming to beg because they always get dumped by those politicians. i know of a case like that, a woman left her husband to follow an honorable member after few months of their wedding, the honorable got her a car, they both traveled abroad for few holidays, but what happened after few months latter, they honorable dumped her, that is what they do, now she went back to beg her husband but he said he cant take her again because if she sees another rich man again she will leave him again, this is they thing, those politicians love women, and they don't care how much it will cost them to snatch your wife, in fact they don't want to know if she is married or not, i know how the spend their cash, these are people that spend millions of Nairas for their weekend flexing. i know few of their driver and you know their is no driver that don't know his oga's secret, they know how their oga womanize around, these men move around with raw cash i tell you. why do you think there is corruption among these politicians? they lavish money on these women. So my advise is these don't accept these woman again because if she sees another man richer than you she would leave again. she have taste they sweetness of money, she know whats it is to be with a rich man and you can change her, just let her be and learn to move on with your life simple.

As much as I know that some women cheats on their hubby but I don't agree that almost all the women do that, even in that your national assembly. And pls let's make look like cheating is a problem of women alone, we men are the real architect of cheating.

@ Op, your husband has been told something about and that is why he is acting that way. I do Pastoral and prophecy too but I don't just go breaking people homes, unfortunately there are too many fake pastors these days. From your post, you seem to be a church/spiritual person, you have to handle it from that angle and you must put that mind of turning back on your marriage. You have to fight for what belongs to youm

DrPurposeful:
Hello, sorry about everything. I hardly comment on forums like this, but if you ask me, you started it. Your beloved wife told you she got a new job and asked if she can take it, you said "if she wants" You didn't act well there. As the head of your home, you are suppose to make quality decisions on issues like this. Secondly, you never said you caught her doing anything only that she works for her ex politician boyfriend which from every indication shows she still feels something for him. My Advice: Book same flight for both of you and go straight to your wife, sit her down and ask her what she wants! Since you said she was begging you, I believe she still wants her marriage to stand. Never should you end your marriage or divorce your wife. Settle the whole issue; if it means her leaving the job,fine you both can decide and make your marriage work again. If you can successfully stay with a woman for fifteen years, it means she really loves you. 15 years is not 15 days. Work your marriage Mr man. For more counsel or question, please send me a Pm. God bless you

This advice seems to add up, You need a whole of patience here, you can't take any decision with the high emotions you have now, so have to be calm first. I don't think you need travel down, allow her to come back, she made a big time mistake no doubt but I think there are lots lots of good things you can say about your marriage after 15yrs. Both of you should seek for counsel, claim of infidelity is not an easy thing to handle, mostly for men. If you need any advice, you may let me know.

diva90:
So many factors can make a woman seek consolation in the arms of another man
1. Lack of understanding/emotional issues between her and her husband
2. Lack of intimacy or inability to satisfy her in bed
3. An uncaring husband, women are very sensitive and need constant love and affection
4. Financial issues and work place opportunities, like the instance you gave about her sleeping with her boss/colleague
5. Seeking adventure/thrill when the marriage has become too boring and the woman just wants to explore because her husband doesn't give her any excitement
6. Revenge... Husband is cheating , so what a man can do a woman can do better

When all these things are going on, there is lack of happiness. A happy woman will never cheat on her husband

From your definition madam, who is a happy woman? is it when a woman is not happy that she cheats? do you really think a woman has any reason to cheat? considering that when you cheat, you don't only offend your spouse, you offend God big time.

Exponental:
Sitting close to some women yesterday, a woman with 4kids, admitted she loves skin to skin. She claimed if she accidentally gets pregnant, abortion is sure! so a woman who can prevent is wiser.

I don't think you should be proud of coming to sharing this here, whether you are married or not, you shouldn't be having time for this kind of silly discussion with a married woman. Let's us respect santity of marriage pls. I don't know if I sound rude but pls understand.

keishablack:
The list of reasons for indulging in infidelity is inexhaustible. Infidelity is an act of indiscipline and selfishness. No God fearing woman will indulge in it or encourage it. The society has become so immoral dt ppl don't respect boundaries anymore. I've come to realise that a lot of men( single n married) do not respect the wedding ring even when u flaunt it in their faces. So women really need to be disciplined, pray hard, get busy and stay away from bad company.

You are very on point madam, why will a sensible and responsible man will want to sleep with another man's wife even if the said wife is loose? every man out there sleeping another man's wife is a coward, respect the wedding ring and sanctity of marriage pls.

Marriage is honourable and bed undefiled but whoremongers and fornicators God shall judge. Don't think twice on pre-marital sex brother, you will be better off and celebrated too. A lot of people want to be like you but just find it difficult to abstain, keep it up and you will be proud of yourself.

