₦airaland Forum

midnighter:
You have asserted this exact argument before and you didnt respond when I countered it; no need to keep repeating this tired spiel because we both know that you are unable to defend it

Im happy to see that you have posted the link up there so that anybody reading it can see how irrational your arguments are.

I didn't have to answer you once I saw that you don't understand human rights to begin with. If you don't understand that talking to your husband isn't a violation of any law, then why should I understand your perspective that she can be beaten for expressing herself?

midnighter:
What is the difference between a justification and a reason....? That is what I asked you.

But, sweets, how did you determine the tone the woman used that warranted the beating?

Were you there to hear this tone of which you speak?

She's given you her own account, why isn't that enough for you? Why are you trying to incriminate her by all means?

You don't want to baby her, right? Is that why you invented her tone?

Does she have the right to freedom of speech or not?

Oh, you are the one who argued that beating her up and her speaking are a level ground with that crack house.

No need to discuss this any further. Your stand is to support domestic violence and other violence by looking for "reasons" why it happened. He could as well have killed her and you will still find "reasons"and "tone".

Do you think the police care for your "reasons"? He will be arrested for crime, not for what she said to him. Why? Because what she said is not a crime. Beating her is.

Let's not baby him.

No "reason" you give will free him from jail if she decides to press charges. So of what use are your "reasons"/excuses?

midnighter:
You need to understand the difference between the words "justification" and "reason" before quoting me again my sweet

I have noticed that in these kinds of threads, you tend to jump through hoops just to extricate the woman instead of calling a spade a spade. Women are not innocent 100% of the time just because they are women.

And you also ignore all the contextual information in a post and pick out one sentence that the person wrote and use it to begin a pointless argument, which makes trying to reason with you quite futile. All these emotive terms like "fearful slaves" and "innocent abusers" is just you projecting your misplaced indulgence onto a situation that doesnt relate with what youre saying.

You think youre helping womens rights by doing this, but youre actually making the situation for women much worse. If you want women to be treated better then give them respect they deserve by holding them accountable for their actions instead of overprotecting and babying them all the time just to prove a point.

When you discovered there is no justification for beating women, you now called it reason. But you know there is no reason to beat another human up just because you don't like what they're saying.

My aim isn't to help women rights. I want men to be responsible for their actions and to realize that there is no "reason" to beat about person for what ever it is they said. Otherwise men should prepare to be beaten for speaking. You will disagree with that, but you know that it is the same thing.

What do you mean babying? For the sake of sanity, you do not baby a person when you tell them that they have freedom of speech and freedom not to be beaten for it. But can I blame you? You live in a place where nobody has any human rights. You've rationalized abuse and given it "reasons". That is why you see domestic battery as okay.

This is how men were supporting infidelity and battery until their daughters called them crying with the same issues that they did to women themselves.

Cheato64:
you got it with this your no 1, her colleagues at work place use to talk about me with her, how lucky she is. She married a handsome guy that adores her, drop and pick her from work everyday etc and my head will be swelling initially but not anymore am tired

Do you enjoy this gossip? Once a man thinks he's handsome and needs to tout it without any reason to (nobody here even speculated that you're ugly) then we know he's got issues.

GraGra247:
90% whites don't cane their children. The law doesn't even allow them. The govt will arrest the parents and take over custody.

You don't know cos you never visited there. Ask those that live there.

Don't presume to tell me where I've lived and where I haven't. I have seen white people beat their children in public in your "abroad" and nobody batted an eyelid.

If you don't want to beat your kids because of that child psychology movement of the nineties, it's okay. But the people who began the movement were beating theirs to get to that point. It's only pseudo-westernized blacks/Nigerians who think the world is full of rainbows.

Now, tell us the alternatives that aren't psychological assault/abuse on the child.

sassysure:
Story story.
Nigerian don't know how to discipline children.
We are so egotistical to come down to their level to teach them through their mistakes.

U hardly see a Nigerian father correct his wayward child.
He is not even there for the child in the first place. Goes and comes, shout or give order and that's that.
Mum end up transferring repressed aggressions meant for dad to the kids
I guess the flogging has made us the most peaceful and successful country in the world.

It ended up making us more angry, violent and egotistical just like our parents.

Is it flogging that is the problem of Nigerians? Or is it the lack of true education? Because there is still caning in the West. Your above scenario is possible anywhere in the world, not just in Nigeria.

