₦airaland Forum

unapapadeycraze:
The vagina scares me.

Do we have vaginas that doesn't scare? Because all the ones I've seen scared me.
You know I'm gonna marry, what can I do to conquer this fear?

When you think you've heard it all!

I think you should become a vagitarian.

nduchucks:
You people should learn to focus on the issue at hand. The only issue here is whether or not these people were arrested for allegedly breaking the law. The answer to this simple question is Yes. They should go to court and prove their innocence; this is what the rule of law is all about. Y'all need to come out of the bush and leave jungle justice to savages.

I agree with you. But where is the punishment for the herdsmen who have repeatedly murdered, kidnapped and terrorized different sets of people in this country?.

Does a different set of rules apply to them?

Wow!

So where are the arrested herdsmen?

cruzita:
a beg who get sure games ?

Both Arsenal and Chelsea will win 4 - 0 today.

eyinjuege:
Working out made him look hot enough to eat I guess. She no longer dreaded PDAs probably because no more pot belly.

Moral of the story, keep fit. You feel good about yaself and also get people to compliment you if you care about that anyway.

While his improved fitness would be a factor (we're talking only 3 months), the primary reason for her improved receptiveness is DREAD.

crackhaus:
Oh wow, the author of this thread is the one and only captain-save-a-b!tch-in-distress BuddhaPalm. The irony.

What happened to you old boy, you found Jesus?



[size=4pt]Pardon the digs at you, couldn't help myself.. [/size]

Crackhaus my man, I believe you mistake me for someone else.

Formidable1:
My wife has taken my April Fool joke very seriously. I decided to pull a prank on her today, and it's almost going out of hand.

It was in the morning, and I knew she wasnt yet aware that it was April Fool's Day. So I told her that I had a confession to make to her and it has been eating me up. I told her that I have a child outside our marriage. That I have a son who's around 12yrs now. That I had the child before I met her, but I couldn't tell her because I didn't want to lose her.

She was speechless but I could tell she was shaken. She searched my eyes to know if I was joking, but I maintained my seriousness. She calmy started asking me questions to know whether I was being real, but I was already prepared for any question. By the time she was through interrogating me, she has already broken down in tears.

I continued with the joke, and I told her to please forgive me for not telling her all this while. She believed everything I said and by the time I told her it was April Fool's joke, it was too late. She was inconsolable, and she told me it wasn't a joke, cos she knew I was telling her the truth. She said she had always had the feeling that I had a child cos she saw it in her dream before we got married.

To cut it short, right now she's mad at me...and she has threatened to leave with my 6 months old daughter and abandon our 3 yr-old marriage. She has already called her mum and sister and narrated the whole thing.

So, guys plz I need una help right now. My own April Fool prank has gone all wrong. What can I do?

ayogabriel:
OP, are you trying to say sometimes if not most times, it's about us as individual and not the other person, and that we are constantly at war with ourselves?

The moral of the gist is: fvck "communication".

Become masculine (again), and your partner will desire you.

Copied post.

---

About two years ago I posted this and this. Lots of other terribly depressing stuff too. My life was shit. I frequently dreamed of suicide. My biggest problem was my sexless marriage. I logged in to this old account this morning to find a dozen messages asking me if I had killed myself (How would I even answer?) or if I had divorced my wife yet. Neither of those things happened. Something much better happened. Prepare for a massive wall of text.


Shortly after I made those posts, my wife and I started seeing a marriage counselor. Everyone in the world told me counseling was the right thing to do. I really put everything I had into it. I stuck around for one year, but it was completely worthless.

The counselor's advice amounted to something like "So you're horribly depressed because you have needs which aren't being met. Have you considered not having needs?". At one point he floated the idea of trying to get me a libido lowering drug. He was 100% on my wife's side of everything. Really just toxic and not good at all. Seeing him messed with my mind. It almost made me believe that sexlessness was the normal state for a marriage and that I was some kind of deviant for wanting to Bleep my own wife.


After visiting him for a year, for meetings which consisted of my wife chewing me out for something trivial, while he cheered her on and I sheepishly apologized, with no progress towards breaking out of my sexless marriage, I told him to Bleep off. I told him that his services were worthless and that I would not be returning.


At this point, I was completely out of bleeps to give about anything. I quit caring at all about my wife's needs. I basically just pretended like she didn't exist. No dating. No little gifts when I went on trips. No celebration on her birthday. Nothing. As far as I was concerned, she was invisible. I had spent YEARS caring about her needs while she didn't give a shit about mine. It was time to rectify that balance.


