₦airaland Forum

Michellekabod2:
exactly ,the advice I gave him was applicable for both husband and wife,it was from a neutral perspective that he should walk away or if she the woman is the victim she should walk away.

The authenticity of her side and his side is yet to be determined. Now we are aware that they are two sides we can't jump to say the woman side is the right side or the man side is the right side (like folks like bratislava,funmisticqueen,elder1,inspired7 are doing). Either of them are capable of diluting facts.
To some it seems that if one gender is crying foul over something, it must be a lie,he/she may be hiding something or there is more to it,and if another gender Crys foul over something,its automatically truth....that's prejudice!

For the Op wife,people acted on what was presented to them,if it turns out wrong and hubby lied,forgive the commenters.
For the Op himself,should it turn out you were right and your wife is lying forgive those who may say you were lying...

I personally think there is a victimhood playing between op and his wife,he is feeling cheated and she is feeling cheated,most times we don't look inward for our faults but rather look outward at others,presenting ourselves the angels and our partners demons...



@funmisticqueen ignore those shaming your looks and don't let it get to you,because the shaming is done by those not confident enough to post their pictures on their profiles... But that said I personally think there is a need for you to do some introspection and work on some aspects..lots of love

funmisticqueen:
they did insult me. Even tho I know they won't, the right thing to do is call out their bullshit behavior.

MajorWarren:
Lol Dafuq kinda buzzword is MGTOWN red pill acolyte? When was this released?

Besides, I have already apologised for jumping the gun earlier so you can relax. We still don’t know which one of em is telling the truth so that’s that.

funmisticqueen:
you owe me an apology.

Right now I am writing t the names of the over 200 people that owe me an apology for disturbing me since morning with insults. I will quote them today

sassysure:
The guy is dancing around the major problem.
It's never about his wife earning more.
And I believe he never cared to address it either.
Sweeping it under the carpet as usual.

I wish them luck.

otipoju:
Its like you just learned this new word " ego"...the way it is shakking you today.

funmisticqueen:
I think she should boot him out. She is coddling a grown man. Nigga isn't loyal

Truthwillout:
By the way, we never operated a joint account. I do not have a parcel of land anywhere. All these were written to embellish the truth.

Truthwillout:
I am Strungup79's wife and I have watched the drama here unfold in silence. Here is a copy of a message I just sent my husband on WhatsApp. I hope it will put things in clearer light.

I'll try to keep this brief. I started this year on a sour note, crying bitterly. Because of you total strangers called me bitch and all sorts of unprintable names. Some even went as far as saying I was diabolical and ¹reversed your fortunes with juju, and you basked in it all, all because of the lies you told them. You have repeatedly told your siblings the same lies. I emasculate you. Really? I emaaculate you yet i led my colleagues, our neighbours and practically everyone I know to believe that you are the breadwinner and doing a marvellous job. I emasculate you, yet when the rent needs to be paid, I pay it into your account first just so no one will know. I earn good money but no one knows it because everything goes into running this family. I don't save a dime. I NEVER complained about you not working these past 4 or 5 years. You complained about me spending a lot of time at my mum's place. I do that so that I can avoid the endless streams of alterations with you, and for other reasons I'll spare everyone here.

Every single time you bring this up, I reassure you that all I want is the best for you. I encourage you, fast and pray for you, yet I'm a bad wife. You actually called our daughter and told her I am a bad wife. She cried her eyes out when she told me all the nasty things you told her. I have never in the 10 years we've been married said anything disparaging to her about you despite your many short comings. You put me through hell and I just take in stride.

You also told your fans I had nothing when you married me. I had a job and I wasn't doing badly. In fact I practically funded our wedding with the help of my family. I could go on forever. Or is it the fact that you used to leave the house for days on end without communication, leaving me to wonder if you met with some misfortune or something. How many times did i show up at your office haggard and scared early in the morning just to confirm you are alright? I actually wear my younger sister's hand me downs just to save enough to keep this family going.

Your siblings all believe I am a bad person thanks to the endless lies you've told them and I've borne it all. During your last visit, you complained about the fact that I always seemed unhappy and heckled and I explained to you the stress I am under. Our rent is due. Our daughter's fees of over a hundred thousand needs to be paid. Utility bills, feeding...these are some of the burdens I have to deal with. I explained how burdened I felt. I also explained that having to clean up after you constantly worsens my stress. While you were here, I battled insomnia for almost two weeks straight, without compassion or help. I could fill a page with all that is wrong with this marriage. It's never you. You are perfect and righteous and I am a wicked woman. We quarrel like every husband and wife and regardless of whether it's my fault or not, I apologise so that peace will reign. I have suffered humiliation at your hands but you go around damaging my character so people will pity you. Guess what? The truth cannot be hidden. It may take time, but it will come out. I take solace in that.

I will beat my chest and tell you that no woman on this earth will bear what I bore at your hands or care for you like I have. Since you are so unhappy, I think you should take out time and find yourself. I also need time to pray and to heal from this emotional trauma, so please let's give ourselves a year at least to decide what to do next. I wish you the best.

funmisticqueen:
please ma, create your thread in response to his thread, we all need to hear your side of the story.


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CarlsJaz567:
I think you are a very young and inexperienced person If you read my comment well, I said my wife supported me in all ways, but when the time was getting elongated - over 2 years, she started showing signs of emotional strains. That doesn't mean she was downright disrespectful at the time. Women will surely nag when they want you to hear them out, and it seems you are stuck to your own ideas! It only signified to me that I had an urgent decision to take.

Am back to taking charge of my own home now and am not begging - so you are not making any points. I hope your marriage last long when you do eventually get married with this attitude of yours.