@ Op, your love epistle is quite interesting but you needed to save us some of description of what you did in privacy which should remain a private matter and not healthy for the young ones. Let's not celebrate premarital sex. Congrats on your 10+years in marriage and many more fruitful years ahead of you.

diva90:
My friend needs your advice

She just got married recently (about 8 months ago) and moved to the US to meet her husband. She came from a very comfortable life and was doing very well in Nigeria. Fast forward to her relocation, she has to spend months at home processing her papers because in order to be able to work and start life properly in the US , you need a green card. However, finance is currently a big issue between her and her husband. The man has refused to be financially supportive considering the fact that she's not earning income currently and can't work. She's currently using her savings to foot her bills and take care of her self. NB: this wasn't the agreement prior to the wedding. The man gave the impression that he would be financially responsible for her after she relocated until she is able to get a job which is common sense and expected of him. The man's excuse is that he is going through a professional program and barely has time to work, therefore he doesn't have the means to support her at this point. Apart from the financial issue, he also spends a lot of time focusing on his program, she mostly alone most of the time. Now she's currently thinking about moving back to nigeria to work and stabilize her self a bit since her husband is unable to take care of her. The question now is, what would you suggest she does? Be patient and stay? Or go back for sometime and stabilize herself? Is a temporary long distance marriage advisable? (she doesn't intend to stay away for too long).... Your opinions will be appreciated

She needs a lot of patience now, temporary long distance marriage is not advisable, it can break the marriage completely coupled with her experience now. The marriage needs divine intervention, let her not loose hope and source for as much help she and the husband can get. That marriage can still turn out excellent.

lovinam:
Oga please let's not go there at all. A man that believes she should give birth to as many children as possible because he is an only son. Tell me how they will come to an understanding. Did you read the part I wrote that she is a hair stylist? Where is the money to train the children? The husband has no reliable source of income, he just collects rent and enjoys himself. I'm with the woman jare

It is obvious that the marriage has its problems, which is not just on child bearing. There is communication and understanding gap, nonetheless, it does not negates that she needs her husband understanding on it.
I will advice that in the meantime, she can use it to control the situation so as to prevent as she seeks for audience and understanding with her husband.
Pls give her good counsel as she seeking audience with you now.

lovinam:
Please o! Depends on the circumstance. My stylist had to get it cos her husband wants her to be "borrning" every year. She got 6 kids and he still wants more.

She has to agree with her husband on how they will run the marriage, can two walk together except they agree? using contraceptive without your husband knowledge is wrong.
Family planing is a medical procedure, so it can't be a sin but there must be understanding.
@Op, why were you taking contraceptives without your husband's knowledge. The language of my husband caught me doing something, is not healthy for marriage, honesty and truth are ingredients of successful marriages.

byvan03:
I don't know the exact cheating figures from both gender, all I know is that it is a deliberate action whether committed by a man or woman. No one can drag anyone into infidelity if they don't want to cheat too. I think women seem to think more with their heads because the society is unforgiving when they are caught, otherwise the ability to think is 50-50.

Well said, Infidelity would be greatly reduced if we can keep our emotions and thoughts in right place. I see every act of infidelity as foolishness and ignorance. It's just like seeing fire and deliberately putting hand in it. Every Spouse should deliberately and consistently act in ways that would discourage infidelity too.

byvan03:
I think that should be same reason for women too, because they want to and can. There is never a reason to cheat except than one chose to.

I don't completely agree with you, Some women cheat because they want and can but majority don't, infidelity is even more prevalent in men, Some married men even drag some married women into the act. Women still think more with their head more than men in case of infidelities.

kentzz:
If she's happy,she wunt go out bt if she despite bein api went out,den she's GREEDY

Even if she is not happy, she doesn't have to go out. What she will get outside is just momentarily happiness, she will still come back to square one or worse off.

byvan03:
Probably the same thing that make happily married men sleep with other women.

Some Men just do shamelessly for no reason other than it is a Man's world.

nedu86:
In response to 10 Pains of the Nigerian Bachelor: https://www.nairaland.com/2842907/10-pains-nigerian-bachelor

Here are possible pains of the Nigerian spinster.

1. Everywhere you go, you are always asked "when are we coming to eat rice".

2. Your birthday is always nightmare. You're +1 and yet no serious relationship leading to marriage.

3. During morning and evening devotion, you are part of the prayer point.


4. Your parents and siblings prey on your salary simply because they assume you have very few responsibilities.

5. Even when you badly need a car, your family and friends would advice against such cos they feel you'd scare away potential suitors.

6. You see family and friends trying to hook you up to some dudes somewhere even against your request or wish.

7. Your aggression is simply translated to mean being a potential nagging wife. They'd always reiterate "is this how you will become a wife?".

8. You become scared of scrolling your facebook wall cos one way or the other, you'll see friends wedding pixs uploaded.

9. You become active in church activities and taking up hospitable ursher roles.

10. You become hostile to guys who just want to be your friend. Sometimes you tag them 'time wasters'.

Pls add urs!