Midas01:
Isn't America filled with crackheads,
touts, gang members, school shooters, serial killers, pedophiles, mental illness, all forms of depravity etc Just look at the state of Detroit and Chicago where killing and gunning someone on the street in broad day light is the other of the day.

Florida.

Odunolumide:
There is this girl in my class that I don't beat because once I threaten to beat her she behaves well. In other case ,most of the pupils are very naughty and they dare you by their actions .
I am thinking of making a deal with my pupils next term that I won't beat them in exchange for something else but I hope it works.
I also plan on using a no-cane sign in my class.

What's the point of this?

GraGra247:
I DON'T SUPPORT FLOGGING CHILDREN OR ANYONE AT ALL.

IT SHOULD BE COMPLETELY ABOLISHED.

AFRICAN PARENTS EXTREMELY ABUSE IT A LOT.

THERE ARE MANY OTHER PROPER WAYS TO DISCIPLINE A CHILD WITHOUT FLOGGING.

Even whites cane their children, so what proper way did they invent that you think it's African abuse?

Plead:
Look at words?

No amount of vabal rants/ assault equals physical assault. Nigerians/Africans need to know this!

Animals

I've been saying it. And they told me that it's a level playing field. That if she must talk he must beat her, until she holds silence so that he won't beat her so that peace will reign. Isn't that modern slavery? It's sounds like blacks on cotton fields with their white Masters.

Just look at some responses I got, and if you follow that thread you will see more twisted reasoning:

https://www.nairaland.com/5583214/hit-wife/20#84959801

https://www.nairaland.com/5583214/hit-wife/22#84963347

https://www.nairaland.com/5583214/hit-wife/28#84987879

These are the sort of creatures you're responding to.

https://www.nairaland.com/5583214/hit-wife/28#84987203

They masquerade in human skin.

If you call out their support for violence, they call you a woman! Some faceless men will tell you that your parents were deadbeats! They will make foolish, baseless allegations (about themselves). Then go into hiding.

Enwhen:
How do u expect that kinda of person to beg, it is clear he is not in a stable mental state... He is being depressed or being manipulated , and she must act fast , before the madness push him to pack her loads out that she is a witch... I have seen many of such , that man is in a serious problem, he needs help

She must act fast? Lol. He's suddenly under a spell? Thought she used the wrong tone when speaking to her master. Slaves mustn't do that, you know.

Funny how he is depressed, but what about her, she cannot be? The excuses for domestic violence are funny, because only a batterer or victim suffering Stockholm syndrome can come up with them

MariaAngeles:

Trashed!
Now, let us wait for sensible comments ...

But you know that male and female domestic violence apologists in Nigeria are more than the rational ones. And they will tell you they have done a great analysis when they never address the issue of the battery on the victim. The aggressor is always right. The person who is crying with a bloody mouth should go apologize. Crazy violent people

baby124:
I think your husband is cheating. He may think he’s in love with this woman and you all are an inconvenience all of a sudden. You would be surprised how some married men can fall in love. Crazy ones I tell you. OP, maybe the side chick bought the shirt that you said was not nice . On a serious note, it’s either he’s cheating and had plans that day. He tried to thwart the family plans but you get strong head.

Or he’s got a psychological problem. Please report this to your family and his. Get to the root of the matter. In the mean time find a safe place to stay and consider what is best for you and your kids. The next time he snaps, you may not survive it.

This is likely the case. But people have even invented the tone she is using. Maybe there's one "submissive and humble" lady out there who needs to pay her bills and is using him for food, so he's now seeing her as a pest.

Jewessgratitude:
My dear forget. Do you know if shes been doing it before and.d the mans been pilling it up for her. In fact I just saw one of her responses to someone that, she used to say worst things and do worst to the hubby but he never beat her for it bla bla bla...so its prolly as a result of pent up feelings that the man unleashed. Who knows maybe the man feels.if he doesn't end it with beating they might get to the friends house and she'll begin to show herself again. So the man kukuma teh pause to it�. You see that at the friends place, she come maintain. She could not even utter a word. The man deliberately did that to resett her brain and it worked.

It is well.
Person like me mor like beating ao I dey sabi code ahead to avoid story that touch.

What if each time men did something to annoy women, they had the physical strength and bone density to beat them up? What if each time a man opened his mouth and another person picked "offense" they decided to beat them up? Can you now see why it's madness to support men beating women for speaking?

Glorygrace:
I think you offended him by your speech so he reacted by beating you. Apologize and make up with your husband. Watch your words subsequently. Compliments of the season.

