₦airaland Forum

tearoses:
And there you hit the nail on the head
If the foundation is right, then the structure is solid

its not just around infidelity
There are a lot of things that are wrong today in marriages and many other areas of life.
Infidelity is just one of them
Personally Im my opinion dont see much good that can come out of infidelity and there are more ills than good in the long term.
The lies, creeping around, calculations and hiding etc is enough to drain one mentally
Is all that worth the stolen 10 minutes of passion?
for example If you cheat because your wife is no longer attractive, even if you bang
Miss world wont you still go back home and still see that unattractive wife?
Why not invest that time and energy in making your wife attractive?

Correct, even though I blame both parties in cases of infidelity, I still blame the men more, like the Op said, men find it so difficult to forgive and they in turn do it, I think the only that is qualified to raise eyebrow in case of his wife cheating is a man that will not cheat himself.

Mindfulness:
An ordinary human being who has good and bad character traits like everyone else.

Good, do u agree that the person is bad, he is a bad individual from your answer.

byvan03:
My dear even those in Naija here are competing favourably, whatever in Thames water got here too .

There is nothing to be proud of in cheating, one of the things I do myself instead of complaining about cheating being on a high side is to consciously ensure that it stops with me. I have come to see cheating as devaluing my self, I loose my personality and I m not in control.

Mindfulness:
Millions of Nigerians struggle with reading comprehension, is that a reason for me to stop writing? How people interpret my contributions is beyond my control. Besides, this is NL, no need to take it so seriously.



Not again.

A character trait is one particular quality in your personality. Your character is the sum of all these qualities.



So? Your car is not 100% safe either but you don't stop using it for this reason.

If my character is the sum of all my qualities, what would you call someone that exhibits bad traits like dishonesty or cheating and does exhibit good traits in other areas like cleanliness, polite etc.

tearoses:
Especially in London
The ones I have heard about are jaw dropping
They cheat wella and life goes on

Many times the man is cheating too though
I know of 2 who cheated and their husbands turned a blind eye.

Another one introduced her boyfriend to her husband as her cousin
The husband is in Naija & wifey is in Obodo
The wifey sends her bf to their house in Naija
This is a true story . . .not nollywood.
The day hubby finds out, that bf is dead meat.

About a year ago there was a very public beef with all these London women exposing themselves and their escapades.
Many of them were married at the time.
Must be something in Thames water

Humanity will continue to suffer from the consequences of infidelity except we return back to what the originator of Marriage intended it to be.

Mindfulness:
Thanks for the compliment but I do not consider myself to be a good writer. I am great speaker though.

What i want to achieve? Is there anything to be achieved here? I am just having fun in thinking outside the box.
As for the rest of your post, you are entitled to your opinion.



Ever heard of condoms?

It is good to think out of the box and I noticed that in your writing, you said your spoken words is fantastic, good too, having fun at the detriment of people misunderstanding you, I don't think that is right for a good writer.
Let's understand this topic better, what is character trait,
character flaws and bad character?
I know condom and I know it does not give full protection.

Mindfulness:
Sorry for your loss and thank you for your prayers.

However, my opinion says nothing about the life I live, the marriage I have and my husband's behavior. And chances are higher that I die in a road accident than from STDs.

So you are do as I say not do as I do, I have taken time to read most of what you wrote and I just can't really understand what you want to achieve, you are a good writer no doubt but there are no gains in writing to confuse people. To cheat is a bad act because it is immoral and whosoever does it, exhibits bad character and such fellow is a bad person on that basis even though he has other good acts.
Someone gave the example of Hiv and you just chickened out, why not say more on that based on your argument that seems to explain what could be behind character traits.

Grendel:
so i asked my wife to start EGG business in other to generate more income to the family
but she insist she must tell her pastor first.
please i dont know what to do because i refused to buy the idea of involving third part into our matter.
she has been keeping quite and acting funny.


please Nairalanders advice me on what to do.

thanks

Bros you are not so spiritual that's why your wife seeks for the pastor's advice and your pastor is not a third party in your marriage because when wahala dey for the marriage, you still run to them for prayers and counsel. Your wife is not wrong seeking spiritual help, you should be happy having a wife that seeks spiritual help concerning the family maybe God has been helping your family because of her spirituality. If you are not comfortable with the man(pastor), call your wife and explain to her afterall both of you are one, and get born again, get serious with God and bible and your wife will start looking up to you for prayers.

