₦airaland Forum

Inspectahdeck:
Not supporting them (rapist) BUT

Most stories regarding rape in Nigeria don't add up. She stated that "she was sleeping and the boy came and raped her". How come the grandfather (Mr Richard) did not hear her scream or their struggle?

Most cases turn rape when they (ladies) are exposed by pregnancy or when guys do not meet up with their agreement (olosho).

I know a guy in PH that was framed by his girl friend, all because her original fiancé caught them.

Obviously my man.

There needs to be some kind of severe consequence for false rape accusations too.

Water ke?

I call bullshit on this one.

White007:
Nice one acting the big bro role

He needs tips on how to wisely invest that money and to stay very far away from cash-hungry, big-booty hos.

People can twist...

He didn't say Nigerians are criminals.

ndcide:
Look at them...Janjaweeeds

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I don dey think this supporter of APC since Nov/Dec...

Emodeee:
Just to meet you and you say we won't have sex? Who does dat? All these ladies can be mean.


Guys, share your experience.

Lol, that's not how it works. Even though your odds would have increased greatly, had she done the visiting.

refiner:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen!

sometimes I do wonder how some ladies behave....they love living a life full of pretense and one of there bags of pretense kept me wondering hard!

A Lady walks by the road side and coincidentally met a friend....she looks more beautiful and sexier than the friend but starts praising the friend that looks much more uglier and masculine.....it ones happened to me

one cool evening I was going out to get something in a nearby kiosk,I never did combed my hair,my clothes smells much more of curry and garlic,cos of I was preparing dinner,the cloth I put on was just an ordinary house wear....so I bumped with a friend of mine,she was coming back from a just concluded wedding ceremony,she was looking much like a queen,her shoes,her lovely black gown,her newly plaited hair and a confirm face surgery (makeup)....I was truly ashamed of myself....but immediately she saw me,she starts using some sweet words on me like
"waooo,ada is this really u?...see how u just dey shine...u just dey chop ur money alone abi!...oh,see how bright your face look,what cream do u make use of?.....oh look at your lips,oh look at..........."


I was astonished.... even a blind man can point out the most beautiful among us!!

I don't really know why ladies behave like that,please ladies in the house....what's the reason you girls love acting that way

Let this sink in for a minute...

What if she meant every single word?

Femich18:
The problem is not your teeth Bt Yourself.. Uve got a low "self esteem". U need to tackle that ASAP

And what things cause low self-esteem again?

oye9ja:
He miss used the Latin word consensus ad idem...it literally means coming together of heads which also means agreement. A single person can't say he consensus ad idem..but two or more parties only can.

Leave mata. My guy get license...

viickerz:
man u has experience.. look at how liverpool flopped in the champions league last season..

trust me.. even cska moscow will trash leicester

English football has been below par for the past four years..

the only club that is playing football of international standard in England is Man city..

forget the fact that they were beaten today.. man city is english footballs only hope in europe/ UCL

This 'experience' talk is pretty funny.

It's always 11 men vs 11 men.

GworoChewinMaga:
Nah the girl mess up pass


The guy bleeped your ass and snuck out only for you to rant on Facebook

She's anonymous. Guy's FB account...

konji1:
Nawaoooooo

Can he mention the names to know whether my girlfriend or my sisters sef they among the list?

Just your mum.

wagazala:
Enemy of progress dude.

Hehe, so you'd like "your chairman" to be a shareholder in your own wife?

Decker:
This is a question that has been on my mind for quite sometime. If you love a girl, how often should you tell her that you love her? Is it something you do on a regular basis or occasionally? At what point does it begin to lose it's value? Does it ever lose it's value?

Ladies, do you like it when you man always tells you that he loves you? Does the professing of his feelings towards you ever become too much to the point where it begins to lose it's value?

Way less than she does.

Half or less.

Pete my man! With this package, even your wife will understand.

euromilion:
Don't tell me you truly believe that guy,I think he's an aspirant writer,just trying to explore his creative and imaginative side,hence I wished him good luck.

Lol, your earlier post cracked me pretty hard.

But you see, it's really easy to ridicule and scoff at things we don't understand.