Why? Is she living with a beast or with her husband? Has he watched his words with her first? It's not as if he watches his actions with her.

midnighter:
It's not a justification but still a reason. That person has a point.

We can give OP the benefit of the doubt that she "politely asked him To go and change" but if she knows that her tone was disrespectful then that's another angle.

Lol.
Because she's told you she did nothing wrong, you've even imagined the tone she used. What tone can one use to ask for a family picture? She already agreed to his bad dressing by asking him for a picture, still, knowing that he didn't change his clothes and was looking unpresentable. Can you not simply assess the information provided? Why must you invent the other part to satisfy the narrative that all women are trouble makers?
Madam, what tone do you want her to use? Is her husband a God that he cannot be spoken to because he is her husband? Should she live in perpetual fear of speaking to him because of "tone"? You can make any type of excuse for domestic violence. Your world of innocent abusers and fearful slaves tells us that you have issues with women. If you are one, you are either living in extreme servitude or you make up these things to please men even when you can see there's no reason (which is still justification) for brutality.

What if each time men did something to annoy women, they had the physical strength and bone density to beat them up? What if each time a man opened his mouth and another person picked "offense" they decided to beat them up? Can you now see why it's madness to support men beating women for speaking?

Chukapage:
The MAJOR reason having anything serious with a single mother is RISKY.Imagine training a child and all of a sudden a scallywag pops out of no where claiming "Father" and people will still have the guts and audacity to sit down and debate wether he gets the child or not , that's after my hard work OOOO na to kill person.

Lol. I don't know why females never learn. Maybe they think that a pregnancy would make the man love them.

theButterfly:
Before you allow him access to the girl, as her guardians, your family should

A) Ask her if she's ready to meet him. If yes, then proceed to B, C and D.

B) Meet with him and ask for an apology to the mother and to the girl. If he can't apologize or is shifting blame to the mother or your family, see it as a sign of irresponsibility and immaturity.

C) Ask him why he has returned now to know his motivations, esp. after the mother has done the work of raising her. This is a human being and not an item that can be discarded and later picked up when you feel like it.

D) Ask if he's back to stay in her life for the long haul or has come around temporarily. It would be traumatic for her if he later abandons her again, so observe how he responds and what he says. Of course, he may tell you what you want to hear, so apply wisdom.

Concerning C, do you think he will state his true intentions? Men don't suddenly grow remorseful after 16 years, unless they want to reap where they didn't sow. It is the formula for all deadbeats. Show up after all the work has been done. Cry and pretend to want to know the child; after all,her emotions will be all over the place to please and know you after you abandoned them. The child will want to give him a chance. He will be a being she will try to understand. And he will feed her 16 years of lies about his motives. This is the special talent of fathers and society has made them adept at it.

GuyWise101:
He abandoned the little girl when she was in the womb, never cared for her when she was growing up...


He now appears from nowhere and started claiming the girl he abandoned just because he has seen that she is nearing to be married just so that he can eat the bride price. (thats wickedness)


If I am in your family I would make sure that he pays every dime we spent on her head, right from her birth.

LMAO.

To5man:
SO RONALDO DEY BITE FINGERNAILS TOO

No. He just has very ugly nails/nail beds.

soberdrunk:
......well he works hard and his country has 24hrs light and good roads so why not........

Female jewelry. Then those pictures of him touching players. His plastic surgery.

There's something fairy in him.

Interesting how people who steal negligible quantities of pepper are lynched, but like the beast of port Harcourt, these ones are displayed like wonderful specimen. They don't even have a shut eye between all of them.

gbemimac:
@ Lucabrasi, who are you to judge another being like you. 'House of rainbow' is not 'Rowland Macaulay' you know; and it does not state House Of Rainbow for gays so relax and give Prof Macaulay a breathing space. He is still trying to unite the family. Stop reading between the lines and face facts. Wake up Nigeria!!!
If you are an armed robber, does your dad have to intentionally open the door to his organization to rob him? think mate and stop speculating.

@Nigeria, just because a man as come out of his shell does not mean you have to bury him alive. Focus on the thriving matters in Nigeria and make the country a better place. That is why that country never progress.

So accepting gays will make the country progress?

3".

uuzba:
It's a stupid behaviour.
OP woman is just a pretender and cover artist. Things are not fine, you won't talk. You still snapping picture and opening teeth. And that is what you husband beat you for. Instead of asking him, "Dear what is wrong?" Maybe he's even a yahoo boy.
OP is so foolish and caught up in herself she has no idea what her husband is up to and she isn't concerned either. Just to snap picture and attend party

The husband will bash her up before new year and she must cover up that one again... Open her big teeth and snap more pictures on Instagram.