Very Funny indeed. I think a lady just need to look inward, think deeply and forge ahead, not just listening to what people are saying. There is no woman that can't get married as long as she has set her mind to it and work towards it.

manosteel:
Considering the rate of infidelities in our society, especially coming from a woman that can be described as happily married, with a loving husband, and having everything, yet end up sleeping with another man say her boss in the office. One will begin to ask the important question, what are the things that can make a happily married woman sleep with another man? I believe knowing some of these things will help us to take necessary corrections and save our homes.

Infidelity is not just a woman thing, it is vice-versa and it is not good for either party. There is no reason that can justify extra marital affairs, it does nobody any good. To answer directly, any happily married woman that engaged in infidelity is the bane of the marriage and the marriage may not recover. These are some of things that can lead to this.
Indecent dressing and too much makeup
covetouness, greed
Too much talking, too much friends.
Involving third party in affairs of the home
excessive alcohol, too much partying, Too much BBM, wassup etc
Pornography
expecting too much from and contributing little or nothing to the marriage.
indiscipline and lack moral upbringing.

Sometimes from the husband like:
abandoning your wife unnecessarily
lack of security and irresponsibility
sexual and emotional starvation.
barrenness etc.

However, we are in charge of our lives and we live to face the consequences of our action, there is nothing your spouse would do or do not that can be an enough excuse. We sin not only to our spouse but to God if we
engage in it. Infidelity is a thing of the mind, renew your mind, resist it and it is gone.

My brother enjoy your self, anything that gives happiness, do it, this life is just too short.

The response from the wife is not interesting enough

Blessogede: A man of 48 years old with a wife and 3 children was told by pastor that he must divorce his wife before he can make it in life according to the man he said he loves his wife so much and they have started their relationship since secondary school ( Is this message from God ) the man asked? Please my people help me out what can i do?

Since he has gone to the pastor for solution to his problem, he should abide by the pastor's message, as if the pastor is not looking for solution to his own problem . Tell your friend or whoever to go and look for work.

Mogenerous: Its either she gets dismissed or she gets you frustrated and do things outta your will,its your choice but i will advice you use wisdom,such psychopaths won't desist until they get what they want which they could do at all cost! I will advice you tell your religious leader about this,he will tell you steps to take b[b][/b]ut mean while,try your best to avoid being alone with her...

This has nothing to do with pastors, you don't need to see religious leader to address this issue, she is being harassed, if she knows her rights, that obsessed lady is in big soup.

I want to believe your life is precious to you and you don't want any obsessed fellow to mess it up for you, if so, you will do the needful. The school authority, your guardian and the law enforcement are there to protect you, so what are you waiting for. That damned lady cannot do you anything, she is only scaring you, call your dad this minute and report to him, she should be dealt with. One foolish guy tried that nonsense with me before, I m got him locked up & I gave him a stern warning, he ran for his dear life, what nonsense.

critique101: watching indecency is considered a sin by God.

CHOOSE WISELY

How did u know it is a sin?

Do whatever makes you happy, a lot of us watch these films & pretend we don't like them. Watching porn & cheating are not related, whoever wants to cheat will do it whether he or she watches or not. So many people have these porn on their phones, I have some on mine now & i watch if i want & my wife has unrestricted access to my phone. You should know what s wrong & right for you as an adult.

eluquenson: QUESTION: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR SPOUSE
TELLS YOU TO LET GO OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS WHEN
YOU GET MARRIED??

I have seen this happen and it wasn't funny at all o.
Of course, it is expected that one would have
friends before getting married.
So is it right for such friendships to be cut off just
because one is married?
Can the friends be brought into the marriage?


Let's talk people......

Gdmorning Nairaland, I just have a feeling that many don't understand the meaning of marriage, you become one with your spouse, not your friends, family or any other body other than your spouse. That is only when

Pls help me check. Vin 2hnyd18884h528713 .my. Email address :pet2oladayo@yahoo.com[sub][/sub]

2hnyd18884h528713. My email:pet2oladayo@yahoo.com.

From what i have read on this thread, it is obvious that, we dont all want this (infidelity) to happen to us, we forbid it dearly but the question is, this infidelity thing is on the high side, the trend is rising daily, so who are those that their wives are being used like rags? yes because when you allow another another man to sleep with you as a married woman, you are a rag and also who are those that are sleeping with other people's wives? it seems that only God can tell.

For me i cant and wont tolerate infidelity, i will allow you to take care of your kids and still answer my name but i will never trust or love you again, it can be very disgusting and irritating, funny enough, too many of our married women are doing it. I pity marriages of today and future marriages, flirting and infidelity are part and parcel of it. God help us.

kelvin1191: My brother, why must it be a female? I av OND in Computer Engineering and diploma in computer repair and maintenance and very good with electronics repairs also.

You can send your CV to the email above