₦airaland Forum

Bomberman:
I am just a young guy and I live with my girlfriend in delta state..a week ago,I got a call from my friend that he was in warri and the his friend who he wanted to stay with isn't picking his call anymore and he is currently stranded.mind you,he came from benin to warri..he asked to come to my place and spend the night and that he will be leaving the next day,then I agreed and told him to come over..this friend of mine has previously asked to come and stay with me a few weeks back and I refused due to the current economic situation of the country and I told him straight that I can't accommodate anyone currently because things are hard and I am still struggling to take care of myself ..but he called me that he wanted to come and pass that night and I agreed,thinking he will be going to wherever he want to the next day but today is making it 1 week and he still haven't left..I don't know how to tell him to leave because I don't want to offend him while passing the message across to him..this guy eats alot and the worst is that he is a smoker..immediately he smokes whatever he smokes,he goes into my kitchen and eat carelessly..please how do I tell him to leave?I am thinking of traveling as well..I need advice

You knew your friend didn't have a place to stay some weeks ago, why did you accommodate him for 'one night' shortly after.

Well, others have given you the tactics to send him out.

Sha change your locks when he leaves. You don't want stories that touch.

As to your babe, where is her family? Where is your own family?

If you are interested in marrying her, why don't you do a small ceremony, go to court and keep it moving?

1Sharon:
This was a satisfying read.

Actually, all his/her posts on this thread.

I don't know why budaatum dey code sex. Na my partner, my partner I dey see upandan.

But I think he is male.

This early Saturday morning...... ofofo

budaatum:
Funny people, are some.

I once had a cousin stay with me in my one bed and living room in UK, and gave up my bed for him because he had stinky shoes and snored. Whenever I cooked, he'd ask me if I'd eaten my portion and all the rest was his. I got a phone bill of over £200, and on checking the numbers called found it was him calling his friend in US, which he denied, stupidly not knowing about itemised bills.

One day, I went to market, bought fish and Guinness and went home to cook rice, and as I was eating my cousin came home.

"Ah, good", he said, "like you knew I was hungry. Have you taken enough for yourself?"

"No", said I, "I surely haven't. I plan to eat it all by myself and drink all my Guinness myself too. And when I'm done, I'd like you to sit down so we can talk".

After eating all I could and rubbing my belly while he sat and watched me, I asked him if someone had told him my family owes his family, like if the dowry my father paid was not enough or something (his is my maternal side), and they've told him to come collect from me.

"Oh", said he, "I thought government gave you all for free being as you are citizen".

"Seriously?" I asked, angry and livid. "Like you don't see me doing night shifts 5 days a week to buy the food you been eating and pay the rent so a roof is over your head?"

We sat down and negotiated he pay half rent, buy his own food and never ever touch my phone again without my permission.

My younger sister joined us a couple of months later, and he sat down with her to share the house bills, and when ma and my other sisters joined us much later he did the same with them all.

Funny that by then, I had given up my bed and the sofa and was sleeping in the bath.

@bold:

Warris this

emiwanlee:
God will destroy Tinunbu and all his enablers. Nobody on earth that has undermined Almighty God that has succeeded, tinubu's case will not be different. He will be destroyed without any redemption

How did Tinubu undermine God?

Rather than counting on God to punish Tinubu and Co, one should think of getting above this.

Our previous rulers have not yet been punished.

Parable007:
Sacrifice is when both the leaders and the masses truly undergo the same thing. But pain and wickedness is what makes the poor keep becoming poor and hopeless while leaders spend so much money in billions to buy things they already have.
1. Under your watch naira was devalued so bad that 200 Ghana Cedis is about N20,800 Ghana here.
2. A nation that have crude is buying fuel for 1200 per liter the same govt came out to tell Nigerians that it will never happen well it happened when we even began to refine fuel in Lagos.
3. People began to switch to cooking glass you increased it.
4. You scammed your own people that you'll put them in band A to have constant light, (Band A meters began to read faster than normal, the 20 hours per dey didn't work, you secretly place like half of Nigerians in that wicked band A) all because you felt it was too cheap now Nigerians are paying through tier nose.
5. How bag of rice rose from 35k to 90k is still a mystery. When I saw the govt planning to sell rice at 40k I know they imposed these hardship.