There are deep mysteries in this world, and you don't know what you don't know...

yoaking:
I resumed work this week in a firm. When I saw all the packages I double checked to b sure it was my name on the form cos it was heavenly.
In as much as I did not get the job through Nairaland,I am a loyal member of the forum so iv come to share my testimony and show gratitude to God and all who keep encouraging.

I have police escorts following me, yet am not a Gov,am also entitled to a service apartment ensuite. I have access to anywhere and any car,but il still remain humble.The pay is crazy yet am just a Bsc holder.

Why am I saying this,just to encourage other job seekers out there.When God decides its your time the heavens will open for you.

Cheers.

The new Abobaku by any chance?

jmichlins:
It shall never be like this for me. I know all fingers are not equal but i will be the taller finger. Amen

What does it matter who the 'tallest' finger is?

Just pray for your dreams, desires and expectations to be met. Give no fvcks about who has an extra dollar more.

Sarassin:
I thought I would digress a bit. Quite a few folks have often asked about the efficacies of obtaining money from spiritual sources and if it is feasible.

Here's what I know. There are very senior initiates in certain mystical orders, that I am aware of who carry out certain rites particularly for women. I have been present at such a rite in Nigeria also, a woman is introduced by a member asking for assistance, the ceremony takes place usually in private premises, the applicant in question is dis-robed and made to lie down in the middle of the you-know-what diagram.

An incision is made usually below the breast enough for just a trickle of blood and the applicant is made to recite the oath of dedication to a particular Egyptian goddess, on completing the oath, intercourse takes place with the applicant and the most senior officiating member who invokes the goddess and something is done with the discharge and the blood.

In a matter of days, the applicant begins to come into major sums of monies. A light re-dedication ceremony takes place every now and then. It is all seen as a bit of "fun" for members. For men, it's different....

And what are, or could be, the unpleasant consequences?

finalboss:
hmmm.. but if na me ..we go drag m there.. dem nor go collect 5kobo

I know some stubborn guy like you...he got hospitalized for weeks though.

Once person hold gun, the correct answer na "YEEES SIR!"

Angelberry:
Great leader

Do you REALLY think Uncle Jo had any plans of stepping down peacefully?

Nah.

He was 'forced' out.

This gist na 'official' version.

Propene:
I hope the man ensured she signed the prenuptial, otherwise he just made the girl a billionaire with ease.

Not in Nigeria.

Lucky man. If say na US/UK he for don dey sweat right now.

Keneking:
lalasticlala ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tuition: $3,300 * 197 = N650,100

197?

Did you hibernate?

CACAWA:
Lol...your first assignment is to return our money.

Shebi you didn't see where he gave the condition of being able to carry out the assignment.

@ onatisi

YUP!

That was you.

banmee:
I swear, i don't understand the obsession with instagram, facebook and twitter. I never had one and i never will. Why deliberately put your personal business out there for everyone to see? You are just asking for trouble.

Hehe, same here.

I do have FB though, but the last time I posted there was when OBJ, abi GEJ, first brought it to Nigeria.

PHEMIEY:
her husband is dead now...u can as well apply

But his manhood lives on.

Never forget that.

Instead of giving Nigerians the change you championed, give them excuses. Blame Goodluck Jonathan for everything.

In six years of Goodluck Jonathan’s presidency, the opposition told us again and again the man was “clueless.” It made sure the tag stuck to him like glue. But now we have a new sheriff in town, with the APC claiming to be better at everything than the PDP. While that might still be subject to debate, there is overwhelming evidence that in the cluelessness department, the PDP is certainly no match for the APC.

Here is a compendium from the APC textbook of cluelessness, provided within barely one year in office. If you want to know how to be a clueless president, this is the APC blueprint.

Blame Game

Instead of giving Nigerians the change you championed, give them excuses. Blame Goodluck Jonathan for everything, including the harmattan. Whenever you make a blunder, pass the buck to the former president. If there is petrol shortage, blame it on Goodluck Jonathan. If the budget is dead on arrival, blame it on Goodluck Jonathan.

In the middle of an economic crisis, promise to provide Nigerians with free education; free meals daily for millions of Nigerian public school-children; free tertiary education; free health-care and free houses. Facing a drastic drop in Nigeria’s income, declare you will be giving grants of N1.5 trillion a year to Nigeria’s poor. When you fail to deliver on any on these highfalutin promises, blame it quickly on Goodluck Jonathan.