Thanks

cococandy:
Anyone who doesn’t agree with you guys is bitter. It’s a new year please. Do away with the worn out phrases would ya?

sassysure:
The guy is dancing around the major problem.
It's never about his wife earning more.
And I believe he never cared to address it either.
Sweeping it under the carpet as usual.

I wish them luck.

sassysure:
Exactly my thought.
Let him open up.
Emotional outbursts don't solve problems.
It will only garner fake sympathies.

RisenPhoenix:
They once did... until the new cultural farce emerged that a woman must help/support her husband in the home; some dodo interpreting that help to be financial rather than emotional and mental. That was when society started placing an expectation on women to become at least partial breadwinners; and made men give up part or all of their control over the household in exchange. Men opened the door for their own emasculation; no doubt about it.

strungup79:
You're wrong. It's not my mind telling me things. I'm not dumb cos that's what your statement suggests. Before the tables turned, we used to discuss issues, then she started trying to lord it over me using disrespectful language and coded insults. At this stage I was still bringing some finance. I complained and broached the issue of her changing attitude. Guess what - she told me exactly what you're saying, that I was imagining things because of my down turn. Then it became full blown disrespect. If it was stress of being the the bread winner why sideline me and go consulting her family over what concerns us. We used to discuss everything right down to her work. I'm not dumb or stupid. She just feels she has an upper hand and is trying to show it.

strungup79:
When I married my wife she had nothing. I gave all for her. I fought my parents to marry her. I never bossed her or bullied her. I think you misunderstand the whole situation. I'm not bothered by your vituperations. I just don't want to tow the part you are pushing for cos someone will get hurt. My intuition tells me it won't be me.

Melian:
If you say most men on NL not all men, then you've agreed you generalised.

Melian:
This is a jab to men, probably well deserved but then again it'll be unfair to make a sweeping generalisation as not all men are same.

otipoju:
Are you a learner?

Dehindepgenius:
I am almost completely sure you are not giving us the full picture. It would be really interesting to hear your wife's version of this story. As human beings, we tend to tell stories in a way that favors us and make us garner pity. If your wife is the breadwinner at the moment, she deserves your loyalty, respect and understanding. Taking care of the financial responsibilities of a home is not easy. You plan, you worry, you get afraid, you have sleepless nights...especially if your spouse does not pitch in.
Here's what happens. When a man loses his source of livelihood, every little move by a woman suddenly becomes emaaculating. The woman is already under a terrible strain and you are here to barmouth her to strangers.

I frankly do not believe you are doing enough. Factories abound, uber is there, the keke business is there, even uneducated teenagers from the north are hustling and making a good living riding bikes.

Yea, sometimes a man experiences setbacks, my dad did. The true measure of manhood lies in dusting yourself off the ground and trying again. These days sadly, there are too many lazy men who whine instead of actually being men. If you are here bad mouthing your wife, then I'm willing to bet, you do it everywhere. My cousin went through this. Everybody called her wicked. The husband's elder brother was like come and stay with me and I'll fix you up with something. They no tell the brother. Las Las he chases the man out of his home and told everyone to ignore the man because he is lazy. All he does is play video games and sleep.

Society is particularly unfair to women. A quick look through this site will convince any unbiased person of that. You already have men pitying you and condemning your wife which is exactly what you wanted. Oga poster, you came here seeking pity, looking for people to condemn your wife and soothe your ego and you already have faceless strangers doing that, but the truth is you are failing as a husband and a father. These people cheering you on and telling you your wife is wicked are in their ow homes hustling and taking care of their business.

I am a man like you and I will not lie to you. You are your own problem. Take these steps.

1. First of all, love and appreciate your wife. Thank her for all she does.

2. Pray hard and ask God to show you why you are experiencing hard luck. Folks here might not tell you the truth, but you may have a character flaw that is working against you. You may actually be lazy, most lazy people won't admit it. It may also be karma. You may have treated others, including your wife badly in the past hence the problems. Yes, it happens. Find out what the problem is and fix it.

3. Hustle, hustle, hustle! I don't believe in excuses. Real men don't. Meanwhile, what do you do? You can mail me your cv at dehindep@gmail.com.

Melian:
Loyalty is a thing most people struggle with, both men and women. Notwithstanding, your wife shouldn't treat you like this. Is there a way you can move out of the house for the time being, that is if you have enough to cater for yourself? I think this move will bring her back to her senses or at least you'll get your self respect back.

funmisticqueen:
I don't have a heart.

By the way, point out what is careless in my comment.

otipoju:
Stop making careless comments.
If it was the days when i was adventurous , i will patiently seduce you and mess up heart and your mind and turn you into a nervous wreck with this careless statement.

You have never been married and you have no clue what he is experiencing.

Digmygold:
And what about fathers that walk away from their wives and 6 kids. Its not about not learning dude. Once a man chooses to be irresponsible. It is what it is

juman:
Normally the girl would like to know her true father.

By just informing her that there is a man outside there claiming to be her father is enough for the man.

The girl would look for him.

Digmygold:
And the childs rights to welfare and education. Where was the father to ensure those rights are not flouted? He has lost all rights bro. He is nothing but a sperm donor.

Digmygold:
The circumstances he held on to and disappeared for 16 years is the sane reason why he should get lost now. The circumstances have still not changed. So what does he want.

Jewessgratitude:
I never supported men beating women. I'm only saying women should advoid doing things that will attract beating. Simple!

midnighter:
Im also happy that you have demonstrated that you cant answer this simple question. Because you know that thats where your entire position falls apart

Its wonderful that people who are considering trashing their marriages because of you will be able to see through your flimsy arguments and make a good decision that wont scatter their homes. Keep exposing yourself love

midnighter:
Whats the difference between a reason and a justification?