I had an experience with a lady this afternoon, I advised to start a line of business which will take her higher than what she is doing now, I told her, she must go home and discuss with her husband and both of them must agree together because, two people cannot work together except they agree and any pastor that decides for a family without the consent of the head of that family is not a true pastor.
@Op, note pls, not all pastors are bad, the good ones outnumbered the bad ones, I am a pastor and all I seek for is the good of every family I pray for.

There is nothing absolutely wrong with this, mother in law causes problem when you allow it and the danger of both of you staying apart far outweighs this one. So go bring your wife and baby to Lagos and live happily as family but remember that house will not be permanent for, you must move out as soon as you have the means. God bless you.

This is a serious issue and must be handled carefully, When we begin to think that the day of reckoning is coming where most of our secrets would be open, we will begin to think with our head right before doing stupid and silly things. The lady advising her to cover up with rape is obviously not helping matter, she perpetrating more evils and those telling to go tell her husband may be right but she can't just handle it on her own, the reaction might not be good and you can tell what would come out of it.
My advice is this and to everyone in similar situation, you must first reconcile with your maker, when you commit adultery, God is involved, your heart must be right with God, then you speak to Counselor, I suggest a pastor that your husband can listen to and he would look for a better and considerate time to call both of them together. It is daisy situation, she may come out of it safe or she may loose her marriage because if the man is not having the fear of God and love, he may not be able to forgive, however you better off exposing evil because the evil will not have hold on you again.
Any marriage where there is secrets between husband and wife is not marriage anymore, both of you are not one anymore, anything I can't do in my wife presence, I rather not do it, any phone conversations I can't receive in her presence I don't want to receive, this has helped me and my wife greatly. Live a Godly home and God will bless your marriage.

The essence of relationship and courtship is for us to know who we want to marry and to also know if we meant for each other. You have to look at this relationship to know if it is the will of God for your life, you know what you want, you know what you are praying for and why are you guys not into counselling. I read the part of kiss and sex, I am a pastor, I can't really advice you on that, I am for no sex relationship, so I think you have to be pragmatic in taking decision and leave the pity party. I wish you well in your choice and endeavor.

If you don't want to give offering, don't give, nobody is forcing anybody. Christians like complain, people go to give money to Santo and Ogun willingly and they don't come to complain here.

roseline083:
About three years ago, a friend of mine told me that her hubby have travelled abroad. pls, I will cut the story a little. just this afternoon, we were charting through whatsapp, along the line, I asked her this question, have your hubby back. see her replied' "if you want to know come and see me" ok.
so, after the chart i was thinking may be, i have asked a wrong question.
please, my Nairalanders, advise me on what to do, should i go and see her as she said or should i call her to apologize for the question. also, i want to know if I really asked a wrong question.

I think she is simply telling you that you are not friendly enough, because if she is really a friend, you should know if the man is back or not.
And sincerely your conversation should have been well tailored, before the issue of hubby comes in, any way, there is no big issue there, call her later to know how she is doing and you can raise the matter again. What matters is your own conscience.

Ladies, try staying away from sex and see the reaction he puts up then you will know if he wants you or not, giving sex to a man you are not married to is like giving bribe to a policeman to avoid search or cover up your evils. Sex becloud the face of individuals and you can't make sound decision under its influence.
How I wish my generation can understand, sex is a thing of the mind, you are supposed to be in charge.

Church offering is never forced nor compelled, I have never seen a church where they put gun on anybody head to pay offering or tithe. If you are in church and you are not comfortable with the money demand, you can choose not to drop yours or better still leave the church, nobody is forced to attend any church.
There are acceptable money in the bible (offerings, tithe etc), if you have the word of God in you, you can defrentiate with what is acceptable. When people have made money through so many funny ways and their obedient is not complete, they go to church to drop fat offering to cover up and now come here to complain of Pastors.
Let us begin to serve God in truth and the spirit, I can give my money as I want in any service based on how the spirit of God leads me, not one pastor cajoling me.