Blunders

Forget the name of your vice-presidential running-mate. Call him Yemi Osunbade instead of Yemi Osinbajo. Tell President Obama the name of your political party is the All Nigeria’s Peoples’ Congress when it is All Progressives Congress. Call your party on CNN the All Progressives Confidence.

Tell Al Jazeera INEC means Independent Nigerian Electoral Commission instead of Independent National Electoral Commission. Even though West Germany ceased to exist in 1999 and the current German president is Joachim Gauck, refer to German Chancellor, Angela Merkel as “President Michelle of West Germany.”

Destroy INEC by turning it into a National Commission for Inconclusive Elections. Go to the United Nations and give a rousing speech about fighting Boko Haram, then fail to attend the crucial meeting on Boko Haram at the same U.N. session. Tell the Americans the Chibok girls were abducted from their “hotels” instead of their “hostels.”

Tell Nigerians there is nothing like petroleum subsidy. Then as president, announce the removal of the non-existent petroleum subsidy. Claim Jonathan diverted $700 million from the $1.1 billion Chinese loan for the Lagos/Kano rail project when only $400 million was earmarked for Lagos/Kano rail. Announce that foreign exchange can now be paid into domiciliary accounts without specifying if depositors will be allowed to withdraw them.

Anti-corruption rigmarole

Declare that you will kill corruption in Nigeria while being surrounded and bankrolled by corrupt politicians. Then invite those with corruption allegations hanging over their heads into your cabinet. Maintain: “Jonathan’s ministers stole 150 billion dollars.” But fail to prosecute them for stealing $150 billion. Tell Nigerians $2.1 billion was stolen by the PDP through Dasukigate, but charge people to court for stealing no more than $100 million.

Believe that trying members of the PDP for corruption on the pages of newspapers amounts to waging a serious war on corruption and is a substitute for national economic policy. Say: “We cannot build an economy where corruption is the working capital.” Then declare to no effect that recovered stolen monies will be used to revamp the national economy.

Insist Abacha never stole any money, and then probe the PDP for the mismanagement of the non-existent Abacha loot recovered from abroad. Fail to recognise that with the official exchange-rate at N198 to $1, while the parallel market rate is N305 to $1, you have created the widest parallel market margin ever recorded in Nigeria’s history and laid the foundation for widespread corruption in the banks.

Accuse the opposition of using public funds to finance its election campaign, but fail to disclose where you got the money to finance your own very expensive election campaign. Claim to be so cash-strapped, you had to borrow N27.5 million to pay for the presidential nomination papers of your party; then state in your assets declaration that you have N30 million in your bank account. Commend INEC for running the ostensibly free and fair election that brought you to power; then challenge in court every election conducted by the same INEC that your party lost.

Contradictions

Claim you inherited an empty treasury in spite of the over $30 billion left in our foreign reserves. Say you met no money in the treasury, then spend N2.2 billion on a four-day junket to the U.S. with no agenda and with nothing achieved.

Say: the federal government of Nigeria is: “the biggest Boko Haram.” Then become the head of the federal government of Nigeria. Declare grandiloquently: “I belong to everybody and I belong to nobody.” Then say: “The constituents (that) gave me 97% cannot in all honesty be treated on some issues with constituencies that gave me 5%.” Say you belong to everybody but ensure that your personal aides are virtually all Northerners.

Say: “I bear no ill will against anyone on past events. Nobody should fear anything from me. We are not after anyone.” “There will be no paying off old scores. The past is prologue.” Then send EFCC dogs after Elder Godsday Erubebe.

Say: “I pledge myself and the government to the rule of law, in which none shall be so above the law that they are not subject to its dictates, and none shall be so below it that they are not availed of its protection.” Then seek to replace the rule of law with the rule of fear. Go on national television and tell Nigerians you will not be obeying the courts in the cases of Dasuki and Kanu. Interfere in the judicial process by publicly declaring your enemies guilty without trial.