Please Nigerian leaders, whatever Nigerians have done to deserve all these forgive them now that you can, because a set of people who are not gullible and tribalistic as our own generation will arise and they might not show mercy. This is not a threat.

This is sadly funny

Nazgul:
If you check very well you'd discover that none of the men who impregnated her has the capacity to provide for her like her husband.

Sometimes I honestly ask myself what do women want? You'd see a woman in a good marriage, the husband is doing his best to provide for the family, yet she's going behind his back to sleep with men who are not up to his level.

Not holding brief for the wife however, what is your definition of a 'good' marriage?

NothingDoMe:
Serious inflation loading. Looks like we have mad people at the helm of affairs of this country.

I laughed out loud in a meeting.

mmadu4:
i pity your current or future man who ever he is .. imagine such mentality. so because you are married you think you cant do something to help your self what if your husband dies how will you survive . some of you ladies deserves to used for money rituals with such mentality . you are all useless . apart from having KIDS you all deserve to be thrown into a pit

Don't confuse me with the women in your family.

And I am not interested in your emotional rant. I just turned your logic on you, why are you crying?

If a woman must earn before her husband provides, shouldn't he know how to keep house before the wife does same?

And wishing you and your family were used for rituals speaks to the kind of family background you have.

sweetkev:
The married woman must have something doing as well and also bring value into the marriage.

So married women now have 'something doing and bring value' before deserving their husbands' provision?

Should the husband be 'good in housekeeping and bring value' to merit his wife housekeeping? Or be 'good in cooking and bring value' before deserving food?

This wicked, hypocritical attitude you guys display is what generates the nonsense you people are seeing today.

And smart girls know how to weed you out!

Archworld:
Girls of this generation have changed

It is now N2k for number?

Nazgul:
The truth is these days, so many people go into relationships with ulterior motives.

Girls want money not love.

Guys want sex not love.

At the end, the weaker party gets hurt. That's the reality about relationships in this our generation.

This is the summary of the matter.

A better way to go is 'why do you want me to be your girlfriend'? 'What does been a girlfriend to Daniel mean'?

Apart from that, their stage of life matters.

Aroyjunior:
I saw this coming
It's long overdue
Wahala for naija
Person wey curse Nigeria no know say na like this the curse go work.

You mean the curse is overworking

Onegai:
Mute his WhatsApp status on your daughter's phone. Never keep your eyes on whatever he's doing, how much he's spending, whom he's loving up.

The most important 2 things to do:

1. Speak with your lawyer. You need to be prepared.

2. Go for therapy and counselling. You need to improve yourself, work on your flaws and mistakes. It takes 2 to break a marriage up, so accept that which was your fault and correct it.

Put yourself in the best possible position for Life to be good to you. You're in the 2nd half of your journey of your Life, do better.

Avoid any physical place you will ever see him or his family, for now. Avoid it. Find new places to worship and hang out.

Forgive him and his family. Not because they're good, but for your own sake. Bitterness can kill your spirit, so release any sorrow via forgiveness. It will take time, but you must do so.

If you ever see any of them outside and they speak to you, calmly offer an apology any shortcomings you may have had and tell them you'll always be cordial. That entire apology should be one very short sentence, no begging, no grovelling, not a single word of reconciliation. And you are to make it to only one person, so thar they can go and share it amongst themselves.

You're forgiving them and apologising for your shortcomings because you need to be light and free so that God's blessings can come inside you. God's blessings can't come inside a dark, heavy heart.

Now, move on.

Your success story is ahead but you need to not look back, so you can claim it.

One last thing: go and get a tambourine. Keep it. Because as you heal, get better and grow into your new life and hopefully there's Love in your future (that's why you're doing that therapy, some negro out there has worked on his flaws and is praying for his Sarah), you'll shake that tambourine in praise to the Most High Lord.