LastProphet:
why should they stay away from sex? is sex meant only for married people? I hope you are not assuming you are preaching a church sermon to fellow Christians?
at your young age you have no idea what marriage is, you will learn.

Young Man, sex is for married people, the author of sex made it for people two people that are joined together in marriage, and I m not preaching to you, if you are single and you stay away from sex, then we know you are really single. Mr Man, sex outside marriage, what is it called, Fornication I guess you know and that's preaching too.

For me, I think the husband and wife should work out the best option for the family, there must be understanding, consideration and sacrifice. Marriage is two people working to become one, everything the man owns belong to the wife and vice-versa, so they work out the best option, what I think is not just right is for someone to just sit at home and not just do something, every man out there ought to support his wife, women should get busy but also should remember the home front which is more of their responsibility. I personally would not want a wife that will be to carrier oriented at the expense of my home, flexible work pattern that will allow time for children should be ideal. I don't want to be climbing up ladder and my wife is down there. We must climb together in all ramification, I seem to enjoy my eastern bros style where they open business and run it with their wives.

The Morals of this story is that sex for the singles has side effect and consequences. You will always want more and more from it. Parents should endeavour to discuss about sex with children at least from age 12, and watch the kind of neighbours or who they leave their wards with.
@Op, you have to move on, it has happened already and there is nothing you can do about it, but you have to stop the way you are going now, don't let the devil deceive you that you have lost it and it is not important, there is still secondary virginity that is you abstaining from sex from now till you are married. Don't tell mum anything, is God you disappointed most and he can forgive you.
So start all over again and keep your self till when you can do it officially, you can engage yourself with your school activities. All relationship must not involve sex, I don't understand this generation, even the proliferation of HIV is not affecting people.

Blackchampion:
I got to know stuffs about them wen i wanted to pay d rent, d introductions, rules and other things. BTW! am not d friendly type, i hardly talk to any of them except greetings. Finally bro, I'm d meaner type so no time.

Okk, just avoid them and face your business, @least, if there is anything, we should appreciate your concern and bringing it here for advice, some other guys will just crave in and dent their reputation and destiny. May be God wants you closer and He wants you to amend your ways too.

DanielGb:
we are saying the same thing: she needs help. her peeping is emotional. you can also see what is about to happen. she is taking the wrong step. the OP have to do the right thing. even if its for once. my point on 'holier than thou' is not to mock God. mind you, God cannot be mock. its the way some people over do it. obedience to the world of God is the key. part of it is: thou shall not commit adultery. she wonder may be its her husband. may be they need to change something. but thats the devil lying. Above all, She need help walahi.

It's ok, the Op, just need to do block hole immediately, if he is not enjoying and if you look @ stories very well, he pack in Nov and he already has plenty info about the couple, how did he know when they got married, they have been some poke nosing and closeness. The environment is not just healthy for the couple and Op. When i was living useless life, i dont get tempted by ladies, I just go for them, but know I get tempted because I do wanna mess up and I get better when I overcome. The Op should do the needful and stop his womanizing and his closeness to the woman. People always look whether you can compromise before tempting you, once there is no air of compromise, the devil will just flee.

DanielGb:
first, from your story. She is sad emotiinally. She is worried and this came with certain temptation. She is like: what do i miss as a youth when i was bussy doing holy holy. but hey you. confront her and tell her she should stop peeping that you know her pains but she and her husband should not relent both physical and spiritually. Tell her that when next she do that for no good reason, you will report her to his husband.

conclusion.
She is confused.
she needs help! first, from your story. She is sad emotiinally. She is worried and this came with certain temptation. She is like: what do i miss as a youth when i was bussy doing holy holy. but hey you. confront her and tell her she should stop peeping that you know her pains but she and her husband should not relent both physical and spiritually. Tell her that when next she do that for no good reason, you will report her to his husband.

conclusion.
She is confused.
she needs help!

Mr Man, you are wrong with your description, for corrections sake, you don't miss when you do holy holy rather you gain, it is when you mess that you gain right? we go to church but we don't practice what we learn. Too bad. The woman is on a wrong path and she needs help to retrace her steps back, unfortunately the Op, is a wrong person to do that. I just pray the devil does not succeed in this carnal scenario.