She's more interested in pretending and covering up. Anything to look like everything is well. Your prophecy on the new year version may come to pass. Some of them just want to look good in people's eyes.

Ardar:
What are you still doing in that marriage? Is it when he finally kills you that you'll understand that your horseband is gradually turning into a beast.

I don't know when women in abusive marriages will get sense, the day any man lays his finger on me especially when unprovoked will be the end of the peace and sanity in that marriage.

We will fight to our last breath, it's either he kills me or I kill him or we kill each other, but if we both survive he won't try such rubbish again.

She even went to the party to pretend all is well. People like her license battery. He will do worse and expect her to cover it up. The way she's already acted, she probably will. Her children will bear the scars of her complacence with her life.

folks4luv:
The truth is, bipolar disorder is real and many Nigerians (men and women) are suffering from it but because we don't recognize mental disorder as a disease in this country, we call it anger or frustration. I wish you the best Op

Mrsprissy, take note of this if he did what he did out of the blue. Maybe he's got deeper issues than you think.

Mrsprissy:
Thank you so much everyone for your advice . Like I said earlier nothing actually happened between us before Christmas , everything was okey , on Monday December 23rd we went out shopping for Christmas after we took the kids out to the playgrounds and we ended the day with a nice dinner at the restaurant. On Christmas morning we woke up fine no arguments, he left the house and went to get his hair cut, I picked up his clothes and left it on the bed by the time he get back so he can wear them, he came back very normal on a good mood , the only time he got angry was when I asked him to go and change , I didn’t raise my voice , I only told him the clothes doesn’t look nice for the special occasion that was when he told me to keep quiet and I did. He took 1 hour just to change the T-shirt to a shirt and I wasn’t not happy but I didn’t say anything because he wasn’t in the right mood. Yes He beat me just because I have asked him to take a family picture , I swear to God I’m telling the truth and if I’m not lying because it won’t put any money to my bank account. This is the 2nd beating after 6 years of marriage , but this is one was worse than the first one. Something did happened back in October ( his fault) but we have already settle everything and went back to normal. I know it doesn’t make sense to some of you , even myself I just don’t understand why did he beat me with so much hatred when I did nothing wrong

Seems you don't understand the wife beaters in here that you are answering them. They normally support the husband, because he is a man like them, but now that they can see he has done wrong rather than telling you that there's something wrong with your husband and what he did is very bad (because what if you died during the beating?) they have decided to make mockery of your pains by asking what you did to him. Because to them everything a man does is right, even when he kills a woman the woman caused it.

My advice to you is to take your bruised body to the police station and take pictures of the damage before that. If he beat anyone else the way he did to you, he would be in jail by now. But if you think there's love to cover battery and unprovoked beating, don't complain and don't ask. Just follow him until your kids are domestic violence champions like the men doubting you here. You covering up for him is the first step to more battery to you. He is grateful that you've covered his back. He will be sure to do more since he's feeling entitled about it already.

englishmart:
Abba Kyari's sister's wedding was what a whole police IG honoured despite the raging surge of insurgency and insecurity in the country. This is too trivial to be honoured Mr. IG of police From which yeye "All of us"?

The person behind that moniker is a woman. There's no "us".

healthserve:
Yes. I'm maintaining that this young man is going about seeking more than he assumes he's seeking for, aka his father's direct/indirect killers. Workplace politics is always dirty and not for the pure and naive which was why I wanted his undivided attention to chip him some elderly counsel

You could be right. Until he tells us how it happened, he shouldn't rule this out. The love of money is the root of evil.

dehi:
Well I will advise that you institute a form of weekly staff meeting. Where everyone get to air their views, contribution and anger to you on the meetings. But definitely there are some of them that really needs to go, there are some of them peddling the antagonist approach by the teachers. So do your secret investigation to fish out the perpetrators. Put effort to get training in human relations and business management

What do their views matter? They're evidently recalcitrant lazy people. Listening to them will only lose him more money. And he's running a business, not a mutual fund for teachers who didn't add on a Kobo of OE.

healthserve:
I wish I could tell him to investigate what killed his father. And that people die even in their own affairs from issues like this. Overall I don't see only bad staffs, I see an immature handler here. That's all I see. And if he's not smart, they'll do him harm.


Cc Jokerman. Can we talk? Can I have your undivided attention?

Do you feel the staff killed him? So that they could run the school for their illicit gains?