Tell Christiane Amanpour on CNN that you will defeat Boko Haram within two months if elected. Then say you did not say so. Declare that you will defeat Boko Haram by the end of December 2015, then say you only meant to defeat it “technically” after it unleashes mayhem on Maiduguri while you were busy celebrating its fictional defeat.

Say: “Boko Haram is a typical example of small fires causing large fires. An eccentric and unorthodox preacher with a tiny following was given posthumous fame and following by his extra judicial murder at the hands of the police.” Then send troops to massacre hundreds of Shi’ites in Zaria. Involve Nigeria in a Middle Eastern regional struggle between Saudi Arabia and Iran by joining the Saudi led anti-terrorist coalition. Open the door for wider terrorist attacks on Nigeria by killing Shi’ites in the North while the Saudis execute Shi’ite mullahs and prisoners in Saudi Arabia.

Prosecute avoidable wars on several home-fronts: against Boko Haramites in the North-east; Shi’ites in the North-west; Biafrans in the South-east; and Niger Deltans in the South-South.

Nonsensical policies

Grind the country to a halt by making yourself Sole Administrator of Nigeria for six months. Squander your vital first 100 days in office doing absolutely nothing; while receiving cheers as “Baba Go-Slow.” Present “body language” as a substitute for policy. Ensure that over N5 trillion is wiped off the Nigerian Stock Exchange within six months of your coming to office.

Promise: “I will stabilise global oil price.” Then watch as the oil price tumbles from $50 to $28 within eight months of your presidency. Also ball-watch as the naira tumbles to a record-breaking N305 to one dollar.

Declare when the country is broke: “I will provide one meal a day for children in public primary schools.” “I will make direct cash transfer of 5,000 naira to the 25 million poorest and most vulnerable citizens.” Propose through your Minister of Science Fiction to create 3.4 million jobs in Nigeria in 2016 through the production of pencils. Plan to have 365 cultural festivals 365 days a year under your Ministry of Culture.

Shout “chanji, chanji” while a large chunk of your party-members are turncoats from the same PDP that ruled the country for the last 16 years. Refer to ministers as noisemakers then establish a Cabinet of ministers. Take six months to choose a cabinet then come out with old cargoes. Tell Nigerians you delayed appointing ministers because you were looking for saints and angels, then appoint many known devils. Say: “The corrupt will not be appointed into my administration.” Then appoint those with corruption allegations hanging over their heads.

Delight in putting square pegs in round holes. Make Kayode Fayemi, who has a Ph.D. in War Studies, Minister for Solid Minerals instead of Minister of Foreign Affairs. Make Professor Anthony Anwukah, a professor of Education and a former vice-chancellor a Junior Minister to a journalist, Adamu Adamu, in the Ministry of Education. Make Solomon Dalong, a former Assistant Inspector of Prisons the Minister of Youth Affairs and Sports. Make Muhammadu Bello, who headed the National Hajj Commission for eight years, FCT Minister.

Budgeting

Propose a N6 trillion budget in 2016 for a nation that failed to meet revenue estimates of N4 trillion in 2015. Predicate this on borrowing N2.2 trillion, which requires N1.2 billion daily to service.

Benchmark your budget on the price of oil being $38 in 2016, making it dead on arrival with the oil price falling to $28 within a fortnight of your budget presentation. Fail to anticipate that, once sanctions against Iran are lifted, the oil price will go further down as Iranian oil is added to the international oil glut. Allocate N40 billion to look for oil in the North East in the middle of an oil glut when Nigeria needs to diversify from oil.

Within the framework of a drastic cut in Nigeria’s income, raise the budget for Aso Rock from N6.6 billion in 2015 to N18 billion in 2016. Earmark N3.6 billion for the purchase of several BMW saloon cars! Budget N1.75 billion for feeding in Aso Rock in 2016 when Jonathan only budgeted N530 million in 2015. Allocate only N29 billion to the Ministry of Agriculture, while earmarking N39 billion for the Ministry of Information and Culture.

Present the budget to the National Assembly without first scrutinising it. Present the budget with fanfare, then send someone to steal it from the National Assembly. Present the budget, then withdraw it after reading it. Remember this: when the budget fails, blame it on Goodluck Jonathan!

http://www.femiaribisala.com/how-to-be-a-clueless-president/