Blackchampion:
Free blue film kee! Left 4 me i don't care i will open d door 4 her to see what she wants to see fully, but my fear is dat she might start meking funny moves on me in due time (who knows?). Maybe i should just confront her or mek it known to d hubby b4 she turn it against me. #Hmmmm
.
Funny enough, she claims to be a staunch born again.

The setup of that your house is wrong and your own mindset seems to be wrong. I will advice for the sake of santicty of marriage that you avoid that woman completely, take her off your mind, let her and her husband solve their problems, call the carpenter and cover the whole. If you share kitchen together and mostly with your description above, start considering parking out, you never get house.
You can't share house with such born again people and be exchanging women, sincerely that setup is wrong, no body is above temptation, most especially when you are born again.

khiaa:
If he doesn't get help, she had better get those kids and herself the hell out of there.

Madam, cutting the head is not solution to the headache.

KashyBaby:
I don't think so...the moment a man is out of his house,he act like his single again

You are completely wrong, There are thousand of men there doing everything to ensure they have a good home.

@Op, you are not even supposed to give sex to any man you are not married to, not to talk of keeping him. Women should know that are more at loss in pre-marital sex. You cannot just give out your pride on a platter of what, sex before marriage diminishes a woman.

Marriage found on fake foundation, the man knew what he was doing all these while and the family are even part of the mess. The reason why, white ladies can't trust Nigerian men.

quindebbie:
should a woman attend a different church from her husband no matter what?

It is not a right or wrong thing, it is a matter of understanding and engagement in the church before marriage. Some people have preference for some church but husband and wife in the same has its advantages.

Every single person should adhere to no sex attached principle and see if they still want to be single.

noblegrex:
how do you make heaven.is it only by confession.be sure they're truly saved then you can join their faith with yours in prayers.the leave BaBa God to handle the rest

Why not be consider yourself bro, you seem to know about bible. Will you want to give your life to Christ? I can Join my faith with yours, I bet you will do well for Christ than you are now.

horlus:
Why bring your marital issue here? What do you want to hear? Peoples opinion? Does it mean what you hear here would determine if your marriage stays or not? It tells me a lot about you.

Sir, this is family section, where sensible opinions are supposed to be offered, if we can keep to that, then why can't he bring it here?

Glamdiva:
I need your opinions. I and my husband had a huge quarrel days back where we both exchanged words and spoke nasty at each other. However, he went as far as calling me a wh*re. Nobody in this life has ever called me such a derogatory word before. I’m highly offended but I’m not hurt. He also went as far as saying that I don’t know how to have sex and that I’m terrible in bed. Im so pissed off that I have lost all interest in having sex with this man for now. This is a man that can barely stand me riding him because he can hardly last 6 mins. I have never reached orgasm with him yet I have always made it a point of duty to never let that distract me. I want to know if I am over reacting by staying away from him and what do you all think of his actions towards me as I see this issue as something that will linger on for a while because I’m finding it hard to forgive him and I’m seriously thinking about constantly cheating on him now that he has called me a who*re

If you want to hear the truth, both of you are wrong and the your statements does not speak good of you. If your marriage is not found on premises of God defined principles, you are bound to have these problems. That word he called you and what you describe later in your post does not describe your home as Godly. Seek a godly home and reap the benefits there off.

noblegrex:
are you a pastor? That's by the way. If you're a pastor and you so much believe in God,pray for their salvation and not their healings.then leave the rest for God to handle.

Salvation is a confessional statement which an individual must do by himself/herself, the whole essence of Christianity is to make heaven and other things can be added. You don't want me to tell you about so many miracles God is performing right now in the lives of his people. I don't know your believer status but your conversation does not make you one.

PresVA:
Your husband is just trying to blame you unnecessarily for his troubles. .. I think he may have other motives because people start finding faults here and there so as to have excuses for their misdeeds...

If all you typed is true, I will say you be very watchful cos he maybe upto something!

Or is he having some financial crisis or something?

What is your advice youngie? give an advice that you can gi