Instead of focusing on her, I focused my energy into myself. I got back into old hobbies I had been neglecting during my depression, started spending 3 or 4 hours a day at the gym doing heavy compound lifts fueled by repressed anger, and running until I made myself puke. At home, I'd channel my attention in to maintaining a clean bodybuilder's diet. I completely eschewed alcohol.
My schedule basically went something like:


>Wake up.
>Go to work.
>Get home from work.
>Change clothes.
>Leave again.
>Come home hours later.
>Go to bed.


On an average day, I'd say maybe ten words to my wife.

Nothing changed at first, but I cared much less. Being able to completely destroy myself at the gym helped resolve a lot of the emotional problems I had. Depression can't stand up to a heavy pump. Plus I was getting fit enough that I would occasionally catch other women checking me out. People who worked at the gym kept complimenting my work ethic and my progress, which raised my self-esteem sharply.


About three months in to my new lifestyle. My wife stopped me at the door while I was leaving and said she wanted to talk. I said "I don't want to talk to you. You know what I want." and I left for the gym. The next day as I was leaving, she stopped me and said pretty much nothing before initiating sex. That day I missed the gym because we bleeped for four hours.


Starting the next day, I'd text her commands from work. Stuff like "Be naked when I get home." or "Wear the red one. Make sure a lot of lube is easily available." and she would follow them. I'd make stops at sex shops on the way home and buy whatever looked fun, without consulting her.
For about a month after, I still spent no effort on her needs. She had a history of promising sex, if I'll just fulfill some condition, and then moving the goal posts when I did. I didn't know if this was a real change, or if she realized that all her power over me was gone and it time to either put out or get kicked out and was trying to reestablish the control she previously had.


Every single day of that month. Sex happened whenever I wanted it, for as long as I wanted it, however I wanted it. No resistance. No complaints. No being too tired or not being in the mood or whatever other nonsense. Just fucking.


After that month, I figured that our change was permanent (or at least had gone on long enough that it wasn't some kind of trick, and I could act on it). I started rewarding her for putting out. I started taking her on dates again, and playing card games with her again. I'd bring her little gifts again. If she didn't put out on a given day, for any reason, I'd completely deny her any of my attention or energy.


This change in our relationship has lasted 9 months now. She's very nice to me now, gets naked whenever I want, and is super affectionate in public. I love her again, and now I feel like she loves me too. My depression is over!

tl;dr: Ignored my wife. Worked on myself. That fixed my marriage.

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/33ci0o/the_long_hard_road_out_of_hell/

BEARS are very dangerous animals.

Any woman that grows BEARS should be avoided like the plague.

Remember what a bear did to Leo in The Revenant.

ireneony:
No.5 is so true

This remind me of when a guy invited to an eatery.
After ordering fried and chicken for me, he ordered take away meat pie for himself. I was eating the food gel gel gel.
He was looking at me and couldn't contained his feelings. He said " how which I knew this restaurant is expensive, we wud have gone to a cheap restaurant"
In my mind I was like why can't this guy just be quiet "nor be everything eye see mouth go talk"

With that vexation I ate everything including the bone of the chicken. He was swallowing his saliva

It was time for us to leave, he stopped a bike. Abo0ki bike man to be precise. U need to come and see the way this guy was pricing ehh. He was like" you know I priced 80# instead of 150# so we are going to enter this bike together, when the bike get to your destination he will drop you at the junction and he will also take me home from there"


Some guys are jst stingy.
N.b: I never begged him to take me out.

What if he just didn't have - which was most likely the case?

You are just speaking English.

Your instincts aren't fully engaged yet.

Soon enough, you'll learn, first-hand, that talk is cheap.

We still dey Bleep up.

Bollywood don graduate tey tey.

I recently watched the movie PK. And it's BY FAR, one of the best movies I've watched in my whole life.

And we are here doing 8-bit Spider Girl.

grbgrb4:
oboy,you sure say no be PHOTOSHOP?

Obviously, AY body wey be like indomie .

LMAO, but this lecturer doesn't even know how to lie.

My verdict on hearing both sides: Guilty as charged!

TheNews.NG: Sir, we can’t take the story down just like that, its against the ethics of balanced reporting, we need to speak to the two parties involved to ascertain that you are truely innocent. would you be willing to tell us your side of the story?

Very funny!

You've already published the girls side of the story WITHOUT speaking to him first.

ziccoit:
If GEJ, the Mr Hero had won the last presidential election for the 2nd term, nothing would have been left of economy with the level of corruption that would have been allowed to go on unchecked; BH would have spread down to the South with above 75% of Nigeria under terrorist control; he and NOI would have started selling Nigerians to slave trade to make more money available for stealing; GEJ would have sold everything Nigeria; coup de tat would have been staged and either GEJ killed or arrested and kept in jail; Nigeria would have been thrown into unending crises; we might have had a civil war on our hands by now.