All the best.

Mbok open a church

Onegai:
I swear, Humanity is such a foolish race than God must shake His head in disbelief at our foolishness.

The way we needlessly destroy our lives is amazing. We spend our old age full of regrets because Time has shown us our foolishness.

Which is why I would never allow my sons to ever complain about their wives to me. If it is not proven Domestic Violence, I don't wanna hear shi.t. Go and tell her mother. Your wife can come and complain about you to me, too.

Because the worst thing a parent can do is validate or influence their son to hurt their grandchildren.

There's no amount of prayer and forgiveness that will stop God's wrath on falling on you when you do so. You must face the consequences.

That's why Prosperity Gospel is so annoying, we need to be preaching the Old Testament so you'll see how God kept dealing with people who mess up. You reap what you sow. God is a God of Righteousness and Justice, nobody gets away with anything no matter how it looks from the outside.

I've got far too many male relatives spending their 60s/70s in regret to allow myself come between my son and his wife. Even the ones that remarried will tell you that if they had emotional maturity, they'd never have divorced.

There's a reason God hates divorce in the Bible, go and read up Malachi 2: 13-17. There's a reason God literally told men "I hate divorce, don't leave the wife of your youth". How incredible it is that our Heavenly Father addressed His remarks on Divorce TO MEN! Even Jesus said "your hearts are hardened but whomever divorces his wife and remarries commits Adultery", HE WAS TALKING TO MEN!!

Wives are supposed to keep their homes, but Husbands are supposed to keep their marriages. Because you can't be the Dangote in your marriage and expect the Chinese engineers to secure the NNPC deal or let the Nigerian staff find crude oil to refine, that's your job, you're the Head of the House, the buck stops on your table. Everyone's (your wife and kids) job is to follow your leadership, Dangote.

Nigerian men are so effed up because they keep breaking this covenant with God and thinking it will work out well, ogbeni...
IT NEVER DOES! YOU'LL BE 65 WITH SILENT REGRETS, TRUST ME!!

They need to take the mic from these banger boys podcasters, red pillers and Pastors and give it to 70 year old men. Because when you're done seeing their lives, you'll be terrified as a man and delete all your side chics and spend your days researching how to love your wife and bring the spark back into your marriage.

Do you know what it is to be 70 and making yourself uncomfortable following your wife to omugwo, because you know you messed up all your marriage and are scared she'll leave? Do you know what it is to have adult kids who don't talk to you, your wife has spent years of resentment and is now living her life separately so you're always indoors or walking alone on the street, lonely? Do you know how common and silent male depression is? Do you know how many men have died on top of their side chics, their last moments in fright, not surrounded by love and grief from people who care, because the side chics always panic and protect themselves, they'll be screaming upandan inside of cradling your head, showing you love and sorrow as you leave this life.

Why are your Pastors not preaching this??


/rant over

Oh! They know the end is regrets however in their usual self-deceit have told themselves is because 'a man is not appreciated despite his labour so he needs to stack up wealth'.

Like the wealth would care for him in old age

I wish the women left than chaining themselves with bitterness till old age.

That's a miserable wasted life and God forbid I waste a whole lifetime in misery.

Onegai:
OP

Right now, you need to get a pretty good job. Ensure your accommodation is very good too (if you need to move in with your parents, stay there). If you have your family's support, do so.

Accept any amount he sends for upkeep without a murmur, document all your conversation with him (no calls, just texts or emails).

Make sure you never badmouth him to his kid. The few, infrequent times he will attempt to play at Daddy and visit his kid, ensure you allow her meet her father without complaints to him. Show him a calm demeanor and a beautiful exterior. Document every visit.

You have 2 years from Separation to Divorce. That's the Law. You can't file until then, neither can he. Go to a lawyer for more information.

Most courts will NOT award custody of a girl child to a single father, they will favour the mother. Unless he remarries and then you have to prove that your home is a safe place and you're more than capable of caring for your child.