So, voting Buhari was the best decision the brilliant among Nigerians made. That golden decision has saved my country from irrecoverable destruction and total collapse.

Hehehe, very funny.

I wish we had better than both.

babym7681:
I think its high time we started producing our own air planes. This is 21st century,any form of economic imperialism-cum-monopoly from the European powers should be subdued.
#YesWeCan!

Which NIGHT school did you attend?

firstking01:
been watching you, not "stalkin"...you tryna so hard to play feminism,,,even the way you introduced yourself on the first day you reg on nairaland defined who you are...and i dnt wanna believe God wasted beauty on you with no brains which is a deficiency on your own side...my advice for you sweery, be free and open minded

Lol, this is definitely NOT stalking

SkinnyDude:
15 already smooching?! didn't u have parents? spoilt brat.. and for the niggar.. fvck! 19 and hooking up with a 15 yrs old girl! the niggar got inferiority complex and a wicked soul... i was 19, fvcking a 22 yrs old girl.. real guys don't do girls below 18

And you wonder why the girls don't want to to post.

I am hearing this for the first time.

prof22:
Mine goes thus .....

Our house was an uncompleted building so shame dey always catch me to carry girls come home. But ds my friend house is very okay one of d best on our street. So we dey always make arrangement use my guy house. We all lied thats our house. On ds unfateful day, i took d girl to d man's personal bedroom. I learnt he doesnt even allow his wife in at times since they have a shared bedroom. I left my shirt on d couch in d sitting room, belt on d dinning table, i didnt even know where my shoes were after all na OUR" house. D man came to fetch some documents for the screening in d office. Ladies and gentlemen,he allowed d girl to walk free but me.... ds man did all the rock, Undertaker, Rio mysterio styles after contributing a countless slap on my face. He was deeply pained i used his personal bedroom, bros i just barbed my hair,come and see gator, contor on my head infact water stored on pot holes on my head. I stopped passing in front of their house. The day the man died i was still scared lookng at him during wake keep.

Ireneony, falconey thumbs up !

Thanks man!

I have tears in my eyes...

missdebs:
sauce please, if this is true, I wonder what will happen to the team foreign girls crew. hehehh

Even Oyibo self dey talk say them want foreign girls.

Local-girl bashing is universal.

princee7:
oloshiiiii wetin carry prostitudes enter the party in the first place. this man is a bug lier, him that was grooving this babes that day com day lie now say such things no happen. naija ladies are Una life make Una day respect Una self. Nigeria needs you don't be a useless fellow to your family and Nigeria at large ...

It's a party in a tiny club.

The club is in Ikeja, and Ikeja is the prostitutìon capital of the world.

rhoma:
I comment my reserve now: like one bobo said at the top why allow d party to go on? Maybe d wahala end result too big fr am oo den d denial

To be fair, his defence is credible.

The party was in a club. You do your thing in a corner, and others are free to move around and even mingle with your group.

Chanchit:
I just wonder if one rich arab prince offer Toke $500k for one night while married, I'm %100 sure she won't think twice before grabbing the offer, so I'm still of the opinion that she did not manage the situation well cos she's just as desperate as her husband.

500 wetin?

DonKool1:
First of all, i'm not a woman/wife but I suspect something else is responsible for your husband vexing.
I'm guessing the problem is not that you didn't clean his ears when he asked but more than likely the way or manner you responded.
The manner in which we talk to our ourselves sometimes is the real problem not so much what we say.
If you snapped at him then yes, if not then i don't know what else because in my opinion that one never reach to cause fight.
Just my 2 cents for your consideration.
BTW, me too used to like my wife cleaning my ears, but not any more.
I guess it became a sort of burden to her and i don't like being a burden to anyone least of all, my beloved.
For me it wasn't about cleaning my ears (she used to press the buds to hard into my ears!!), it was just felt nice lieing my head on her laps and dozing off while the ear cleaning kept her busy. sigh.. the best things in life are truly free!

Don my man!

So did you employ a sweet-sixteen to take over from where she stopped?

tunergy:
People cannot give what they don't have. When you read those comments, you understand that those guys are living in military marriage where order reigns rather than love. When OP spoke, they just can't understand cos its alien to them.

LMAO @ Military Marriage.

I threw my phone away and laughed like an idiot.

Thank you.

MrcuteOscar:
Garba shehu,na who we go ask? No smoke without fire, thats how Oliseh metuh started, am Innocent,am innocent,now he is quiet.. Relax,Time would tell if u are innocent or not..

Lol. Na true. That guy don lock-up since.

She fvck up.

She should have kept quiet after "My village is not far from Benin".

Since I was a baby in the 80's, I've heard this same chit uncountable times.

Very valuable post.