Get a cheap phone, give him the no and politely tell them that should he ever wish to speak to his daughter, he can either call you or use that line. (He won't call it more than once).

Take your eyes completely off him. Your mind will be harder. Try and go for counselling, to heal and to reflect upon your own mistakes. So you don't repeat them again.

I wish you the best.

Now, let me face that oloriburuku you married.

He's an as.shole, he and his family knew what they were doing. They are willing to destroy your marriage because he never valued you and they want to protect their se.xually abusive niece. That girl he's dating, oh boy she's in trouble. Her chi isn't working, if it was she would never have fallen inside calamity. He's not going to marry her, she's the first of numerous girlfriends. If he marries her, then she doesn't have a praying mother. You will see him looking happier than you've ever see him flaunting his new gf/wife, his family full of praise for her, loving her like they never loved you.

Cry into your pillow, show a stoic face, dress well, smell delicious and give them no quarter. Go out and date.

In about 3-5 years' time, that rat bas.tard will start sniffing around you again under the pretext of checking on his child. YOU MUST NEVER TAKE HIM BACK. If you do, Amadioha will laugh and know he can destroy you. You serve a Living God, He removed them from your life neatly.

They'll notice that the stability you gave him in his life is not there (married or not). Even if he looks happy, he's not really happy. So he's acting for the world to see, so that nobody says "I told you so".

Second marriages tend to be worse because the useless party involved in the first marriage rarely ever learns from their mistakes, so they repeat it. Only that the "Peerless Queen" 2nd wife is usually ready to deal shege with him and his family. So trust me, his family will grumble that "this one is not even as tolerant as the one we pursued out".

He'll repent and regret in leisure. No, he'll never admit it (his ego is too big). He will want you back (no, he still won't have learnt his lessons). Which is why he will suddenly become a "Good Father", checking on his kid frequently. No dear, he's keeping tabs on you and also trying to audition for you, that he's a great guy and your issues before were just "silly little misunderstandings".

You will probably never get an apology. Don't wait for one. He will definitely express regret, but never to you. Only a very brave and strong man will look you in the eye and admit his fukup.

Which is why you should move on with a vengeance. The best revenge is a Life well lived.

I'm saying all of this because this sort of story is as common as pure water. And it always plays out like this, rarely does it deviate. The only deviation is that sometimes, the wife take the husband back.

The Bible is the book of Life because if you read the Old Testament, you'll see humanity's innate desire to constantly self-destruct from time to time (think the Israelites or the prodigal son). We can't help it, we can only ask God to give us the strength to overcome the need to use our own hands to destroy our lives. I've self-destructed, everyone has (made mistakes that derailed us for such a long time, we hold regrets forever). You have self-destructed, now this is your ex-husband's time to self-destruct.

But you shouldn't. Because he was willing to side with his family against his own child.

I wish you the best.

Beautiful piece/ rant , the bold very well said.

@OP: you have the antecedents of women left like this who picked up and are doing extremely well in their middle ages.

I don't know your tribe, however Onegai's picture is a very common one in Yoruba land and almost every time, the woman comes out tops if she can re-direct her focus to building herself.

It would be rough, lonely, sex starved, filled with 'I coulda shoulda', however, you have the spirit backing thousands of women who have faced the same fate and succeeded.

Some with new husbands, some alone.

folake4u:
Only the stubborn at heart survive in Nigeria.

Honestly, I agree even outside this convo.

You hear things that makes one sadly amazed.

I watched the Maidugri flood with tears. How can a delegate not see the damage less than a week to the collapse of the dam?

At what point do our leaders Say 'No, I can't go past this level of evil or depravity?'

Onegai:
Happy new years to you too.

Glad to be alive, trust you're doing well too.

We are doing well, thanks 😊

asala1:
I believe the free market price is still more expensive than what PMS is been sold in Nigeria. I agree that Nigeria don’t have business with subsidy but removing it will be severe and will increase as our currency continue to devaluate.

Our rulers never do anything for our benefit.

If the masses benefit, it is just a byproduct.

Anyways, this post has aged.

Dangote has sold to NNPC and has refused to say how much he sold it though refuted NNPC's claims.

NNPC has claimed that Dangote's fuel is not 'enough ' therefore needs to import more I.e. continue paying/receiving subsidy

Nigeria' story is headache inducing.

This match is a true reflection of how life can be.

You work so hard and at the edge of success; it fails aka unprofitable hardwork.

You work so hard, it seems it is not working and at the last minute, it is your chance and you succeed.

It is well.

Slymontee:
Referee of course! Red card was at 8th minute of added time (in the first half) that was officially 6 minutes. Man City goal at the 8th minute of added time that was officially 7minutes. I don't want to talk about how undeserving the second yellow and red were!

I agree with you.

High level summary: You people need to import so you would continue receiving subsidy abi?

Carry on.

lexy2014:
Who are the "we"?


Which monopoly is to be avoided when the same nnpc that u blindly support has already monopolised supply?


On one hand you support nnpc for being single buyer because you claim "It makes perfect business sense to be the offtaker" and yet you say monopoly should be avoided.

Sycophancy won't let you see how you are contradicting yourself

Do you think it is easy to support this govt?

Leave him alone, he is already having migraine from cooking sense out of nonsense.

asala1:
NNPC still pays subsidy on PMS. Only a cra.zy person will buy directly from Dangote when you can buy it at a subsidized rate from NNPC.

Then why the drama?

Why don't you let it be a free market and let the crazy ones buy from Dangote?

Abi is it NNPC's craziness or their money?

Flangelo12:
What they mean is that they won't make enough profit.

What is the need for subsidy (their cash cow) if they are selling the crude in Nigeria, refined locally and then sold in Naira?

Any job that depends on physical attributes like artists, actors, athletes, entertainers, sports etc must take extra care of their bodies; it is their major asset.

Sonnobax15:

Ok..

So long it came out from the mouth of a woman,no problem......So nobody should insult us when we say over 90% of these modern day actresses are into oloshoism ....Cuz their colleague has just proven that to us as a fact.

Let me you lack comprehension without telling me you lack comprehension.

folake4u:
Yes oh.

Stubborn Flakky

folake4u:
Kai, Buka.

We no longer use the term "masturbation" for females. The word is so heavy and old school.

We call it "DJ" or "DJing" now. You can search it online.

The old school one we all know is the traditional type, while the use of vibrators is the "modern" type.

I say make I tell you as GenZ education.

Toor, well noted ma'am

This puts a spin on DJ Cuppy

Vibrators have been as long as time na.

I thought nuhu/nuru messages with semi demi happy endings are the in-thing.

pocohantas:
Maybe the body of your post gave the impression of that . But if you explained and they chose to hold on to one narrative, you can't be blamed.

Please can I have the link to the thread?
Maybe I commented sef.

My sister, I said nectar can be lost GRADUALLY......

Didn't know that virginity could be lost in bits.

I have since learnt that NLers would read what they want to read.

https://www.nairaland.com/6489141/sister-please-reserve-nectar-him

Gerrard59:
That said, with this revelation, I hope everyone agrees that it is hard to find a financially comfortable man who practices strict monogamy aka does not cheat, especially as he ages. Whether home or abroad, it is HARD.

Good luck to women looking for a pin in a haystack.

I believe there are a lot of men who are financially comfortable and do not cheat.

A lot of men (doesn't mean much more aren't cheating sha).

30% of financially comfortable men are still a lot

folake4u:
Generally, experience is the best teacher.

So listening to people who've lived their lives to the fullest and also one's self will determine if the advice will be well received or rejected.

Lol. Thankfully, I cannot relate to the "mouse-like-wife" situation. Mo stubborn.

True.

Lol! @ mo stubborn.

Devil's advocate here:

If we are A OK with the OP sleeping with married men, what is the grouse with cheating husbands?

They are not in the pay grade to cheat?